The last part of chapter 24 is here and then two more chapters! We're almost at the end. Thanks to all of you who have kept reading and asking for more!!
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“I know,” James said in a dull voice. He stood up from his chair, shaking his head. “She’s unbelievable. You know that?”
My head snapped up, watching him pace. “You know?”
“Grace, she told me.” He scratched at his head and pushed up his glasses. “She told me not to tell you.” He pressed his lips tight, shook his head. “I suspected you knew, but she asked me not to say anything.”
“You knew?” I repeated.
“Yeah. And apparently so did you. She told me you didn’t know. I guess she wanted me to believe that you’d stand by her, take her side because of who she is. Not because of what happened to her.”
I shook my head, not comprehending. “When did she tell you?”
He shrugged and plopped back down on the chair. “A couple years ago. Top secret.”
Another lie I’d somehow bought into. That I was the only one she’d trusted to tell. Another betrayal. Lumped on top of the others. She’d lied. Blatantly.
“I feel bad that it happened to her,” James said. “It explains lots. But she also has to take responsibility for herself and her behavior.” He paused. “You have to let her.”
The bird flew out of the birdhouse and escaped over the fence. I wished I could join it.
“The difference between me and you,” James said, “is that I don’t think that it makes everything she does okay. She played us.”
“Wow,” I said. I had to think. It didn’t change what had happened to her, but it did change things.
“I’m done with her,” James said softly. “And I think you have to make a choice too, Grace. Figure out what you want without her clouding your view.”
My insides squeezed tighter. Breathing hurt. James pushed on his chair and stood. “I should go inside and check on my mom.”
I reached for him, afraid to let him go. Afraid to face my choices on my own. “James! I’m scared.”
James took my hand gently off his. “You’ve spent so much time worrying about her, you don’t even think about what you need. And whether she’s the best friend for you.” He moved away and slid open the patio doors to go inside his house.
“She’s my best friend,” I called.
“Is she? Maybe you need to choose your friends better. You think about that. Okay?”
“You’re my best friend too,” I called.
“Am I, Grace?” He sighed. “I hope so. You let me know.”
“But…” I called.
He stuck his butt out the door, wiggled it, and then disappeared inside.
I laughed as he slid the door closed.
I’d talk to her. She and James could work through this awkwardness. She’d dump Steve when she knew what he really did. Everything could go back to normal. There was still hope.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I dozed on and off all afternoon. I’d crawled under the covers as if a flu had invaded my system. Knowing what Kya had done to James physically hurt. Knowing she’d lied to both of us. I was so confused. Did I even know her? I slept instead of thinking.
Then early in the evening, someone knocked on my bedroom door.
I flipped on my back, staring at the ceiling. “Yeah?” I called, expecting Indie’s voice.
“It’s me,” Kya said from the other side of the door.
I sat up, trying to remember what I needed to say. I didn’t feel ready to deal with her. Not yet. “Come in,” I said, only because there was little choice.
“Hey.” She walked in my room and shut the door behind her. She caught my eye and looked away as if we were uncomfortable strangers.
“I’m surprised to see you here,” I said. Sober, I didn’t add.
“Yeah. I left Steve’s.” She walked over and sat on the end of my bed. “Did you know they took a video of me at his house a couple weeks ago? Topless?”
“I was going to tell you. But you were upset, so…” I shrugged, fighting a guilty wave of conscience. As if I were the one who did something wrong.
She bit her lip. “They showed me. But I got it. And erased it. Thank God it didn’t get posted on Facebook or something.”
“You’re lucky,” I said, and pulled my covers around my legs.
“Wow. You’re quite the hard ass tonight.”
I glared at her and the smile she’d pasted on her lips faded.
“I thought you’d be loaded by now,” I said, not backing down. “Maybe a repeat performance for them.”
She took a deep breath and licked her lips, pretending to be fascinated with my stuffed sock monkey. She picked him up and held him. “I guess I deserved that.”
“I didn’t say it to hurt you. I said it because it’s true.” A surge of anger raced blood to my face, but for once, I didn’t try to bury it with an excuse or mince my words.
She sighed, hugging my sock monkey to her chest. “I know.”
I sniffed and detected the smell of cookies from the kitchen. I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten anything all day.
“I was feeling really down. About fighting with you. And then when I got to his house, they showed me the video. Laughing like it was a joke. It made me sick. Seeing myself like that. So I erased it and left. I walked home. They wouldn’t give me a ride. Jerks.”
I pulled my knees into my chest and pushed off the blankets. “Why didn’t you call for a ride?” I asked out of habit.
“I didn’t know if you would come,” she said, putting my monkey back on the comforter.
I nodded. She was right. I didn’t know either.
“Anyhow. I wanted to see you. You always make me feel better.” She reached over and tickled my feet but I moved them away.
“What’s wrong?” She smiled. “Come on, Skanklet, you know you wanna get tickled.”
The nickname made me cringe, but I pushed my emotions down into the tiny hole in the pit of my belly.
“You’re supposed to call me a name too,” she said softly.
I shook my head once.
She pressed her hands together. “I thought a lot about you as I walked. And what I’ve been putting you through lately. And James.”
She was pushing all my sympathy buttons, but I sat up straighter, resolving to stay strong. I pictured the way she’d slipped away from me to go to Steve. After what he’d done to me. How much it hurt. After I’d taken her side so many times. I pictured James. The stud.
“You screwed him over,” I said. “Literally.”
She leaned her head forward, braiding a tiny strip of hair. “I know. It was stupid.” She pushed it back and sighed again. “I’m messed up, Grace.” She let go of her hair and it fell close to her head. “That girl who got raped. Everything.”
“You slept with James before she called. Do you think you can undo it? Or the way you choose Steve over me?”
Her eyes narrowed. “But I came back,” she said. “For you.”
“You left because he was being a jerk. It wasn’t for me.” I realized how true that was. I opened my eyes and really looked at her.
She yawned then, covering her mouth. “Sorry. I’m so tired. I’ve been so upset.”
I lifted my chin, not letting myself fall into the trap she was setting. Knowingly or not, this was the part where she’d pull the sympathy card and I’d sign on the dotted line.
“James was our best friend. Is our best friend,” I said. “You have no idea how much I want things back the way they were. But James was a virgin. He didn’t want that with you.”
She laughed then, but it sounded cruel. “Poor James. But he’s a big boy. And I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as when I lost my virginity.”
I cringed but took a deep breath. “I know that, but this is about him,” I said slowly.
“The only reason he was upset was because he’s frickin’ in love with you and he didn’t want you to find out about it. I don’t know how you fail to see that.” She sat up taller, rolling her shoulders back and moving around her neck.
“This is not about me,” I told her. “Why would you do that? Why would you do that to James?”
“To James?” She thumped my bed with her fist. “He kind of had to participate, you know?”
I closed my eyes to the image in my head.
“I couldn’t stand the way he judged me, okay?” Kya said. “His snide jokes about me and boys. He thought he was so much better. So I decided to show him he wasn’t.”
“Oh, Kya.”
“Don’t ‘oh, Kya’ me. Guys don’t look at me the way they look at you. When they see me, all they see is someone to sleep with. They look at you and they see the girl they want to take home to mommy and marry. Like stupid Levi. Bringing you flowers and candy. Too nervous to even kiss you. It makes me sick. You’re so freaking perfect. And you never let me forget it.”
Both of us stared at each other, our eyes wide open.
“I am far from perfect.”
“That’s not what Lola says. Or Betty Baller. Or James.” She got off the bed. “You know what? Forget it. Forget you. I’m sick of you judging me. Looking down on me. You and James both.”
Footsteps creaked up the stairs; our voices had escalated.
“I never looked down on you,” I told her.
“No. What about me with James? And Steve? You approve of me going out with Steve?”
I scowled. “You’re too good for him. And you shouldn’t have gone with him today.”
She laughed and crossed her arms over her chest. “You don’t own me. What about James? Do you think I’m too good for James too?”
I didn’t answer. It wasn’t a fair question.
“I didn’t think so,” she said, and stood, putting her hands on her hips. “You know what? I don’t want to be the person you feel sorry for anymore. I don’t want to worry about my grades and making that stupid college paintball team and impressing people I don’t give a crap about. I’m sick of hearing how I should try to be more like you. All I ever hear is how great Grace Black is. Screw that.” She dropped her hands to her side, making fists. “Screw you.”
“Kya?” This had gone farther. Faster. I stared at her, willing my friend to come back. The friend I loved.
“Yes?” She put her hands back on her hips but didn’t change her snarling expression.
“I’m losing you,” I whispered.
“So dramatic, Grace. So dramatic. Maybe I’ve always been lost.”
Footsteps slowly moved down the hall. Indie? I didn’t even care if he heard.
“You lied to me,” I whispered. I twisted my earring around and around, staring at her. “Why did you tell me that James didn’t know you were raped?”
Her eyes opened wider. She glanced around as if she were in a cage and needed to escape.
“Why did you tell us both it was a secret?”
“Screw you. Screw you and your judgmental eyes and your too good for everyone attitude. I don’t need either of you. You don’t have the right to judge me. You don’t know what I go through. Stay out of my life. I am lost to you, okay? Don’t call. Don’t text. Stay the hell away from me. You are no longer my friend.”
She slammed my door on her way out.
I breathed out slowly as the sting dug deeper. My heart ached. I’d been shaken to the core. The horrible reality that we were breaking up smashed into my gut. Maybe we weren’t romantic. But it was love. And losing her took away my breath.
There was another knock on my door. “Grace?” Indie said. “You okay?”
“NO!” I shouted back.
Too many things had been done. Things that couldn’t be undone.
I closed my eyes to still the dizziness. When I opened them, I reached for my cell phone.
There was no going back. I’d made a choice.
Chapter Twenty-Six
The sun was still out, but it would set earlier than yesterday and the day before. Early August and we were losing bits of sunlight every day.
Levi had come straight over when I called. He put his hand out as we walked out of my cul-de-sac, and despite everything, despite the negative stuff oozing around my brain, taking it was wonderful. I chose him to turn to.
“That totally sucks,” he said as I breathed in the smell of him. “I mean that in a massive understatement way. Kya’s on a definite downward spiral if she’s hooking up with Steve Blender.”
We walked down the sidewalk and approached an old woman with a turquoise and brown skirt billowing around her. She held the leash to a black Chihuahua with a tiny little head and pointy black ears, wearing a miniature bandana with autumn leaves all over it.
“I know.” I thought about telling him what Steve had done to me. But it wasn’t a good time. There were other things to worry about right now.
The woman glanced back at us and smiled as she stepped aside. “Move over, Fredrick,” she said to her dog. “Let these young people pass.”
I smiled at her as we walked by. She had inviting eyes. A peaceful feeling warmed me as I brushed past.
“Tell Lucas I’m sorry about Kya,” I said to Levi, and waited to see if Lucas had said something about what had happened, but Levi merely nodded.
“He’ll live. I mean, he liked her.” He stopped as if thinking what to say next. “But they were moving pretty fast. And in the end, she’s not really his type.”
“She does that. Moves fast in an effort not to be seen.” I stopped. There I was. Still making excuses for her. But how could I not?
He nodded. “Yeah, I guess. I feel worse for James.” I’d told him the whole story. I didn’t want secrets between us. I’d tell him about Steve. But not then.
“They’ve been my best friends for so long.” I glanced up as a streetlight flickered overhead. “It’s so messed up.” We turned at the corner, heading toward the school.
“It sucks,” Levi said. “Losing a friend is hard.”
We walked toward a path that would take us through the school grounds. I glanced at his profile. “I like that you don’t try to solve my problems or tell me what to do like my dad or brother would. Or even James.”
He rubbed his thumb over mine. “I’m not a very manly man, am I?”
“Au contraire,” I said, and grinned. I couldn’t believe I was flirting.
“Busted. I’m a bit of a mama’s boy,” he said.
I laughed. Not the impression he gave off at all.
“No. Really. No brothers or sisters. My dad traveled a lot when I was a kid and it was me and my mom. And then she went back to work. She had lots of strong ideas about right and wrong and how not to act. She ingrained them into my head.” We walked past the school play structure. A few young boys about twelve years old were sitting on top of the monkey bars, laughing at something. “Her dad was a man’s man. You know? She hated that. She didn’t want me to be like that.”
I nodded. “No hot yoga for him.”
He laughed. “Exactly,” he said.
The school path led us to a busier street and we walked down the sidewalk. I noticed the leaves were turning orange on the trees in the middle of the boulevard.
“I don’t know if I even know how not to look after Kya,” I said softly.
He nodded. “I lost a good friend a while ago. It was different but still awful.”
I waited for him to say more.
He sighed. “We were friends since we were kids. His mom was awesome. Is awesome. We went to different schools but grew up beside each other. Our moms hung out when we were young. When my mom went back to work, his mom kind of took over. Sort of like your parents with James.”
My heart ached again at the thought of James. I nodded though, understanding what he meant.
“So we were close, but we had separate lives too. You know? We had other friends. He used to talk about girls at his school. The ones he liked.”
We walked past a white van almost parked on the sidewalk. We walked around it and I caught a glimpse of our reflection in the window. Our hands clasped together. In spite of everything, my heart pitter-pattered.
“Anyways. I teased him. He had all this info about girls. And he told me he had a girlfriend. That he’d been with her for a while but hadn’t told me.”
Another couple approached us on the sidewalk. A great-looking guy and an athletic girl. They both said hi and Levi paused until we passed them.
“I didn’t believe him so I bugged him, you know, trying to catch him lying, but in fun, right? I thought he was full of it, but not like I really cared or anything. We played video games and stuff, we didn’t exactly double date.” He paused to catch his breath. “I had braces until tenth grade. And was kind of shy with girls.”
I glanced over, trying to picture it. Two joggers ran toward us, we dropped hands, and Levi stepped in front of me to let them pass. When they were gone, he took my hand again and matched my steps.
“Anyhow, he got defensive. Said he’d prove it to me. That he had a girlfriend. I asked why I couldn’t meet her. He said she had strict parents. So I bugged him, asking to see pictures.” He swallowed. “It was stupid. But for some reason, I pushed it. I meant like a class photo or them standing arm in arm. Something. A couple days later when I was over at his place, he was acting all proud, patting his pocket, telling me he had pictures.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “So he took me outside and he pulls out his cell phone. I think he’s going to call her, get her to talk to me or something, but then he turns the phone on and shows me a picture.” Levi took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his curls. “He had a bunch of pictures. Of the girl. Giving him a blowjob. He took pictures.”
He coughed and shook his head while I grimaced. “That wasn’t the worst thing, though. He had other pictures. And she was a kid. I mean, young. I asked how old she was and he grinned, all proud, and told me she was twelve. It was a kid he used to babysit. He said when she turned twelve he’d taught her to give head. He said that. He was her babysitter. Her babysitter.” He dropped my hand and wiped his hands on his pants. “I lost it. I mean, I started hitting him. And he’s small. He dropped to the ground but I kept on going. I couldn’t stop until his dad came outside and pulled me off.”
I reached for his hand and squeezed it hard. “Neighbors had already called the police. His dad threatened to press charges and his mom looked at me with big, shocked eyes. When the police came, I didn’t say anything but I told his mom in private to check his cell phone. And to never ever let him babysit kids again.
“The police wanted to charge me, but his mom didn’t let them. When my mom came home later, I told her what happened and we both cried.” He closed his eyes for a second. “I never saw him again. A few weeks later, his mom and dad put the house up for sale. They moved away.”
He stopped then, and I halted beside him as he stared at a car parked in a nearby driveway. “I asked my mom to get a hold of the girl’s parents. I still wonder if we should have told the police everything. I mean, they were there. Other kids found out I beat him up. But no one knows why. I didn’t tell anyone what I saw on his phone. Not even Lucas. He doesn’t know why I did what I did.”
I squeezed his hand. “It’s hard to know what the right thing to do is sometimes.”
“But maybe he should have been charged? Maybe that was the right thing to do? What if he does it again?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m sure his parents made sure he got help?”
“My mom said the girl got help. Her parents were really good.”
I nodded. “What could you do besides that?” I asked. “You were a kid too.” An urge to cry tightened my throat. How were we supposed to know the right thing to do?
Levi glanced around the street. “We should turn back.”
I nodded and we reversed direction and switched hands we were holding.
“Kya hates me.” I dropped my gaze to the street and tried not to cry.
“Grace,” he said, “she doesn’t hate you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
I watched a robin fly onto a nearby lawn. He ducked his head down and came up with a worm. I wondered how he’d known how to find it.
“I’m supposed to be there for her. Forever,” I said.
“Says who?”
“The second F in BFF means forever.” A motorcycle whizzed from nowhere and sped past us. I looked at his profile. “Maybe I can be a friend from a distance.”
“Sometimes you have to let people go. Even if you love them,” he said.
I watched the back of the bike as it disappeared around a corner. Maybe looking after Kya really had been a substitute for going after what I wanted. Maybe I could let her go and start thinking about myself.
“Maybe I can’t be there for her anymore. But I don’t think I can stop caring.”
Without warning, Levi leaned down and pressed his lips on mine. I stopped walking. All of a sudden, I didn’t care so much. About anything.
“You can’t stop being you. But sometimes new people come in your life for you to care about,” he said, and kissed me again. He grinned, swinging our joined hands up in the air, and bumped his hip against me. “So. Do I get to help you celebrate your birthday tomorrow?” he asked.
“How’d you know about my birthday?” I asked.
“I pay attention.”
I smiled even though the reminder of my birthday made my heart ache. “I have monkey pancakes in the morning.” My birthday tradition included breakfast. It had always been Kya, James, and my family. In my heart, I knew Kya wouldn’t come, but I wasn’t ready to give up yet on James.
“I also have a paintball game in the afternoon.” I tilted my head. “But I’m free in the evening.”
“Thank God.” Levi grinned. “My aunt and uncle are out of town.
I already forbid Lucas from being home. I was really hoping I could make you dinner for your birthday.”
“You cook?” I asked.
“Like I said. Mama’s boy.” He bowed at the waist. “At your service. Of course we’re talking BBQ hamburgers?”
“It sounds perfect.” Something like hope turned up the corners of my lips.