Fire and ice flew by Kira's head, narrowly missing contact when she ducked. She huffed and stood up in time for a stream of electrical energy to knock her backwards. Dirt and rocks scrapped her arm as she skidded across the hard ground. With a growl, she pushed on her hands and knees. Wilders wouldn't allow her time to recover her stance. Water sprayed her body, causing her clothes and hair to cling to her skin, and knocking her face first into the dirt.
"Give me a break!" Dirt turned to mud, splashing her face, temporarily blinding her. With both hands she swept the mud from her eyes.
"Nay! Ye asked for my help learning how to fight with magic and I'm giving it to ye the only way I know how. It is no secret ye have power, Kira. Ye can use magic with the flick of yer wrist, but only if nothing else is going on around ye. Sure, ye can clap yer hands and vaporize a single guard, but what if ye have ten on ye? What if at the same time yer fighting a guard, a harpy attacks ye? What about when yer angry and scared like in Astrid's tribe, innocents all around ye, and don't have a moment to take a breath? All of those things have happened before and will happen again. Honestly, I'm surprised it hadn't happened sooner, killing innocents."
Addrick stood with Wilders forming a circle around Kira. One by one, in random order, they fired magic at her, never giving her a chance to breathe or see where it was coming from next. They stopped only when Addrick raised a fist to signal for a moment to instruct her. Most of the time, they had free reign to send attacks without stopping. She knew she should fight back, sending her magic after them, but she was scared. Would Addrick's shield around the Wilders hold up against her power? Kira didn't think she could live with herself if she killed them the way she had Astrid's people. Never in her life had she doubted her ability, but that was all she could do now.
"If ye want to be able to use magic in battle, ye have to be able to use it under attack without hindrance of yer emotions. Know exactly how much to use and when to pull back yer power. Or do ye think Zarich is going to stop and let ye get yer feet under ye?"
"No, but—" She was interrupted by a little boy using magic to throw a boulder at her head. Kira shrieked and rolled to the side. Mud splashed her face, darkening her vibrant red hair with a brown paste. She looked at the boy, no older than ten. He stood on the right side of the circle, missing teeth broke up his smile. His eyes stared at her with a certain arrogance Kira had only seen on Addrick. Wilders had been happy to join Addrick in the training, the young and the old.
"Stop dodging and start countering!" Addrick shouted.
"I don't have time to think about what I'm doing."
"Then don't think, Kira! Just calm yerself and do it. Yer not going to have time to think in a fight, ye know this. Ye have to learn how to act without thinking and without emotions guiding ye. Steel yerself, block out noises around ye and find the resolve within. Use an anchor to tether ye into the now if ye must." Addrick raised his arms, extending them toward her. A ball of ice formed between both palms. She swallowed hard, watching the ice grow larger.
He made blocking out noise and actions around her sound so easy. She'd never needed to worry about her surroundings when casting magic in the Glades. Sure she had to make sure she concealed the magic so nobody noticed, but that wasn't the same. Back then, her magic came easily used in small doses. In a battle, holding back her power could be the difference between life and death.
The ice ball flew toward her at an alarming rate, the closer it came the larger it appeared to grow. She inhaled a deep breath and raised her hand. Birds made from fire sprung from her palm, flying toward the ice. They curled upward, spinning around each other, and dived into the frozen ball. The ice exploded, snowing onto the ground.
Kira didn't have a chance to savor her brief victory. Magic flung at her from all directions. Half the time she couldn't react fast enough to counter the Wilders spells. Other times she shot her energy toward her attackers, hitting the shield protecting them. Addrick allowed her to be hurt, but not them. They weren't the ones needing to learn how to fight, she was. There would be no protections for her in a fight. She had to learn to take a hit and dish it out at the same time.
Muscles tightened with her movements, taut like ropes bound to heavy stone. Dodge and weave. Roll and duck. Magic on magic. Kira evaded attacks as much as she launched her own. Blood mixed with mud, wounds were cauterized by electrical currents sent by Wilders, Kira's energy waned. Her breath shallowed, the air harder to inhale. Kira's arms throbbed, the magic eating away at her stamina.
"Yer still holding back, Kira. I've seen ye do so much more." Addrick raised his fist to stop the attacks. Kira knelt on all fours, looking through the tangled nest of her hair. She wheezed with every gasp for air. He stepped into the ring, walking slowly until he knelt in front of her. "I want to feel that power ye exerted that first time we met."
"You said I was an idiot for using it."
"Aye, ye were, but yer an idiot because ye used it without understanding it fully. To have the power of a Guardian is to know the proper balance of it. I say yer emotions are useless, and they are, but ye can use them to yer advantage. Harness the sorrow, the anger, and pull it in to increase the strength of yer spell."
"You're contradicting yourself! Back at Astrid's tribe when . . ." She closed her eyes, remembering Astrid's face in those moments before Rodyn murdered her and after Kira destroyed most of her people. Addrick's hand cupped her chin, tilting her head to look at him. Kira opened her eyes.
"I'm not contradicting meself if ye listen to me words. Ye were letting the emotion guide ye, not the other way around." He ran a hand through her tangled hair, using magic to wash the mud and blood from the fiery strands. "Ye acted without thinking, and on its own that's fine, but not when ye are a ball of anger or let other emotions over run ye. All right, we're going to have to try another way. Give me yer hands."
He pulled back, sitting on his heels, and held his hands out to her. Kira's palms glided against his, his calloused hands were rough against her tender touch. The Guardian symbol around her neck burned, singeing the skin where it rested. Each tattooed gem on his symbol glowed their respective colors. Red and green and blue, merging together in a single light. Gravity pulled on her eyelids, dragging them closed. A buzzing whirled in her head, turning to the crackles of a fire. Kira opened her eyes to a mirage from the past.
"No. Not here." She turned her head, examining the burning scene unfolding before her. They were back in the Glades on the farmland Kira once called home. Sugarcane burning in a never ending inferno, casting the ground in dancing colors of flame. Emma and Ry, held by the arms of the guards, knelt before another version of Kira, her past version. Addrick stepped up behind her, his arms curling around her waist. The stubble of his cheek tickled her jaw line, his chin resting on her shoulder. "Addrick . . ."
"Ye have to find this girl again, Kira. This girl, who stands before those guards, was amazing."
"You said she was an idiot."
"Aye, but she was amazing. I envied this girl." His arm pointed toward a section of burning sugarcane field. Trees towered above the flame, a single dark opening in the flame led to them. "Ye can't see me now, through the fire and smoke, but I'm there, watching ye, that opening created by my magic. I felt it, yer magic, boiling even before the blade sliced yer aunt's throat. This girl had people she cared about above anything else in this world. She didn't worry about what her magic could do, only that she had to protect her loved ones."
"When I saw Emma die it came out of me. I don't remember doing half the things you and Ry said I did."
"Ye wouldn't because ye weren't in control. I need ye to go back to that girl, feel what she felt. Learn what it is that went on when the magic took over." He pulled his hands away and nudged Kira forward.
"Don't do this to me Addrick, don't make me relive this."
"I must. In order for ye to recognize what ye must control, I need ye to feel it again. But yer too afraid to let it happen because of what happened to Astrid's tribe. That's my fault. I shouldn't have called ye an idiot. From the moment I saw ye do this, I should've known ye were a Guardian and worked to teach ye control." Air brushed her cheek when he released a breath. Chapped lips pressed against the crook of her neck, hovering with his kiss. "There's a reason I shut off me emotions, Kira. Right now, ye will relive the worst moment of yer life, but ye will be stronger for it."
Kira inhaled, moving closer to the past version of herself. Addrick followed behind her. It was as much a dream as a memory. The scene foreign to her, yet she remembered it vividly. Heat tainted her skin, the smoke taking a choke hold on her lungs. Her childhood home stood ablaze behind her past self, shadows danced across past Kira's face. She stopped when she reached the front of the guard, her feet refused to move closer. Kira wanted to join her past self, allow the time worn eyes of Emma to gaze upon her once more, but she couldn't do it. Addrick's fingers locked with hers.
"Kira Winstiel of the Glades, you are under arrest . . ." She blocked out the guards echoing voice, she'd lived it all before. Her eyes fixed on the face of her aunt. Trails of drying tears stained Emmas cheeks. For the first time, Kira noticed how calm her aunt was, like she'd expected that day to come. Tears were the lone sign of emotion. Then her aunt did something she never expected, she laughed. It carried above the echoing voice of the guard. Kira creased her brow, listening to her aunt's laugh.
"I'm not afraid to die. To die for one you love is to die honorable," Emma said. Her voice carried a hiss between these cackles. "Kira shall rise from this and smite you. You will burn here this day! Kill them, Kira. Kill them all."
Kira bit her lower lip, her brow still furrowed. Her aunt hadn't said that, she was sure of it. Emma would never have supported violence. Unlike Kira, her aunt was kind and respected all life no matter what happened to her. Emma's lips curled up, their red deepened until it blended with blood trickling down her chin. Dark eyes blackened, becoming two holes floating on her face. Her head tilted back, a roar of an animal sprang from her lips, shaking the earth. Veins, as black as coal, webbed through her paling skin.
"None of this happened. I don't understand, Addrick."
"All of it happened, though maybe not in reality. Magic plays tricks on the mind in general, but ye have blood magic in yer veins. This is what that part of ye saw, it is what guided yer actions. Ye saw Emma encouraging ye to smite these men instead of the Emma who simply said she loved ye. We, all Wilders, are a balance of good and evil. Those who choose evil see only evil, and those who do not, see the kindness of life. It is up to us to see what we wish to see. In this moment, ye had both. Yer eyes chose to see the good, yer heart chose to see the bad."
"I don't understand. If I had both, why didn't I kill Ry and Jackson when I used my magic? What was different about that moment then at the tribe? You told me I need to feel what I felt then, but there's nothing."
"Kira, I love you," Emma said. The darkness of her eyes vanished, the veins fading into her skin like they'd never changed. Then, as Kira watched in horror for the second time, the guard's blade slid across her aunt's throat.
"Because of those three words she just said, that's the difference. When coming from the right person, they're powerful words. Stronger than any magic. They grounded yer darkness and kept it reigned in. Fear of disappointing Emma kept yer balance. In Astrid's tribe ye didn't have that. There was nobody there ye cared about."
"You were there."
"Aye, but I wasn't someone who meant as much to ye as Emma or Rylanne. Not then, maybe not now, maybe not ever. Me words would've done nothing to thwart the blood magic. If they had, ye would've stopped when I told ye to stop."
"Emma and Ry were my subconscious anchors. I wouldn't dare hurt Ry or Emma . . ." Kira closed her eyes, choking on her tears.
"Aye. Now ye get it." His fingers traced her spine. She turned when their touch left her. Addrick stepped backwards, flame coloring him in hues of orange rose behind him in an inferno. Both arms raised from his sides, his fingers curled inward. Within his right hand, ice hardened in a sphere, growing and flattening into a sharp blade. It stretched up, curving at a serrated edge. "Fight me, Kira. Bring yer magic to the surface and hold nothing back. Guide yer emotions to do yer bidding, not the other way around. Find yer anchor within."
Kira didn't want to fight him, but she knew he wouldn't let her wimp out of it. She looked over her shoulder to see the past version of herself clap her hands, obliterating the guard. That Kira was something to behold. No fear or insecurities raged through her. That Kira was confident and cared only what Ry and Emma thought, nobody else. The queen bee who taunted her, the other kids who poked fun at her hair—they were specks under the soles of her boots and that Kira knew it. What had happened to that girl? When had she become afraid of her ability?
One hand coiled around the Guardian symbol. Magic flowed from her hand into the cold metal, spilling around the gems. She closed her eyes, the symbol igniting behind the curtain of black. Ruby overpowered the sapphire and peridot, filling the darkness with its luminescence. Her head turned back to Addrick, eyes opening. He stood opposite of her, ice blade shimmering in the fire and his left hand swallowed by its own fire. Kira could doubt herself all she wanted, Addrick wouldn't back down until one of them lost.
"Find my resolve." She kept her voice low, talking to herself, but Addrick smiled. "You can hear me, can't you?"
He nodded. "Aye. I do have an animal inside me. Now . . ." He raised his flaming hand. ". . . fight me, Kira Winstiel."
Kira rolled out of the way of the fire. He lunged forward, the ice blade swinging at her head. She kicked her legs at his, knocking him off balance. He returned the favor, swiping at her legs. Kira jumped backwards, avoiding the sweeping tackle. She lifted one hand, watching Addrick climb to his feet. Thunder boomed overhead, lightning twisted around her fingers, spiraling toward Addrick. He ducked. She didn't give him a chance to standup straight, lightning exploded from her other hand, hitting him square in the chest.
Addrick flew backwards, his body vanishing into the still burning sugarcane. Kira's lip twitched. A growl rose from within the flame, Addrick pounced out in his leopard form. Spotted hide flashed in a blur, barreling down on her. The speed in which he moved surprised her, she fell back, his claws digging into her arm. Yellow eyes glowed, saliva dripping from his sharp teeth. Kira tried to roll him off her, but he didn't budge. Paws held her arms in place, claws ripping into the skin. Addrick's breath steamed her face. Her mind raced.
Kira shifted her hands to press on the soft underside of his belly. The proximity of his heavy mass to her made it difficult to maneuver. It took several wiggles, allowing claws to sink deeper, before she could place them in the right spot. One hand rested over where his right pectoral would be if he were still a man, the other over his navel. Her heart burned, like she'd ripped it from her chest and tossed it into the inferno around them. His eyes were mirrors, reflecting her curving form. Power pulsed through her, her stomach churning from its force. Kira opened her mouth and screamed, pushing on Addrick once more.
He flew back, shooting away from her with the same speed in which he pounced. Kira rolled on her side, watching him land on his back, one leg was trapped under him twisting around until it hung out of its socket. The fiery sugarcane faded, returning her to the center of the Wilder circle. She rose to her feet, hands resting at her side. Addrick's body shifted back into its natural form of a man. Bone protruded from his right thigh, the leg bent back under him, folded perfectly in half. Her body glided by a force she didn't understand. It was like she was being pulled by a string attached to Addrick.
Gray eyes stared up at her through drooping lids. Blood dripped from the corners of his curling lips. Kira stood over him; matted hair clung to her neck. Coils of energy curved around her arms, exploding in sparks with her steps. Her mind begged her to stop, he was wounded by the force of her blast, but her body wouldn't listen. Addrick didn't try to stop her. One hand rested on his chest, rising and falling with heavy breaths. Whispers from the watching Wilders quieted until the only sound Kira heard came from her exhausted pants. Their lips still moved, she could see their heads and hands moving with their chatter, but she heard nothing. There was just her and Addrick.
Kira examined her hands. Freckles dotted the backs, barely noticeable through her darkening tan, feeding into her wrists and arms. Emma had called them kisses from the Gods. Lines twisted and wrapped from palm to the narrow webbing between fingers. To an average observer, her hands were delicate, slender fingers and smooth skin. Not a single callous marked them, though she'd often helped Emma harvest the sugarcane. Magic of a Wilder helped her heal every wound and kept her skin alive. So much power raged through her. It would be easy for her to give the final push and kill Addrick, taking his Guardian magic into her. She knelt beside him, hands pressing against his chest.
A bolt of lightning was all she needed. Enough electrical current pushing through his body at such a close proximity would stop his beating heart. Fire against his skin would burn it to ash with a long enough connection. She could suck his breath from his very lungs, taking it into her own. Death was simple. He'd probably thank her for it. Her upper lip twitched, the energy converging at her hands. Palms sweaty against his smooth chest. She didn't know what had happened to the tunic he'd been wearing, she didn't care. Her eyes drifted to the clover above his left chest. Three curving leaves connecting to a small stem. It wasn't a large clover compared to the panther claw ripping free of the other chest side.
"Find yer anchor," Addrick said his voice hoarse. A bloody hand lifted and covered hers. Compared to his hand, hers was like a child's.
She closed her eyes. Her heartbeat and the rushing of blood swirled through her ears. There were three anchors she could think of. Three people who enriched her life for better or for worse. Emma, always the teacher with a steady hand, no children of her own, but treated Kira as if she were one. She'd be disappointed if Kira killed Addrick. Not because of their strange relationship, but because he'd done nothing to harm her. Rylanne, the man who'd sleep with anyone with a bountiful bosom, stayed her friend through all the taunting of their peers. He'd lay down his life for her and would do it in a heartbeat. Finally, there was Addrick himself.
Her eyes opened, fingers traced the curve of the clover's leaves. It seemed fitting he had a three leaf clover on his chest. Were those three leaves for his family a symbol of his anchors? Each tattoo had a meaning for him, a fixed point for his focus to see when the magic became too much. He didn't need emotions; he had constant reminders of his past in the shape of a single clover.
Bright light twined from her hand, coiling around Addrick in a blanket. He closed his eyes, Kira wondered if he thought she'd finish him. Briefly she wondered herself. It scared her how much she wanted to end his life. Cracks rose in the silence, his leg unfolding and returning to a natural position. One half of his lips twitched, his eyes reopening to look up at her. All blood vanished from his skin and he sat up. Her hands still rested against his chest. The silence shattered with the Wilders cheers.
"You're my anchor. You and Emma and Ry. The three of you make me who I am, not the blood in my veins or the magic I use. You."
One hand cupped her cheek, his fingers brushed her skin in small, gentle sweeps. Addrick leaned in, his lips pressing to hers. She sighed, leaning her body against his. His arms wrapped around her, holding her in place, strong and secure against her back. Magic wasn't scary to Kira when the people she cared about were ready to pull her back from its depths.
"I love you, Addrick, even if you are an ass."
"And I love ye, even if yer an idiot." He smiled. "Now, get ready to do that again, but with an army of Wilders attacking ye."