Heaven Knows OST: ♫ Skinny Love by Birdy ♫
Chapter 2.5: Anna
Dear Diary,
In Physics there’s this word called Inertia. It’s the restriction of action. I think I’m kind of having that moment right now. I suspended my ability to take motion into my hands and instead I let my eyes wander at the things around me. At the things I always see every day when I wake up, the things I see when I open the door and the things I see when I look out the window. I took that moment of inertia to be suspended and be aware of the things that has been always there but not really seen.
I’ve decided to live my life the way it was. Only that I’ll try to be more aware of it as I live it each day. I cannot undo my life or I cannot take away what was given to me. Instead I have to set myself in a different perspective. I should be thankful that I still breathe even though my days are already numbered. I should live each day like it’s my last and tomorrow will be different. But if there’s one thing that I have not fully recovered, it’s the sadness I hide behind my broken piece of mask.
I want to take away that mask and just surrender to the pain but whenever I try, it makes me feel weak and I don’t need other people’s pity.
I turned away from the window to see Rose Garner looking at me. When she caught me looking back, she looks away awkwardly as if I’ve caught her cheating in a test. Rose Garner had been my best friend. But since the sickness took me in to its domicile, I’ve decided to pull myself away from people. In that way it’ll be easier to let them go. There’d be lesser tears to shed and fewer hearts to break.
She doesn’t know why I had to stay away from her or other people. I tell her the same lie I tell to people over and over again. I am tired of being with people. It’s an understatement. Maybe she got tired of hearing the same lie every time and then one day she just finally grew some sense to it.
Now, Rose Garner is one of those popular girls that belong in a clique. I am sad because I still miss those days when we’re still best of friends. But I am happy because I’ve spared her from the upcoming hurt.
I think that’s life. Friends just grow up, they leave, people change and you move on.
I looked back at the window to feel the sun shine down my face. I always like the sun because it doesn’t remind me of the darkness. It keeps me motivated to wake up each day and see it rise above the skies.
At that moment, I had this feeling of being watched. I expected to see Rose but my eyes lied to me. It was the boy from the train station. He’s standing at my classroom’s doorway with eyes big and blue with curiosity. I was starting to think that maybe he’s a ghost but I noticed he’s with a friend. Scott Orson. It’s not so hard to spot that guy since word travels fast that he has shagged almost half of the school’s womankind. Maybe he’s like him.
So I looked away and pretended to stare back at the sun. But it was harder than I thought. There’s something in that boy’s eyes that makes me feel different—almost certain and at ease. He’s like the sun though. It’s hard to look at him and feel nothing.
Without Wax,
Anna