monday 17 (feb)
dear trevor,
you know, seeing you happy without me sucks. it makes me wonder whether i messed things up on purpose or something. it makes me think that i was the cause of your sadness. was i really toxic like that?
i have some relatives that were like us. my aunt rose and uncle paul. their marriage was picture perfect until rose went cold and tore everything apart. i wasn't like her.
right?
i sat with reed at lunch today. he has some nice friends and it was really kind of them to let me hang out there but i felt extremely out of place.
they all giggled and swapped inside jokes while i sat there, trying to choke down my disgusting sandwich. i couldn't stop staring at you. reed's friends tried to include me in conversation but it didn't help.
reed walked with me to my locker. he apologized for leaving me out. i didn't say anything.
he left after a moment. i don't know, trevor. i didn't really want him to leave yet. is this what being friends feels like? not wanting them to leave because you hate it when they're gone?
i wouldn't remember. you and i met too long ago. i never really became close with your friends, either. you and granny were my only friends and granny was only mine by default.
at least she won't leave me.
love,
leslie
a/n: apologies for the wait. hope you're enjoying the book, regardless. please tell me how i'm doing during this revamp so i know how to improve. thanks yall