Louis wasn't mental, well he wasn't until he ended up in a mental asylum. He was losing his mind, isn't this place supposed to fucking help? In between the constant pills he's forced to down, and pissing with handcuffs on, he's finding himself losing his mind even more. He feels filthy and he literally feels like a fucking psychopath. The common room is just a dirty cement floor and dark brick walls, tattered couches spread around the place and the stench of piss and dust burns his nose. He's sitting in the farthest corner, curled into a tight ball, staring at the dark walls. He hasn't had a decent meal in days, but like he'd eat any food in this place. It was either cement hard bread or flavourless soup. Both his arms are wrapped tight in white bandages, he hasn't dared to open to bandages in fear that he'd be put away in isolation like he had been days ago. He refuses to socialise with the sick people in here. He's mad, and so fucking hurt. Out of all the people in the world, his mother had turned him into this psychotic place. She believed he was insane. He would understand if he was put in just an ordinary hospital, but he's in a fucking hospital for the criminally insane, and much worse. There's an older woman standing no less than 10 meters from him. Her light blue gown is covered in dirt, even smeared in what seem's like old blood or possible shit. Her grey hair is ratty and dirty, and she smiles wickedly at Louis, revealing yellow dentures. Louis swallows, trying not to vomit and looks back down at the floor.
God, he just wants to leave this stupid hell hole. He doesn't even realise that he's digging his blunt nails hard into the palm of his hand until he winces slightly. He feels so weak, and it's probably because the shitload of pills they've prescribed him. There's younger people here too, so Louis doesn't have to feel so alone. There's a girl sitting with her legs crossed close by, her eyes closed and dark brown hair hanging over her face like a curtain. She's swaying slowly, as if there is music, but there isn't any. It's just the sound of maniac laughing, and shouting and whispering, and screeches. It's a sound that honestly makes Louis want to scream and beg to go home. Louis literally almost jumps out of his skin when he feels a gentle hand place on his shoulder. He doesn't look up for the first few seconds thinking there's going to be a vile woman standing next to him, but breathes a sigh of relief when his eyes fall on a white coat and a familiar set of dark brown eyes.
"Are you ready to go to group therapy?"
"Well, I'm not too sure. It's my first,"
"It isn't that bad, you just tell everyone your name and why..you're um..here,"
Louis tries to ignore his dark brown eyes flickering to the the bandages wrapped around his wrists. Liam was Louis' permanent guard, and would follow him around and give him his medication until Louis leaves, or until Liam resigns or gets fired, but Louis will probably get out before then. maybe. Liam's the nicest person in this joint, Louis came to that conclusion when he first met him back when he was tied down on that stupid cement like slab. Liam had stayed back after work and made sure Louis was okay, and talked until he had gotten in trouble. Apparently Liam worked in here because a sibling of his had been admitted in here a couple years ago, and he wanted to keep close to them. Liam was actually a nice looking young lad. He had brown hair that was long enough to slick back, and had a pair of bright brown eyes that crinkled in the corners when he laughed. He was fairly tall and extremely fit, with wide shoulders and biceps that bulged through his white coat. His skin was relatively scanned and he had perfectly straight white teeth. Louis felt so small beside him, not only height wise but because he had no muscles. Louis stands up slowly and follows Liam closely by, keeping his eyes trained carefully on Liam's back, trying not to make eye contact with any of the mental cases in here.
There's snickering near his ear and he can feel hands tugging at his robe and he turns his head slightly, blue eyes wide with horror and he frowns at the dirty male that winks at him. Louis scuttles behind Liam a bit faster and he almost can't leave the commons fast enough. The hallways are empty and the sound of their footsteps echo around the halls. Liam looks back at Louis and moves his hand, signalling him to hurry. Louis moves a little faster, and tries to stare at the amazing artwork that decorates the walls. The hallway seems to go forever, but they take a sharp left before Liam stops.
"Okay, we're here. I'm going to be sitting at the back of the room, with everyone else's guards. It isn't too hard, just keep calm, okay? I'm here,"
Louis swallows thickly, and nods before Liam's arm pushed on the door. The door opens so silently, you could hear a pin drop. The cold air envelops Louis and he almost shivers. He doesn't look up because it's so quiet, and he doesn't want to look at anyone. He just can't. Liam leads him to the spare seat, and Louis smiles weakly at him, before looking back down at the cold marble floor.
"Okay, so that's everyone," A deep voice starts
"I'm your therapist Nathan, Nathan Bass. Dr Bass, if you prefer. In case some of you haven't noticed, we have a couple new patients. I think in order to get to know each other, since some of you are new, we'll just introduce ourselves. Name and reason why you're here,"
Louis' eyes flicker up from the floor and towards the back of the room, where Liam is sitting on a comfortable chair, eyes trained on the group of people Louis is sitting around. Liam notices Louis' face and smiles, trying to calm him down.
"We'll go from left to right, let's start,"
"My names Minnie Reynolds. I've been here for 6 months, I killed my younger sister, I regret it. It was just a spur of the moment thing, I hit her too hard and she was gone. I regret it more and more everyday, my parents refuse to see me and they want me to rot in here to die,"
Minnie's voice was soft and so quiet, like a whisper. Louis swallows.
"My name is Alexander Maguire, I'm in here for murdering my next door neighbours in a drunken rage. I've got schizophrenia and bi polar. I'm better. I think. Been here for a year. I am counting down the days until I can get out,"
Louis decides to think of something nice, like Stan's face, because maybe he's about to have a heart attack. He's sitting in a room full of murderers and psychos.
"My name is Savannah, and I tried killing myself. It worked, until you bastards decided to bring me back and lock me in this shit hole. been here for 9 months, and I'll get out soon,"
Louis looks up just to see Savannah. She has her pale arms crossed on her stomach, Louis can faintly see the pale pink scars. Her dark brown hair is pulled back into a tight pony tail, revealing prominent cheek bones and an angular jaw. She has really pale green eyes that are blood shot red. Louis clenches his jaw because he feels sick to his stomach knowing he's not alone. He looks back down at the floor. There's a pregnant pause, and the seconds tick by. Louis looks up, thinking it's his turn, but it isn't, so he looks back down. His chest is aching and his throat closes up, he's about to have a panic attack. He links his fingers together and squeezes slightly, before inhaling. Will someone just fucking speak already.
"Okay. I'm Harry Styles-,"
Louis almost screams, but his lips are stuck together like glue. His entire body freezes up and he feels bile rising in his throat. He almost breaks his fingers at how hard he's squeezing his hands together. His heart is hammering in his chest, his pulse beating loudly in his ears. It's the name. The world fucking famous name. Louis' eyes snap towards the voice and he almost pisses himself. Because not only is he staring at Harry Styles, but Harry Styles is staring right back. Harry's face is blank, like an untouched canvas.
"I'm 23, I've been in here for 3 years. I'm in here because I murdered and raped a few women, I went to my old high school, and cut the head off some bastard, and almost shot everyone in his classroom. I didn't get the chance to, because I was shot right back. I ended up in this place, it's alright. Not my favourite place, but it's all I got. I don't bite, most of the time,"
Harry leans forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees and hands cupping his chin. His eyes are almost black and are lifeless, his hair is wild, curls unbrushed and looking like he'd just gotten out of bed. His bright pink lips move as slow as he speaks, but they tip into a smirk at the ending. His eyes don't move, they just bore into Louis' sole and Louis is shaking and he genuinely thinks he will piss himself. He eventually finds the strength to move his eyes, and drowns out everything. He doesn't care about what anyone else says, he just thinks that if he doesn't get out of here now, he's going to snap.
"Louis?"
Louis doesn't even hear it the first time because his head is spinning and he's going to be sick.
"Louis..."
Louis looks up slowly, breathing shakily.
"I-I need to go, sorry,"
Liam's already there, kneeling next to Louis, resting a hand on Louis' knee. Louis looks into Liam's brown eyes and he shakes his head slowly, and quietly asks Liam if he can leave.
"You have to introduce yourself, then we'll get you out of here,"
"I'm Louis Tomlinson, 21. I've been here for 2 days. I tried killing myself and it worked, but then someone brought me back. and now, I'm here and I want to die, even more than anything, if you don't mind me, I need to get out of here before I puke,"
Liam basically has to hold Louis up, because his legs are buckling, so Louis leans into Liam's arm, and Liam holds him close, moving across the room. Louis wishes he hadn't but he did, he looks back just before the door closes, and Harry is staring at him, smirking and his arms crossed. and Louis screams as soon as the door closes.
"Not him..anyone but him. He's a fucking lunatic. how is he sitting there with no fucking hand cuffs or straight jacket? He could literally just kill everyone in there if he decided to. get me out of here, now. get me the fuck out of here Liam, please,"
"Louis, you have to calm down okay, he's not that bad,"
"ARE YOU ACTUALLY INSANE?" Louis screams
"Yeah,"
The voice is low and gravelly and it makes Louis' back straighten and his muscles lock. He looks over Liam's shoulder, and see's Harry leaning against the wall. He ignites a smoke and places it into his mouth, that stupid fucking smirk plastered on his face. Louis takes a step back.
"Go away,"
"I'm not hurting you, am I?" Harry chuckles
"Not yet,"
Harry slowly makes his way over to Louis and Louis sort of cowers into Liam. Liam stands tall and hold his hand out to Harry. Harry just pushes his hand away.
"Louis, right?"
"None of your business,"
"I take that as a yes, I'm not really a lunatic,"
"You are,"
"You don't even know who I am,"
"You're a fucking psychopathic killer and If you come any closer to me, I'll-,"
"You'll what? cut yourself? like the pussy you are,"
Louis stares at Harry and his mouth almost hits the floor and shatters. Harry stares right back, dark green eyes showing no remorse and his lips pull into a wicked grin, revealing white pearly teeth and deep craters that you'd call dimples. He lifts the cigarette from his pink lips, and exhales the smoke into Louis' face. Louis coughs, and splutters and tries to make it go away and Harry just laughs. Louis' hands ball into tight fists and he stares, rage coursing throughout him. He swings and hits Harry hard, so hard that Harry's eyes widen before he stumbles backwards. Liam has his arms hooked around Louis' and he shouts something before another two guards make their way over.
"You fucking prat!" Louis shouts
Harry just stands there, as two guards make sure he's not injured and he lifts one of his long slender arms over his head, and waves mockingly as Louis is carried around the corner by Liam. The room he ends up in, isn't as bad as what he had been in the first few days. The walls are pale white, and there's a bed. Liam closes the door and takes a seat on the bed.
"You know you can't just go hitting people,"
"Did you not fucking hear what he said?"
"I know, it's was mean and-,"
"I'll fucking kill him,"
Liam's eyes widen momentarily but then he tries to calm himself.
"It's not wise to threaten to kill someone in a place like this..."
Louis groans and rolls his eyes before taking a seat at the desk.
"Your personal therapist, she um- she asked me to give you this. If you ever need time alone, like you do now, you can use this laptop, and we have this thing for all patients, you have a blog and you can just blog away your feelings, however she likes to check on it daily, it's like a journal, but also has lots of pictures,"
Louis frowns as Liam hands him a small dark laptop.
"Is this my room?" Louis whispers
"Yeah, your new room-mate should be-oh here he is,"
The doors to the white room creak open, and two men walk in. One with a white coat identical to Liam's, who looks about 35 with brown and grey hair sticking out in different directions. He's walking behind a younger bloke, wearing a long sleeved black jumper and black skinnies. Louis has to do a double take, because is this guy even real. He's tall, and fit. He has a really angular jaw and high set cheek bones, his skin glows in contrast of the black jumper and his jet black hair is spiked up, and his dark, achingly beautiful brown eyes stare at Louis, and then at Liam and then back at Louis. He clears his throat and coughs, which brings Louis back to earth.
"Zayn, and you are?"
"Louis,"
Zayn. What a nice name, it suits him. Liam stands up and looks back at Louis.
"Are you going to be alright in here with him?"
"I do have a name,"
"well, Zayn," Liam corrects himself
"Yeah. should be fine. I'm gonna check out this thing, i'll see you later,"
So Liam leaves, and so does Zayn's guard. It's quiet, so quiet that Louis can hear muffled conversations from down the halls. His heart is still beating way too fast and he feels like he's still having a panic attack, so turns back to Zayn, who has sprawled himself across the bed.
"So, Zayn...why are you in here?"
"I shot my best friend," He answers, matter-of-factly
"How can you say that so normally?"
"Because lying about it or saying it any differently is not going to change the face that I did,"
Louis doesn't know how to respond, so he just fiddles with the hem of his shirt, and then Zayn speaks.
"It was about 4 days ago, he was really starting to piss me off and I had been angry for days and I mean, I always knew I would kill someone eventually, but, the rage I felt that night was almost blinding and if I didn't act on it, I would have probably been paralysed. He was picking fights with me, and started trying to kiss my girl. So, I walked up to him, in the middle of the bar, pulled the gun out and blew the fuckers head off,"
Louis' eyes widen and he doesn't think he can breathe. He feels like he could be murdered on the spot right now, and his hands clench on the laptop that rests on his lap. Zayn eyes Louis and then laughs, his laugh bouncing off the walls.
"I'm not going to hurt you, so don't think that,"
"I'll get hurt by someone in this fucking building, so don't think you're special. I'm scared of everyone,"
"Are you afraid of yourself?"
"Yes,"
Zayn perks up at his answer and he places a finger to his chin, thinking deeply.
"So, why are you here?"
"You don't want to know,"
"Oh, I do,"
"It's nothing as special as your story,"
"Hey, you're obviously here because you're fucking insane, so tell me, amuse me. I can never get enough of these stories,"
Louis grimaces and then just answers with "Guess,". He wants to see what Zayn could imagine Louis doing, and then Louis might laugh.
"Let's see...you murdered your entire family and then hung them in your backyard, you skinned your next door neighbour, you fucked your dog and then slit it's throat...you raped the little girl down the street. You like to jack off to child pornography, oooooh, I know, you kept little boys and girls locked away in your cellar!"
"What in the fucking hell?"
"Was I close?"
"Nowhere near it?"
"Not even with the keeping little children in your cellar?"
"If you see me as that perverted or fucking insane, then I think you might need to get your eyes checked,"
"twenty twenty vision thank you very much, okay, I give up, just tell me? who'd you kill?"
Louis breathes and considers lying and making up some really fucked up shit, hoping to impress the guy he's sharing cells with, but he doesn't. The truth is always the best thing.
"Who'd I kill?" Louis whispers
"Yeah, who?" Zayn replies back, rolling his eyes
"Myself,"
Zayn winces, and then Louis doesn't even try to ignore the fact that Zayn's eyes move down and notice the bandages and then he inhales before looking back at Louis with pained eyes. He clenches his jaw and looks like he's trying to find the right words.
"Sorry," He whispers
"Don't be, I'm just sorry someone found me," Louis whispers
"Well..if it makes you feel any better, my youngest brother Mark, he killed himself 3 weeks ago. I think that's why I was so mad. mad at him for leaving me,"
"Oh, I'm sorry,"
"It's okay,"
Louis doesn't know what to say, so he just sighs and opens up his laptop.
"made any friends yet?"
"nope, well one, if I count you, what about you?"
"You can count me, I guess. I made 1 or two, no one too interesting,"
"who?"
"Harry Styles, or something? He doesn't like to talk much, and I don't know why he's here? apparently he's fully insane,"
Louis coughs, and splutters and thinks he's going to choke to death.
(A/N: this is a crap chapter but oh well, it'll get better, also I decided to actually make Louis' blog, so you guys can see what it's like for him, and it'll keep you updated on his mental state while I'm not writing and might give you hints for what will come ;), links on the side! xx)