The morning light poured through the window before I even realized it. I had fallen asleep and it wasn't until the scent of coffee lofted up through the floor that I realized I did. Pulling myself out of bed, I managed to knock my phone onto the floor. Picking it up, I rubbed my eyes and felt my heart sinking into my still sour stomach seeing five text messages from the man who kissed another woman just minutes after surprising me with a movie.
Sergei: Where are you?
Sergei: Please, answer me.
Sergei: Do not think that it is what it looks like.
Sergei: Please, love. I need to talk to you.
Sergei: She is my ex. I do not want her. I am sick over this. Please, just let me know that you are safe.
The hot tears had rolled down my face as my stomach knotting again. My fingers typed messing up some words because of the blurred sheeting over them. The imprint was fresh in my mind and there was nothing there to wash it away. He left me just to kiss some beautiful blonde in the parking lot.
Me: I am home. Nothing to worry about. I have chores to do.
Just as I tossed my phone onto my bed, the screen lit instantly notifying me that he responded just like that. Did I want to know anything more than what was said? He was my teacher and I was messing around with him. And sleeping with the teacher could get me kicked out of school. Then what? My father would never allow me back into the house if that happened. Maybe it was for the best that I didn't see Sergei until I was done with school. But, that would be impossible since I had a class with him three days a week.
Sergei: I am sorry you had to see that. I do not want you to be upset. I love you, and only you. Please, forgive me.
I read over his text three times just to make sure I read it right and wasn't just dreaming it. When I crossed the room, I misjudged the corner of my dresser and my little toe separated from my foot. Biting back a scream, the hot tears trickled down my face and I looked over the text again. And is said that he loved me.
Me: You broke my heart last night. It hurt. It really hurt.
Sergei: As it did me too. I laid here all night, not being able to sleep, praying for you to forgive me. I do not want to risk your future, but not being with you is too hard. I must see you again. I'm in love with you already.
Feeling the pain taking over, I laid back down crying as hard as I could. There was a man that was so worried about my future and he was already in love with me, too.
I hope that he was. I hope that it wasn't some big joke to him. Jacki always found the guys who used I love you as a pickup line, and I've seen her devastated a time or two over it. I just hoped Sergei wasn't just using it as some line for me.
But there was something strong between us. Something that I never heard my sister talk about before. Since I ran into him in the hall, that connection must have triggered something more than anyone could explain.
I couldn't stop thinking about him. I couldn't stop looking at him. Since that first class, he consumed my heart, just like the horse I saved. Letting go was not going to be easy, but seeing him with another woman was by far, the worst thing I've experienced in my life to date.
Sergei: I do not want to break your heart. Her yes, you no. I do not want her. I do not. You are my life, my heart.
Picking up my phone, I gritted my teeth as I typed. One should never type in anger because the answer would always hurt. I learned that from my ever so wise sister. But, I sent the stupid message anyway. If he decided to walk away, it would be for the best. I didn't want either one of us getting in trouble for something that never should have happened in the first place.
Me: Maybe you two should get back together. I am nothing that could ever compete with her.
Sergei: I told you that she shattered my heart. You were the one that mended it. You have my heart now. She does not.
Me: How was that? How did she break your heart?
That wasn't what I wanted to know. It burned me now seeing that his ex was ten times more beautiful than I ever could think of being. Her hair was long and silky with a hint of wave that was controlled so well and those clothes that she wore had to be a lot more expensive than the ones that I got from the department store. And I bet that she hadn't smelled like horse three quarters of the day, nor had a messy office. She shined perfectly through the soft lit parking lot.
Sergei: She was pregnant with our baby. I was very happy when I found out. But, she had other plans. I had to make a trip home for the death of my grandfather, and when I returned, she was out drinking. I told her that she couldn't be doing that with the baby, but she ended up getting rid of him while I was gone. It did not matter to her that she ended his life with me not knowing.
My heart stilled over the new information. Sergei was the type of man who was nothing like the others. He enjoyed his job and his family meant a lot to him. Seeing how torn up over his father's death, I could understand that unity they had. Both Sergei and Nikolay. They took care of each other. And finding out that his ex-girlfriend had chosen to get rid of the pregnancy was not right.
Then, to do something like that behind his back, while he was in another country for a funeral. He had every right to be devastated. The baby was partly his, and if she didn't want it, then she could have had it and walked out then. She didn't have to take the life of the child just because she wanted to drink.
What could I say? I was a complete jerk. I was more than a jerk. I didn't deserve to even live. I had made him bring up something that was so heartbreaking for him. To find out that he was going to have a baby with another woman made me just sick, but that was before I had known him. I couldn't be jealous over that. I had to accept his past if I wanted to be serious about him.
Sergei: That was three years ago. Now, I have you. Someone I really know that I am in love with. You are what matters the most to me. Not her. Please, do not think that she means anything to me.
Sergei: I do not love her back then when I look at how I love you. That was not love. This is. I know this is in my heart when I look at you, when I make love to you, and when you are near. I made the mistake thinking that I loved her. I see that now. My love for you comes from my heart. My love for her, from my head.
Sergei: I am thankful now that it did not work out. I am thankful that she had gone behind my back to stop this life that we created. I think, what kind of life would I bring to that baby? Not good one. Not one like mine with no mother. I was devastated over it. I could not handle the pain she put inside of me. But, I am glad for it now. Now, I have my eyes open.
Hot tears rolled down my face even faster as I could picture him sitting on his big bed, holding the cell phone while typing this all out. There he was, alone in his room, typing me the truth on his stupid cell phone. This was something he should have told me face to face. Not over a dumb phone. Not this kind of heartbreaking information.
I was not being fair to him last night. But, seeing another woman where I craved to be hurt, and I had no idea what to do. I never had a boyfriend. I never played around with guys. I worked. I worked my butt off to make a name for myself by training the tougher horses. My dream was to have a place of my own someday where broken horses can come to mend and to know there is someone who does love them, even if they are in a field the rest of their lives.
And now, I get slapped with the fact that this woman, this beautiful lady carried is child for a while before destroying it because she wanted to party. How horrible of a woman she must be. A person has to make their bed after sleeping in it. That is just being an adult. If a baby was made, then it was the right of the parents to go on from there. But, Sergei never had the chance. He was never give the choice. She robbed him of that, and now, I can see his pain even clearer.
Me: I would never EVER do that to you. I would NEVER hurt you like that. I am so sorry.
Sergei: My love for you is stronger, more than anything. I want you to be in my life, sharing my life with me. No one else. Please, go do your chores and do not let the horses starve any longer than what they have. I will see you tomorrow, Love.
Nodding, I wiped my tears off and headed downstairs seeing John in the kitchen nursing his coffee. A long night of drinking had done that to that man, but he never neglected his job. And I hated to ask him if he would take over the day for me. "Would you mind taking the chores this morning?"
"No problem. The trailer is coming back empty anyway. Nothing to do." His eyes shifted over to me making my heart beat harder. The dark shadows hung around his eyes adding about ten more years to his looks. When John went out for a good time, he made sure he did have the best time he could. That he could remember, at least. "Fight with the boyfriend?"
"I wanted to go and hang out with him for a while before mom and dad get back. I won't get much time in when they get back." Biting my lip, I waited for the harassment to begin over my new boyfriend, but he didn't say anything more. "I can do morning feeding if you want to tame the beast from last night."
"Go now. I can feed. Your parents are due in tomorrow afternoon. I'm going to hang around here for the day and I will take care of the evening feeding." Smiling, he went back to his coffee and fell into his hangover daze. "If I hear different, I will give you a text."
"Thank you so much." Taking off for the staircase, I ran up taking two at a time. Getting back to my room, I changed into my dusty jeans and my heavy sweatshirt. Grabbing my phone, I slipped it into my back pocket and headed out to my truck.
The drive to the city seemed to take forever, longer than I had remembered. My eyes burned from the tears and the tiredness, but I needed to see him, needed to talk to him. When I arrived, I parked by the garage and hit the button that he showed me by the door. Glancing out at the vacant road, I sucked in a deep breath. Coming over was taking a chance, but I was wrong. Last night, I should have allowed him to tell me what was going on, instead of running away like I did.
When the door opened, Sergei stood there with his dark hair tasseled around and wearing a white t-shirt with a pair of black pajama pants. His eyes pulled back and the hurt began to fill into them.
"I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry." Tears blurred my site of the tired man, but seeing him again made my heart thump hard and the butterflies flutter around in my belly. "It was just hard to see and I jumped to conclusions."
"No, it was my fault. I hurt you. I broke your heart." His hands spread over my back as he held me tight to him, pressing my chest to his. His face nuzzled into my neck and he took in a deep breath. "I was afraid I lost you."
"No, you are not going to lose me. You won't. I won't let you." Feeling him picking me up, I fell into his chest hanging onto him as if my life had depended on him.
The pain he must have felt finding out what she had done behind his back was more than I could even bear. No wonder why it was so hard for him to go on, why he had turned to drinking. It would break a man like him. It had broken a man like him.
"I would never allow another woman to touch the lips that belong to you." Setting me on the island counter, he pulled back and his eyes dug deep into mine. The pain in them was even deeper than before. "I fought every single day not to be so... infatuated with you. But then, I got to know you. And now, I am deeper than before, Jay. I love you."
"I love you, too." Cupping his cheeks in my hands, I kissed him allowing everything in my heart to come out. All that time I spent on that Friday with him, consoling him after the passing of his father, I fell head over heels. A love that my mother joked about people actually having; the kind that is was in fairy tales. The kind that she remarked as not being true.
"I am still here!" Nikolay's voice shot out through the fireplace where the fire was slowly rolling. "I get two people to have one night and now, I do not want to listen to them have fun when I just lay here. I lay here all by myself. I should bring the date here that I pick up earlier, but no. I do not. I listen to little brother upset over losing girl. What does he do, he asks me. I say, talk to her. Just talk, let her know that you love her. He does and now she comes here and I have to listen to make up sex."
"Nikolay..." A stream of different words emerged from Sergei's mouth. Whatever he had said, sounded beautiful and it had made the curse come out even louder from the living room. It was spoken in what I am guessing Russian and so perfect that I had almost fallen off the table. His eyes had come back to mine as he pressed his lips to my forehead. "I told him that he needs to be a little more respectful in my home."
"That is not what he said, Love!" The excitement in the older brother's voice danced through the flames heating up the room, or me. I could feel the burning in my cheeks now as Sergei's eyes narrowed on the fire as if he were glaring at the man on the other side. "He did just tell me that I could join you both in on the sex."
A loud word had ripped from Sergei as his jaw tensed and his teeth snapped together wrapping his beautiful lips around the perfection. His hands tightened on my hips with his fingers digging deep into the jean and my muscle.
The dialect that I couldn't understand was going back and forth, through the fire, and the anger was increasing between them. The playful anger from the opposite side. Sergei's body was too tense and working up into a lather.
Sliding off the table, I followed Sergei around to the living room where the tall, lean Russian was stretched out on the left hand side couch. His arm was propped behind his head and his attention was on the game, not even caring that he worked his brother up into a tantrum.
"It is fun to do this with him." Nikolay winked only to cause steam to roll from Sergei's ears. "I have to get him riled up. It is when you will have the best sex ever."
The blazing inferno hit my cheeks and I could swear, my face had to be bright red. Even the tips of my ears were hot. Drawing my lip between my teeth, the embarrassment was trying to shove me back into the shadows, and out of this discussion.
Instead of spewing out more of his native language, Sergei's shoulders rested back and the muscles calmed. "You are right."
"It is early. You better get it on, little brother." Retrieving the remote from between the cushion and his hip, Nikolay started to flip through the channels.
"He does have a point." Before I could say anything, Sergei picked me up, tossing me over his shoulder, and took me to the elevator that was against the wall. Pressing the button, the door chimed and then closed.
Within seconds, we were upstairs on the walkway and into his bedroom where he finally put me down. His mouth covered mine and his hands pressed my body tight to his. My heart beat hard in my chest taking in everything from his heart that he was giving me. And I was going to take it, and cherish it forever.