"I'm sorry." Kyungsoo said one last time before he walked away, leaving me standing here alone under the bright sun, and with all these people staring at me as if I were naked.
I couldn't do anything, and just shut my eyes, forcing myself not to cry. I clenched my hands into a close fist tightly that I could probably feel my veins popping out of my skin any second now because of how pissed I was. I breathed in repeatedly, trying so hard to compose myself and when I finally felt okay, I turned around and about to went back to the car as if nothing happened, but then I froze.
I saw Baekhyun standing, eyeing me as if he was judging me. His brows furrowed and his eyes full of wondering thoughts, probably thinking what was wrong with me. I looked away first, and continued walking until my shoulder brushed against his as soon as I walked pass by him. Baekhyun stopped me by grabbing my wrist.
I quickly shifted my gaze to him in surprise, "Let go."
Baekhyun hissed, "What's really going on, Aira? What's wrong with you? Who was that guy? You're acting. . ." He was hesitant at first, but then he continued, "weird. . . Are you really okay?"
I chewed on my lower lip as I stared into Baekhyun's eyes. I'm scared, Baekhyun. I'm scared because nothing is like the way it was before. This is suppose to be my home—together with you and Chanyeol, but it doesn't feel that way anymore. . . Home is nothing without Sehun, Baekhyun. I'm sorry. "I'm not okay. I never was." I could feel tears slowly falling each teardrop at a time. Baekhyun swiftly let go of my wrist and cupped my face as he wiped away my tears using his thumbs then pulled me in for a hug. "I kept remembering things that I didn't know anymore if it was real or not." I sniffed into Baekhyun's clothed shoulder. "I think I'm going insane, Baekhyun. And I'm really scared and confused." I whispered, tightly holding into his shirt as I felt him caressed my back for comfort.
"You're not going insane, Aira." His voice was blank and plain.
The whole ride on the way home turned awkward and quiet unlike minutes ago. No more upbeat songs and car dancing. Baekhyun was looking through the window, and I saw Chanyeol glancing at the rearview mirror to check on me, and also glancing at Baekhyun who turned oddly quite as well, but pretended I didn't notice him.
As soon as we reached the house, I examined the house before I actually got inside. It was oddly quiet, and I've been noticing that Chanyeol wanted to talk to me ever since Baekhyun and I got back into the car, but I already went upstairs. I badly need some time alone.
When I got up, and entered my room, I locked the door behind me and took a deep breath before I jumped into my bed as I scanned my room—my room that didn't feel like it was mine anymore. It feels strange being in here. It feels strange to be back here in reality without Sehun.
I closed my eyes again, thinking of him again, memorizing his features in my head. Being in here again, I often think of him every day and night that never I felt saturated remembering his face. Remembering the last time he touched me, the last time he kissed me, the last time I was really happy with him.
Sehun was too beautiful to be forgotten. Real or not, he used to be mine and I used to be his.
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Eventually, I got exhausted of being emotionally tired and dozed off for an hour, and when I woke up, the house was really quiet that the silence was too deafening already.
I got up from my bed and reached for my peach scrunchie over the dresser. I tightly tied my hair in a messy bun as I exited the room and went downstairs to hear that someone was talking.
When I recognized that it was Baekhyun's voice, my steps got lighter and my pace got slower as I carefully kept listening to his every word.
"She's not into herself, Mom. I don't think she's mentally and emotionally alright. I think the car accident really affected her. . ." Baekhyun said as I saw him kept facing back and forth as he talked over the phone. "We have to do something before she. . . she really turns crazy." Baekhyun said as he stopped and brushed his hair in frustration with his free hand. I looked around and there were no signs of Chanyeol. "Chanyeol and I are okay, Mom. It's Aira you should be worry. . . Yes, yes. I know." He answered, probably responding to what my mom was saying. "Yes, we just got home from the hospital, Mom. Chanyeol went out for a while and Aira is already asleep. She was tired. She had a rough day." Rough life. I corrected him in my own thoughts. "Okay. I'll talk to you about it tomorrow, Mom. Good nigh—" He stopped, and listened more. "Yeah, I know, Mom. She just really needs us right now. I know she just probably feel empty and stuff. . . Okay, okay. . ." He was silent for a few seconds and I thought Mom hung up already, but I noticed that he was still listening intently as if memorizing every word she was saying. "Huh? What? You're planning to. . . let us go there? In Japan?" I gasped. Japan? But why so sudden? Why now? I can't! I just can't! I still have to prove that Sehun is here and alive. I still have to see him! I still have to be with him! "Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe she only needs a new environment or something. Okay, Mom. I'll talk to them about it tomorrow." He paused, "Good night, Mom. Thank you. Don't worry. I'll make sure they're all okay. Take care, you and Dad. Bye." He said then hung up. And I quick run back to my room and laid down, pretending to be asleep again.
I felt my heart clenched, and pulled the blanket over my head and closed my eyes again. Baekhyun thinks I have a possibility that I'll turn crazy. . . He might be concerned, but he didn't know he was already hurting me unintentionally.