Some feelings were left unexpressed, some words were left unspoken, some words can never be unsaid, some things can never be undone, some memories can never be retrieved, some emptiness can never be filled, some wounds can never be healed, some people can never be replaced. Some realities are hard to believe.
I miss you so much dear sisters. Continue to rest in Jannah Firdaus, till we meet again, never to part, In Shaa Allah.
~Amira Julde
~~~
"Khairi!! " I exclaimed, got down from my horse and immediately went down in sujud, on the water and leaves dirt filled ground. Without a care. I was in sujud for a very long time, thanking Allah for revealing her to me. When I got up, I flashed her a smile while she returned it with a tired and confused look.
"Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah!! I found you at last Ummulkhair. Let's go home please, you need to be treated" I said, looking her over. she looked so tired and weak, her clothes were tattered, there was an untreated cut across her left eye, it looked purplish green and swollen. Her soles, they were swollen too, with a bruise, here and there. I felt a pang of pain cross through my heart just by knowing that I'm the reason why she is going through all this.
She didn't make any attempt to move and so I spoke again "Khairi please let's go home, you are not well and it's raining out here" I pleaded
She shook her head "I'm sorry Yerima, I can't go with you"
I was thrown aback by her words "But why?"
"Because... Because I don't belong there anymore" she said looking away, her voice breaking
"Whatever makes you think you don't belong in the Palace Khairi?" I was now kneeling in front of her, so close that she shifted back a little
"I gave Gimbiya Batuul my words Your Highness. I promised her I won't return to the Palace, I can't go back on my words now"
"Why Khairi, why will you do that, why will you take such a drastic decision" I rubbed my eyes with my fingers, a throbbing headache was already settling down behind them, this was getting more complicated than I thought it would.
"She accused me of enchanting you. She said I snatched you away from her. She said so many harsh words to me. Please go away my Prince, I don't want anymore trouble"
"Are you guilty of whatever accusations she laid on you?"
Silence
"Did you snatch me away from her or enchant me?" she shook her head this time.
"Then please let's go home, this place is not safe for a young girl like you. Besides where will you go to from here if I should let you?"
"I have nowhere to go to, I have no kin alive that I know of. No one will feel my absence when I'm gone or missen." her voice broke as a tear trailed down the corner of her eye. I stretched out my hand to wipe it away then stopped midway, it took all the will in me not to bring her closer and wipe her tears, because her tears broke my heart.
"Nobody cares, please go"
"I care, Allah knows I do"
She snapped her head in my direction "What exactly do you want from me Yerima"
"I want to marry you!" I declared
I started fasting at the age of eight, I will turn and toss in bed by midday, then three year old Khalil will come in offering me a mango or banana. I would explain to him that I'm fasting, that fasting straightens ones iman, that you get a lot of rewards when you don't eat from dawn to sunset and offer a lot of prayers. Khalil will always give me a confused look, wondering how someone can go a day without eating and survive. That look Khalil always gave me then, that look of disbelief and confusion, was the same look Khairi gave me now, when I declared my intentions to her.
"The last time I checked, you were getting married to the Princess?
"And what if I say she isn't the one I want to marry but you?"
"You can't be serious right, if not who leaves a Princess for... for her slave?" she gave me an amused look
"You are not a slave, and even if you were, it still won't change the fact that I want to be with you"
"What makes me worthy in your eyes, what makes you think you want to marry me, tell me, what? You don't even know who I am, my identity or whatsoever."
"The answer to your questions, I'm not sure of. However Khairi, one thing I know is this. Whenever I see you, there is this inner peace I feel. I don't know when it started or how it started Khairi, but I just know that I cannot marry any other woman but you, the feelings I get when I think of you Khairi, they are just out of the world. I know my words are not the least bit convincing but Khairi, I want you to know that I'm for real.
I will not deceive you, I can not deceive you. My whole world literally revolves around you now. I don't care if you're a slave or not. Your identity, is of least importance to me. All I care about is that you're a Muslimah, a righteous one at that and that's all I want Khairi. Nothing more. I love you for who you are, not what you are. " I finished my speech, of which I wasn't prepared for and I'm sure wasn't convincing to my listener.
She regarded me for a moment and heaved before speaking "Regardless of what you said, which is of course unbelievable, I cannot go back with you. I don't want further trouble in my life. And as I said, I gave the princess my words. I'm sorry."
I knelt down there, in the rain, dazed. Her words were difficult to digest. But I can't go back now can I? Of course not after coming this far.
"Who recruited you in the Palace?" I asked to which I got no reply
"Answer me Khairi, who is your employer?"
"The Emir" she replied
"Good. The Emir employed you, Batuul didn't and as such I don't think she has any right whatsoever, to terminate your employment. Don't you think you are breaching the terms of agreement you had with your employer, by leaving the Palace without his permission? Do you think the Emir will be happy if he found out you left, without expressly terminating your contract of employment?" I resorted to blackmailing her since that seemed to be the only option I had left. I couldn't be blame for doing so right
She looked at me with utter shock and raw fear in her eyes at what I just said "Yerima please, I really don't want to go back to the Palace. Please" she pleaded
"Believe me Khairi, I mean no harm I promise. I will get you treated and I will make sure Batuul never gets at you again. You don't have to say yes now Khairi, but at least just come with me, I will give you time to do all the thinking you want. Just come with me please, being out here all by yourself is dangerous. Very dangerous" I tried to persuade her more
"I am only going back with you because of what you said about me terminating my employment without giving my employer prior notice, by Allah that's the only reason" she answered stubbornly while I smiled gratefully. I was at least able to convince her at last.
"Masha Allah, I am glad you are coming. Now let me help you up" I moved forward to help her to her feet while she flinched even before I touched her, muttering
"hasbunallahu wani'imal wakeel
Lailaha illa anta subhanaka inni kuntu minaz zalimeen"
I was hurt, Allah knows I didn't want to take advantage of her, was just trying to help "Khairi listen to me, I am no zalimeen, you obviously cannot get on the horse all by yourself. I'm just trying to help, and as you can see, I have no female company here to help. Stop being stubborn and let me help you up before this rain gets heavy, you are sick for crying out loud." I spoke word by word, as if speaking to a child, trying to make him understand. She gave me a reluctant look as I just stood there waiting for her to grant me the permission to help her up but even after a minute, I still got non.
I once again made to help her when she pressed shut her eyes, clutched her veil tightly and gave a long shrill then followed by silence
"Khairi"
Silence
"Khairi" I called again but still silence. That was when I realised that she must have passed out. "Subhanallah" I muttered.
I looked around, there was no one in sight, the drizzle was not ready to stop anytime soon either. I moved forward once again and lifted her up without much effort, she was much lighter than I thought she would be. I balanced her on the horse and climbed up also.
I set out for home at last with Khairi, riding as fast, but yet as careful as I could.
My search wasn't in vain after all.
***
"The Prince is back"
"Yerima has returned"
The guards at the Palace gates echoed excitedly upon sighting me. They ran all around the Palace announcing my return. Just then did I realise how worried everyone must have been in my absence.
Abba came out with Khalil, Umma also hurriedly came out with Batuul behind her. Mama and Qudsiyya half walked, half ran out of the house to see if what they heard was indeed true. I could see that Qudsiyya was trying so hard not to just squeal on seeing me, because of Abba's presence. She was however beaming with smiles, Mama too. In fact everyone was happy to see me, also with the fact that I came along with Khairi.
I carefully got down and knelt before Abba, but he quickly held me up "Get up my son, you need to freshen up, eat and have a lot of rest. We will talk later" he placed his hands on my shoulders as he spoke. He had that look on his face only proud fathers had. I nodded and smiled.
I turned around and my gaze fell on Batuul, but she looked away. I turned just in time to see two guards trying to lift Khairi off the horse
"Don't touch her!" I barked. I walked back to the horse and carried her once again, straight to Mama's apartment.
***
I met her in the orchard, where Khalil told me she would be, and also told me she spent most of her days sitting there since everything went south.
She was sitting close to the daisy bushes, twirling a leaf absentmindedly in her hands. I cleared my throat "Assalamu Alaykum"
"wa'alaykum mussalam" she answered after awhile without looking up.
I stood for a minute or two, not knowing how to start before finally deciding to get it done with
"I'm sorry Batuul, I'm sorry for everything. I didn't mean to hurt you I promise"
"It's okay Yaya, I understand everything happened for a reason." her calm reply shocked me
You mean to say you don't hate me anymore?" I asked, just to be sure
"I don't Yaya" she shook her head "I can't hate my blood, I can't even hate anyone at all. I don't hold any grudge against you, not anymore. Most of what I said the other day was obviously out of anger and frustration, well I actually meant some, but I have had a change of mind.
If anything now, I should be the one apologising for saying all those hurtful words to you, for sending Khairi away. I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself if you didn't return. I'm sorry too"
"It's alright Batuul. Don't be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes at one point or the other in our lives, the good thing to do is to forgive, and also let go" she looked up for the first time and gave me a smile to which I returned.
"So tell me, how have you been?" I asked
"I'm fine Alhamdulillah"
" Are you sure?" I asked again, as I noticed she had lost weight a little and she wasn't as bubbly as usual.
"Don't worry about me Yaya, I will heal, or rather, I am healing. I believe the love I had for you was just a brother sister love, it will eventually fade" she reassured, but I once again found myself feeling guilty for breaking her innocent heart. She got up and dusted her gown then started walking away but stopped midway then turned around to face me
"And Yaya?"
"Na'am"
"The gift you gave me for Eid, the gown, I will still wear it on my wedding day, even though I'm not getting married to you anymore" she turned and hurriedly walked away.
***
We were sitted in Abba's living room the following day. Abba, Sameer's father the chief Imam, Khairi and I. By then she had fairly recovered as that was what Abba was waiting for, to summon us all.
"Alhamdulillah I am happy to know that you are gently recovering, I must also say I'm proud of my son's bravery. He has proven to be the true son of his father.
So all these aside. Ummulkhairi" he cleared his throat then looked all serious
"This young man here" he said pointing at me "Forget the fact that he is my son. Look at me with the capacity of me being your waliyy marriage guardian. So this young man here, this is his wakeel representative" he motioned towards the chief Imam
"He is here to seek for your hand in marriage. You see on normal circumstances, I may just decide to marry you off to Sultan, but I don't want to seem selfish, or that I'm forcing you into a marriage without your consent.
Sultan is a very good person I must say, he possesses good qualities I think every parent should be proud of, and In Sha Allah, I hope his subjects, spouse and children will be proud to call him a good leader, husband and father some day.
Forget about his public status, he is a great person, islamically oriented. I know you can attest to that too. He is a son every father will gladly give his daughter out to, without him even asking.
All these regardless Ummulkhairi, I am giving you the opportunity to tell me if you have any reservations about him, if you consent to his request or if you decline, I will not force you, and I will make sure no one else does.
So tell me now, do you give your consent? Would you marry Muhammad Sa'ad Sultan or nay?"
Silence
Silence
Dead silence
Those were the most agonising five minutes of my life, having to wait for Khairi's reply, more like a verdict.
Why didn't I get prepared for this in the first place? What was I even thinking, that Khairi will agree to marry me just like that? I never envisaged rejection in this whole ride.
So now, what if she refuses, what if she says she has someone else in her life, what if she doesn't find me worthy enough?
The what ifs were getting too much that I just pushed all the thoughts behind my head and looked up.
Abba was looking all calm, the Imam too. Was I the only one feeling uneasy? I looked up at Khairi, her head was dug down, it seemed she was deep in thought, maybe even confused.
That was when I decided to pray, I recited every prayer that came to my mind, fervently hoping that whatever answer she would come up with will be for the best of all of us.
"You haven't spoken yet child. I would have taken your silence to connote consent of a virgin lady, but I know better than to do that in the situation at hand.
Do you need more time to think?"
She shook her head in the negative
"Will you give me your answer now?"
She nodded again, this time, in the affirmative.
"I'm listening then, forget that he is here, just talk to me"
I held my breath for what seemed like forever, until I heard a tiny voice say
"I accept" almost in a whisper. Followed by Abba and the Imam repeatedly saying
"Alhamdulillah! Masha Allah!"
Only then did it dawn on me. She said YES! She accepted, she will marry me.
She said YES!
My happiness knew no bound at that moment. I looked up and saw her silently crying and I hoped it was tears of joy. I wish I could shade some too.
I heard Abba giving some guards orders
"Announce this to everyone who cares to listen, the Royal Prince is becoming a King and a groom, come seven days from today!"
~~~
Sarah, Adda Xiey, Tammy, yau nayi kokari nayi update dakyar dakyar 😀😀
Hello guys, who missed me? I missed you all wujiga wujiga
I want to sincerely apologise for the late update. You see, school resumed, and then I had to go back and settle down and now, I'm writing my project. Well guess what people, it's taking much of my time these days, please put a sister in your prayers, I will really appreciate.
Updates might be slow from now on, but I will surely try to be updating as SULTAN is slowly coming to an end.
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