Chapter 15 : Shattered Reflections
Pulling out the last of the bobby-pins, I let my hair cascade down my back in tumbles of white blond. The way it fell resembled thick snow on a cold day and I actually shivered. Not because of my hair but because of the air circulating the house. It was cooler than usual, springing goosebumps along my skin.
I fetched a hairbrush from the draw and sitting on the edge of my bed, I faced the full length mirror resting against the wall. I was already dressed for school and decided just before stepping out the door that I couldn't possibly leave with my hair in the messy state that it was.
Combing my hair over one shoulder, I ran the bristles through it. Honestly, it wasn't even that bad, I just didn't want to leave my room in case I ran into Alastair. Silly, I know, but I didn't think I could handle seeing him right now. I had the regrettable feeling he wanted to discuss something with me. I assumed it was about me or his leaving; neither of which I wanted to focus on right now.
I watched how my hair parted in smooth singular strands with each stroke of the hairbrush. I couldn't help but wonder how I'd look if I had black hair rather than blonde. My nose scrunched as I imagined myself looking more like Alastair. We really were different, and in more ways than our appearance. In a way, I liked that about us. He didn't seem so much like my brother when I looked at how dissimilar we were.
I tried hard not to conjure the mental image of that little girl I repeatedly saw in my visions with her long midnight black hair. Is that what I would have looked like?
A sudden thought struck me. Why hadn't I realised it earlier?!
My mind went back to that day when I was sorting through the family photo album. That photo Alastair smiled at, it was me, when I was younger.
Except I had black hair.
Just like that little girl I kept seeing. Or rather, that I kept being. I was her in my visions. I was the little girl.
I always thought my hair had lost pigment, that perhaps the photos were fake. But maybe they were real. Maybe I actually had dark hair once. The type Mom, Dad and Alastair had. And if that were true, then everything else in my visions could also be-
"No." I told myself forcefully. Glowering at my reflection in the mirror, I reigned a hold on my racing thoughts, pulling them to a screeching halt. "No more of this. You are a bloody human, Nikki. Just because you can't explain why your hair was once that colour doesn't mean that everything else you're seeing is real. You are, and always have been, a human." I stared directly into my eyes and let out a deep breath. "Just stop."
I stared at my reflection for the longest time. I was fixated on my face, the piercing gaze of my eyes as they reflected back at me like glossy marbles. They were a bright blue, filling my entire face. Have my eyes always been that big? Their intensity surprised me yet also captivated me.
I had stopped running the brush through my hair. My hands now sitting in my lap, limp and still. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't pull my focus from my eyes. They arrested my attention, pulling me deeper into a chilly depth of ocean blue...
I tried to ignore the way my forehead creased with lines as I tried to hold my attention on the teddy bear. Long dark hair kept falling in my face as my arms moved jerkily around me.
No, you're doing it wrong, arms! You're suppose to be elegant, I chided myself.
Seconds passed and still nothing was happening. Unable to take it any longer, I stomped my foot and sulked angrily, "Daddy, I can't do it!"
If Mommy saw me, she'd certainly be angry by my actions but I was just so, so, so angry!
Daddy threw his head back and laughed. It was a deep rumble and only made me more angry. He came to stand behind me and unfolding his arms, put them on my shoulders. "Yes, you can, Nikki. Just focus."
I gestured to the teddy angrily. "I am focusing but it won't move! I've told it and told but it's being stupid and not listening to me!"
"Patience, child. You can't expect a perfect result when you've never used your powers before."
"I don't care!" I whined. "You can do it. Mommy can do it. Alastair can do magi too. It's no fair that me can't do it!"
Daddy laughed again and this time, I got so angry I snatched up the bear and threw it across my room. Before it could hit the wall, it froze midair. Gasping, I turned back to Daddy. He was grinning, his finger lazily pointed in the air towards the soft toy. With a flick, the bear was thrown back towards me, landing perfectly in my open palms.
"That's no fair," I grumbled.
Looking at me with his dark grey eyes, Daddy said, "Why are you getting so upset, Nikki?"
I played with the teddy bear in my hands, making it slap itself in the face. "Because," I grumbled.
"Because why?"
Returning the bear to its rightful place on the wooden post at the foot of the bed I answered, "Because I don't have magi like everybody else."
"Nonsense," he scoffed. "Of course you do." Crouching to my level, he gently grabbed my chin and turned my face towards his. "You're very powerful, Nikki. You're the daughter of two Imperials which means you have the same blood flowing through your veins as we do. That blood carries the powers we have."
"Alastair doesn't have those powers, does he?" I asked.
"Not quite, child. But no more changing the subject. Try to move that soft toy again but this time, believe that you can."
"But Daddy..." I whined.
He flicked his finger and with an invisible force, I was spun around on the spot. My hair flew over my face and I had to pull it out of my mouth. Once again, I was forced to face my enemy. I glanced over my shoulder and gave Daddy a pitiful look. Why can't he understand that no matter how hard I try, I can't do it?
"Go on," he encouraged and crossed his arms over his chest.
I puckered my lip. "Can I go play with Alastair?"
"Nikki," he warned, his voice low. "Get on with it. You have to learn to use your abilities. The world is a dangerous place despite how resilient we are. Without your powers, you're defenceless. Do you understand that?"
I shook my head in disagreement. "Nuh-uh! You and Mommy will always protect me. And Alastair said he would too. He promises to always stay with me, no matter what. Alastair loves me you know?"
He sighed, running a large hand through his short black hair. "I know, Nikki," he said softly. "Look, how about we negotiate?"
I conked my head to the side. "Na...gotate?"
"Negotiate," he corrected. "It means to make a deal. This is my offer to you; if you make that toy fall off the post, we'll stop this and you can go see Alastair. How does that sound?"
My face lit up with a smile. "Really? Okay. Deal deal deal."
"Alright," He laughed. "It's a deal. Now play your part, child."
I nodded and faced the teddy bear again. "Okay, teddy," I said evilly, "we're going to finish this together. You are going to fall off that post when I tell you to, understand? Don't be afraid because you are fluffy which means it won't hurt. Oh and sorry about throwing you early," I added quickly.
"Before we grow old, Nikki."
I glared at him over my shoulder. "I'm pri-preparing myself, thank you very much. Have patence, Daddy."
"It's pronounced patience, Nikki. And I have been just that since we began this exercise. And don't roll your eyes at your father."
I turned my attention back to the teddy bear and stared it in the eyes. It was ocean blue on pearly black. "You can do this," I told myself under my breath. Raising my hands I pointed them at the bear.
For a while, nothing happened. Daddy said I was suppose to feel a buzz, a flow of energy when my powers were about to escape my body, but I wasn't feeling anything. Not even a glow. My brows burrowed in a deeper frown as I focused on the the soft toy more intensely. My fingers flexed, my arms beginning to ache as I kept them raised. I still couldn't feel anything.
Minutes passed and sweat began accumulating on my forehead, dampening my hairline. I was growing hot, something sparking to life inside of me. My legs were shaking, my heart pumping in my chest. I can do this, I repeated in my mind. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.
My eyes clamped shut and I stumbled back just as an invisible burst of energy surged out of my hands. I fell down, but before my bottom could meet the floorboards, Daddy caught me, fixing me straight again. I opened my eyes just in time to see the teddy bear tilt back and fall down, down, down.
The sound of it hitting the floor made me jump and squeal in happiness.
"I did it!" I cheered. "I really did it! I have magi too! Daddy, did you see me?! I made it fall! I am a powerful vampire and no one can mess with me!" I banged my chest and bellowed with joy.
"Good." Father smiled. "Very good."
"Can we do it again?" I asked eagerly. "Once more? And then I'll go play with Alastair."
He nodded.
Sitting the bear back on the post, I repeated the exercise. It wasn't so hard the next time, I could recognise the power as soon as it started. Back rigid, I stared down the teddy. Then, with my hands outstretched, I willed for the energy to return. It came in a rush and this time, I didn't close my eyes. It was stronger than before, flinging the teddy bear across the room. It landed with a soft thud in front of the mirror. I had to fight myself to stop from squealing. Running over to collect the bear, I crouched in front of the tall mirror and smiled to myself as I hugged the soft toy to my chest. Words couldn't describe how accomplished I felt in that moment. From the corner of my eye, I caught sight of myself in the mirror, my blue eyes gleaming with happiness. Delicately, I reached up and touched my reflection.
The world spun in a clatter of shattering glass as I tore back to reality.
I clutched the sides of my skull as an insufferable pain raked through my head. I wanted to cry out, but no sound left my dry mouth. My teeth ground together and my eyes clamped tighter and tighter.
It felt like forever before the pain eventually began to subside. Slowly, I unclamped my eyes, peering through heavy lashes. The sight before me made me wish I hadn't ever looked. All the breath left my lungs and my heart felt like it came to an abrupt stop. My eyes widened to the size of saucers as I covered my mouth to hold in a scream.
The mirror in front of me had somehow burst, shards of broken glass glittering in the golden sunlight streaming through the gaps in the curtain. The pieces were floating, tens upon tens of deadly sharp fractures spinning slowly in the air as if held up by a clear string. It was both beautiful and terrifying. When they turned, I saw myself reflected on the mirrored side. I looked how I felt.
A tiny squeak left my mouth before I could stop it. It was like the sound broke the spell because all together, the pieces fell to the ground. The sound of them smashing against the floorboards made me wince.
With shaking legs, I silently pulled myself to my feet and stared down at the ruins littering my bedroom floor. My eyes skirted to the side where beneath a broken shard of glass laid the hairbrush I was previously using.
Alastair came bursting through the door then. I jumped, whipping around to meet his eyes,
He looked from me, to the mess behind me, then back to me. "What happened?"
I was frozen. Frozen with the knowledge of what just happened.
"Nikki, what happened?" He demanded more brusquely.
"I think..." My voice was shaking, my hands still covering my mouth. "I think I threw the hairbrush. By accident."
What else could I have told him? I couldn't explain what I just saw. I could barely fathom it myself. Anyone would think I were crazy if I told the truth.
There was no way I could tell myself that what I just witnessed wasn't not real this time.
And that terrified me.
Published 06/03/17