If any of you pay attention to all the chapters before this,it'll make more sense,I guess? So thus the next chap. Anyway,enjoy ^^~~~ <jhopefully>
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~[TAEHYUNG'S POV]~
He left.He really did.
That jerk!
This bedroom suddenly feel so small,too small that I feel trapped,breathless.
My fingers curled,clutching the fabric that covered my chest as it is too suffocating for me to breathe, my heart clenched painfully,drowning in tears.
My jerk.
Stupid you,just as I dare to recognize my own feelings and admit it to you, you left me hurting and drowning.Stupid you, stupid me.
At the end of my fingertips,I feel something cold pressing against the little skin there, the same coldness that sink into the skin on my chest.
Shaky fingers make it work,tracing the outline of the cold metallic thing and my brain provide me the information that is follow by another batch of fresh salty tears, going insanely faster at the view of the object.
His love pendant.
So that I can be the cupid to my own love story.
So that I can be the cupid to my own love story.
So that I can be the cupid to my own love story.
So that I can be the cupid to my own love story.
His words echoes in my head repeatedly and then everything click in.My heart pounds against my ribcage,hurting my chest from its harsh beating.
This love-lock,that cupid's pendant.Its arrow is the key!!!
Wobbly legs are force to run as I stumble up the stairs,into and and across our bedroom,dashing into the walk-in wardrobe so fast,so desperate that I almost rip of the door.
My frantic eyes search for the one hidden white door while my hands busy throwing away all the clothes that are rudely interrupting my search,covering my eyesight.
And I found it again.
Its love-lock sitting still and firm unlike last time,mocking my strength,taunting my insanity.
Whatever it is behind this door,it must be related to his love life.
The mere curiosity now turn into a burning desire that pain me so bad,pouring larva of madness and insecurity into me.
What have been holding you back from loving me Jung Hoseok?!?!
Was it your past behind this door?
Is that why you refused to let me in?
The next thing I realize is the door rip open,its hinges fly out to somewhere inside this walk-in wardrobe due to multiple harsh kicking.
Obviously,it my work but I truly don't know how that happened.
Have I finally go insane?
Hell,I am !
I step into the dark space,hand feeling around for a light switch.My heart pounds harder and as the light is switch on,I fall on my knees from what I see,streaming tears of regret.
Jung Hoseok pabo !!!
He founded me,but now that he had thrown me away,I'm lost again.
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~[HOSEOK'S POV]~
Lost,I'm lost.
And hurt,by my own act.My own words.
I wanna say that this world is unfair,it really is but the fact that I let myself be play on the string of fate so dumbly,unable to resist the chain it put on on me make my heart feel like bursting.
Lost,left suffocating in my own crumbling world of regret and anger,I found myself wander around the city aimlessly.
My mind are too much jumbled up with thoughts,that I don't even question myself how did I manage to walk from my house that is so far from the place I am standing now.
Hans river.
The memories of us being our dorky self so freely,so carelessly here playing in my head like a haunted broken record,mocking me for my discouraged and mistakes.
There are vendors selling small cute stuffs alongside the pedestrian walk and something caught my eyes.
Another flashback torture my mind out of my brain. Screw this,I can't take it anymore!!
I rush over one of the stall and hastily pull my wallet out,hand grabbing few bills absentmindedly, "I'll exchange all the coins you had with this,"
The vendor look shock, "please,"
Although I was offering large amount of money to them but I felt like beggar,goin from one stall to another,begging them to give me all their coins but at this moment,I don't care.
I shouldn't have, long time ago.
Lifeless,like a puppet I am,I toss yet another piece of coin,"please work,"
Meaningless,the life I've been leading without pride of whom I really am,without him.
Soulless,I haven't shed a single tear,poker face as I make my wish again and again,hearing the plopping of the coin into the cold water.
Lost,without him by my side,I'm just lost.
His broken figure come haunting me for the umpteenth times but right on this second,my thick wall feel like crumbling down,my fake strong ignorant facade fade away.His tear stained face,I'm the reason.
"I want 'us' to work," I crooked out,feeling the way words start burning my abused throat,from all the choked up emotions and cramped down tears.
Reason. I never hate a word so much before.
My proud shoulder slump down,my strong knees shake,hitting the hard gravel-ground with a loud thud,my shaky hand desperately holding onto the cold boundary of the cemented fountain.
"Please,Taehyung believe in you.So please,, do the magic. Please- I'm begging you,"
I wanna admit my love,I wanna hug him so tight he'll burst,wanna kiss him so deep he'll drown,wanna love him so bad he'll suffocate.
But I can't.
And he's right,it wasn't because of the lame of an excuse I threw his ways but because I'm afraid.
The love of my life,the one I've been wishing for since forever finally reciprocate my feelings but the coward me can't say yes.
What will the community say? What will the society's responses be?How bout the company reputation?
My exhausted lung beg me to stop this suffocating feeling but again,I can't, "he believed in you,"
At this point,I don't even know to whom my words are directed to,this inanimate wishing fountain or myself.
Taehyung had believed in me but I failed him.Just moment ago,he had entrusted his heart to me,but like the stupid loser I am,I crushed it.
"He believe in your magic,"
I'm not living a life where I'm the truest king.Yes I got tittle but no,all in reality I was just a living puppet in this society.Controlled,trapped and timid.
"He believe in us,"
My blurry gaze is looking into the dark yet shining water,work of the reflective coins and the dim light around us, watching my own reflection,looking like a pathetic piece of crap.
My hand move to lightly touch the cold water that oddly burn my skin,forcing strength to mutter the words that's been lingering inside me,that I somehow hope will bring a different.
"I do too,"
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* Hmmm,,I didn't mean to? B)
*oh,and did any of you can relate the scene with the previous chap? Anyone remember the wardrobe and the fountain?
~XOXO~
^~^,
HaNa