Chapter Five
After they finished fixing me up at the infirmary, I was led to where I could change into something a bit more presentable. Unlike the Agora, the rooms here were pretty bare. There were no flourishes or special touches. There was a twin size bed in a tiny room which also had a dresser and a desk sharing the space.
"You can fix it up however you want," Andrzej commented.
I'd walked in, feeling completely disconnected. I don't know how my mother did it. Everyone here was...cold, distant. It wasn't that they were unfriendly per say, it was more like they just had no interest in me. There was nothing wrong with that but after the welcome I'd received at the Greek version, this one just seem blasé.
"So this is the room my mother stayed in?"
"Yep."
I nodded and looked around, half afraid of spending any kind of alone time in here. I didn't want to think what she imagined when she looked at the walls, the ceiling, the floor. Anything. My mother was now as foreign to me as this room. I didn't like that feeling. I didn't like knowing there was a side of her I didn't know anything about, that my father didn't know about. How do you keep something that massive a secret for so long from the people you loved? Did she not love us enough to tell us? I knew it was a life she left behind to be with my father but I didn't understand why she left, why she didn't tell. It wouldn't have mattered, not to my father or to me. It was a part of who she was. Why didn't she want to share that with us?
"It's...neat."
"How else did you expect it to be?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. My expectations thus far have been made null and void."
"Well don't sound so sad about it. Being here isn't that bad. You'll learn to like it."
"That's the thing." I turned to look at him. "I don't want to have to learn to like anything. It should just come naturally and this..." I waved around indicating the room "...this does not come naturally, not at all. There's nothing here that says 'This is definitely Natalie's room'. This is supposed to be home, a safe place and yet it feels like I've gone away to camp." I sank down on the bed, staring at the dresser that wasn't even four feet away. "There's nothing connecting me to this place. I want to feel connected and I just don't."
I looked at him, hoping he would understand but instead he just stood a smidgen in the room since I invited him in, and a look of complete frustration graced his face.
"Well, I know it's not the Ritz. I know it's not that house you live in over there. But this is still as good as any."
"I'm not saying it's not." I stared at him pleadingly. "This place...my mother...they are completely unknown to me. When I was at Agora...I don't know what it was. There was just this feeling that told me I belonged there, that I would be safe and I don't feel that here. How am I supposed to stay somewhere that doesn't feel safe to me?"
"I hate to break it to you, rakli, but your idea of safe is about to be blown out of the water. Everything you've experienced thus far in life will seem like a cake walk after your first week here."
"Why do you have to upstage everything I say? Why can't you just understand that I don't feel at home here?"
"Maybe because this is my home. Maybe because unlike you, some of us have nowhere else to go so we've made do with what we have here. I would give anything to be back in the two bedroom trailer I shared with my parents and younger sister but the situation is what it is. You need to get off that pedestal your father and whoever else in your life put you on and deal with life. The Schola is your safe place now. Deal with it." He unfolded his arms from his chest and walked out, hand on the doorknob. "I'll be waiting out here for you, your highness."
He slammed it a little harder than he should have and I couldn't help but compare it to a jail cell door.
Andrzej led me silently to a very huge carved wooden door. The thing was at least 24 feet tall give or take. How the hell was I supposed to manage opening that? My question was answered the next second as my 'cold as the Arctic' guide hauled open the door and motioned for me to go in.
Not wanting to argue, I scurried in without looking at him. It seemed our little discussion put a rift between us and I had no clue how we were going to overcome it. Especially if we're supposed to be attached at the hip. I couldn't be around someone who wouldn't talk to me. Silence unnerved me sometimes.
"Ah. I was wondering when you'd be gracing me with your presence. That'll be all, Andrzej."
I took in the room as Andrzej closed the door. It was filled with books mostly. There were technically two levels to the place, the wall split in half by a walkway that ran around the room. There were of course more book shelves on that level and one of those old-fashioned ladders that were attached to a track sat in front of a few.
Janus was standing over by a long table, there were several in the room in fact but this one had mounds of books piled on top.
"Come in, girl. No need to stand by the door like that."
I fiddled with my hands behind my back but approached him slowly. "Why am I here?" I asked timidly. "I thought you said your peace back at the country club."
He gave me a warm smile. "Yes but this is different. You're in my territory now where I feel more at home and there are a few things we need to discuss."
"Is Cecil one of them?"
"I do believe your beloved Cyrus is on the list, yes. Come, have a seat. I have something to show you."
"I highly doubt anything you have would interest me."
The smile on his face dimmed a little and he looked mildly hurt. Why? He had no reason to be wounded by anything I said. He was a god after all. They were above it all, especially us Elite. We were like ants to them or at least that's what all the mythology I'd read said.
"Please?"
And now he was saying please. What kind of god was he? I continued my approach slowly, seeing the sincerity of his request in his eyes. Whatever he had to show me seemed important, at least to him.
"I assume you've seen pictures of your mother when she was younger," he said as I sat down in the chair he indicated.
"I have. She asked her old foster home to send her some. They were nice enough and obliged."
He had the funniest smile on his face. My mother was in the foster care system for most of her early life. She wasn't a bad kid, didn't have a bad experience, but when she turned eighteen, she was released and of course came here to live with my father. They got married way younger than they should have but they were happy and in love. So it worked. Better than some relationships I'd seen and heard of.
"I thought I would share a few with you."
He placed an open photo album in front of me and I scanned over the pictures, lingering on the bottom right hand one. Most of the others were group shots but not this one. A younger version of my mother was standing in front of the doorway I saw earlier, the one you entered and left the Schola through. It was just a plain doorway at the time and it looked like she was just messing around with a friend.
There was a brilliant smile on her face and the lines I remembered being completely black were purple, blue, and green. The shadows of the old ones were underneath, just like with the rest of us but hers made her look...mysterious almost.
But this made it real for me, proof, that my mother was indeed Elite because there was nothing photoshopped about that picture.
"She looks happy," I whispered.
"She was always happy." He flipped the page and more pictures that looked to be taken the same day, maybe minutes or seconds after the other one was taken, filled all four slots. "I basically raised her myself."
My head snapped sharply to look at him. "What?"
"In the little town of Natalia, Texas, there is a group home for special orphaned children. Special meaning Elites, of course. You see, we have a particular who tells us if a child is destined to be Elite or not. Your mother was one of them and was sequentially placed in the home."
"What does that..."
"I run the home just like I run the Schola. Logios runs one in Athens, Georgia. We all have our favorite Elite, your Cyrus is one of Logios's. Your mother just happened to be one of mine."
He reached over and flipped past the next couple of pages before settling on one.
"Your parents' engagement and wedding announcement." There was both a formal and newspaper clipping. Her lines were completely darkened in by then, the underlying shadows gone, but she looked just as happy, if not more than in the early pictures. "And of course, your birth announcement." He flipped to the next set of pages and sure enough, there sat my birth announcement and just like with my parents, there was a formal one and the newspaper clipping.
"But my mother was neutral. Why was she sending these to you if she was neutral?"
"Other than your father's family, I was the only person she considered extended family. She used to call me πατέρας which is father in Greek."
Part of my brain was busy wrapping around all of this information while he flipped to the next page. It was filled with some images I was all too familiar with. My mother happy and dressed in a hospital gown, a baby wrapped in a pink blanket in her arms. My father and I used to flip through the old albums when we were feeling sentimental and I had to check myself so I wouldn't lapse into that with Janus. Another part of me was wondering if they were of Roman descent, why were they speaking Greek? If anything, they should be speaking Latin...
"You're wondering about the language." I looked up at him and he smiled. "Ancient Romans spoke both Latin and Greek. Your mother thought it was ironic to use the Greek version of the word instead of the Lain. She was never overly fond of the reasoning behind having two sides although she was loyal to the Assarions. Most of the time we used her as the go between because she kept everyone calm enough to discuss things. When she turned neutral, all of our dealings and meetings went back to falling apart after five minutes which you've witnessed unfortunately. Your mother had a gift. She was a gift."
While observing him as he flipped through the next couple of pages of pictures, I realized something. He loved my mother.
"I've watched you grow up from a distance, a distance I did not like. But your mother made a choice and I had to respect that. She took pity on me sometimes, though. Eight years worth of information, updates, and pictures. When she passed away, the pictures stopped coming as did the letters. If I wanted to know anything about you, I had to go look for it myself. I was at your first golf tournament." He glanced at me and smiled. "You did exceptionally well. You got your skill from your father and your concentration from your mother. She would've been proud of you."
I felt like I was sitting there listening to a rundown of my life from the view point of the shadows. The whole time I was wondering if I should be touched or a tad creeped out that he'd been watching me so closely. If what he said about my mother was right however, he was basically the grandparent I never knew I had and didn't know if I wanted.
"If that's true then you know about Cecil."
Janus took a seat next to me, not looking at me but flipping to the next page of pictures. I glanced down, noticing they were all of me and Cecil as we grew up. "So we'll jump into it then?"
"My mother believed I was meant to be with him. If you knew her even a little bit then you would know that."
"I know what your mother's wishes were and as you can see, I'm not abiding them. You were never to know she was Elite and here I sit, showing you proof she was."
"You obviously didn't care about her then."
"I cared about your mother a great deal." He looked at me, stared into my eyes. "I loved her like she was my own daughter. But that doesn't mean I agree with her decisions or her beliefs. Cyrus is—not for you."
I shook my head. "I don't believe that."
"You don't have to believe it. I said no and that's final."
"Then I won't do what you want." I crossed my arms over my chest, going the childish route to handling this. If he wouldn't listen to reason than maybe this was the only way I could get it through his thick skull. "I'll sit here, I won't move, I won't use my...power, and you'll be as blind to the future as you were a few hours ago."
"I've gone through a lot of trouble to get you here. You should be grateful. It's what your mother would've wanted."
"You tricked me into choosing this. That could never be what she wanted."
"You chose this willingly. Whether it was in a future that didn't happen or not, you chose. I don't make the rules."
"Then who does so I can submit a formal complaint. I don't want to be here, I don't like you, and I don't care if you raised my mother. She gave up being Elite and didn't look back. She never mentioned you or this place so I don't know if she would want me here more than she would at Agora. But what I do know for certain is that she wanted me to be with Cecil. To me you're nothing more than a man who desperately wants something he can't have. My mother died. She's gone and yes, I miss her every day, more than even you can imagine. Finding out she kept this whole other life from me has been...hard to deal with. I don't think you understand that. The only thing that currently connects me to this world is Cecil and unless you allow me to have him back in my life then I'll never do what you want me to."
That was probably harsh, I understand that but for me, Cecil was a deal breaker and he had to understand that.
Janus didn't look all that thrilled but if what he said was true, that he'd been watching me silently all my life, than knowing I was going to be difficult about my former best friend had to be a given.
"Is there no middle ground?"
"I'm sure there's tons of middle ground. But I think you have too much faith in Andrzej and the fact he can help me. Cecil is the only definitive person I know that can help me with my powers and you just commanded me to stay away from him."
"You bring up a good point. That's the other reason I asked for you to join me here."
He shuffled around on the table and pulled out a small brown leather bound book.
"This is for you to read and learn from." He held it out to me. "I believe, paired with Andrzej's help, it will help you deal with your particular."
"How is a book supposed to replace Cecil?"
He sighed, visibly tiring of my constant comments about that certain hermai.
"I'll make you a deal." He looked at me. "Give me and Andrzej this coming week. On Saturday, the biannual meeting between the two groups of Elite takes place. If you sincerely apply yourself, do what both myself and Andrzej say concerning your powers, I'll lift your ban." My eyes widened with hope. "But there's a catch." And the hope plummeted. "You'll only have that weekend, from sundown on Friday to midnight Sunday, to...be with him."
"But that's..."
"I told you this order is temporary. With time, I'll lift it completely but right now, you need to adjust to being Assarion, you need to focus on getting a handle on your particular, and you need to learn what it is exactly that we do."
"What is that exactly? Apparently it's a national secret or something."
His smile was brief with no emotion behind it.
"The Elite protect this world and others from the various things the gods have released."
"That's about as cryptic as..."
"Monsters, Natalie. Monsters, nightmares, demons...anything you can imagine. They exist and it's the Elite's job to keep them on the boarders where they're supposed to be. They leak through from time to time and since you're new to this, you should know it's more often than you think."