Chapter 6:
The first thought that go through my head in the morning was how warm and comfy I was. That is until something kept tickling my nose.
Annoyed, I scrunch my nose up, and burry myself deeper into the warmth of my pillow. The thing was, pillows don't chuckle like mine just did when I snuggled against it.
Confused, I finally crack my eyes open and I look up. When I look up, Ryder's chiseled face greets my sight.
He looked absolutely hot. His hair was not made, and yet it looked amazing. His chin was graced with a 5 o'clock shadow, and his slightly chapped lips were pulled up into an amused smile, showing of his deep dimples.
Finally, my gaze meets his and I feel as if I'm caught in a trance. His crystal blue eyes pierce through mine, as if he was looking down into my soul. The thing was, I made sure my eyes show no emotion. I perfected that a while ago. The only one who was ever able to see through my disguise was Emma, but she's gone now.
A wave of worry rushes through my body as he becomes concentrated, his eyes studying my face.
"What are you keeping hidden under that mask Lila?" I faintly hear Ryder murmur, under his breath. I don't think I was meant to hear it, but I did, and I didn't like it,
I immediately push away from him. He can't figure me out, nobody can. I'm a mystery to everyone, even myself.
In my frantic effort to get away from Ryder, I end up rolling of the bed, and crashing to the ground with a loud BANG.
"Lila!" Ryder exclaims, jumping down beside me to check if I was okay. I just hold a hand up, signaling to him not to come closer.
Ryder's expression turns to a confused one as he stops in his effort of helping me up.
"I-I should probably get going." I croak out, glancing at the time on his bedside table. It was already noon, so we had missed school yet again.
"Why? Its okay Lila you can stay. Amy and I want you here, we have had a great time." Ryder says, trying to approach me once again.
I shake my head frantically while shoving myself up so I can stand. A wave of dizziness flows through me from getting up to quickly. It also didn't help from the lack of food I was eating.
I grip onto the wall behind me, using all my strength to keep myself upright, while closing my eyes, trying to rid the dizziness from my head.
"Lila? Are you alright? You look really pale." Ryder says, causing my eyes to shoot open. Ryder was looking at me with a worried expression. His body looked tense, like he was waiting to see if I'd fall, which I bet it looked like I was about to.
"Yes." I reply shortly after. Ryder still had an unsure look on his face, but he just nodded his head in reply and began backing away.
Grateful, I decide it was my chance to leave. I quickly make my way to the bedroom door on shaky legs. Snatching my still dirty jeans from a chair next to the door I slip it on and make my way out, not caring about how bad my hair must have looked.
I could hear the heavy footsteps of Ryder behind me. Hearing that, only served as encouragement to walk faster away.
When I had made it down the stairs, Amy walks in, confusion flooding her face as she looks at me and Ryder.
"What's wrong? What's going on?" Amy asks, looking between Ryder and me.
I open my mouth to reply, but I'm cut off by Ryder saying, "She's leaving."
"Why?" Amy asks, turning toward me.
"I-I don't want to intrude. Plus I have to go home, my parents are probably worried." I say.
Nice lie Lila. As if mom and dad would even be home.
"You're not intruding! I want you here, and you can just call your parents and let them know you have been staying here." Amy exclaims, walking toward me.
Once again, I shake my head frantically. I back up all the way to the door till I see my muddy shoes next to it.
Grabbing them, I slip them on and run inside. At that moment, I realized I had no idea where I was. It was the middle of nowhere. We were surrounded by the forest.
I jumped as a big hand rested on my shoulder.
"Come on Lila, I'll take you home." Ryder says with a sigh.
Not having any choice, I turn around and follow Ryder to his car.
We both hop in and after I mutter my address, he begins to drive. When we reach familiar surroundings, I'm able to point him in the right direction.
After a few more minutes of silence we reach my house. When he pulls to a stop, I expect him to just let me out of the car, but he turns off his car and hops out. Confused I just sit in the car, watching him.
Realization finally hits me as he rounds the side of the car and opens my door for me. I clumsily hop out of the car, almost falling flat on my face if it wasn't for Ryder who had put his hands on my waist and stabilized me.
Blushing, my gaze immediately shoots to the ground. I just brush past him and make my way to my door, him following me.
When I reach my front door, I dig around in my potted plant before my hand grasps the cool metal of my house key.
When I finally pull it out, I gulp loudly and turn to Ryder. He stood there, studying me. Rocking back and forth on my feet, I stand there, unsure of what to do.
"Umm I'll return your shirt at school on Monday." I tell him in a soft voice.
"Don't worry about it. You can keep it, you looked a lot better in it than I did." Ryder replies in a deep, husky voice.
My face heats up, probably making my face look as red as a cherry. Not able to form and words, I just nod my head in reply.
After standing on my doorstep another few seconds, I quietly thank him for the ride and I turn around to open the door.
Just as I'm about to unlock the door, I freeze as Ryder starts talking.
"I thought we were making progress Lila. I know it was only a day that we spent time together, but it was fun. The most fun I've had since we moved here. I know Amy enjoyed it too. She was so happy to make a friend, so was I. I hope you'll open up to us soon. I promise you that we will be great friends. Just know that we won't give up on you, that's not how we were raised. We'll be here for you Lila." Ryder says.
Tears prickle my eyes as he says those things. They will give up. Everybody has. They won’t be here for me because they won’t understand, nobody understands.
Unfreezing, I open my door and I disappear inside. Once my door closes, I faintly here footsteps walking, and finally a car starting and driving away.
Right as the noise of the car disappears, I'm left alone with the thoughts of what Ryder said replaying in my mind.
The silence was suddenly filled with sobs. My sobs.
My body was racking with my sobs, as my cries felt like they were cutting through the whole, empty house. I was alone once again.
I don't have to be though. There is Ryder and Amy. They said they'd be here for me, but where are they now?
They will never know when I need them because I'll push them away. Ryder sounded so sincere, and I remember him saying that he never breaks a promise. He promised me that we would be friends. Great friends, even.
I'm going to be the one who causes him to break a promise. It will be my fault.
Everything is my fault.
With me deep in thought, I didn't even realize that I had made it into my bathroom, that is until I felt piercing pain in my wrist.
I look down to see that I had my razor in my hand, and my sleeves were rolled up. There was an open cut there from where I had just sliced moments ago. The thing is, one cut is not enough. There was already many scars painted on my wrists, and now I'm adding more, but right now I deserve pain. One cut won’t provide me with relief.
I take the razor with my shaky hands, and I bring it to my wrist, cutting over and over again till finally all my worries and thoughts leave my body, leaving me numb and emotionless.
Suddenly I hear laughter. Hysterical laughter.
I look around trying to find the source, till finally I see myself in the mirror shaking. I was shaking with my hysterical laughter.
I was breaking piece by piece. This is just another example of myself breaking even further.
I continue to stare in the mirror, watching myself laugh. My ratty brown hair was out of its bun and it cascaded down my back. My arms and legs were basically skin attached to bones. My eyes held no emotion and there were bags under my eyes.
My lips were chapped and bleeding. If it was a few years ago, I'd cringe at the feeling of my lips breaking, and the taste of blood filling my mouth.
Now I just laugh harder at the sight, barely even feeling it.
Finally my laughter dies down, leaving me with just a humorless grin gracing my face. I needed some type of distraction, something that would wash away all my thoughts and feeling that were rapidly coming back.
I stumble my way downstairs and into the kitchen. Falling to my knees by one of the cabinets, I open it up and my smile widens at the amount of alcohol in it. Thanks to my parents, they leave all their alcohol at home.
Grabbing a few bottles of from the cabinet. I put them on the counter and examine them. One was tequila, two were vodka, and one was just a regular bottle of beer.
I downed the small bottle of beer first, and it didn't help at all. Shrugging I take the three bottles and I put them in the living room while putting on some music. If I'm going to drink, I'll make sure I have fun with it. Even if I'm alone.
Cranking up the music I decide to call Amy. That is until I realized I left my cellphone at home. It was a good thing I memorized it.
Picking up my house phone I call her. After a few rings she finally picks up the phone and says hello with an unsure phone.
Taking a swig of vodka, I sigh as it burns it’s was down my throat.
"AMY! I yell into the phone grinning.
"Lila? Is something wrong?" She asks with a concerned tone of voice.
"Can you come over? Without Ryder though." I ask, making sure to emphasize of Ryder not coming.
"Um okay?" She says.
I quickly tell her my address before hanging up. Yay we're going to party hard.
I giggle as I decide to change my outfit into a party outfit. Taking another swig of vodka I dance around as I wriggle into a tight, strapless black dress. To top it off I stack bracelets on my wrists, making sure to cover the scars. Even if I'm really buzzed, I will still remember about that.
Stumbling my way downstairs I start to drink more of the vodka. I dance around drinking and singing until finally the doorbell rings.
I rush to the door, swinging it open and throwing myself at Amy. She stumbles back a little but she finally stabilizes herself.
"Lila? What's going on?" She asks confused.
I pull her into the house, the music blaring, and I yell, "A patty of course! What else?"
Her eyes widen as I take my bottle of vodka and begin to take large swigs of it.
"Lila! What the heck are you doing? You can get alcohol poisoning if you don't watch yourself!" She yells, trying to take the vodka bottle from me.
"Eh, I don't care!" I yell and laugh before I begin dancing around again.
"Come on Amy! Join me, please. I called you because I needed you. I didn't want to be alone, and since I was going to get fucked up and have some fun, I decided to call you up. I knew you'd be there for me and you wouldn't leave me alone." I admit to her while handing her a bottle.
She looks at me unsurely before staring at the bottle in her hand. When she finally takes a sip I cheer and begin to drink mine also. I was too busy drinking at dancing that I didn't see her take out her phone and call someone.
When I do return my attention to her she begins to drink and sing along with me. We were both laughing and dancing to the music while drinking when the doorbell rang.
I stumble my way to the door and I swing it open.
"Welcome, welcome! Come in and have fun!" I yell to the random person at the door, before grabbing them and dragging them inside.
"Ryder! You're here! Aren't you glad I called you?" Amy says giggling. I giggle along with her as I dance along to the music. I walk over to my coffee table and I climb on it, dancing my ass off. Amy was soon to join me, leaving Ryder to stare at us in shock.
All of a sudden, Ryder gets pissed.
"What the fuck do you think you guys are doing? Amy get yourself upstairs and to bed. You guys are both underage and you can get caught! Not to mention alcohol poisoning! Were you guys even thinking?" He yells.
Amy all of a sudden freezes, as she suddenly came out of her drunken state.
"Oh shit." She slurs before taking her brothers advice and stumbles up the stairs and to a room.
I just laugh and I begin to dance more crazily. Ryder sighs and closes his eyes, shaking his head.
I ignore him as I was too busy dancing and singing along to the music, letting all my worries wash away.
It took me a few minutes of dancing to realize the music was off.
"Hey!" I exclaim, spinning around trying to figure out what happened. I didn't realize that I was at the edge of the table till it was too late and I spun around.
A shriek left my lips as I begin my downfall to the ground. I close my eyes, bracing myself for impact, but it didn't come.
Slowly opening my eyes, I realize that I was in someone's arms. Ryder caught me. Giggling I kiss his cheek.
"Hi!" I exclaim. He frowns down at me, his forehead crinkling.
I wrap one of my arms around his neck while I use my other to bring my hand up and smoothen the wrinkles on his face.
"Now don't you frown at me. Too many people already do that, I don't want you to become one of them. Plus you look sad. I don't want to see you sad, it just reminds myself of me. You can't be as sad as me, but it still impacts me." I tell him, bringing up my hands to lift the sides of his lips into a smile.
As I said and did this, I didn't realize that I was letting my guard down. I was telling Ryder things I wouldn't have if I wasn't intoxicated.
He did as I asked and stopped frowning. He still wasn't smiling though. He was just looking down at me, studying me.
I just closed my eyes and put my head on his chest, just now realizing how tired I was.
When darkness was beginning to envelop me, I open my eyes to see Ryder setting me down on my bed, a passed out Amy already sleeping on one side of it.
My eyes slowly begin to droop. The last thing I see his Ryder kissing Amy's forehead.
I do close my eyes, but my other senses still linger, slightly.
Just before I give in to the darkness, I feel a pair of lips kiss me on the side of my face, dangerously close to my lips.
Finally all my senses leave me and sleep envelops me.