"Get up." A gravelly bark startled me from a deep sleep. I jumped beneath our blankets and my eyes popped open to see Llinos glaring down at me. A long-held breath slipped from my lips, relief that it was him and not a beast growling at my ear washed over me. "Get up." He repeated. His hands were on his narrow hips, one clutching the hilt of his sheathed golden sword. "You've skipped out on your training long enough."
"I don't want to." I yawned, turning over to face Knut. Knut lay flat on his back, his face lax in peaceful slumber. His hands were folded over his belly, his chest going up and down shallowly. Three days. It had been three days since we returned from Mab's palace. Three days since last I saw him awake. Three days since he'd even flinched. "Leave me be." I pulled the blanket up over my shoulder, burrowing down into the warmth beneath its shelter.
"Get. Up. Or I'll drag you out by your hair." Llinos growled. He snatched the blanket off my side. My gown was bunched up above my knees and the bare skin was suddenly exposed to the Underground's chill, sending shivers up and down my spine.
"Student or not, you can't order your queen around!" I spat, snatching back the blanket and returning to my comfortable new home in my nest of blankets. I lay watching Knut's face, wishing his eyes would just open. I hated seeing him that way. It had occurred to me on the way home, that I'd never actually seen him sleep. I was always the first to fall asleep and the last to wake. Now, seeing him so still, his face as placid as death, void of his usual humor, was unsettling.
Llinos threw the blankets off of me again and threw me onto the ice-cold floor. "Don't breathe your fire at me, girl." He jabbed a clawed finger at me. "You're the one who declared war on the Unseelie Court." He said. "I would give you more time to recover, but we can't afford such luxuries now. Your fighting skills are still sub-par at best. You need to train. Staying here isn't going to make him wake up any faster."
If he were anyone else, I'd have stabbed him by now, but Llinos was one of the few people I liked. He couldn't care less that I was queen. To him, I was just a stupid girl, too dumb to get her footwork right and who talked too much instead of listening to his instructions. He didn't believe in coddling, a trait that won him a lot of favor with me. "How long is he going to sleep?" I asked, groaning as I sat up. I'd pretty much just been laying around, sleeping and working on my languages and reading ever since we returned, waiting. My muscles were all stiff.
"His father once slept for a month after a particularly long and bloody battle." His answer felt like a stab through my gut. "But each king is different. Some have more endurance and bounce back quicker than others." Llinos strode towards the door on his long, thin legs. "While he recovers, we must begin preparing you for war."
"Why? It's not like I'll actually be on a battlefield." I scoffed at the very idea, raking my hands through my hair. A month? A bloody month? I was going to go insane from sheer boredom if I didn't put my energy into something. Maybe training wasn't too bad of an idea, whether I ever used it or not.
Llinos' eyes glinted. A smile stretched wide beneath his beaklike nose. "You're under the ill-informed opinion that we fight wars like humans. Your sparring uniform is on your vanity. Get dressed. You've got ten minutes to meet me in the arena. For every minute you're late, I'll make you run twenty laps."
Ow. I tumbled head over heels across the arena floor. Not for the first time that day.
"Your footwork is sloppy." Llinos chided. From my disgraceful new viewpoint with my face in the dirt and my arse in the air, I watched his boots pass by me, each slow step thoughtfully placed. Like a dance's learned pattern. "No claws. No fangs. Blondie can't even stay on her feet."
With an aggravated growl, I shakily climbed back to my feet and raised my wooden practice sword.
Llinos tilted his head at me. "How do you expect to protect your brood from Unseelie assassins if you can't even beat me?"
"I've got guards for that." I shot back, rolling my stiff shoulders.
"Say something like that again and I'll start using my real sword." Llinos swung his sword low when I was expecting high, sweeping the twig sword across the back of my legs and sending me tumbling backward back into the dirt. All the breath in my lungs burst painfully out in a single whoosh. "I already think Knut made a mistake by marrying a human. Especially one as prissy and useless as you. Do you intend on proving me right?" He stood over me, glaring down his nose. The goblin wasn't even breathing heavily or showing the slightest sign of tiring. He never did, no matter how hard I fought. I wasn't even a challenge to him. I was a boring waste of time.
"No." I groaned, spitting out dirt as I righted myself. He offered me his hand and hoisted me up. "I just don't understand. We have the guards for a reason. They're tailor made to protect us." I said, dusting off my fighting leathers.
"You're forgetting one thing. The goblin queen is usually one of those tailor-made beings. Their purpose isn't just breeding but protecting her children. Like a bitch guards her pups or a mother bird sits on a nest of eggs, keeping her babies warm, but also predators at bay. Kings are immortal until their sons take the dagger to their guts, but princes are vulnerable and if they die, that's it. There is no being remade for them. A sad thing for each has the potential to rule. It is the mother's job to ensure that the child survives long enough to challenge his father and siblings. Just because you're human, doesn't mean Knut won't expect the same from you. But to do that, you need fangs and claws and the viciousness to bite. You lack two of those. It's my job to fix that."
My mind went back to Knut's story about what happened to his mother. She failed to fulfill her purpose and so was unmade. King Frode had unraveled her like pulling on a loose thread of a tapestry. What would happen to me if I couldn't protect my sons? Would I be just as easily discarded? "I guess I get that, but what about the war? I don't see why I have to dirty my hands." He attacked, bombarding me with wild swings. I blocked some, but most landed their blows against my sides and limbs. I felt him slow the swings just as they were about to land, restraining himself from seriously hurting me. He wasn't even fighting me with all he had. He was holding back an ungodly amount of strength.
Again I was in the dirt, cringing in pain and biting my tongue to keep from screaming.
"You're a goblin queen, not a human one. Human rulers sit on their fat backsides and send farmer's sons to fight and die for their causes. But goblin kings and queens always fight alongside their warriors. You and Knut will both be on the front lines, knee deep in the blood and the muck. It would be disgraceful to sit back while others fought for you and besides, where's the fun in that?" Sticking the stick into the dirt, he leaned against it casually, waiting for me to get back up.
"Isn't that...stupid, though? What if something happens to me?" I tried to stand, but the pain shooting up and down my battered legs was making it difficult.
"Then Knut replaces you." He shrugged. "You're important, but not irreplaceable. Especially now when you have no children that need nursing." I almost spat up my breakfast. Was it truly that easy? "But, If you truly want to get out of actually fighting, just get a baby in your gut. Then Knut will have to hide you until after the baby is born. So, either start pumping out heirs or get up and pick up your sword, Blondie."
"Nothing's ever easy for me." I laughed bitterly. I stood with a great deal of effort. My body screamed in protest, desperately wanting rest and healing, but I remained on my feet, gritting my teeth all the while.
"That's it. That's the attitude I want to see." Llinos smiled, pleased by whatever he saw in me. He pulled his twig blade from the earth and retook his stance. "You've struggled and clawed for everything you've ever had, Goblin Queen. As a former thief, you should know that if you want something, you have to take it." He came at me again with an upward sweep. I caught it with my boot, driving it into the ground and snapping it beneath my heel.
I dragged myself back to our chamber, eager for a bath. I almost sobbed when I saw that I had an uninvited visitor in my way. "What are you doing here?" I asked Ib. He was sitting at Knut's bedside. His back was hunched, his hands folded as if he had been in prayer. He lifted his head at the sound of my voice, his eyes round and red and hollow.
"I came to see how he was doing." He answered hoarsely. Dark bruises peeked from the open collar of his shirt, blotching his otherwise perfect pale skin. He noticed where my gaze was lingering and quickly buttoned up his collar in a futile attempt to hide them.
"I don't think it's wise for you to be here right after I declared war on Mab." I shut the door and locked it before trudging towards the tub. Tiny goblins climbed in through the window carrying buckets of boiling water towards the tub, readying my bath without me even having to open my mouth.
"Mab's too furious to even notice that I'm gone." He leaned back in his chair and tilted his head back wearily. His flaxen hair flopped back from his forehead, revealing the entirety of his unnaturally beautiful face.
"Judging by those bruises, that doesn't seem true," I muttered, unbuckling the belt on my leather breeches as my attendants set a screen between us.
"Are you seriously going to take a bath right now? With me right here in the room?"
"There's a screen." I shrugged, stripping off foul smelling stockings. "It's not like I'm trying to seduce you. You're hardly my type. I'm sweaty and my muscles are on fire, so I'm taking a bath. If you get too worked up, you can leave."
"No sense of modesty whatsoever." He sighed. I thought I heard a laugh threatening to form.
I sank down into the deliciously comforting warm water, the floral scents of the healing oils flooding my nostrils.
"How long has he been out?" Ib asked. The moment of ecstasy immediately evaporated.
I leaned back in the tub so I could see him and Knut. "He hasn't woken up at all since we left. Llinos told me it could be weeks, maybe even a month before he wakes up."
Ib seemed to deflate. He squeezed his eyes shut as if trying to will away my words, to erase them from having been spoken at all. "A... month." He muttered, his eyes slowly opening again. Those violet irises shifted towards me, their gaze hard and sharp edged. "And where have you been? Off playing with Llinos while your husband lays in his sickbed? Should you not be by his side? I doubt you'd even care, but I would find it very sad if he were to wake up alone."
Where was this anger coming from? I scowled. "Where the hell were you when he was tossed into The Pit?" I hissed like a fighting tomcat. "You think I don't care about him?"
"You don't love him. You love what he can give you. You're using him." He retorted, baring his perfect teeth.
I curled myself over the rim of the tub, my fingers digging into the porcelain as I snarled back at him. "I was the one who threw myself in after him! I was the one who got him back and I've been preparing for this war I just started doing it! All you did was cry! I wouldn't have done that if I didn't care about him, so don't you dare lecture me about what a wife should be doing!"
He looked away, his hateful gaze turning from me to the floor at his feet. "You're right." He sighed. He rubbed at his red, tired eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you. It's not my place." He said, laying a white hand over Knut's bony long fingers. "You saved him while I couldn't do anything. I was too afraid. Too weak. I am grateful to you. More than you know."
I stared at those hands, the joining of pretty and hideous flesh, for a long moment. "You're barking up the wrong tree."
"What?" He nearly choked on his own spit. He turned ten different shades of red at the sight of the smirk spreading across my face. "What are you implying?" His voice was cracking horribly like a pubescent boy's.
"You're in love with Knut, aren't you?" I asked stifling a laugh, returning to my bathing. There was nothing wrong with that, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't find it funny. It was Knut, after all. "Well, trust me, he's not into men. I'm afraid you lack his favorite bits."
"By the Hollow," He huffed, his face a deep shade of burgundy. "It's not like that. Knut's just.... he's....my brother."
"Yes, you've said that before, but it seems like more than brotherly love to me."
"Like you know. You don't have the best point of reference." He spat. He fell from his chair, dodging the bottle of healing tonic I threw at him. It shattered against the wall where his head once was. The goblin attendants cheered, applauding my good aim.
He grabbed my arm before I could throw the second. He was standing over me, staring into my face, his gaze never wavering from it, despite my nakedness. He wasn't exactly helping his case. "Mab took me from my cradle. I don't remember my mother or father. I don't know if I had brothers or sisters or what kind of life they lived. All my life, the only person I've ever been close to, the one person I consider family is Knut. If something were to happen to him..." He paused, swallowing hard, "He's all I have."
"Yet you didn't try to save him when they threw him in that pit. You just got on your knees and groveled. Like a beaten dog." I growled.
"I am a beaten dog." He snapped back. "I've been in that pit. I know its horrors. Knut saved me from them. Time and time again. Yet I was powerless to do the same for him. It should have been me. You should have never had to endure that place. As his friend, I should have at least protected his wife, but I couldn't even do that much. Mab's beaten all the fight I had out of me. I won't lie. I don't like you. I think you're the most frustratingly arrogant people I've ever met, but...I'm glad you married Knut. Like I said before, he needs someone like you to push him. This war needs to happen despite how frightened I am for his sake. I can't help you much. Mab has too great a hold on me, but I hope you win. Just promise me you'll kill Mab good and slow when the time comes."
"Ib?" We both inhaled a sharp breath at Knut's familiar voice. "Is there a reason you're accosting my wife in the bath?"
Ib blinked, his eyes shifted, and finally realizing that I was still naked in the bath, his face turned an even darker red. He dropped my arm and whirled around, giving me a clear view of Knut where he lounged in our bed, his eyes still tired but bright with amusement.
I took the moment while Ib's back was turned, to climb out of the bath. My attendants dried me off and wrapped me up in a warm dressing gown and soft violet robe.
"How long have you been awake?" Ib asked, his voice full of suspicion.
Knut grinned. "Long enough." He laughed softly. "You' re in love with me, huh?" He snickered.
Ib looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die. "I am not." He grumbled, covering his mouth to hide a relieved smile.
"Boy are you barking up the wrong tree." Knut's eyes shifted to me. He curled a hooked finger beckoningly. "Get over here, Mouse."
Brushing past Ib, I practically skipped all the way to the bed. "You're so mean, you faker." A broad smile pulled achingly at my cheeks as I curled up beside him, wrapping my arms around his chest. "I'm so glad you're awake," I whispered, finally at peace, knowing that things could begin to go back to normal. Well, as close to normal as they could get in war time. "I was bored out of my mind." I sighed contentedly.
"You should have said something sooner." Ib scolded him.
"And what? Interrupt the two of you fighting over me?" His hand lazily played with my hair.
"I don't know why he wants to fight. I'd share you with him if he asked me nicely." I teased.
"Don't I get a say in this arrangement, woman?" Knut dragged me into his lap.
Giggling, I held his face in my hands. "Of course not," I answered, kissing him. I squealed, feeling him squeeze my backside.
Ib groaned, rolling his eyes dramatically. "You two are so inconsiderate of others. Can you at least wait until I leave the room to be indecent?"
"Get out then. We'll chat later." Ib dismissed him with an impatient wave.
"Stop being mean." I swatted his hands away and slipped off his lap. "Ib's been worrying himself sick. You could at least give him a proper goodbye." I smiled at Ib, who stared at me like he'd just witnessed a miracle. See, I could be nice.
Knut grumbled beneath his breath. I swatted him again and he fixed his tone. He cleared his throat and spoke louder and clearer. "It's good to see you, Ib, but you really shouldn't be coming around here now with things so hostile between our courts. I don't want you to get hurt over me." Knut's gaze had focused on the bruising on Ib's throat.
"Don't worry about me." Ib smiled. His whole face warm with affection. "I'm just so glad you're awake and well."
"Of course. It's not like I was dying. I was just tired." Knut shrugged. He made it sound like he'd just woken from an afternoon cat nap.
"I wanted to...apologize...for not stopping Matilda from going after you. It should have been me rescuing you, not her." He said to the floor. He couldn't look at Knut directly anymore.
"Like you could stop her." Knut scoffed. "She's the most stubborn woman I know. I wouldn't have wanted you to save me, anyway. If it had been you, we'd still be down there." He teased. "There's nothing to forgive, Ib." His tone became softer. "I promise we're still friends...Just friends." He smirked playfully. "Now, would you please go home? I'll play with you later, but first I'd like to play with my wife. Get back here, girly." Knut pulled me against him. He nuzzled my throat, kissing a ticklish spot that had me dissolving into mindless giggling.
"Yes, sir." Ib laughed lightly. Soft and gentle. With the tinkling of bells, he vanished.
"Thought he'd never leave," I said. The very moment he was gone, I untied the belt of my robe, letting it fall away. Knut slipped his long fingers up my legs, pushing up my dressing gown while he kissed me with reverent passion. All thought except for that of him, and his talented mouth was banished from my mind.
"Matilda." He broke the kiss and hovered over me, a wicked look in his eyes as he stared at my kiss bruised lips. "What is this I hear about you caring about me?"
"What more do you want me to say?" I asked, arching beneath him, wanting him to continue what he'd begun. "Could you stop talking now?"
"Why? Do you want something?" He chuckled huskily. I raked my fingers down his chest, trying to stir his lust further. He took my arms and held them down. "No cheating, Mouse. Tell me what you want. I've promised you the world. Anything you want will be yours, but what I want most is for you to want me...to need me." He said breathily. "I love you, Matilda." He confessed, his mouth brushing the skin of my jaw. There was no teasing tone in his voice as he said it, no humor in his eyes. I stared up at him, words failing me. I'd never heard him say anything more seriously. "I know you don't feel the same for me, you might never, but I want to hear you say that at least. Tell me you want me."
I couldn't say it. Wouldn't. My pride wouldn't allow myself to admit that I would desire such a twisted monster, even while my body begged for him. To be honest I didn't know what I felt for him. I cared about him as I imagined close, dear friends cared for one another, but I could not say that I loved him as a woman should love her husband or lover. All of this was new and confusing to me. All of my life the only people I'd really allowed myself to be close to were my brothers and even they did not love me the way I thought they did. I wasn't sure if I knew what love was supposed to feel like. I'd been so wrong before. Straining against his hold, I captured his lips with my own and hoped that actions would speak louder than words. I hoped he would feel my desperate want and that want would be enough for him for now.
I was quickly learning that Knut didn't need much encouragement. With a growl, he released me, his lust winning out against his need to hear those forbidden words. My gown was quickly discarded, and I tore away his nightshirt, nearly ripping it off his body in my haste. My fingers dove into his hair, fisting it as my lips crashed into his. My tongue raked across his sharp teeth and my own bit into his lips when he was too slow to meet my kiss.
"If I didn't know better, I'd think you missed me, Dear Wife." Knut laughed at my enthusiasm, wiping blood from his bitten lip with his thumb. He licked it clean, his dark eyes never breaking contact with mine. He did the action much too slowly for it not to be an indication of what he intended to do to me.
Heat bloomed through my belly. I moved back from him, stretching out my legs. I smiled at the pleased noise he made in his throat. A rumbling sound somewhere between a growl and a whimper. "It has been dreadfully lonely with only the servants to keep me company." My smile turned sharper. "And much too quiet. I've missed that mouth of yours." I moved my hand over myself, pushing the fingers through my thick hair before sliding them down the length of my neck over the supple curve of my breast and along the dip of my waist. I let my hand linger on my inner thigh as I turned my knee outward, not hiding anything at all. His eyes followed the slide of my fingers across every inch. He was practically drooling by the time my hand stilled.
"I'll need to make up for lost time then." He lunged at me, seizing me by the hips and capturing the peak of a breast between his teeth so suddenly I squealed. I laughed, kicking my legs at the ticklish sensation of his tongue lapping over my sensitive skin.
He released me with one last stroke of his tongue. "Keep giggling and squirming like that and this'll be over far sooner than either of us want it to be." He panted, taking the other between his teeth while he continued to play with the abandoned one.
I clamped my knees tight against his sides, my foot sliding absently up and down his calf. I bit my lip to hold in my laughter, my fingers clutching at his hair at the nape of his neck and digging into the flesh drawn taut over his shoulder blades. I looked up at the ceiling, curving my spine to press myself all the more into him, to encourage him to continue what he was doing as his hand slid down my body to touch me where I ached the most. "Talk to me." I pleaded. I hadn't realized until now just how much I'd missed the sound of his voice.
"What's your preference? Sweet or dirty talk?" He nibbled at the curve of my ear.
"Read me the grocery list. It doesn't matter. I just want to hear you talk. The palace has been too quiet." I groaned as his fingers retreated from me. My disappointment only lasted a brief moment before he grabbed hold of my hips again. He turned me onto my belly and entered me in one motion. I cried out at the sudden joining, tossing my hair over my back as I shrieked so loudly, I was sure Mab could hear me from her castle at the edge of the world.
"Sorry. Did that hurt, Love?" He asked, pulling my hair over my shoulder, and kissing my spine.
I shook my head mutely. I was the furthest thing from hurt. I clutched the pillow beneath my head, moaning into it. He laid us on our sides, holding me while he continued lazy, shallow thrusts that had me seeing stars. He hooked his fingers under my jaw, turning my head so that I could meet his kisses. Kisses as lazy and slow as his movements.
"You were fantastic in The Pit. Did you know that? Not only challenging Mab but besting her." He whispered in a lusty low voice against my lips. "That was the moment I knew I loved you, Matilda, the exact moment you appeared out of the dark. My little thief come to rescue me and steal me away. That's when I knew you were going to be the best queen any king of any land has ever had and that I was privileged just to bask in your presence."
"I thought much the same of you when you called Mab out on her bullshit." Even now my body grew warmer at the memory of him standing his ground, defiant and brave even after everything she had put him through. "You challenged her first. I just backed you up." I clutched his other hand where it held my breast, kissing him more deeply. "If we'd had the chance, I would have fucked you on that dining table."
His eyes widened at my vulgar words. "We'll have to make up for that next Winter Solstice when we own that dining table." He smirked at me, moving faster, harder.
"I'll hold you to that." I gasped, moving with him, chasing the high he offered, wanting more, more, more, always more.
His tempo increased, growing more and more sloppy as he neared his end. All I could do was clutch onto him and my pillow. I gasped as we both found release and tumbled over the edge. First me, then him, each other's names playing on our tongues. The only bits of language either of us could form.
Afterward, we lay in a heap of tangled limbs, our nakedness bared to the world. Our labored breathing mingled together into a singular sound. "You still didn't say it." He muttered, his fingers following the curve of my spine.
"Nope." My head resting on his chest, I gazed at his profile. His long, crooked nose. His deep-set eyes. His too wide mouth full of sharp teeth. I still couldn't understand how someone so hideous could stir such intense desire in me. How in the hell did I stand it? I hadn't even felt him use magic on me this time to heighten the sensations, so I couldn't blame it on that. My gaze drifted down his stomach, taking in the grotesquely blotchy skin over the elongated, bony body. He was absolutely revolting, and maybe it was simply due to my inexperience, but I couldn't imagine being so intimate with anyone else.
"You will someday." He promised me, his claws slipping through my golden curls.