"Can we talk about this?" He asked hesitantly.
It was late, very late now and the pair of them had had quite an evening of it all. The Paparazzi had obviously upset Helena and not only that but she seemed to be distancing herself from him and his question as she got changed into some new P.J's now they were back home. She was tried and confused about all the events of this night at the hospital, well outside the hospital. She just wanted to be able to sleep on it until she was ready to answer him and all the questions that were sure to follow. By that she mainly knew this was about their heated kiss one of which Helena was beginning to regret. She didn't know how she felt about all this yet, it was too soon to jump into anything. She missed him, missed him terribly, she loved him deep down yet there were problems between them still holding her back form ever telling him.
As she was now finally changed Helena pulled back the duvet of her bed before slowly getting in and under the warm covers. She felt bad that she still hadn't given him an answer yet she didn't really know what to say. This was all so awkward.
"Maybe tomorrow, but right now Johnny I'm tired and just want to rest" she finally said watching as the slight disappointment spread across his handsome face.
Nodding at this slowly Johnny simply cleared his throat before walking out of the room without a single word. He needed to know how she felt, it was clear how upset she was but he also needed to know if part of that sadness was because she regretted kissing him. He didn't know at all what was going on in that head of hers and for that reason alone it worried him.
Heading down the stairs of her home and into the back garden on this dark and chilly night, Johnny sat himself on the patio steps. Looking out to the green while placing a cigarette in between his lips as he search for his lighter in his coat pocket he felt like shit. Finding the lighter Johnny cupped the tip of the cigarette while he flashed the flame a couple of times to get it lit. He needed some sort of release from all the bad energy and considering her had given up alcohol, cigarettes were the closet thing he had to relieve himself.
Inhaling the smoke Johnny slowly let it spiral from his lips before taking another drag of the intoxicating killer between his fingers. His mind was to active with questions to sleep. He'd stay out here all night if he could, even if it was getting even colder the longer he was sat there.
"Should you really be smoking?" a small voice came from behind him making him jump slightly before turning to see Billy standing there in his P.J's with a thick coat zipped up around him to keep him warm. "Considering the circumstances" he added, meaning that his mum was in this state because of them.
Johnny knew he was probably here to make his life even more of a living hell and right now he was in no mood to be told what an arsehole he was. "Not now Billy, now is not the time" Johnny said calmly before turning his face away to look back at their garden as he continued to inhale more of the smoke. Billy edged forward standing just beside him, crossing his arms as the bitter chill made him shudder slightly.
"Listen if you're here to moan and tell me what a good for nothing piece of shit I am can we do that tomorrow? Right now I just want to be left" Johnny's tone was harsher this time but his anger wasn't aimed at Helena's son. No it was aimed more at this ugly situation he was in. He was on edge and even Billy could see he was upset over something probably to do with his mum as that was all Johnny seemed to be upset about recently. Sitting down beside him Johnny eyed the boy cautiously from the corner of his eye as he sat there so quietly.
"I wasn't going to do that....I....I wanted to thank you" Billy said almost in a timid whisper. Thank him? now Johnny was all ears "What for?" Moving the cigarette away from Billy Johnny was wary of the fact it was still lit and therefore he didn't want any smoke to blow in the kids direction.
"I've been watching the way you've looked after mum, you've done a good job Johnny....she seems a lot better now and we all have you to thank" Billy spoke so softly his eyes staring at the patio floor as if guilty he had been so hard on him all this time. Putting out the cigarette Johnny ran a hand over his face and sighed. "Thank you for that"
"I heard you both come in..." Billy continued looking at Johnny before he explained "She wanted to see Rose, we just came back from the hospital" he said as if feeling he should have to tell Billy where they were exactly tonight. "Shouldn't you be in bed, its very late?" Johnny said suddenly realising that he had school tomorrow and here he was up at what must be 2:00 in the morning sitting out side on the patio. "I'll go now" Billy said looking over his shoulder before lifting himself of the cold floor feeling how numb his bottom now was for sitting so long in the cold.
"You should get some rest too Johnny" he added before walking back inside in the warmth.
Johnny watched him leave and smiled a very small smile to himself. Billy had shown a different side to him tonight, aside he wasn't expecting a side he hadn't seen for months now. If Billy was coming around he only hope his mother would too, eventually.
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The next morning Johnny had woken up feeling just as shit as he had done the night before. After his little chat with Billy he realised what that must have taken for him to say considering the fact Billy had not so long ago told him that he hated him. He was growing up and only now was it that Johnny could see what a little man he was slowly becoming. Billy would be a great man, hopefully better then he ever was.
Helena was still asleep when he was changing for the day he couldn't help but glance at her looking so peaceful just laying there amongst her many different pillows. She really was beautiful, really was stunning even when she was asleep.
After putting on his jeans and buttoning up his shirt Johnny cursed under his breath as he stepped on something on the floor, which resulted to waking Helena up. His phone was nearly crushed by his foot and for that Johnny was quick to pick the iPhone up and check he didn't crack it in anyway. Luckily it seemed to be in tacked but he could see Helena roll over in the bed obviously woken by him.
"What happened?" she whispered tiredly her eyes barely open as she sat herself up in the bed.
"Nothing it's fine, did you sleep alright?" he asked walking over to her as she rubbed her tired eyes "Not really" she sighed removing her hands from her face and hanging her head low as if the thoughts of last night were still playing on her mind. "Ugh...Johnny the world thinks I'm a whore" she sighed loudly again as she fell back into her mass of comfy pillows.
Scoffing a little a this Johnny shook his head "No they don't"
Looking at Johnny Helena could see he was on the verge of many questions and for that she could only raise her eyebrow at him "What?" she asked drawing his full attention "Can we please talk?" he said almost timidly, worried that she may suddenly turn. "I need to know" he said making her lift herself back up so she was sitting opposite him on the bed.
"Need to know what Johnny?" she already sounded fed up, already sounded as if she was going to pounce but right at this very second in time he didn't care if she would get all defensive. He had to know what she was thinking, what that kiss meant, what he meant to her.
"That kiss last night....." he began already hitting a nerve inside her as he leaped into that situation, and yes for her it was a situation. "What about it?" she asked bluntly making him realise just how hard this may be.
"Well....why did you kiss me?.....what does it mean?" he asked his eyes trying to read hers yet she was not giving him a hint of a clue. It was driving him mad that he couldn't read her.
"I don't know" she groaned into her hands not wanting to deal with this right now. She really didn't know, I mean what was she supposed to say. "What does that even mean Hel? you're so confusing....why can't you just tell me how you feel?!" he didn't mean to shout but he was beginning to lose patients with her now, this wasn't fair, this whole thing was such a hot mess.
"Because I don't know Johnny!" she spat looking at him angrily. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say to you!" her eyes were flashing more with frustration then anger and he could see that. Sometimes he really felt like shaking some sense into her or better yet scream at her until she realised just how much she was toying with his emotions.
"This is a fucking Joke!" he hissed angrily before pushing himself from the mattress and walking round the bed.
"What is!" she yelled back making him turn at her with nothing but anger burning through his eyes.
"You are! we are! you and me are a fucking mess Helena!" he raged his hand gripping angrily at the bed post as he yelled. "Well maybe we shouldn't be together then! maybe it's a good thing were not in a relationship anymore" she cried out not realising now that she was beginning to feel tears seep from her eyes. She hated arguing, especially with Johnny but yet she still couldn't work this whole thing out, this really was such a mess. "Well maybe you're right!"
A small knock at the door made the pair of them look to see Mark suddenly enter the bedroom out of no-where. "Mark?" Helena said as she spotted him walk in. He noticed that she had tears in her eyes and for that reason he could only stare warningly at Johnny for upsetting her.
"Hellie are you alright?" he asked walking over to sit with her on the bed. She didn't look in Johnny's direction only at the bed sheet between her and Mark. She wasn't alright, far from being alright, she hated this hated all of it.
"Fine" she lied. "What are you doing here Mark?" she asked him softly her eyes meeting his as he smiled sweetly at her and took her hand supportively. "To see you, I've been doing a lot of thinking Hel and if i don't ask now and if I don't get your answer now I think I could burst" he said smiling nervously making her frown at him. Johnny watched him too as he seemed somewhat nervous right now.
"What? what is it?" she asked feeling her insides turn suddenly as he slowly pulled out a ring from the inside of his pocket "I want you to be my wife" the pure shock on her face was nothing to the look of horror on Johnny's. Was this actually happening or was this just some horrific nightmare he couldn't wake up from. It was all so fast, all so sudden.
"Mark" Helena breathed covering her chest with her hand as she tried to calm herself down from such a shock. Looking over at Johnny she gulped subtly "Would you mind leaving us alone please?" she asked to which Johnny simply looked at her as if he was unsure about what she might answer. Right now he wouldn't be surprised if she said yes, after the argument they just had it would take a lot to say no.
Leaving the room Johnny shut the door behind him and headed down the stairs until he reached the living room. his heart was hammering away, he felt nervous and that explained the pacing he was now doing alone in the large living room. What if she said yes? what would that mean? no, she wouldn't she couldn't. He felt as if his head may explode with the what if's and so noticing the small bar area of her living room Johnny didn't hesitate to pour himself a stiff drink. He didn't care what time in the morning it was or how hard he had fought to give it up. He just knew he needed it. Needed it now.
Time was going on now and so were the many drinks Johnny had taken within the space of about 5 minutes. He knew he should stop but he just found himself drinking more and more. He wasn't drunk, far from drunk. He wasn't a lightweight when it came to drinking, it took him a lot. But saying that, he did find his head spinning a little bit but then again his mind was going crazy with panicked thoughts of what might be going on upstairs. Mark had proposed, to HIS Hellie, to the love of HIS life. If she had accepted him then he was sure he would drink himself to death but then again with the row they had had this morning he wouldn't be surprised. Mark was good to her even Johnny had to admit that.
The sound of the front door opening and closing made Johnny jump up quickly like a meerkat. That must of been Mark, he had left.
Placing his empty glass on the table Johnny rushed upstairs. He didn't know what he was going to say or what he was going to do all he knew was that he was angry, angry that that their relationship had come to this. Had come to another man proposing to her when he had been fighting so damn hard to make everything right again between them. If what he had gone through with her all this time wasn't enough, he didn't know what was. No Johnny wasn't angry now, he was fuming. Pulling the door open Johnny noticed she hadn't moved from the bed, she was sitting there still with her head hung low as if expecting him to have a rant.
"So, I guess that's it" Johnny hissed at her bitterly as he walked further into the room still noticing that she wouldn't bring her eyes to look at him. She must of accepted him for she looked ashamed.
"Now it's all over, you can become his wife and never have to worry about me again!" he raised his voice throwing his clothes forcefully into the suitcase he had by his blow up bed on the floor. "Don't even know why I bothered" he continued to mutter angrily as he continued to pack his things, scrunching up tops and throwing them in his suitcase without any care. He was out, this was it. He wouldn't fight anymore, Mark could have her, he was done. Done with everything in his life now.
"you know Hel after everything..."
"I said NO!" Helena finally cut in her eyes now meeting his as he stopped to look at her. She looked upset and tired by all this drama he could see that just by the way she looked at him so exhausted by all this. "You what?...."
"I turned him down, were finished" she spat throwing her covers off her and storming over to the bathroom. "Wait...." he stumbled up grabbing her arm as she walked past "Why?" he asked before she burst into tears of both tiredness and anger.
"why?" he demanded making her grit her teeth angrily at him before she wrenched her arm free from his grip.
"Because I love you!" she yelled angrily pushing him harshly with her hands as her tears spilled from her eyes painfully.
"Hel!" Johnny tried to calm her as she continued to hit his chest angrily with her fists clenched "Hellie!" he yelled grabbing her arms so she would stop hitting him so hard. She was angry, she was passed the line of upset. Her eyes were tired and angry and her tears fell harder with every hit she lashed out on him. All the pain and hurt from all these months were resulting into her finally losing her shit. She was having a breakdown a huge one. Grabbing hold of both her wrists Johnny had control over her now and what he saw in font of him hurt him most. She was crying hard and not so quietly now. Her head hung low and her eyes were shut tight as she let it all out. She was truly broken.
"Baby look at me" he whispered reaching out to cup her face but instead just pulled her into his embrace and held her tight against him "It's ok" he whispered into her mass of dark curls before stroking her hair and running soothing circles into the small of her back. Her shoulders were shaking as she cried and he could feel her tears dampening his shirt. "I love you so much Helena....so much" he whispered warmly by her ear before kissing her temple.
"If you still love me we can make this work baby, I promise we can get through all this" he added gently pulling her away now that her cries began to calm down. As she looked at him through her misty eyes Helena wiped her tears with her hands sniffling sadly before slowly nodding at what he was saying. She wanted to make this work, she loved him. But yet there was still something inside that kept her wall up. She wanted to believe all he was saying and wanted to give into his love like she had before. But she was scared, scared of getting hurt again.
"Johnny..."she began softly.
"Mummy?" a small voice cut in making the pair of them look to see a very concerned Nell peering round the door. She could see that her mummy had been crying and could see she was upset as she heard shouting come down the hallway just moments ago. Her little face looked so concerned that it pulled at Helenas heart strings to see her so unsure of what to do or what was happening.
"Come here baby" Helena whispered kneeling down while smiling the best she could despite the tears that were beginning to dry up. Stretching her arms out to her little girl Nell came running over, hugging Helena tightly. Johnny smiled sadly at the picture he saw before him, he didn't mean to upset Helena but then she needed to cry, she needed to not hold it in.
"Are you ok?" Nell asked tightening her arms around her mothers neck as she was lifted from the floor to sit on her hip. Kissing her cheek Helena smiled bravely before nodding "Yes sweetheart....I just broke things off with Mark that is all" as true as that may have been it certainly wasn't the reason she had been crying but yet it seemed convincing to Nell.
"You mean he's not coming back here?" she asked slightly hopeful that made Johnny smirk a little a Nell as she said this.
"Right" smiling at this Nell bit her lip and looked at Johnny hopefully. "Is Johnny staying here?" she said almost in a whisper that made Helena chuckle slightly. "We'll see" she whispered kissing her daughters cheek. "Johnny" Nell said looking at him with a small smile gracing her tiny lips. "Yes honey?" he smiled moving closer to her and Helena.
"Are you and mummy going to get back together?" she asked cheekily making the already slightly intense atmosphere a little more worse. Johnny smiled awkwardly while running a hand through his hair "Urm...I...well"
"Yes darling" Helena cut in stunning him slightly by an answer he certainly wasn't expecting. He would have said yes but he wasn't sure still if she wanted that. Now he was the one speechless. Smiling brightly Nell hugged her mother happily. "you mean it" she squealed excitedly "Yes sweet, now come on....go get dressed and we'll all go to the hospital to pick up Rose" she finished all this without glancing at still a rather stunned Johnny.
As soon as she was out the door Helena looked at Johnny with a warm smile spread across her lips. "Do you mean that?" he whispered as she cupped his cheek and nodded slowly "I still love you Johnny, and if you say we can make this work then I believe you" the shock in his eyes only made her smile brighten. She may still have a wall up and there would be a lot to work on, but if he is determined that they could make this work then she believed him and she certainly was going to try. They had a baby now to think of as well.
"Really" he smiled closing the distance between them and cupping her jaw as he placed his forehead on hers. "Uh huh" she smiled widely up at him. Not wasting another second Johnny locked their lips together gently kissing her with so much love that he was sure his heart would burst with so much happiness. The way she was smiling under his lips made him also smile.
"I love you so much" he whispered between their lips before kissing her again and running his arms around her tightly. Kissing him back just as sweetly Helena ran her arms around him holding him tight. This was going to work, she wanted it too and no matter what she loved him, she never stopped.
A/N: Are you happy? ahah please please please let me know what you think! I loved writing this chapter and so i really hope you all enjoyed it!!!