"Will you guys hate me if I fake a stomach ache to get out of this mornings interview?"
Sadly, I wasn't even joking around at this point. I knew how bad it sounded, typical celebrity bitchiness, but I really could not be bothered yawning through another interview. These past two weeks had been the most boring two weeks of my life. It was as if every interviewer in America had gotent together and were just like, 'hey let's all interview One direction until they cry themselves to sleep every night.'
They try to make it interesting, make the experience unique, but they're all fucking identical. The questions, the games, it's all the same and I was so tired of it!
"You're kidding right?" Niall laughed, "would you really do that?"
"Yes," I deadpanned, "I don't think I can survive another interview and it's the best plan I've got right now."
"That's not fair! Then the rest of us all still have to go!" Harry yelled from the other side of the house. The guy heard everything. He was a part of every conversation whether he was in the room or not. I wasn't sure if it was an amazing talent or an insanely creepy quality.
"They're not gonna let you out of it over a stomach ache Lou, sorry to break it to you." Liam looked my way, "I've already thought about trying it myself to be completely honest with you."
"Whoa goody goody over here contemplating ditching? What a rebel Li, you're so bad," I gasped dramatically, my crazy hand gestures just making it more sarcastic.
Liam rolled his eyes, "I'm not rebelling, I'm just over it"
"Same," Niall agreed.
"Me too!"
I threw myself backwards onto the couch, crushing Niall completely. He groaned in pain but didn't bother trying to roll me off of him. The couch was big enough for both of us.
I sighed, "we could act it out at the interview. Surely with a little fake puke there won't be any way they can make us stay."
Liam pulled a face, "isn't that taking it a little too far, Tommo?"
"Forget the puke then, I'll just groan really loudly the whole time. It'll be hilarious, the interview will be stopped and we'll be able to come back. What do ya say?"
"And if they just kick you out and make the rest of us die of boredom?" Niall questioned.
I grinned excitedly, "just play the caring friend card, it'll work."
Now I was thinking it through, this could be seriously good. And it actually seemed like we were going to have out first inch of fun since this interview thing started. Why hadn't I thought of this sooner?
Harry bounded into the lounge, smiling almost freakishly widely, "I'm in!"
Niall forced his head out from underneath me and nodded agreeably, his face flushed from being squished, "I think it'll be fun."
"You think this will actually work?" Liam asked.
"Since when have my plans ever failed us?"
Liam shook his head but I didn't miss the little smile playing on his lips, ". . .ugh fine, if we get caught I'm not part of this."
Someone pounded on the door, "time to go boys! I hope your ready!"
"Hell yeah we're ready."
I smirked and rolled over the back of the couch.
***
Once we got to the studio where the interview was being held we were quickly herded inside by the usual mob of scary looking dudes who yelled if we stopped for even a second. A couple of make up artists caked us up appropriately and we had a ten minute wait until the interview started.
Because the interview wasn't live, there wasn't much rush.
Liam latched onto my shoulder, "maybe we shouldn't do this guys. It's so much unneeded stress for everyone else involved in all this, the poor interviewer's not gonna know what to do."
He was getting nervous.
"Do you seriously wanna stay here, Li?"
He shrugged, not meeting my gaze, "I mean, it's not that bad. . ."
"Liar." Niall laughed, "you suck at lying, Liam."
"I do not!" Liam exclaimed loudly, offended. His loud voice attracted a few unhappy glares from the people around us and Harry shouted out a few sorrys with an apologetic smile.
"Payno, you realise that this'll get us the day off right? A whole day without any interviews! And then tomorrow." I rolled my eyes with a sigh, "we'll get back into it and hope that it ends soon."
Our names were called and we all stood up.
"You don't even have to do anything Liam, just play along," I muttered into his ear as we marched towards the stage, ushered by a small group of people from behind.
"I suck at lying!"
"So you admit it!"
The interviewer greeted us with a tight smile as we piled onto the empty couch. She was kind of terrifying in that authoritative school principal like way. She looked somewhere between 30 and 40, and somehow appeared to be taller than even Harry.
She managed to avoid talking to us or even looking our way until the cameras were on.
"Hello, One Direction! It's so lovely to have you boys here in the studio with us today!" She beamed cheerfully, leaning forward over her knees with a practiced smile on her face.
I hoped her fake personality would be enough to ease Liam's guilt. It made me feel even better about what was about to go down.
I was sitting in between Niall and Harry, but with plenty of room on each side. I made sure to keep a hand resting on the center of my gut and an ever so slight grimace on my face, barely a tweak in my lip and a wrinkle in my forehead. It was as practiced as the interviewer's smile and although the look had been perfected years and years ago to get out of school I was still pulling it off fairly well.
"Lovely to be here," Niall replied, his eyes narrowed a little bit. It was barely noticeable past his wide grin but I knew he knew how much of a snake this lady seemed to be. They way she ignored us completely before was just plain rude.
"So, I'd like to get to know you guys better before we get down to business, so I thought we'd start with a game. . ."
Ugh, here we go again.
I pitched forward into Niall, hiding my face in his shoulder blade. I groaned as realistically as I could and at a volume I knew would be heard over the camera.
"Nice start," Niall whispered, holding back his smile. To anyone watching it would've appeared like he was asking if I was okay, and I had to admit, it was a nice touch.
I was a performer, which meant that when I wanted to, I could put on quite a show.
When I pulled away from Niall I knew that my face looked pitiful, and I knew that my posture was awful and slumped.
We had been told the interviewers name but I couldn't remember it, anyway, she made sure to glare at me before carrying on with her instructions. I couldn't be happier that the one time we'd chosen to do this was one of the few times we got a mean interviewer. If she had been genuinely concerned I might've felt bad but seeing that all she cared about was how she looked to everyone watching I just enjoyed it.
Niall put his hand up like a schoolkid, "can we get a glass of water? Louis' not feeling well."
"Sorry to hear that, I'm sure you'll be feeling better super soon Louis."
The interviewer pursed her lips and forced another smile as Harry stood up and thanked a man dressed in all black as he handed him the glass of water Niall had asked for.
He sat back down and I snuggled into his side, nodding a silent thanks to him as he passed over the glass. I wonder if dropping it would get me in trouble with Liam?
I cut it back to making my hand tremble enough for a small amount to lap over the sides.
I took a couple of sips and put the glass on the floor, tucking my knees into my chest and taking a deep breath. Liam looked over at me and I could see it on his face that he was still a bit uncertain. He wanted to stop, but he also wanted that day off.
The stupid game went on for five minutes or so and then she started asking the basic questions about touring and girls and just everything we'd already gone over a thousand times.
I was acting fairly pathetic now. I was answering direct questions like English was my second language and the moaning and groaning was a constant thing now, along with curling over and cuddling into the lads on either side of me.
The interviewer didn't give two shits, she was getting her half an hour of fame and that was all she cared about.
About halfway we stopped for an unplanned break. Immediately the room erupted into noise and I flopped into the back of the couch with my head hanging down and my eyes shut.
"I don't think this is working Lou," Liam murmured nervously.
"It is, give it a bit," I promised, hardly moving my lips at all.
"This is so good." Harry bit his lip, struggling to contain his smile, "and she's kind of a bitch, so it just makes it even funnier."
Speaking of the interviewer, she had left the moment the cameras were switched off. God knows where she had disappeared to.
A stout man in a navy suit trotted over, hand in his pocket and the light reflecting off of his bald head.
"Hiya boys, my name is Alister. We're all noticing that there's a bit of a problem up here, what's going on?"
He glanced over at me.
"We're really sorry for making this all difficult, Louis' just got a bad stomachache and he's having a rough day," Harry replied apologetically, his brows furrowed in false worry.
"Is he okay to carry on? I can see that he's not doing so well and I'm thinking maybe it would be better to postpone this event until a further date when we can get the best footage we can." Alister said.
"I don't know. Lou, what do you wanna do?" Niall asked me, using the softened voice he used when he spoke to children.
I whimpered, surprised and kind of proud at how real it sounded, "I think I want to go. . . sorry for being an inconvenience"
Alister smiled sympathetically, "Don't worry about it. I'll arrange it all, you guys just sit tight for a few minutes. Feel free to call out if you need anything."
Liam sighed in relief as the man strode away, "thank god for Alister, huh?"
I smirked, "that was fun."
"You're really weird."
"Like it's the first time I've ever heard that one, Payne."
Alister came back in the amount of time he had promised. He ran a hand over his non-existent hair and put on a sorry look. "Alicia-" ah, that was the name of the interviewer, "says that she'll be happy to continue the interview with the rest of you if that is something you would be willing to consider?"
Niall patted my shoulder as I let the sad droopy expression fall back over my features, "we'd like to stay with this one I think, at least until we know he's on the mend."
Alister was about to say something when that Alicia lady strutted her way over, towering way above everyone else in a pair of red heels that reminded me of the ones in The Wizard of Oz.
"When will you be ready to get back into it?"
Her voice was void of any emotion and her face was all twisted into this severely underwhelmed glare. Apparently, she hated our guts.
"We're gonna head off, do this another day," Liam replied almost sheepishly.
Alicia finally showed some form of emotion, her jaw dropping open and her eyes widening, "no, you're not. You can't."
Harry pulled a face, looking amused, "what do you mean we can't?"
We all knew how this would turn out. She was going to lose this fight.
Someone tapped Niall on the shoulder as they rushed past, "there's a van waiting outside for you."
"No! I'm going to Iceland for my sister's wedding tomorrow, we have to do this now!" Alicia howled, stomping her feet like a child packing a tantrum.
"Stop screaming will you Alicia?" Alister scolded, "Louis here is feeling bad enough without you yelling."
I looked down at my lap so that no one could see my amused smile. If I had to hold back my laughter for much longer I was going to snort.
Alister shooed as still fuming Alicia away and shot us all a polite smile, "you boys are free to leave. Don't worry about any of this, we'll sort it all out and set up another date with your management."
Harry thanked him and pretended to help me get up.
"See ya around Alister!" Niall called out as we headed out the door.
I collapsed into uncontrollable guffaws the second the sound proof door shut behind me, "that was amazing!"
"Shut up, you're sick, get in the van," Liam reminded me, shoving me into the vehicle.
"I hear we're going back to the house?" The driver questioned, looking back at me in the mirror.
"Yup, I'm sick," I said, letting an ounce too much pride into my voice.
The driver rolled his eyes with a smile, " oh yeah, I can tell. You look like crap."
He was just messing with me, he knew exactly what was going on. The van erupted into laughter and it was somewhat hysterical, not stopping until we were back at the house.
We practically danced into the house, cheering and shouting and once inside we sat straight down in front of the TV to enjoy our well earned day off.