(Note: This is part of a series, read I Kissed A Boy first!)
Chapter One (Lucas' POV)
I don't like being touched. I don't like talking. I don't like people. I don't like anything.
I made it obvious everywhere I went and people took notice right away. They left me alone to do what I was there to do and pretended I didn't exist. That was perfectly fine with me because that's the way I treated most people in return.
Treat people the way you want to be treated, someone once told me.
I couldn't remember if it was my biological mother who told me, or the other three mothers who told me, or maybe. It was one of my fathers that I currently had. Talk about weird, right? I had been sitting in the office at the adoption agency, kicking back and waiting for my new adoptive parents. I wasn't told anything about them nor did I know who they were. We had tons of people come in and look at the children from afar, some of them never once coming up to us and just picking us off the rack like it was Wal-Mart.
The best part? The adoption agency had a return policy. I knew that for a fact seeing as I'd been dumped on the steps of the same place three times before.
It didn't bother me. I knew it was coming by the second time. The first time, I was surprised. I went through everything I'd done in my head. I didn't do anything wrong. I did what they said and never asked for anything. Yea, I didn't let them touch me nor did I talk too much, but I thought that was an okay thing with parents.
Apparently not. The second time, everyone in the family acted weird around me. Two older boys and a younger girl. One of the older boys was adopted too, but even he ignored me. I just acted normally, never spoke to anyone, never touched anyone, never asked for anything. And yet, they still got rid of me.
The third time, they didn't even keep me for more than three months and it was no surprise when they brought me back. The best part was that the return policy let them pick up a new, not disfunctional child.
See what I mean? Wal-Mart's adoption agency. They should call it Kids-Mart.
The fourth time, I had to hide my surprise at seeing two guys come in to adopt me. The older one with dark hair and green-blue eyes smiled at me. He looked happy to see me, but then again, so did everyone, so I just stared at him. The other one was just a bit smaller with caramel-hair and really blue eyes, far bluer than mine. He looked a little nervous to meet me, which didn't surprise me at all.
They took me home and probably realized they're mistake by the end of the first month.
They tried getting me to talk, but I saw no reason. I could easily just shake my head or nod or shrug as a response. And just like the other families, they were getting impatient and frustrated. However, unlike the other families, they kept buying me things.
It's probably why we were evicted from our house in California and had to live with their brothers, Rick and Devin, who lived in the next state over. They had three adopted children, Oliver, Anya, and Molly. They were like some stereotypial happy family and it actually made my stomach churn because I know they didn't want me there.
Even after we ended up living with my uncles- so weird calling them that- they still bought me stuff to try and get me to talk or spend time with them.
They bought me a laptop, a flat screen with a Blu-ray player and stereosystem, video game consoles and the games to go with them, a canopy bed, tons of clothes, books.
What the hell was wrong with these freaks?
I'd heard them talking before, about how frustrating it was that I didn't want them as much as they wanted me. I never said I didn't want them. I just wasn't about to get attached to people who were going to get rid of me.
Oliver tried to tell me they'd never get rid of me. I know he's just trying to make me feel better, but he didn't have to. I wasn't hurt...
"Lucas, do you wanna go to the mall? I got paid today." Danny, one of my dads, asked as he tugged his windbreaker on, standing in the archway to the living room. I was sitting on the sofa with the Hamlet book I bought with Oliver about a month ago when he came in. I just looked up and shook my head. He looked a little hurt, but I didn't know what to say, so I settled for nothing and looked down at my book.
"Are you sure? I heard the book store is having a sale." He offered. Man, why didn't he ask Devin to go with him or Oliver? What sort of company was I? I glanced at him and he bit his lower lip, looking at me hopefully. I finally nodded and set my book down.
Might as well throw him a bone.
He looked relieved, smiling as he went to let Devin know we were leaving. I had just gotten my shoes on when the doorbell rang and I went to answer it since I was the closest. Besides, I already knew who it was.
"Hey, Lucas." Nick Cooper greeted me with one of his typical big brother smiles. I have no idea why he smiled at me like that. His only interest was Oliver. He was always dropping by to lavish Oliver with love and attention. I was curious about all that because I'd never felt love before and I wanted to see what it was really like.
I had even walked in on them, uh, doing things before. It was awkward, but I was still curious. It looked painful, so why even bother? Why would you ever want someone touching you everywhere like that? And stretching you until you felt like you were going to tear into pieces?
I just nodded at Nick and stepped aside to let him in. He glanced around the house for a second before breathing in the smell of Devin's cooking.
"Nice in here." He commented. He always said the most random and unnecessary things, but I didn't mind. Nick was okay and he was nice to Oliver, so that was cool. Oliver was one of the few people I could tolerate long enough without going nuts.
"How's Ethan?" I heard myself ask. Nick blinked, giving me a surprised look. He always did whenever I said anything. He let my words sink in and grimaced.
"Still in the slammer... I haven't talked to him in a week, but last time we spoke, he said he might get out earlier for good behavior. You miss him or something?" He asked. I shook my head. Nick shrugged and went upstairs to meet up with Oliver, who'd holed himself up in his room all day writing his stories.
Danny came back and we were heading out to the car.
Then came a really awkward long silence on the drive to the mall. I just curled my knees up to my chest as the heater warmed the car, my eyes staring straight ahead. I knew Danny wanted to say something, but was hesitant. He knew I wouldn't respond with no more than a gesture.
It's not like I did it to be rude.
I just didn't like hearing my voice or speaking when I really didn't need to.
"So, Halloween's coming up. Are you going to go with your cousins to the dance at school?" Danny asked casually, his blue eyes watching the road. He did it on purpose so I would talk, but I shook my head and he saw it out the corner of his eye, sighing.
"Why not? It'd be nice to get to know some of your classmates. Your teachers said you don't hang out with anyone or even eat lunch. If you don't like the food there, I can pack you something, you know."
I shook my head and looked out the window. I saw Danny's grip tighten on the wheel for a split second before loosening. He didn't say anything after that. We just drove in silence until he pulled into the parking lot at the mall. Seeing at it was Saturday, the mall was crowded and I didn't like the idea, but knowing that the book store would be clear was fine with me.
"We'll meet back at the car in about an hour, all right? I need to grab some stuff from Radio Shack." Danny told me. I only nodded and went on ahead without him to the book store. I easily beelined past people, avoiding their touch.
I saw several people from school, but we pretended we didn't see each other. Sort of like we did at school.
The book store was sort of old and it smelled like ancient books and parchment, which was perfectly fine with me. If there was anything I felt strongly about, it was books.
I didn't care what book. New, old, fiction, non-fiction, big, small.
I wanted them all. It was like sinking your teeth into a juicy steak. I loved getting sucked into books and drifting away from a place that I didn't belong. I wandered around for a while before I found myself in the romance section.
Yea, it was weird for a guy to read romance, so what? I was a weird person.
"Hey there, Lucas." I looked up to see the shop keeper standing at the end of the aisle with a smile on his face. He was another one of the people I tolerated. He was in his late forties with salt and pepper hair and hazel eyes, his skin a rich mocha color. He wore a blue sweater vest over a black button up shirt to match his dress pants.
I just nodded to him and he walked over. He never tried to make me talk or did anything to hurt me or bother me.
"Interested in romance today? I know something you might like." He offered. I nodded as a response and he smiled, leading me to the end of the shelf. He reached up for a book that was at least three shelves over my head before he handed it to me.
The cover was black and white with a pair of hands holding, the titled old and etched in cursive. I liked the old book smell that wavered off it. I glanced up at him and he smiled.
"It's on sale too. Just six dollars is all you need." He added. I withdrew the money, handing it to him and watching him pocket it without even counting. He put a lot of trust in me and I made sure not to betray that as I nodded my goodbye. I walked out of the store, gripping the book tightly.
I had to admit, I was eager to add it to my collection.
I had so many books now in a matter of months that they overflowed two large book shelves my adoptive parents bought me and some were piled up on the floor and in my closet.
I went over to a bench and plopped down, flipping the book opening and reading it.
I'd probably be done with it by the time Danny finished. Maybe I should just go to the car and wait there. Then again, I didn't have the keys.
I mentally scolded myself for wasting my energy on those thoughts and just went back to reading.
It was hard to concentrate, though. I was curious if Nick was telling the truth or not, about Ethan getting out early. Something about Ethan was different than everyone else.
He's hot-tempered, arrogant, cocky, annoying, rude. At the same time, I'd seen him flustered and happy, so that meant he wasn't entirely a jerk. He was also hiding something from Nick according to Oliver. I wanted to know what it was, but it was so hard when Ethan was in jail for the battery of a minor.
If Ethan really was going to be let out for good behavior, that meant he'd be out within the next few days, right?
I wanted to know more about Ethan.
The first time I'd met him, he was threatening Oliver and something in me snapped, which never happened. It meant I'd gotten attached to Oliver, which I sorely regretted because when Danny and Blake got sick of me, they'd get rid of me and I'd miss Oliver. Anyway, I had blown up and threatened to call the cops on him.
He looked surprised, then angry.
He was... interesting when he was angry. His cheeks flushed and his eyes seemed to glow, his muscles growing taut and a tic forming in his jaw.
"Lucas?" I looked up to see Danny coming my way. Jesus, how long had I been sitting here? I got to my feet and Danny saw the book in my hand.
"New book?" He asked. I nodded.
"What's it about?" He was trying to get me to talk again. I just held up the back of the book for him to read. He sighed, then scanned the back of the book and raised an eyebrow.
"I didn't think you were into romance books." He commented. I shrugged. He gave up on making me talk then and we went back out to the car.
"Are you sure you don't want to go to that dance? I can buy you something new to wear for it." Danny offered as he put his items in the trunk. I shook my head and got in the car after he unlocked it without another word.
I could tell he was frustrated when he slammed the door shut and started the car rather roughly, pulling out of the parking lot. I didn't mean to make him mad. I just didn't know what to say to his offers. I said no once, why would I change my mind an hour later?
He didn't say a single word on the way home, which I was grateful for, but I knew he was mad at me, that's why he wasn't speaking. He probably didn't trust himself to say anything. It's not like it mattered to me. I was just counting down the days until he and Blake decided they'd had enough.
We got home and Danny was still mad because he was slamming doors and ignoring me as he went up to the room he shared with Blake. I just watched him leave, then went into the living room where Blake was sitting. He looked up with a grimace.
"I take it he's mad." He stated. I nodded and sat in one of the armchairs the furthest away in a corner, opening up my book.
"Lucas, you know he's not mad at you. He's just frustrated." Blake said. I looked up at me, lifting a eyebrow for a second before I shrugged and looked down at my book now.
"Lucas, put the book down." I blinked and looked up. Blake was staring at me, waiting for me to do what he said. I was mildly surprised. He was mad at me too. What did I do wrong? I slowly closed the book, but kept it in my lap.
"We need to talk." He stated. I felt myself relaxing, though, despite the touch of irritation and parental authority in his voice. I knew what was coming next. It was about time they'd decided it. It was a waste of their time to keep me around here if they didn't want me to be here.
When I didn't reply, Blake started his lecture and waited patiently for him to cut to the chase.
"We've been doing everything we can to make sure you're comfortable. I'm sorry we lost the house before, Lucas. It's just hard to find a good job nowadays and I have to drive two hours to get to my job and back. If we're doing something wrong, just tell us. We're trying to pick up on things that interest you, but you keep blocking us. Is there something you want? Whatever it is, we'll do it. We want you to be happy, but it's hard when you won't even give us the slighest hint. I know you've had some rough luck before, but we're not going to put you back up for adoption."
What?
I'm pretty sure the confusion showed on my face when he said that and he went on quickly, as if he was worried I'd finally say something to him, which I wouldn't.
"We were worried before about adopting a kid. Danny and I aren't exactly parental material sometimes and I apologize for that, but we saw my brother and Devin so happy with their kids that we wanted to feel that sort of joy. When we saw you at the adoption agency, it was like something clicked inside us and we knew you were the one. I don't know if you feel the same way or not because you don't talk to us, but it's okay. You can tell us anything you want. We're not going to get angry or hurt or anything. Just let us know if we're doing something wrong or if there's something we can do right. I want you to be happy."
I didn't say anything. Blake seemed to expect that, but I saw there a little glimmer of hope that died in his eyes when I said nothing and just slowly looked down at my book again. Even as I opened it, I wasn't quite seeing it.
Why were these people so weird? They kept treating me like I was a part of their family. That didn't sit well with me.
They were just trying to stay optimistic, telling themselves that they could get me to talk, get me to join in their weird family reunions. And even though I was already comfortable, they'd realize they couldn't change me and just give me away again. Right when I'd start to get attached and I was already in deep crap for liking Oliver.
Just when I started to clear my head to focus on reading, Blake took my book away. I blinked, too stunned to move as Blake closed my book.
"I can't tell if you're ignoring me or if you don't care," Blake said, surprising me with a mixture of concern and strict parental authority in his voice, "But it doesn't matter. You're not getting your book back until you ask for it back."
I stared at him and he just studied my face for a second before heading for the stairs. I sat there, totally caught off guard.
What the hell?
That's my book! Okay, yea, they gave me the money to buy it, but... I don't understand.
I felt the same bubbling irritation that I felt the time I saw Ethan picking on Oliver.
I immediately got to my feet and went after him, going up the stairs and seeing him go into my room. Curiosity and more irritation struck me as I went down the hall and peeked into my room to see Blake picking up a few of my books. Blake didn't look at me, but I knew he knew I was there.
"You're not getting them back until you ask. Sorry, Lucas. I really don't like being the bad guy, but if you're not going to make this easy, then... Two can play at that game." He said, piling some books on my bed and going for the shelf where I kept my favorites.
"No!" I blurted when his fingertip brushed the collection of Edgar Allen Poe books. Blake turned around to face me. I could tell he was trying to hide the surprise at hearing me yell at him. I went still, but stayed out in the hallway, touching the doorframe.
"Do you want your books back or not?" Blake asked. I nodded. He shrugged as a response and went to grab them again.
"Yes!" I cried.
"Yes what?" Blake asked, not turning to face me. I bit into my lip, feeling frustration building up inside me.
This isn't fair. If they didn't want me, why were they keeping me? I know they didn't want me because they argued all the time about how I wasn't doing well in school, how I ignored everyone, how I refused to let people touch me.
When I said nothing, Blake grabbed the first Edgar Poe book and tossed it on the bed, making me wince. Stop throwing my books! You're gonna bend the covers, I wanted to shout, but I felt a lump in my throat that kept me silent. Blake plucked book after book off the shelf until he reached the last one To Kill A Mockingbird.
We just stood there, not saying a word and he looked hesitant to take the last book off the shelf. After a pause, he finally took the book off the shelf and placed it with the others. He picked them up and started to carry them out of my room.
I was surprised at how tense and angry I felt as I watched him carry the books to the room he shared with Danny, probably hiding them or something. Not that I'd go after them again, because it was their room, not mine.
He came back for the rest of them, taking them to his room before he came back and held his hand out.
"I need your cell phone too. After all, you don't use it right? I don't want to waste the money on a phone that's never used." He said. I stared at him. I wanted to say something, but honestly, I didn't trust myself.
When I talked, I said stupid things. Like the time I slipped up and mentioned my biological parents to Oliver. I regretted that and tried to cover it up and bury it, but in the end, it didn't matter because Oliver knew.
"Give me your cell phone, Lucas." Blake commanded, a tinge of annoyance in his voice. I took a step back. I didn't use my cell phone, he was right, but he took my books. It was only fair I got to keep the cell phone, whether I used it or not. I mean, I did occasionally play one of the weird games I was offered when it was free, but otherwise, it was a useless piece of junk.
"I said give me your cell phone, Lucas. It's not yours anymore, unless you want to tell me if you use it or not." Blake said firmly. I didn't answer him and he went to grab my sweatshirt and for some reason, just seeing his hand coming at me made me gasp and jump back. A sudden shock of fear hit me unexpectedly and I bolted into my room, slamming the door shut in his face.
"Lucas, open the door!" Blake barked. He didn't try and open it, though, probably out of the sliver of respect he had, but I didn't open the door. I just went straight to my closet and shut the door behind me, dropping down and covering my ears.
I didn't like being yelled at, or touched. He knew that. Why would he even try?
I heard the bedroom door open and Blake say my name, sounding worried now. Oh, very funny. Getting mad at me and then pretending he was concerned. At least the other adoptive families I had didn't pretend.
I heard him coming toward the closet and I just inched back even further until my back was against the wall and the clothes hung in front of me like a curtain, but I was sure he'd still see me if he looked down at saw my feet sticking out.
I haven't hidden in the closet in years, I realized as I sat there staring at the door, waiting for the dreaded sound of the doorhandle turning, the light flooding in on me. My heart was pounding in my chest like crazy and I had no idea why.
Why was I so scared? Blake wouldn't hit me, I knew that. He and Danny made it clear that they wouldn't tolerate any sort of violence, even if I did something wrong. I'd never even been punished before...
And yet, I couldn't shake the feeling of danger coming at me. This had never happened before. I haven't felt this terrified in years, not since before I was adopted and I could vaguely remember how things were before I'd begun switching through the adoptions.
I could only barely remember the way my mom used to tease me before she tucked me into bed, telling me that I was her something. It was a silly pet name that I couldn't remember. I just know I used to laugh whenever she did it, but I had to laugh quietly. I definitely remembered my dad getting angry whenever I laughed or said anything loud enough for him to hear.
Suddenly, the closet door opened and seeing as I was so embedded in my memories, the shock of it made me gasp, my eyes flicking upwards to see Blake standing in the doorway. He suddenly looked far bigger, muscular, stronger. It was hard to see his facial features from the darkness of the closet.
I felt like I wasn't staring at Blake anymore. I was staring at someone else standing in the closet doorway, someone who was angry at me. I could just feel the intent to do harm and it made the hairs on the back of my neck rise.
Run. A little voice in my head said.
Don't run, another voice hissed, if you run, he'll grab you.
I felt like I was having a nightmare or something.
The person who wasn't Blake anymore bent down, but didn't grab me or yell at me or hurt me. They sat on their hunches.
"Lucas?" I blinked a few times and suddenly, my eyes adjusted to the dark and the light from my room provided me with a clearer view of Blake's worried gaze studying me, his expression concerned. I relaxed when I saw his face, but I still didn't make any move to leave the closet and he was blocking my only exit anyway. I just sat there and stared at him as he grimaced.
"Lucas, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to get angry with you like that." He managed. I shook my head. It was fine, I was fine, everything was fine. I just sort of got distracted with my own thoughts, it had nothing to do with him.
"I feel awful. I'll... give you your books back. I don't know what I was thinking. I just wish you'd talk to me. At least say hi or something. I don't want you to think I hate you, because I don't. You're my son. I want to make you happy and comfortable." He explained quietly. I studied his face for a while and he finally got up to leave. As soon as he was out of the doorway, I got to my feet and inched out of the closet, keeping a distance from him as I followed him to the door.
He was halfway down the hallway to his room when I knocked on the wall. He glanced back at me as I stayed in my doorway.
"Hi." I said.