~[TAEHYUNG'S POV]~
Recently,I've been thinking about Hoseok often despite being busy balancing my time in between studies and works.
He just keep on popping appear inside my mind 24/7.Always lingers around my brain, each and every memories of being with him making me long for his existence,all the time.
I peer my head over to the bed opposite of me,on the other side of this large room while putting the book in my hand down.
A disappointed sigh leave my lips before they were pull into a tiny pout.
He isn't home yet.
And like I say,I long for his existence.
The room feel empty and cold without my brother.At the sudden thought,I become giddy all over again,covering my mouth with my palm as I giggles like a preteen schoolgirl.
I have a brother,I finally do.
The thought of having a sibling that care for you and love you with all his heart make me feel like dreaming and I feel like a child again.Like a little boy who keep on wanting his big brother to be by his side,to pamper him and walk him to school.
As if I wanna redeem my miserable childhood,to pretend that I have none of it by making a new one with Hoseok.A lonely-free childhood.
But sometimes,behind all these stupid excited smile of mine,there's something off somewhere.
Again,I don't know why but even with all these butterflies that appear in my stomach when I as far as think about my brother,exist,the word 'hyung' still feel so distance for me.
That one word that burn my tongue every time I said it,and honestly,rather than feeling uncomfortable with that word,I am scared.
Scared for the unknown reason.
Scared to be so clueless about my own feelings.
And what frustrated me more is that,I don't know what it is.Something that I can't quite put a finger on.
Yet, one thing for sure,Hoseok make me all warm and happy.
There's no need for him to be presence in front of me,just the mere thought of him can make me all giggly and smiley.
That's somehow had become Jimin's ticket to tease me.As I always get caught smiling to myself and lost in my own world like an idiot.
Sometimes with Jungkook,they keep on teasing me for that,saying that I've fallen in love and all, that I've been love struck badly.
But no,I'm not.
I'm just to excited that I finally have a family,a brother that love and treat me dearly.
Right?
To have someone that you can lean on without fear.
Someone that you know will always be there for you.
Someone that his kindness and love toward you isn't fake.
Someone like, Hoseok.
To me.
It is nice to have a brother.
Right?
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~[HOSEOK'S POV]~
I'm a coward,I know it and I won't deny it.
I know I shouldn't come home late just to avoid him,its pathetic.
I'm pathetic.
How can I avoid him when we live in the same house,sleep in the same room?
Just like the loser I am,I purposely work till midnight,stubbornly stayed in my car for almost two hours,clutching the steering of my car tightly just right at the corner to my house only to avoid meeting eyes with my first love.
The love that had rejected me even before he know about my feeling.
I seriously think I can't be more pathetic but shame on me,I can.
I'm the one who wish to avoid him yet when I see him sleeping soundly under the duvet,not even bothering to wait for my return,my heart foolishly ache.
Heavy step guide me through the darkness of the room,with a little sympathy from the bed light as I struts over to the sleeping lad with clenching heart.When I reach the bedside,I fall on my knees with the little dignity left in me,softly reaching out to caress his cheek gently.
I already am a loser.
My jaw clenched as my breath hitch ever so silently.Tears stung my forced shut eyes and my knuckle turn white from how hard I grip my hand.
I need to stop.I wanna stop.I seriously do.
But its too hard,too suffocating.
My glistening dark brown orbs search for his closed ones.
Taehyung-ah,help me.Why can't I bury this forbidden love away,just like what others want.
It hurt,real bad.
It pain me from all the mixed emotions but I still manage to take a deep breathe and kiss his temple gently, more like a brush of the wind,almost like it wasn't even happened.
"Taehyung-ah,I wanna be free.I'm tired," my voice come out hoarse and hush,as if talking is the most sinful things to do.
Who to lie? I'm sinning now.But I won't be for long,not anymore.
Kim Taehyung-ah.
I'm letting my feelings go,I let you free.
I let us free.
Free from the cage that you unknowingly trapped in.
That bound on my feet,paralyzing me.
The cage that I called love.
My hidden love.
The hold back tears make their victory drip down my face,escaping the damp of my eyes - right onto the back of his hand.
The angel stir in his sleep and I walk away,dragging my feets together with my sunken heart.
My bed feel cold and empty as I plop down,just like me,an empty shell.
"Hopie?" My heartbeats mess up,he's awake?
Slightly peeking through one eye,I see a sleepy Taehyung with adorably dishevel bed hair,standing in my side of the room, next to my bed, "Did you just came to my bed?"
"No.Why?" Lie rolling off of my tongue like water,no longer scratching and burning it like they usually do.
Half asleep,he sit at the edge of the mattress,scratching his cheek, "Nothing,it just-"
He is cut of by his own yawn,rubbing his half-opened eyes with his fist.
"Hopie,I'm cold,"
I blink, "Then turn o-"
Since the first time I lay my eyes on him,Taehyung had always been unreadable,unpredictable and even weird,I has to admit.
So anything he do shouldn't surprise me anymore but I still do.When he suddenly climb my bed and snuggle up against my side,sighing in content,I feel like exploding like every time things like this happened.
Please, "Taehyung-ah,I'm tired," so stop.
"Then sleep,"
How?
"Jhope-ah,you're warm,"
My heart ache,please stop doing things like this.Just please.
"Always warm," he mumbles sleepily,head bury in the crook of my neck.
Just as I thought he's already far into dream land,he utter something that set me of edge,making my heart flutter the same time it get burn to ashes.
Two words that make me wanna laugh just as much as I wanna cry.
Those simple words that make me wanna scream at him to stop playing with my heart.
But again,he probably didn't mean it at all.
Still for once,I wanna dream,I wanna think that he really mean what he said, the way I hope it is.
That painfully beautiful words,I wanna heard them again.
"My sunshine,"
For the last time,let me have you in my arms.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Hobi was too whipped,he need to stop before he get hurt beyond heal.Don't you guys agree?
~XOXO~
^~^,
HaNa