The curse drifted around in the air as Sergei ripped his hand through his black hair tasseling it around even more. Dark circles shaded around his eyes and the weekend growth covered his jaw. Sexy? As if he couldn't get any sexier, he just had to not shave over the weekend. "Just go and read the chapter. I will make a quiz next class. As long as you do good on this one, I will add the points to the last test."
My classmates put their stuff away as quick as they could and ran out the door. My eyes stayed on him at the front, his hair messed, and the complete despair in his eyes as he expressionlessly stared at the computer. I needed these lectures because I wasn't getting a damn thing from the book... that I wasn't reading. But I needed the information for the tests and the way the tests were, I needed all the help I could get. I didn't need to be released early only to go home and straight to work. This class was something I was starting to enjoy. Not to count the teacher who caught me in the school parking lot with the horses that I had to woo over before I ruined both my sister's life and mine.
"You may go. No lab today." Giving me a perfect shot of his back, he let out a loud breath as he ran his hands over his face. Soft words filtered through the air, ones I couldn't understand, but they sounded like a prayer or a plea for help with something. Silently, he closed down his presentation and logged off the computer before going to the front table.
"I just had a few questions-" A lump filled my throat. I still had to see if he was going to rat me out. And I haven't had any clue as if he already told on me or not. So far, I hadn't heard anything when I entered the building for class.
"Just go." The words came out harsh as he pressed his hands down on the tabletop letting his head hang. "You have to go now."
"Is everything okay?" This wasn't a side of him I enjoyed watching. Last week, he was on the ball, right in there joking as he lectured to keep us awake. Except for Friday. Friday was different and he wasn't completely himself, but then again, we had a lengthy test to take. Today, he seemed so distant, almost as if he were lost, and had no ambition to even sit in the room while we at least worked on our labs.
"Yes. Go now or I will tell Professor Johnston you had the horses on the school property." When his eyes came up, they were tight, hard, and the coldest sapphires I ever saw. Though they were looking in my direction, they were a thousand miles away, gone, reaching into outer space.
Grabbing my bag, I shoved my book inside. I didn't need to sit here and take this from a teacher who couldn't lecture today. His damn job was to lecture, to teach us about rocks and minerals, volcanoes, and landforms. As for Sergei's attitude, I wasn't going to take it. This wasn't the first time he growled at me, barked at me, or snapped my direction, but I was getting tired of it.
"You know what..." Putting the bag on my shoulder, that pang of hurt hit me a little more than usual. My eyes burned from the water that was filling inside of them and I hated it. I hated when people treated me like I was nothing or joked about the way I was. I was fine being me. "I have no idea what I ever did to you for you to hate me this much, but whatever it was, I am sorry. You're a good teacher and I do like your class. I hope you have a good night."
His cursing grew as I walked to the door. Giving him one last look, I swallowed hard seeing his eyes haunted with so much pain, it twisted my stomach as hard as it could. His shoulders dropped as he pushed off the table. "I will not tell. I apologize for even mentioning it. Go. Have a good night and take care of that horse. He is magnificent."
"He sure is even if he doesn't see it." Swallowing hard, I stepped out letting the door close behind me. The weight came down on my heart more as I glanced back at the room. It was now clear to see him with the couple of weeks I've had in his class. What I saw in the beginning was a mask, just a cover. Something brought it down letting me see what was really hiding. He was broken and never had the chance to heal. I just wish his heart was mended because he was amazing. He was gorgeous and funny and...
Rushing out to my truck, I unlocked the passenger door and tossed my bag on the front seat. My heart sank deep into my chest as I focused on the paper on the seat, my last lab. I couldn't get some of the answers, so I made them up the best I could and he drew little sad faces over all the wrong answers. When I saw it, I tucked the paper under the console and smiled all the way home thinking about those faces. That night, I wondered if he was laughing every time he drew one of those faces, rolled his eyes, and made fun of what I wrote. I thought about him that whole night, the next day until I saw him in class again.
"Okay. Okay." The deep voice drifted through the air causing my heart to speed out of control. "I do not mean to be short with you. I just have some issues going on right now."
As he walked across the parking lot, my body engulfed in flames. He looked twice as hot in blue jeans and a black turtle neck and I hadn't paid attention today. I was focused on how I could keep myself out of trouble than listening to him lecture. But then again, he was so confused himself, I was completely lost. I couldn't keep up and I just thought about how I could see if he was going to tell on me. But damn! Those blue jeans fit perfect to those nice, firm legs of his and he was coming straight for me. "I promise. I will be ready next class."
Forcing a deep breath, I tried to ease my shoulders and relax my body, but the butterflies were going mad. Was I drooling? Could he see my heart pounding out of my chest? What if he did? It was pounding hard in my chest and I could have sworn I saw my t-shirt move to the rhythm.
He ignored all the other girls with their obvious flirting, but with me, he was different. When he looked at me, there was something else in those blues than with the other girls. Maybe I was just dreaming or hoping. I probably didn't see his eyes when he asked the other girls a question or talked to them so I can't say he was different with me. That had to be it. I wasn't anything a man like him would come after anyway. My sister, yes. She would be his type, but not me.
"You come here a lot with the horses?" His dark brows raised as he stopped at the front of my truck. The small smile started to come to his face, but the pain was embedded deep in his beautiful blues.
"No. Never. Just a few times, but it was easier in the summer when school was out." Heat packed into my cheeks. I saw him watching us, but I wondered if he heard us talking. I wasn't supposed to be there in the first place. I was supposed to be Jacki and I needed to remember that. We traded places for these classes. I couldn't risk getting comfortable with Sergei and letting him find out about the switch. Having the horse on school property would be the least of my problems then.
"You are amazing with him. Just do not get hurt. I would hate to see that." A blushing came to his cheeks as his eyes quickly shot over me. "Do not worry. I will not say anything. It was wrong of me to even threaten you with it."
"Thank you. I appreciate it." I had to pull back. I had to get my head in the right place and remember who I was, which twin I was. If he found out, he would have to turn me in and I would be kicked out of school. But my stomach knotted seeing there was something still bothering him. He did say he had a problem, but his problems weren't my concern. He wasn't someone I could even think about.
"Remember no class on Friday. I have a meeting and it is campus safety day at the admin building. You better come and learn to be safe." Those blue eyes danced a little as he shrugged his shoulders letting his smile slowly fade. Pain lingered a little deeper as he shoved his hands into his jean pockets. "I cannot talk to you because of me being the teacher. And I am not a good man for you to talk to. You are a good student and a good person. Good with your horse, which says a lot about you as a person."
"You are a good man, Sergei." Sucking in a long, deep breath, I drew in the scent of his cologne and... and... there was something else. Something else that hasn't been there on the other days. Something almost bitter and sharp like the whisky the boys on the farm indulged in a few times. Looking at him now, I thought about how he was in class before I lost track of what he was talking about... that little swagger at the beginning and a few times as he walked around trying to lecture. That was it all right. He was either still drunk from last night or he was nipping the bottle while no one was looking. "Do you need a ride?"
"I'll go home later." Tipping his chin down, he stepped back allowing the shame to crawl up his neck and shade a rosy red into his cheeks. His lips pressed tight together trying to keep his secret in.
"Are you sure I can't give you a ride?" This was far beyond risky, but I couldn't let him drive. There was no way. And if anyone else caught onto that scent, he would be fired in a heartbeat. Not that it should matter to me, it still did and this wasn't the man who I watched in the classroom this past month. This was someone else, someone who was trying to drink his problems and pain away.
Stepping closer to him, the intoxicating bite of alcohol slapped me hard. He had to have taken a drink right before coming to talk to me. What a shame. What a complete shame for a man that gorgeous and wonderful to be drinking his life away.
"No, no. I can drive." Shifting his look back to the building, he focused on the door, his exit from me. Clearly, he wasn't even sober enough to take notice I was onto his little 'sipping behind the scenes'. No matter the reason for his drinking, I couldn't let him drive home. Teacher or not. I cared too much to let this go, to let him throw his career away.
"If you couldn't teach today, what makes you think that you can drive?" What was I really getting myself into? This wasn't Jacki. My sister would have walked away not caring, figuring he would have gotten his own ride home. I was supposed to be her for this time frame three days a week, but shoving this incident to the side wasn't something I could do. Not after looking into those deep, dark, hauntingly sad eyes. My heart stilled just as it had when I first saw how broken inside Cobalt was when he first came to the farm. "I will give you a ride home and you can pick up your car later. No one will know."
The more I studied him and thought about him, I didn't see how clear it was because I was too busy drooling over him. When he snapped at me during the first test, I smelled something then too, not as strong, but it was there come to think of it. A great looking man like him wasting his life away with a bottle. I needed to walk away from him and not give him one more thought. If he wanted to ruin his life, then he had every right to do so. A shame, but his right. Though, I would still give him a ride home.
Watching him walk through the parking lot, disappearing through the line of trees, I released the hold on my breath letting the disappointment fill in my heart. It was hard seeing that. As much as my body defied my rationality, I was attracted to him. But this... this was a very strong signal telling me he was the kind of guy to stay the hell away from.
As I promised, I pulled around to the staff parking lot seeing him standing by the sleek, black car that had to cost just as much as my truck, if not more. His black bag was slung over his shoulder and his eyes were full of shame. He slipped into the passenger seat and I drove out of the parking lot before anyone could see.
Listening to the directions Sergei rattled off, I found myself heading to the southwestern side of the city just about out of the limits. Then he said to turn left and brought me to an old warehouse. This place was a murder waiting to happen and Sergei was rather large at six-foot-one and thick with muscle, from what I felt when I ran into him on that first day. I offered him a ride because I couldn't risk letting him drive himself and if he tried anything, there would be no chance I could fight him off. And this place was secluded, not somewhere I should be with a man who I just found out was drinking at work. My chest squeezed tight.
"I just..." A tear dribbled down my cheek as I forced a little laugh. What did I do now? Sergei could be a closet drinker who brought me here to rape me and I had no idea what to do or say. Do I run? Do I try and drive somewhere safe taking the chance he wouldn't kill me? Drawing in a couple deep breaths to get my heart to return to normal speed, I tried picking my stomach off the floor, but it couldn't. I needed to do something. "I don't know what you are thinking, but-"
"This is my home. I live in here." He exhaled heavily as he shook his head, his sapphires coming back to me. "Thank you for the ride."
My heart shattered as I studied him. He was so handsome and those eyes were so captivating, but he was throwing everything away. Watching the shame topping in his eyes, the lump filled in my throat as I thought about the broken horses I loved to work with to get them to believe in someone again. All he was, was a broken horse. "You are... handsome and perfect and you can have anyone you wanted. Why would you do this to yourself?"
His jaw muscle tightened as he looked down at his bag. The pulse in his neck thumped as he searched the floorboard for an answer. Blood rushed to his cheeks turning them bright red and his fingers curled around the strap of his bag. "For once in my life, I had everything I wanted. Then, she took everything away as if it did not matter. I will never get back what she took from me. I need to numb the pain." His head slowly nodded as he took in a hard breath moving his hand to the door handle. "I get myself to a point where I can go on, get a job I enjoy, and she wants to come back, and I don't know what to do."
"Who the hell cares?" Wow, did that actually come out of my mouth? There he was, hurting so bad and I bite back sounding like... Jacki. His eyes shot over to me, those blues swirling with the pain and anger at my outburst. He just laid his feelings out to me, trusted me with what was going on, and I actually said who cares? I had to fix it. I had to become Jacey again just for this moment, for him. "Sergei! You are..." How could I say this without making him think I was like those girls in class who were always batting their eyes at him? "Hot as hell!"
Okay, wrong choice of words there. Not Jacey Montgomery at all. I never said that about a man before, but I blurted it out now and I couldn't take it back. I really needed to let Jacey out before he ruined his life. I had to try to help him. As much as I needed to just let him go inside and drive away, I couldn't. There was no way I could have walked away from Cobalt when I first received his resistance. How could I walk away from Sergei when he was just like that damn horse?
"What I mean is..." The heat filled into my cheeks as his jaw tightened. I pissed him off now after I saw a tender side to him. My mouth opened as a thousand words flooded my mind, what I could say to make him feel better, but nothing came out.
"Looks are everything with women these days. You are all the same." The anger pinched his brows tight together and his broad shoulders stiffened with his upper lip wrapping firmly to his teeth. His hand went to the door handle as he started to lift it up. "You are all nothing but-"
"Just listen to me, Sergei." My hand came down on his arm stopping him from getting out. I needed to just let him go and get over this stupid crush I had on him. But the muscles under the cotton relaxed as he sat back into the seat giving me a chance. His eyes were sharp, sharper than they were before. I struck a bad nerve and that wasn't what I wanted to do at all. Not with him. Not with that hurt I could see ripping him apart inside. "You are handsome, very good looking, and I can see someone wonderful, but inside, you are scared and hurt. You have everything going for you and you don't even know it. You came to school drunk. Is that what you are? Is that the man you really became just because someone broke your heart?"
"I told you I am not a good man-" His voice sharpened toward me. Straightening in the seat, the anger rushed through him even more. The vein in his neck throbbed as I could physically see the blood surging through him.
"That is bullshit and you know it. If she walked away like it didn't matter, then apparently she wasn't the one for you. Maybe it worked out that way for a reason. It really sucks to have your heart broken, but it could mend, but drinking isn't the way." Releasing his arm, I choked back my tears. I didn't want it to end where he hated me, but I had to help him see there was more than the bottle to make it through the days. "Please, Sergei. Don't turn into this terrible man you think you are. Be the man you really are because I know that he's charming, handsome, and very kind-hearted. Please, don't drink his existence away."
Relaxing in the seat, he released his breath that he had been holding. The scent of booze lingered in the air for a little bit before he nodded slightly. "I am afraid that man does not exist anymore. I am sorry."
"That is a shame because he would be one I would like to get to know more." More tears pooled in my eyes as I watched him get out without looking back. Damn, I wanted him to look back, just for one little glimpse. Once, I met a horse who was broken to the point he was barely surviving, but seeing Sergei like this was worse than that. He was a man who was broken.