Lexi, the Unprepared
I did three tests and all the results were the same.
Positive.
I was sitting on our bathroom floor, looking at the little plastic sticks and freaking out.
Holy fraaaaaaack.
Pregnant. I was pregnant. Me. Us.
How was I supposed to break the news to Blake?
It wasn't exactly the right time for us to have a kid. I was only twenty-two for crying out loud. I was still a kid myself. I was not ready to have a baby.
Sure, my father would probably be ecstatic that he'd be a grandpa and I already knew Daph would be happy that her little munchkin would have a playmate and potential lover, but that wasn't what mattered.
I wasn't even done with college. By the time I would give birth I'd probably be like, smack in the middle of my finals. This was something kind of stupid to think about in the grand scheme of things, but setting myself back, or never even finishing my degree because I was pregnant was never in my plans.
Blake and I didn't have that many plans, but the whole family thing wasn't for another few years. We'd never even talked about kids that much. Sure, Blake joked a lot about it, but we never even talked about when we wanted to start a family of our own.
And thinking about all of this just made me realize how truly unprepared for this we were.
Irresponsible people like us never should have had sex to begin with if we hadn't even talked about when we actually wanted kids.
And frack, I was on the stupid pill! Why hadn't it worked? Had I missed a day? Was I really that much out of it?
But hey, at least our child wouldn't be a bastard conceived out of wedlock, so yay us.
Ugh.
I got up on my feet and walked back to our room, and let myself fall on our bed, burying my face in my pillow. I sort of grabbed all the sheets and covers and tried to pull them over me, maybe if I hid myself under everything this would all just go away, it would be a strange dream and I would wake up and tell Blake and we would laugh and it would be over.
I wasn't ready for a kid. Or giving birth. Oh frack, I was not ready to push a little human being out of me. If having my period was a little preview of what giving birth would be like, I would probably die giving birth.
I mumbled incomprehensible words against my pillow, kicking my legs against the mattress when I heard the door to Blake's art room open and his feet hitting our hardwood floor.
I sat up automatically, and wrapped all the sheets around me like a cocoon. The second my husband walked through the door of our room, I felt like I might hyperventilate. Instead I just said a faint, "Blake..."
He barely looked my way though, he was just yawning and rubbing his eyes. He'd pulled another all-nighter. "Yes Pumpkin?"
I motioned for him to come sit beside me, my hand reaching towards him.
He didn't take my outstretched hand though. "Okay, so Pumpkin," he scratched the back of his head, ruffling his hair, "don't take this the wrong way, I love you I really do, but if you want to have sex right now I can assure you that my performances will be disappointing. I haven't slept in thirty eight hours and I can't remember the last time I brushed my teeth. I'm pretty sure I smell right now—"
I stopped him, "You don't smell..."
Blake just rolled his eyes at me. "You're kind of insatiable lately, have you noticed that? I mean, I'm not complaining here—"
Again, I interrupted him. "That's actually what I wanted to talk about..."
This made him frown. Good, start worrying. "What is it?"
I had to tell him. As much as I wanted to wait to find the perfect time, there was no perfect time and it felt wrong to keep this from him even for a second. This news concerned him just as much. "I have something to tell you... I'm not sure how though..."
"You've been dissatisfied with my last performances? Yeah, I know, sorry Pumpkin, again, I love you, but I'm getting exhausted here."
For a second I actually wanted to laugh at his expression. He looked like a poor beaten down puppy, like this was the hardest thing he ever had to admit.
"No complaints from this side of the bed Blakey-Boy, that's not what I want to talk about."
If it was possible, he looked even more worried. Poor man. "That whole threesome thing is a joke, you know that right, you should know it's a joke, one girl, my girl is quite enough, thanks."
I closed my eyes and shook my head. "Blake shut up."
"Yes darling."
"You... you might want to sit down," I told him.
"I'm getting a little worried..." he sat at the edge of our bed, "should I be worried?"
"A little. And I just want to apologize right now, I know I should do some kind of grand thing," I started to ramble, "I should have planned something cute, really now that I think about it, just doing this right now like this sort of sucks and it's not special but than planning means taking more time to tell you and not telling you just feels so wrong and..."
"And you're cheating on me?"
Alwaaaays worrying about that. "No, I'm actually pregnant with you baby."
There, I had said it. Planning grand things was Blake's job. I was the blurring things at random times person in our couple.
And at that news Blake sort of did a double take, almost fell on his face on the bed and I don't remember his eyes opening that wide ever before. "Whuuwhaaaaaat?"
I grabbed his hand and pressed it against my stomach. "Somewhere in there, there's a Blake junior growing."
"Mini-Lexi."
"What?"
"I want a Mini-Lexi," Blake explained.
I raised my eyebrows. "Seriously?"
"I mean, I'm fine with a Blake Junior, but I want a girl too."
I groaned a little. "No twins please."
"Did you do a test?"
"Three actually." This was easy, I could explain this, "And a negative might be a positive but a positive is usually a positive. We'll still need to go to the hospital, but I'm fairly certain it's the real deal. I can sort of feel it."
And I could. Even before I did the test, as hard as it was to accept, I still kind of already knew it deep inside. I wasn't alone in here.
"My god, I can't believe this. We're going to be parents," Blake said and grinned at me.
"Yes, I mean if that's what you want," I added, tentatively. I was happy, really happy that he was reacting so well, but I was ready to hear it if this was just not part of his plans.
"Well, it's not the best timing, but I don't think we're known for our amazing timing."
"So, you're okay?"
"Why wouldn't I be? I'm going to be a daddy."
At that I smiled too. We were okay. We would be okay. We would have to be now, because we were going to be parents. "And I'm going to be a mommy."
"Soooo strange," Blake chuckled and then he got up on his feet super fast, "Jesus Christ," he said, grabbing his phone.
"What?" I was a little worried now.
Blake just shook his hand at me and when whoever was on the other side of the line picked up Blake yelled, "WE'RE CATCHING UP WITH YOU, YOU BASTARD!" I shook my head at him raising my hands discouraged. I hadn't even told anyone in my family and he was calling... Josh? "Oh yeah, I knocked her up, and she's on the pill, that's how powerful my sperm is."
I slapped my hand on my forehead. "Good god Blake, come on."
"IN YOUR FACE!"
"Blake, seriously?"
"Sorry Josh, gotta go, the wife disapproves, but yeah, IN YOUR FACE!" At that he ended the call and threw his phone on a chair by the door before coming back on our bed.
"So, I know I said a few minutes ago that I wasn't going to give a good performance but I lied, this news has given me quite the incentive. Plus, I want to make sure we made that kid right, send in a few more soldiers to be sure the job his well done."
I laughed shaking my head and Blake was already crushing me with his body. "That's not how it works Blake," I said to him.
"Can you believe that Junior?" Blake said, speaking to my belly, "Your mother is already doubting my baby making abilities. Let's show her out it works. I mean, close your eyes for about half an hour okay? Just a little heads up."
I was still laughing. "It really doesn't work that way."
"Please Pumpkin, stop doubting the artist here."
I snorted. "Little bitch."
Blake just smiled up at me. "Mother of my child."
"Future child."
"Or maybe children."
Idiot. "Just shut and kiss me."
Whatever doubts I had about this child growing inside of me there was one thing I was sure of, that he would have parents that loved each other unconditionally.
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Hey guys! So, this was my post for February 1st. I hope you enjoyed it. Stay tune for whatever I have in store for tomorrow! :D
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