Monday morning, I walked into class a minute late and he was watching me. My heart was beating hard as I slipped into the seat in the back next to my usual partner for lab. Talking with Sergei the Friday night, I felt something more opening to him knowing it was near impossible to ever be anything more to him than a student. Though, I was the one he stopped and talked to about why he was gone for almost two weeks. Before I left that night, I urged him to take some more time off, but he said he was ready to come back to class. Maybe a part of me wanted him to quit so I, at least, could be friends with him. But the other half needed him to be the teacher so I didn't fail this class.
Just sitting with him Friday, I saw more of him open up as we talked about his father and his brother, but the loss was still deep inside, grief he was trying to hold in as best as he could. Holding that pain in would only land him back into the place where he was before and I didn't want to see that part of him come back. I just shouldn't have stayed as long as I did, but I really didn't want to leave either. I enjoyed talking with him, seeing him on the verge of tears over his loss, managing a smile when he was talking about his brother the hockey player, and everything in between.
"Miss Montgomery, you are late." His voice was deeper and stronger than I ever heard in him before. I was late for class, but before he didn't say anything. Now, he was...'Professor Johnston'? "See me after class."
Heat pooled in my cheeks. Maybe he was drinking again or maybe he wasn't and this was the true Sergei I met Friday night. That man I did meet, I felt something strong for, but I would never be anything more than a student to him. I couldn't even think about there ever being a chance, if there was one at all.
With power and grace, he stood wearing a nice black and red checked shirt that hugged his shoulders nicely accenting the muscles underneath. His jeans shaped his backside perfectly showing off just how fit he was. As if he couldn't look any hotter, that sexy smirk came back damn near knocking me off the chair. As he went through the slides, he talked about each one, throwing out little funny remarks, a few comments, and a couple lame jokes. Like usual, at the end, he started to ask questions to see what we learned from his lecture. When it came to me, I sat there as if I hadn't heard a word he said.
"Miss Montgomery, would you answer the question?" His sapphire eyes fell on me waiting, expecting me to answer, but I hadn't heard a word he said today. I was far too busy watching him, drinking in all of the beautiful man that he was. I saw a side of him I didn't known was there and it was side that I wished I could have in my life. "No?" He asked the question slower as if I had a hard time understanding his English. "It is easy. I give you the easy question, but you have not answered yet." He asked again as his eyes narrowed on me, his brows pinching in the middle, and his voice stiffening up.
"I don't know." Tears actually started to sting my eyes. Why was he acting like this today? A couple of the other girls hadn't known what he asked them and he didn't make a big deal about it. He simply guided them into the answer little by little until they got it. Why was he humiliating me today?
"Have you not listened to anything today?" Shoving his hands deep into his pockets, his looked stayed on me, intimidating me, waiting for me to answer yet. Nothing. No hints came out, no section of information he was talking about at the time, or no little tips that included one of his jokes or little lame remarks as he did with the other girls in class. His eyes just stayed on me, cold and hard, with nothing more coming. But I forgot what he even asked. How could I answer him when I couldn't remember the question? "We will discuss this when you see me about being late."
Turning around, he headed back toward the front smiling, looking at the girls up there all flaunting their stuff to them. One hadn't known the answer and she giggled like it was a big game. Then, he laughed and flirted with her to get the answer. Back and forth they went, him giving her hints and she playfully answered, wrong, but she at least answered. When she finally answered right, he winked and moved on. "When we actually read the textbook, this is more understandable. We have the test coming up. This test, you need to be ready for. No one in here can miss much. Maybe I will give more bonus questions to help if we all get here on time and answer the questions."
Shoving my book into my bag, I cursed as I snatched it off the table quickly glaring across the room at the man standing in the front. Turning on my heel, I walked out letting the door slam behind me. My heart was breaking and my stomach was knotting. I was at his house, comforting him, and trying to be a friend and that was how he repaid me. No wonder why Jacki cut everyone out of her heart. If she didn't let them in, they wouldn't hurt her like this.
That was right where I had gone wrong. I let him in, cared about him, and this was where it got me. What was I thinking? I actually meant something to him? That I actually helped him? He hadn't been drinking since his father passed away and now I could see the real man, one I didn't like very much. It broke my heart seeing I was completely wrong about him... again. There was nothing good about him. He just wasn't the man I thought I saw inside of him. Damn if it wasn't a knife going straight into my heart.
Hot tears rolled down my face the whole half an hour drive home. He was singling me out. But he asked me to his house, talked to me about what happened during his absence and this was how he thanked me? Me! I stayed with him Friday night talking him through his loss. I stayed and even fixed him something to eat. I stayed and cleaned up the mess on the floor for him. I stayed because he was hurting deep inside and if I left him alone, he would have started drinking again.
Pulling in the drive, I left my bag in the truck and headed straight for the corral where Cobalt was. His head shot up, ears perked forward, and he knew why I was there. Knickers from him drifted along in the wind shattering my heart even more. I loved this horse. I don't know why I was so attached to this one, but I was.
Cobalt was one of the horses my dad picked up with a bunch he bought in a grouping. After going through and seeing what each one had to offer, the big black one of the group was just "there". He resisted everything we did to see if he was worth the training or not. Each time John went to get him, the gelding just moved away from him not wanting anything to do with the guy. His grain was left in the bucket and the weight was melting off him just in the first week alone. John stepped away leaving me there to try. My dad spoke about just sending him off and getting what we could from the sale, but I wanted to see why this horse was giving up.
Four days, I sat out in the corral with that horse, watching him slowly fall into the blackness of his pain even more. I slept out there, stayed in the rain, ate my lunch with him hoping he would give in and eat with me, and the only time I left him was to go to the bathroom. Other than that, I was with him constantly. And on the fourth day, my father came out with the news I was to send the black gelding off to get whatever we could for him.
That horse was so far into a darkness, I was starting to think nothing was going to pull him out. When I dropped to the bale of hay with my last attempt to get some life from him, his ears actually perked up and I got a little response from him. As I cried for him knowing what his fate was going to end up being, he finally came over and asked me for a little help.
Now, I was glad my heart took over and made me stay there to wait him out. Cobalt was hard at first, but we started to work on what he could do and I picked up on the grace he had. Eventually, I found myself with him all the time. Before I knew it, that damn horse become a part of me before I realized one could. He had given my heart and if I lost that, there would be no way I could survive. And I believe that he couldn't survive without me too.
My dad was right though. I couldn't keep every horse I trained, that I had given a life to, and Cobalt's time was coming up. This was our business. This was how we made the money to live and to have the nice things that we do. Letting Cobalt go would devastate me, but I had to think of him too. What kind of life would I ever be able to give to him? He belonged under someone who would be able to let him break out that fancy footwork that he had. So big, yet so graceful, he was something rare and very special, though it was the trust that was the hardest to find for him.
"Should we go for a walk?" Unlocking the gate, I let it swing open and he come to nuzzle my neck with that velvety black nose of his. His whiskers tickled while the tears filled in my eyes. My heart was at the bottom of my stomach knowing soon he would be posted on our website as our newest selling. The new owner would have to be handpicked to work with his insecurities and the past hurt he endured before coming into our hands.
As we walked through the back field, my hand on his thick and strong neck, I tried to take in a deep breath, but my lungs wouldn't allow any more than what I needed. It would be soon, very soon, and my father wanted him sold before winter. Winter which was just a month away. There would be no way I could stand there and watch. I have shed tears over some horses I watch get trailered up and head down the road, but having to watch Cobalt go, I wasn't sure I could handle seeing that. It was something Jacki could do. She had horses when she was young, ones she really liked, but she could turn around and sell them for something else she really wanted without a tear building up in her eyes at all.
My mirror had the ability to turn off her feelings just like that, like a light switch. All these years, I wished my sister was more like me, more caring for others, but now, I wished I could be like her. I wish I could cut out the pain that Sergei left in me today and what would come in the next couple of weeks with Cobalt being put up on the site, on our sale page.
We made it out to the far back land that one could easily get lost in with the difference in the terrain. Not me. I knew this area like my sister knew the mall. This was my land, my love, and I've walked these banks and rolling hills forever. Heading down by the river, my phone vibrated in my pocket. It could just go to voicemail. There were only a handful of people who would be calling, but I didn't care who it would be or what they wanted. Not today.
"What am I going to do?" I looked up into those big chocolaty eyes feeling every piece of my heart breaking. Piece by piece it dropped into the empty hole underneath. I tried to reach out and offer a friendship to someone who I shouldn't have in the first place and now, that was punching me right in the face. Soon, I wouldn't have Cobalt there to help me through this.
Life goes on, right? I can't change what I have no control over. I had no control over how Sergei treated me and I have no control over my dad selling Cobalt. But starting tomorrow, I would be more like her, more like that mirrored woman of me. No more caring. No more worrying about anyone else. I would just go on as if nothing bothered me. It wasn't that Jacki was cold and heartless, she was just smart. Smarter than I gave her credit for. And in class, I will just have to be her.
For hours, Cobalt and I sat down by the river, walking and talking until the sun started going down and the air was getting crisper for the evening. Just as I secured him in the corral, I pulled my phone out figuring I was called for missing dinner... again.
Missing a meal wasn't anything new. Most of the time, if it was lunch I missed, there wasn't any problems, but if it were dinner, my mom often complained she made dinner for everyone and I wasn't there to eat leaving a bunch of leftovers. When I was training a new horse, there were times I missed dinner a lot, but that was because if I was in a certain point with training, I couldn't just stop and walk away. I trained good horses, the best in the area and some who were sold for higher amounts on the east coast. Nothing that ever really stood out like Cobalt. That horse with the ability for that graceful dancing, he would bring in more money than any of us figured.
Going to my voicemail, I punched in the security code Jacki set up and waited. One message. At least my mom or dad left a message this time. Usually, they just hang up knowing I would be in when I had enough for the night.
Cobalt reached over the rail and nipped my arm gaining my attention. Shaking my head, I patted his neck and pressed the phone to my ear.
"Miss Montgomery, this is Mr. Smirnov, your Geology teacher. I am returning your call about the question. I am more than happy to explain the answer when you have a moment of free time. I will not have anything going on tonight. Please, if you would like, return my call so I can go over that problem." A little sigh ended the call and the female pre-recorded voice came telling me what numbers to push if I wanted to save the message or delete it.
My heart skidded to a halt as I looked into those dark doe eyes that were waiting for me to give him his nightly scratch. How in the heck did Sergei get my number and what was he talking about a question I had? And why did he care after the way he treated me today in class?
If he was going to single me out, treat me like that in class, I was better off not having anything to do with him. And this Sergei was a whole lot easier to walk away from than the one from Friday night. Ignoring the message would be an easy way to avoid talking to him, but I couldn't. I pressed the call-back and listened to the rings.
On the third, the phone was silent and the little grunt came through followed by a deeply groggy greeting.
"I wasn't sure if you wanted me to call back so you can yell at me or save it for humiliating me more in class." The words were sour as they came out of my mouth, but he needed to know the way he treated me today was unacceptable even if I was just a student who had no clue about him outside of class. "It's a little too late to answer that question anyway so why not just leave it alone for the night and not give me another attitude in class Wednesday."
"Please, let me explain." Clearing his throat, I could hear the rustle of papers through the phone followed by a drawer slamming shut.
"No. What you did in class was completely wrong. I can understand I stepped over the lines Friday by trying to help someone through the loss of his father, but that was no reason to treat me like you did today. I think it is best if you just went about your business and we never speak of Friday again or recall Friday ever happening because, believe me, it won't ever happen again in the future. I don't care about what goes on outside of the classroom."
"I was hoping for you to stay after class because there is something I want to discuss with you. Please, just listen-"
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I leaned into the soft nose that was nuzzling my neck. "Look! We both did a few things that we shouldn't have. I would rather assume they didn't happen. So if we could agree not to even talk about it or bring them up again, I would appreciate it."
"I cannot do that." His voice softened as the footsteps quieted with the noise coming into the background. He must have gone into the living room and was on the rug. A glass clanked onto the coffee table.
"And why can't you do that? Please, Sergei." Rubbing my forehead, I turned to the house seeing my dad on the porch with John and Tobey. Why were they both still at the house?
"Because I really enjoyed spending time with you on Friday night." His words lightened up as they trailed off at the end. Then, he took in a long deep breath as if that wasn't what he wanted to say, but it came out and now he doesn't know how to retract his statement.
My hand tightened on the phone as I looked at it. Seeing the call was still connected, I swallowed hard. Did I hear him right? Was I dreaming? I had to be dreaming this all up because the man I spent Friday night with was truly amazing and he was all I could think about through the whole weekend. When Monday came, I was anxious to get to class just to see him, but that whole attitude he gave to me, the stern looks, the way he shunned me in front of everyone, I was ready to just try to be more like my sister. I did try though... I tried after he called and where did that get me? I was right back into the same spot I was on Friday night. I was... falling for him and it was more than just a little crush.