~~~~~Chapter Two~~~~~
I went back to my room and dug through my closet until I found my two suitcases. I dumped the contents unceremoniously onto my bedroom floor, then threw the cases onto the bed. I opened all the drawers of my dresser, then pulled out all of my jeans, throwing them onto my bed.
I picked then up a pair at a time, looking at the cuffs. If they weren’t worn out, I threw them to the floor. I was determined to re-invent myself so that I would have different sorts of friends. I wanted people to see me differently.
The jeans that were scuffed were thrown into another pile on my bed. I went to the bathroom to grab a razor, then used it to tear the knees. I slipped each pair on, liking how they fit. If I liked them, I folded them up as small as I could and packed them tightly into a suitcase.
I looked through all of my shirts, keeping only the tight and low-cut shirts, throwing the larger ones onto the floor with my jeans. I packed my shirts up with my jeans, filling up the first suitcase.
From another drawer, I looked through all of my underclothes, keeping only my favorite sets and throwing them into the second suitcase haphazardly.
As soon as my second suitcase was half-full, I sorted through my pajamas. I tried to find my summer nightclothes, but I only found three sets. Figuring this wouldn’t be anywhere enough, I closed the suitcase and zipped it.
I went to my closet and pulled out my multiple purses. I dug through them all, finding money in half of them. I threw the money onto my pillow, then sat down to count it out: five hundred dollars in all, plus some odd cents.
I sighed, then put my suitcases on the floor beside my bed. Falling back onto my pillows, I closed my eyes, throwing my arm over the top half of my face. So far, today has been a nightmare. I looked over at the clock and groaned. It was only 5:45.
I gathered a tank top and shorts, and went to the bathroom. After I started the bath water, I went out to get my towel. Outside the bathroom door, Mom leaned against the wall. “What the hell happened, Thea?” she asked. “You were so happy.”
“Yeah, listen to yourself,” I said. “Were. I didn’t make the decision to go to Break. Colton did. He broke up with me, because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. So, I’m not going to stay here and play twenty questions.” I opened the closet to get my towel, then went back to the bathroom.
I undressed and sank into the water, turning the tap off. As soon as she heard the water stop, Mom opened the door and sat down on the sink. I added more bubble bath, then crossed my arms and legs. “What do you mean, you don’t know what you want to be?”
“I mean, I don’t know whether I want to be a lawyer or a writer,” I explained. “Because law is something I’m very interested in, but writing is a way of venting. When I get pissed at Colton, like I am now, I write. Usually I kill someone, and it makes me feel better. But now I don’t know, because apparently I need something stable.” I sank lower in the water, bubbles tickling my chin.
“That doesn’t sound problematic to me,” Mom said. “I would go to school to be a lawyer, yet take creative writing classes during free periods. That’s what I did. Well, I didn’t go to law school, but that’s beside the point.”
“What did you go to school for?” I asked. “You never talk about school much.”
“I wanted to become an animal trainer,” she said. “It’s a childish dream, I know, but I didn’t know any better. Your father loved horses, so I wanted to be able to break them. We said that if we ever had enough money, we would by a male and a female and breed them. We would raise the foal and give lessons or something.”
“Why did that change?” I pressed. Now I know where I got my affinity for animals from, and where I got my thrills from writing, but I didn’t put together how they figured into my life.
“Well, your father got an acceptance letter to this high, prestigious college, and I was still in this small town school,” Mom explained. She crossed her ankles and linked her hands together, staring at the floor. “I didn’t want him to go, so he left anyway. A week after he left, I found out I was pregnant with you, and then everything changed.”
I nodded. Of course I would be the one to change everything. “Could I have some privacy?” I asked. “I’m kinda naked, so it feels kinda weird to be talking to you right now. We can talk later.”
“No,” Mom said. “We’re going to talk about this now, when you can’t run away.”
“I don’t run away!” I said. “I just don’t feel like talking right now!”
“There you go! You’re running away again,” she said, gesturing wildly with her hands.
“I am not… Fine! What do you want?” I asked angrily. “All I want is a few minutes alone so I can get my thoughts straight!”
Mom looked at me as if I’d just thrown something at her, or just told her I killed someone. A look of betrayal, and some degree of hurt. I took a deep breath, then sank totally underwater, determined that when I resurfaced, she’d be gone.
When my lungs were screaming for oxygen I came back up, and she was gone. I silently thanked whatever god was listening and closed my eyes. With one hand I brushed my hair from my face, then sank back chin-deep into the water.
I’m not sure how long I was in the tub, but when I heard a knock on the door I knew it was time to get out. I reluctantly drained the water, sitting until it was quite literally empty. When I started to get cold, I stood and wrapped the towel around myself, gathered my clothes, and went to my room.
I grabbed the jeans I was wearing earlier, along with a tank top from sometime last week. Mom never pays attention to my clothes, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to wear it. Besides, it was only for about three hours that I wore it. No harm done, right?
I pulled my wet hair back into a messy bun, then clipped it in place. I threw on a black sweatshirt, the one Mom absolutely hated, and slipped my thumbs through the holes in the sleeves. I fell back onto my bed, exhausted although the time was still relatively early. How the hell is it possible to be so tired when nothing’s happened?
I must have fallen asleep, because I remember waking up and the time reading 3:33. That’s an interesting time to wake up, I thought, before rolling over. I was startled into being fully awake when my arm draped over something that I didn’t think belonged in my bed. I was shocked to find that Colton was here, despite our earlier fight.
“Shh,” he said. “Don’t wake your mom.” He wrapped one arm around my shoulders, and I curled in next to him, calming down enough to realize I was tired. I put my head on his chest, then let my arm rest across his stomach.
“How did you get in?” I asked.
“I have a key,” he whispered. “Besides, I thought you could use a bit of comfort. We would always talk about what it would be like to be in bed together. Now go back to sleep.”
“Not until my questions are answered,” I protested sleepily. “Why did you come here? Why aren’t you mad at me? Why did you basically make the decision to go to Break for me? Why did you act like you were all angry and hurt? How long have you been here?”
“I came here because I love you,” he started. “And because I wanted to do this.” He kissed me slowly. “I’m not mad at you because you like writing, and you like law. I can’t be mad at you for being happy. Break is going to make you happy, and you were incapable of making the decision for yourself. I was being selfish by not wanting you to go. I’ve been here since about 9:00, when you fell asleep. Are you done?”
“No,” I said, but then I realized that I was. I nodded meekly, sighing.
“Go to sleep, Thea,” Colton whispered. “I’ll still be here in the morning. Your mom knows, so don’t worry. As long as we don’t get too loud.”
“Mom’s not here tonight,” I said, just as I remembered. “She’s at her latest boyfriend’s for the night. She always does that on Friday.”
“Oh, yeah,” he said. “I forgot it was Friday.” He put his other arm around me. “You want to…”
“No,” I said quickly. “Not at three in the morning, not after I’ve decided to go to Break, and definitely not while in my bed. It’s too nice.” I spread my hands over the dark blue bedding, enjoying the smoothness of it. I didn’t want to mess it up by getting too friendly with Colton, no matter how much I actually wanted to.
“Fine,” he said. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I muttered. I wasn’t sure if I meant it anymore, a fact that terrified me. If I didn’t mean it now, did I ever mean it? If I didn’t, would that be considered lying, even though I didn’t know?
~~~~~~~~~~Author's Note~~~~~~~~~~
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