LUKE
I need a job.
No, I worded that wrong. I want one. I know I have one already, but I mean one where I won't have enough free time to daydream about things I shouldn't be daydreaming about.
I'm at my job now and I'm actually expected to work longer than discussed. I've been with Holly for the whole day and we were supposed to part ways four hours ago.
Unfortunately, she caught sight of a high street filled with things for me to spend my money on, threw a fit when I refused to do what she said, and ended up dragging me along with her.
I sigh. She's holding up two shirts now and I can't tell the difference, no matter how many times she tries to explain it to me. I don't really give a fuck about what she's saying yet I nod tiredly away. I've made a silent agreement with myself that anything, anything is better than this. Anything.
"I like the blue," she says. I've learnt to adjust myself to the nasally tone of her voice, so thankfully, it doesn't affect me as much now.
I rake a hand down my face, sighing yet again.
"Yup."
"Do you like the blue?" it doesn't matter what I think, she'll go with what she wants, so I just shrug. "Lukey."
Lukey. My shrug is replaced by a cringe.
"Holly, I don't know much about clothes." I say apologetically. It's true. The majority of my wardrobe belongs to the guys and the very few things that I actually own were hand picked a while ago by Sophie herself.
Holly raises an eyebrow at me, placing a hand on her hip. "You don't need to know about clothes to tell me I look good."
"You look good," I deadpan. She narrows her eyes at me, and I resist the urge to roll my own. "Very good."
"That's more like it," she grins.
I never thought a publicity stunt would be this much work. I know Ashton had to do it a while back to create some drama nobody's talked of since, but I always thought that I was safe from it all. Now I need to keep her happy in order to keep management happy. Nothing makes me feel guiltier than lying to the very people who got me where I've always wanted to be.
I know I should tell Sophie about all of this but I'm not sure how she'd take it. She wouldn't like Holly and vice versa; they're just so different that it'd be unrealistic to think otherwise.
I'm better off keeping my work life and my private life seperate. When the problem arises and Sophie finally finds out before I can wriggle my way out of this stupid agreement, I'll deal with it then. Not now, though. Not when my mind has been thinking things that are far from normal and I've been feeling similar gut-wrenching urges towards this little girl I've been trying so hard to protect all these years.
Holly finally finishes whatever she needs to do and my credit card is handed back to me with a halfhearted hug. I almost roll my eyes again. I'm ordered by Modest! to bear with it all and that whatever expenses Holly may spend will be covered- keeping her 'provided' means keeping album sales up. Not that I care about the money. All I care about is time; precious time that I'm missing away from my baby, but I'm not supposed to tell her that.
We pass a few more stores, most of them visited by Holly alone as I stand outside, waiting for her to swipe my credit card dry before finally emerging with about a dozen different bags. Words aren't exchanged very often, unless it's to confirm what my PIN number is and if I want anything to match. I always recite the numbers and I always say no.
A couple of fans come up to me and they take pictures, chatter excitedly about the tour. I smile back and I laugh and I ask them how their days have been. In return, they blush, and my heart swells with a sense of pride.
Two seperate cars come to collect us in the evening, one to take Holly back to her apartment and the other to take me back to the hotel room. We say our goodbyes with an awkward hug, me trying not to wince as the strong smell of her perfume hits me, and I open her taxi door for her like a gentleman.
I get into the passenger's seat of my own assigned vehicle, fingers tapping nervously against my knee. I promised Sophie I'd be home early today. I texted her an apology a couple of hours ago, but she didn't reply. All I'm hoping for is that she isn't too mad at me. I hate it when she gets angry because she ends up ignoring me half of the time and I can't stand not hearing her voice for more than a second.
The drive to the hotel is short and I bolt out of the car after throwing the driver a hundred dollar bill. I never found it weird how often and how carelessly I do that until Sophie pointed it out to me. Apparently I just have a lot of money to waste and it makes her laugh because 'Daddy's a nice man'.
I'm not nice now, though, and not because of how I almost knocked a hotel staff member down in a haste to get to the elevator. I'm not nice because I let my work get in the way of a day I was supposed to spend with my daughter.
She's not your daughter. Again, Brain? Really?
I reach my floor and as soon as I step out, air is filtered into my lungs and I find it easy to breathe again. With long, brisk steps, I make my way to the hotel room.
My hand is placed securely on the handle, ready to fling the door open when I hear the sound of hushed voices.
"...Don't say that."
I pause, before frowning, and taking a step back. She's awake?
She should be in bed, with the lights off, alone. She shouldn't be up and speaking to someone whose voice doesn't sound like any of her friends, which would put my mind to ease at least. She shouldn't be with-
"But it's true."
"No it's not, Chase."
Chase. My confusion grows and my expression becomes even more irritated as I stand there, absolutely dumbfounded. I feel like I should just make my way in, yell at him to get out and leave her alone, but then he starts speaking again and I have to hold myself back.
"Admit you don't love me anymore."
"I do love you." What the fuck?
"In what way?"
It goes silent. Again, I'm so puzzled that it takes a while for their conversation to make sense, for the pieces to fit together.
My stomach does a flip because I'm dreading Sophie's answer, regardless of how this is all news to me. I never even knew they spoke to each other. I knew he found her cute and that she found him attractive at one point, but I just dismissed it as a little crush that would blow over with time.
Waiting for her to reply is complete agony. I can't see Chase, but I assume that the look on his face mirrors mine, for we're both anticipating the wrong answer.
"I knew it," he sighs. I hear the springs of a mattress squeak and insantly, I press myself up against the wall. I look like an idiot- especially since the door to the room stays shut and it doesn't look as if Chase is leaving anytime soon.
"Chase-"
"I don't know what you want me to say, Soph," he says. He sounds pained. "You expect me to just stick around and wait for you to get over your little crush? This little infatuation you have?" Infatuation?
"It's not like that." she sounds so hurt, my heart aches. I want to know who the hell they're talking about but I also don't, in fear of losing all rationality and approaching this unknown stranger myself.
"Then what is it like?"
"I can't explain."
"Yes, you can,"
"Things have just been a little weird lately."
"You can say that again," Chase scoffs. My fists clench. "You haven't been calling or texting me back and you've been avoiding me for forever. Why, Soph? Is he making you do all of this? Is that it?"
"No! No, he hasn't even-"
"Then why are you suddenly acting like you'd rather spend time with him than me?" all of these questions are starting to hurt my brain as I force myself to listen on.
"I-I'm not."
"You are."
"Chase,"
"Prove it." How the fuck is she supposed to prove it, dumbass?
"P-prove it?" she stutters. This is when my eyebrows furrow and I straighten my posture again. Sophie sounds genuinely speechless, borderline scared, and the timid shake to her voice makes my face fall.
"Yes," Chase says. There's a pause, a short pause that allows me enough time to gather myself before he speaks again. "Kiss me."
"What?"
"Kiss me." he repeats. My jaw locks as I place my fingers back on the handle. I'm in the right frame of mind to just barge in and punch him square in the face, but for Sophie's sake, I don't.
"Kiss you?"
"You haven't kissed me since you caught him. And yes, I know about that. What is it with you?"
"I-I- it's not- I'm not- look," she stammers. He groans.
"No. You can't just push me away forever, babe. Just kiss me."
Babe?!
"I'm not pushing you aw-"
"Come on, Soph-"
"Chase!" she suddenly screams, and that's all it takes for me to snap my head up like a guard dog hearing something in the midst of a pin drop silence. "Let go of me!"
"Sophie-" I don't give him time to do any more as I grab the handle of the door and wrench it open. It hits the side of the wall with the loudest bang I've ever heard, echoing throughout the hotel halls.
"Get the fuck off of her!" I shout, and I catch sight of his eyes widening as cold anger blinds me completely.
It happens way too fast and I don't realize what I've done until I see that Chase is on the floor, until I feel myself getting pulled back, until I see Sophie crying with her head in her hands. My arm wraps itself around her waist as Chase stays stuttering, mumbling out words that don't make the slightest bit of sense as he clambers up to his feet.
"L-Luke-"
"Get the hell out of my hotel room," I say through gritted teeth. It's hard to stay intimidating and angry at the same time, even though the two fit together perfectly. Chase doesn't move. "Now."
This time he listens, scurrying out as he slams the door shut behind him. I allow a long, steady breath to leave my lips as I resume hugging the girl next to me, the little girl in my arms with her head in my chest and her sobs quiet against my shoulder.
It hurts me to see her like this. I hate it when she cries because it only ever happens on two occasions; either her period cramps are unbearable or she's feeling something pretty deep. I can never help her either way. I suck when it comes to stuff like this but I've gotten better over time; I've had enough practice.
I hold her tight. I have so many questions but I don't think any of them are appropriate to ask right now, so I keep them to myself. "Oh, baby," I murmur, voice cracking slightly as I press my lips against her forehead. "Sweetheart, it's okay, Daddy's got you. You're safe with Daddy."
"H-He tried to kiss me," she whimpers. I try not to let how much that bothers me show, even though it truly does and the thought of her with her lips on someone like Chase makes me feel sick inside. I know she's fragile, I know she's not used to stuff like that. We haven't gotten around to talking about it yet. "H-He wouldn't stop-"
"I'll have a talk with Sadie in the morning," I tell her quietly, rubbing her arms up and down in an attempt to calm both her nerves and mine. "I'll do something about this, okay? I won't let him hurt you. I promise."
She doesn't answer me, instead she sniffles into the crook of my neck. A reply isn't needed anyway, so I don't expect one.
Her cries die down after a while and when I move, Sophie doesn't. She's somehow fallen asleep, in the midst of crying over someone who's definitely not worth it and letting it all out.
I glance at the clock on the wall, shoulders slumping at the sight of the 3am mark hitting white. Then I look at Sophie. Her cheeks are tear stained as I set her down gently on the bed, covering her delicate frame with a warm blanket. My movements are careful, almost as if she's a fragile piece of glass I'm terrified of breaking.
I reach forward, wiping the wetness from her cheeks and planting a kiss on her forehead. I'm taken back to a time so many years ago when she woke up from one of the worst nightmares she'd ever had, shaking and crying and begging me to stay with her.
I go to walk away but her hand grips onto mine. I look from a space in the wall to her, peeking timidly at me over the comforter. Her usually bright eyes glisten as she stares at me.
"Daddy?" she asks, soundlessly.
"Yes, baby?"
"Can..." she trails off, looking down at the covers with a small frown. "Can you sleep with me?"
I don't know why she feels the need to ask; we sleep together almost every single night anyway. Then again, maybe she thinks I'm angry at her because of the things I overheard.
I try to push all thoughts of Chase out of my head. I also attempt to forget that my baby girl has an infatuation with someone I have yet to figure out and (possibly) get rid of.
Get rid of? I think, incredulously. Brain, are you okay?
I shake my head, clearing my thoughts as Sophie looks at me, confused. I smile softly at her. "Of course I can, pretty girl," I answer, in a gentle voice that I'm hoping will help her to relax.
Brushing her hair with my fingers, I let a strand of it fall onto the pillow. She wraps her small, cold fingers around my own, looking like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders.
"I love you, Daddy." she whispers. My heartbeat quickens and I say it back; the most terrifying thing being that we might be thinking about two completely different things.
"I love you too, baby." I reply. She gives me a small smile, hand tightening it's grip around my own, and I feel nothing but guilt as my thoughts cloud over; But not in the way that you think.
❥
Okay because I know some people get butthurt over the whole concept of 'PR' and Holly in this fanfic:
Everyone in this story is fictional, apart from 5SOS and anyone associated with 5SOS with outright names. Just because a character might resemble some qualities of a person the guys know in real life does not mean I am purposely trashing them or writing them in a bad light. I write fiction. This is fiction, and although some people might believe that 5SOS relationships in real life are entirely PR, this does not mean that this story is based off of that. I tend to stay away from all fandom drama, hence why I write fanfiction- I write it for you guys and for myself, as a sort of distraction. I have no opinion on the guys' girlfriends because I don't know them in real life therefore I believe that I don't have a say. I just wanted to clear that up because I've been getting a few DMs asking me why I hate Luke's girlfriend even though I really don't. Again, I have no opinion and even if I did I would never let it influence my writing. Holly is just a fictional character. So is Ashley, Bailey, Chloe, Sadie, everyone in this fic, even our smol bean Soph.
So yeah. Thank you wonderful people so much for reading. I love yous! Take care, I hope you're all doing well :)
-M xxx