A/N--So yeah, this chapter is kind of short and I apologize. I've been going through kind of a rough patch at school and writing was getting hard for me. Sorry! I promise the next chapter will be longer and won't be such a filler.
But even though this chapter is a filler, please vote and leave awesome comments :)
"Please come back with me?" he asks for the millionth time later that night-well, probably early the next morning in fact--as I walk him out to his car.
After our big conversation on the porch and after everything was pretty much settled, we came back into the house due to the ever growing chill outside. My blanket was starting not to be enough since we'd decided to share, and I really just wanted to escape inside and curl up against something.
Apparently Lucas had been thinking the same thing because the second we'd sat down on Zara's couch with a bowl of cheese dip and chips, he'd brought me onto his lap and had rested his chin on my shoulder. That cheese dip had to be reheated before we'd even taken our first bites.
And that's pretty much how it was the entire night. When we weren't eating like the starving teenagers we are; he was apologizing over and over, kissing me, or twirling my hair around his fingers. If it's not completely obvious yet, I've been grinning like an absolute fool all night.
But that's okay, because Lucas has been grinning like an utter goon too.
And I know how he's feeling right now, how he feels like he just doesn't want the night to end and he wants me to come sleep with him like I did when I was staying at his house, because I'm feeling the exact same way. But there's a bigger part of me saying that this relationship, as screwed up as it already is, needs somewhat of a sense of normalcy. And me sleeping all curled around him every night isn't normal. Absence makes the heart grow fonder right? Well I want his heart as fond of me as possible.
To accomplish this, we don't need to be around each other every single second.
Like I really, really want to be.
"I'm sorry," I say, leaning in and pressing a kiss against his clothed chest. I've been kissing random parts of him all night and even though it's making me feel somewhat like a perv, I really don't care. The boy's just really damn kissable. "But I think I should keep staying here. I think it'll be best in the end."
He gives me a dramatic pout, "How is it best if we're not together?"
Although his words make every single girlish fiber in me cheer out in happiness, I know that I need to stay strong in order for this relationship to work. I reach out and run my fingers over his stubbly cheek, finding contentment when his eyes close because of the pleasure. I'm glad I'm not the only one.
I say, "Because I want this...whatever between us to be normal. And it's not normal if we're together every second of every day."
"So?" he smiles once his eyes are back open and trained on my face. "Look, I haven't slept good the past two nights and that's because you haven't been there with me. Do you really want to be responsible for my further sleep deprivation?"
I roll my eyes at how melodramatic he's being about all of this and then smack him on the shoulder. I say, "Stop being such a tit, man."
He laughs out loud at this, but before I can say anything in response, he leans in and puts an almost bruising kiss to my lips. But I love the ruggedness of it, the almost animalistic quality because it shows me that he really is as intense about this whole thing as I am. Although I know he's been true when he tells me he loves me, it's still nice to be reassured.
When he pulls away he says, "I love that you talk like a dude sometimes. No other girl would ever call me a tit."
"That's just cause they don't know you as well as I do," I say teasingly, giving him a wink.
This, for some reason, evokes a groan out of him and before I know it, he's slinked his arms around my waist and has yanked me towards him. "Please," he begs, leaning in and pressing his forehead against mine, "Just come stay tonight with me. Just tonight."
Even though my body is pretty much dying to give into those gorgeous blue eyes of his and cuddle the night away with him, my common sense is telling me that it'll be better in the long run for me to keep bunking at Zara's. Although I am in love with Lucas and I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that I won't be able to ever get over that, I still don't want to have to depend on him for every little thing. I know in my heart that that's just not healthy.
I need to some things in my life my own way.
So I say slowly, "I'm sorry Luc, but I'm sleeping here."
"Fine," he says quickly, dropping his arms from around me. "But I hope you know that you're breaking my heart right now."
"Pansy," I tease, shoving him on the shoulder. "But we can do something tomorrow, if you'd like? You know, since you're so mad that I'm not going to sleep with you."
"Oh," he says, reaching out and taking his jacket off the hook hanging on the wall, "We're hanging out tomorrow, no doubt. We were going to whether or not you wanted to."
"Oh really?" I ask him, loving his fake commanding self because it's showing me that he does love spending time with me as much as I do him.
"Yep," he says cheerfully, that once pouty tone disappearing. He leans in and presses a quick, sweet kiss to my lips and then says, "I'll see you tomorrow, love. Sweet dreams."
"Bye Luc," I say, watching his muscular figure walk right out of Zara's front door. He shoots me a quick wink before shutting the door behind him, leaving me all alone with my thoughts.
And all I can think about is how happy I'd be sleeping in his arms tonight.
But I know that that's not the good thing to do; not the healthy thing. And I need to do what's best for me right now. I deserve a little bit of selfish time, don't I? After the month I've had?
I'd like to think I do.
With that thought, I flick the lock on the door and then shut the main lights off, knowing that it's super late and that Zara's probably been asleep for hours. Once everything's locked up, I head into the shower and then step into the hot shower once I've got it running. As I cleanse myself off with all of Zara's organic, earth-healthy soaps that smell like flowers and fields, I can't help but let a smile grace my lips.
Sure today started out horribly. This morning was probably the most horrible one I've had in a while, seeing as how I learned about my father's death in the afternoon. But today also ended very, very well if I do say so myself. Well enough to effectively cloud the crappiness that went down during the morning.
And I am somewhat glad that I did go to Lucas' house this morning and ream the two of them out. I'm not going to lie to myself. I got things out that I've been needing to get out for a while, told them things that I think they needed to hear. I spoke my peace.
Judging by the amazing kisses Lucas has been planting on me since, speaking my peace was something that definitely went rewarded.
oOoOo
"Oh my god," I whine, burying my face into my drawn-up knees, "I hate this part! It's so sad! I mean, look at the way he's all cuddled up to his dad, and he's dead! It's awful!"
"Naomi," Lucas says in what I'm sure was meant to be a comforting voice, but he can't even be bothered to keep his laughter out of it. "It's Lion King. I'm sure you've seen this a thousand times."
"A thousand and one actually," I tell him with a sniffle, turning my face so that I'm resting my cheek on the ball of my knee and am looking Lucas in the eye, "But it gets me every time. I mean, how could his uncle do that to him? Is he that evil?"
"Apparently so," he laughs, "But that's what makes the movie so good, right? The fact that he's able to overcome every..."
I cut him off by saying playfully harshly, "Oh shut up Lucas, you sound like a teacher or something. This part always makes me cry, I hate it!"
He puts his hands up in fake surrender, "Hey, you're the one who wanted to watch this."
"It's a good movie!" I protest, poking my tongue out at him before turning back to the television screen. I've been at Lucas' house since he got to Zara's this morning at ten o'clock on the dot, called me until I let him into the house, and then tickled me until I got off of the couch again, got dressed, and then left with him.
He's such a needy little fellow, I swear.
This is actually the second movie we watched, the first one being Aladdin. I know, I know, we're eighteen years old and spending our time watching Disney movies. But these movies are the best movies out there, in my opinion, and I'd much rather watch one of them then something stupid that has no use to me.
We both fall silent again, the soft murmur of his brothers playing upstairs mixing in seamlessly with the television. I watch on in agony as Scar tells poor little Simba that it's his fault his father died, which causes him to flee Pride Rock.
"Nay?" Lucas asks me, and even through his sugary sweet façade of a tone can I hear the light taunting. "Are you crying?"
"Shut up!" I squeal, turning around super quickly and smacking him on his shoulder.
I love this. I love that we can still be each other, still be how we've always been with each other even though we've kissed each other twice and he's broken up with his girlfriend for me. I love that even though there's this new romantic undercurrent running between the two of us, we're still Lucas and Naomi. I love that I can feel comfortable with him even though I know there's a part of him that wants to be in bed with me, or something like that.
It was never like that with Drew. I never felt so comfortable yet so turned on around him. Sure I thought he was cute and sure I liked his kisses, but it just cannot compare to what I have going on with Lucas right now. How it was with him doesn't even begin to touch on how great it is with Lucas; how I want to crawl into his arms and hold me close as much as I want him to take me upstairs and let me rip his clothes off. With Lucas, I'm comforted and passionate.
I have no idea what it was with Drew.
"You just went super quiet," Lucas points out before scooting close to me on the sofa and then dropping his heavy arm around my shoulder. We'd been sitting with a good bit of distance between us seeing as how his brothers were in here, but they left a while back and I guess we were both just too caught up in the movie to notice.
He runs his fingers through my hair and then asks me softly, "What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing," I say as a reflex, but when I look up at him and see the concern somewhat perpetrated through his eyes, I realize that I truly want to tell him what I'm feeling. I want to tell him that I'm in love with him but that I'm also scared out of my wits that he's going to fall out of love with me or, even worse, that he never truly loved me in the first place. That I'm just his pity case.
So I do. I tell him truthfully, "I'm just a bit worried, I guess."
"Worried?" he asks, and it's then that I feel his arm tighten around me almost protectively. I'm not going to lie, that feels amazing. Knowing that he wants to comfort me and that he doesn't want me worried...it makes me feel great.
But I still have my concerns. Those aren't going away anytime soon, I feel like.
I nod, nervously tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I say, "I just...I really like you. You know that. I love you. I'm just...I'm scared, I guess."
"You don't have any reason to be scared when it comes to me," he says, and it almost scares me how genuine his words sound. But when I meet my eyes with his and realize that's he's bent down so that we're at the same eye level and that he's just a breath away from my face, I'm no longer scared. I see how intense he looks, like he couldn't be telling me something closer to the truth.
He says strongly, "Naomi, I'm in love with you. Okay? Please believe me. I never felt this way about Destiny. Not once did I ever beg her to come and stay the night with me. I don't sleep better with her, Nay. I don't want to be around her all of the time like I do you. It's been this way just about all my life, okay, just when I wasn't ruled by hormones and my dumb-ass friends. I always want you around, always, and there's not one person that I care about more in this world."
"But you left," I add in sadly, almost angry with myself for not letting myself be ecstatic that he's spoken so strongly about his feelings towards me. I should be jumping for joy right now because he's said such wonderful things to me, everything I've ever wanted to hear, but I can't. For some reason, I just can't jump for joy.
He sighs and then leans in even closer and places his forehead against mine; effectively trapping us in our own little world together, clean of any other person in the world. He tells me softly, "I was sixteen years old and the most popular girl in school was in love with me. My stupid ass friends wouldn't leave me alone about her and I'm sorry, but I had to see what it was all about. And I'm not going to lie to you; I loved my life for the first three months or so. I felt like I had this dream life and that things couldn't get any better. But then once that initial excitement wore off, I realized that it wasn't the dream life and that it wasn't what I wanted. I was lonely and it confused the shit out of me because I was always so surrounded by people. And for a while, I guess I just went with it. And I guess I finally snapped out of it when, in class, you talked back to the teacher and said something so Naomi-like and then it hit me, I was lonely because I wasn't with you anymore. Because I didn't get to talk to you every day. I'm not lonely anymore. Not even a little bit."
I don't really know how else to respond.
So I just kiss him.