Olivia
"What the hell?" I burst out as Alyona walked into my room.
She gave me a warm smile, but I wasn't sold on it. I maybe a vampire, as much as I detested it, but I still did not trust her one bit. "Are you here to kick me out?" I asked bitterly.
She shook her head. "Then what? Because if you don't talk I will just leave the room," I said getting annoyed.
I was starting to get very annoyed with everything. Alex turned me a vampire, against my own will. He made me into something that I never wanted to be —ever. I was no better than those damned idiots who killed my parents. I was a blood drinker. Worse than that, I was alone.
Cathy didn't understand why I didn't want to be a vampire. She was adamant that I had something to live for, but what could I live for? Granted I read a note that I wasn't supposed to, but not once in three days has Alex come to see me. He killed Eli —who might have been the only one to understand me and I bet that the excuse he gave about Eli's death was just an excuse.
Alyona made a light sound and my eyes flickered to hers as she sat on a chair in the library. I forgot about her presence. "I believe that you are confused about my status," she said calmly.
I raised my eyebrow at her. What was she insinuating?
"You think Alex and I have something going on. You think I am the next queen," she stated, rather than asked.
I nodded, not wanting to speak to her. "Actually, you are quite mistaken. But I did not come here to talk to you about that. I am here to tell you to stop being so cruel to Alex. You were not here to see his torment while you changed. He was a ghost of his true self. I suggest that you go and speak to him," she said and walked out, her black dress swaying behind her.
I leaned back against the window and stared at the garden. Everything seemed so neglected and so dull but I couldn't bring myself to care. All I wanted was death. Sweet, peaceful death. A balm to my never-ending heartache.
All I wanted was my heart to stop breaking, to stop paining, but nothing would work and as a vampire, I was stuck in that pain for all eternity. There would never be a balm to soothe it. I cradled my head and focused my thoughts.
I could no longer be strong. I was strong for too long and this was the price I had to pay. I was stupid and naïve to think that living with a vampire would have been easy. I should have known that when Alex said I couldn't leave, it included death. I should have known that his price would have been my mortality, yet I was fooled into thinking he had some compassion.
But, deep down, I knew he was compassionate. I saw it the night he burned Mikael. He had even gone as far as adding garlic, something that I wanted to do. I suppose him being a mind-reader he would have gotten wind of my thoughts. Yet, I was grateful he had tortured him and finally killed him. I don't think I would have been strong enough to torture him that way.
I sighed and pulled my hands away and looked at them. I was paler than before, my skin clearer and my eyes —I knew from catching a nearby mirror —were an ugly rust colour. My golden hair I cherished in my childhood was even more lustrous than before. Yet, I was still the same old Livvy.
I was in love with the vampire king and he...I had no clue how he really felt about me. In the letter I read before they came, he said that he loved me, but did he really mean it? Could he really mean it? Especially with the beautiful Alyona around him, but disregarding what she said.
I stood up and walked around the library while I read my book from earlier. There was a light knock at the door and Vasya popped his head in. "Hey," he smiled. "It is time for you to eat something," he urged.
I shook my head stubbornly. "I will not drink someone's blood," I said adamantly.
He sighed and rubbed his head tired. For the last three days he has been trying to get me to eat something. "Alex got it from a donor, thinking that you would be more comfortable that way," he said in defeat.
I shook my head. "No."
He slid to the floor and frowned. "What's going on in your mind, Livvy?" he asked concerned about me.
"Nothing," I answered quickly.
He raised an eyebrow at me. "Funny how I don't believe you," he said sarcastically.
"Funny how an old vampire knows how to use sarcasm," I said trying to deflect the topic.
He barked out a short, dry laugh. "Stop changing the subject."
I pulled my face at him and frowned. "Funny how I will never get wrinkles isn't it?" I asked.
He studied me for a second and then gave me a sad smile. "So that is what is troubling you," he said as if he finally figured it out.
I snorted. "No shit!" I said angrily.
"No lady uses such words," he said with a raised eyebrow.
I pushed my hair out of my face. "I am no lady. I have never been. I was only ever a puppet for everyone to string me along and make me dance the way they want me to. I am tired of it. I want to leave," I said, but unknowingly I placed a pun on leave. "Kill me, Vas. Please," I begged.
"No, no, no way in hell would I ever do that to you!" he said fervently.
I turned my back on him and sat back at the window seat. "Why won't you do it? Let me die. I was meant to die when Mikael killed me, but Alex interfered. He messed with God's plans!" I said with a thick voice, but no tears would come. No tears could come from a dead body.
He held his hands in surrender. "That is Alex's dealings and I am not going into it with you."
"Then leave," I said bitterly.
It was hours later and the house was completely quiet. It unnerved me slightly as flashes of the attack came back. I could remember the fear, the dizziness and the rush of adrenaline that spurred me on.
I shook my head and walked on. I could no longer go to the kitchen. There was no true comfort for me there. I could eat it, but not taste it. At least until my body had its share of blood that I adamantly refused to have.
"Olivia," Alex's rough voice scared me as I reached the lounge.
"What?" I growled at him.
"I'm sorry," he said sadly.
"I don't care!" I said and spun around, ready to run back to the library, but Alex was faster and he caught me before I took a step.
"Leave me alone!" I growled and looked at his hand that held onto my arm.
"Not until we talk," he said calmly and carried me to his room. I thrashed the whole way, but thankfully his vampire speed made it a short distance. I was not ready to talk yet.
When I went to face Mikael and his crew with a smile, it was because I knew I was going to die and I knew I was dying while Alex loved me. My death would hurt him and his family for a while, but eventually he would get over it and would have married someone else, never in a million years would I have expected him to turn me into a vampire.
I thought that he respected my wishes enough to let me die as a human. I thought that he would understand and respect me enough to let me die the way I was born.
As soon as he let go of my arm, I pulled it away and stared at him with my arms crossed over my chest.
"Speak," I said tonelessly.
"I'm sorry," he said again. "I panicked. I didn't know what to do and I reacted on instinct. I couldn't let you die. I couldn't," he said as if it had physically hurt him. As if my death would cause him pain.
"Why not?" I whispered. Somehow seeing him so vulnerable made my heart flutter with emotions I thought I would lose.
He looked at the floor, avoiding my gaze. "I am a damn selfish creature, that is why!" he shouted and I flinched back. "I goddamn want you for myself for all eternity."
I stared at him, wide-eyed and shocked and I was about to speak further when Vasya walked in panic struck. "Alex, it is the council!" he said nervously.
Alex swore colourfully and gave me an apologetic look. "I'm sorry," he muttered and walked out with Vasya hot on his heels.
I scoffed and walked out of his room into my little room at the library. I should have known that nothing would have changed. I should have known that Alex's letter meant nothing —even his words he just uttered to me. They were meaningless. Words are just empty words until there is an action accompanying it.
I curled up in my bed as Catherine walked in. "Stop it," she said harshly.
I looked at her and felt like crying. When I asked Alex for Eli and he told me that he was dead, my heart hurt like hell and I wanted to cry. Then he went on to say that Eli was the one behind all the incidents and at first I thought he was lying, but then things started clicking into place like how he always seemed to be at the right place, at the right time.
When I said I wanted Cathy, I saw Alex's face fall and I saw how it hurt him to leave, but I had to do it. As Cathy saw me, she ran to me and hugged me tightly against her chest and sobbed as loudly as she could.
"I don't want to be like this!" I cried miserably.
Cathy pulled back from me and stared at me wide-eyed —shock was evident on her face. It seemed as if that was the last thing she had ever expected me to say. "B-but why?" she asked confused.
I gave her a dull stare. How could she, my best friend, not understand what I was going through? And if she didn't understand me, who did? "Obviously because this was the same thing to kill my parents!" I said, slightly loudly as I was offended that she didn't understand.
"And I guess that since I am part of those monsters you don't want to be near me either?" she asked hurt.
"No! Of course not!" I said quickly. "You are like a sister to me."
She smoothed back my hair and smiled at me compassionately. "Then why are you fighting it?"
"Because I will be around forever and not be with him forever. I will be here forever, to see him be with someone else," I answered her softly.
"By him to do you mean Alex?" she asked carefully.
I rolled my ugly eyes at her. "Of course, who else?"
She smiled at me conspiratorially. "I was just checking, no need to drink me dry!" she teased.
"Whatever," I said with a smile and laid down in the bed too tired to move. "He is going to marry Alyona right?" I asked.
She let out a deep sigh and joined me on the bed, lying carefully beside me. "I honestly don't know. But she is such a nice person," she answered sadly.
"Do you like her to be queen?"
"I would rather much prefer you," she smiled and wrinkled her nose at me.
I rolled my eyes at her and gave her a smile. "I doubt I am even considered for that role," I said, but my thoughts went to the letter I found in Alex's drawer.
Could he really love me? Were all his temper tantrums for me? Was it possible that he could feel that way for me? But, that letter was written months ago and things have changed. Yet, I spoke before Cathy could get a word in. "Cathy, do you think Alex could feel something for me?" I asked quietly.
She nodded excitedly, but said no out loud so that the vampires, if they were listening, knew she sided with them. "Oh you know what? Who gives a damn if they hear us," she muttered. "Yes! He definitely feels something for you! He was distraught when he saw your body drained and he made sure that all those involved paid for it. He didn't kill them quickly, Livvy. He really made them suffer. He used silver against them and refused to feed them. He beat them broken each and every day. He wouldn't leave you, but when he did, he broke every single bone in Mikael and Jonah's body. Every day. Livvy, if that doesn't tell you how he feels, then I don't know what will," she said trying to get me to see things his way.
But I couldn't see things his way. "But how can I be a vampire? I am betraying my parents by being like one of them," I said and if I could have cried, I would have.
She rubbed my shoulder comfortingly. "You are not betraying your parents, love. This was your destiny. You were meant to be part of the vampire world, Livvy. You were continuously thrown in this world. It is a sign for you. You belong here. This is your world now," she said as soothingly as she could.
"He changed me against my will," I pointed out.
"You were dying," she countered. "And he didn't think straight, as always when things concern you."
I raised my eyes at that. "What do you mean?"
She gave me a look that said I was being stupid and naïve, but I was not at fault. I had limited contact with men.
"When he brought you home all those years ago, he saved your life. But he never intended to turn you nor use you for blood, which is against some sort of law —unless the vampire was in love with the human. You were nine and he could not have been in love with you at that time," Cathy said.
I nodded, realizing how much trouble he could have been in had he not been king.
"That was the first sign that he was not thinking. He was never supposed to be associated with a human, yet he kept you safe and he kept you in his mansion. He never allowed anyone onto the fourth floor since his parents died, yet you were allowed. Alex never indulged anyone in anything, yet he allowed Henry to train you, he let you touch his mother's rose bush. He bought you brand new clothing each season and it was always the best of the range. Then when you left, he had one of the worst tempers ever. And I have seen a lot of his tempers, but none was ever so bad as that one. He was absolutely livid. Do you remember?" she asked me.
I nodded as I remember how badly thrashed his room was the day he heard me talk about the cute green eyed guy I worked with when I ran away.
"And then the night he got so mad at you when he saw you curled up in Eli's arms? He was jealous. He has always been reckless and impulsive when it comes to you, Livvy. In over a hundred years, he never let anyone he didn't trust near him and then you just waltzed into his life and you were the focal point. Everyone saw that and that was why the threat was made on you, but Alex found out that it was just Mikael and them trying to coax you out. However, overprotective Alex didn't let you know that the threat was directly for you. He made you believe it was the entire family. He protected you Livvy. He always has," she said and hugged me.
I let out a deep sigh, thinking of everything she said. "But if it is true, why has he just left me?" I asked.
"You asked for Eli first," she said softly, gently.
I paled, if that was possible. "He felt useless, didn't he?"
She nodded and I cradled my head. "I have made a big mess, haven't I?"
She smiled and nodded again. "I don't know how to fix it," I admitted.
She kissed my temple and stood. "You will know when the time is right," she said.
"Cathy, but I still don't want to be a vampire. I cannot be here for all eternity and watch them. He has chosen her already, despite what his actions may indicate. Granted he may have feelings for me, but she is still his queen."
"Are you giving up?" she asked.
"Yes," I answered.
"Then you are missing out on the reason to live for all eternity," she answered cryptically and walked out.
I looked up at Cathy to find her glaring at me. "Stop what?" I asked lifelessly.
"Stop sulking and moping. Trying to kill yourself again is only going to cause more and more tension for everyone." She sat on the corner of the bed and took one hand and rubbed circles in it.
"I can't," I murmured.
"You can't what?" Cathy asked confused.
"I can't speak to Alex."
"Why not?"
"Because I love him and I am scared that I am going to hear the opposite from him," I answered her.
"Have you got over the whole phase of trying to kill yourself by starvation?" she asked instead.
I nodded.
"Good." She turned towards the door and yelled. "Antoine! Bring the blood!"
I rolled my eyes as Alyona walked in. She smiled at me, but I couldn't return it. She may have tried to convince me that she and Alex had nothing going on, buy you can't trust a beautiful woman.
"Here's the blood," she said kindly.
I gave her a smile, I didn't like her but I was raised to be courteous. "Thanks."
She gave a warm smile and walked out closing the door behind her. Immediately, I sniffed the blood. It smelled like the most enticing thing in the world.it was like heaven was just a sip away. I picked up the frosted glass and was glad that I could not see anything through it, because my humanity was still lingering.
On one hand, I was craving it like I would have craved chocolate mousse cake a few days ago, but on the other, I was repulsed by it. It was something that came out of a poor soul. It was meant to save someone's life in a necessary situation and there I sat, craving it.
"Drink it," Cathy urged me.
I shook my head, I couldn't do it. I was cheating someone the right to live, because I wanted to live. "I can't and I won't," I said adamantly.
"You will have to," Cathy sympathised. "Eventually."
"Eventually." I could handle that, I thought.
"Fine. Have you spoken to Alex at all?" she asked.
"Not really. He spoke most of the time. All I could see was the fact that he took away a choice from me," I said. "Then Vasya walked in and whisked him away to meet with the council," I ran a hand through my hair.
"Why do you only see that?" she asked in a tone that a psychologist would use.
I gave her a look. "What the hell? I do not need therapy," I said quickly.
She laughed. "You do, you are way too angry about this."
"Are you trying to say that I have no right to be angry?"
"You do, but is being a vampire truly so repulsive?" she asked hurt.
I sighed. "No," I said and thought that maybe if I had someone to spend it with it would seem much better. "No," I said more decisively. "You know what? I think it is going to be exciting!"
I looked at her and smiled. "I am going out. I am going to travel the world. Screw having someone to love. I am going to find love. And I am going to start living my life —or rather existence!" I said excited by the prospect of freedom.
She grinned. "That's the spirit! Now drink this blood," she said pointing to my hand.
I pulled my face and put the glass down. "Soon," I said trying to avoid it.
"Now help me!" I said and pulled her to the stack of books all about travel. "I want to find at least fifty places to travel to in the next year!"
She rolled her eyes but none the less helped me.
We had picked out at least ten places for me to travel to, including what to see and what to eat when we heard Alex yell for everyone to meet in the library. We stood and froze at the anger in his voice. Soon enough, they all shuffled in and I went and sat on my bed, waiting for him to walk in and tell us what was wrong.
As Antoine shut the door, all eyes turned to Alex who wore a tight black jeans, a black button up shirt and dark brown —nearly black boots on his feet. His dark hair was tousled and he looked furious.
Vasya nudged him and when he glared at Vasya, Vasya just rolled his eyes in return. "I was just speaking to the council right now." His voice was deep and rumbly and I knew he was completely angry. The weirdest thing though, was that instead of Alyona holding his hand and comforting him, she was hugging Antoine's arm.
I frowned, it wasn't my business and I knew I had to fight the urge to be the one to comfort him and hold him. My place was never beside him.
"And?" Sebastian prompted impatiently. Cathy nudged him, sensing Alex's anger.
Instead of yelling at Sebastian, Alex just rolled his eyes at him and looked straight at me as he broke my heart. "They want me to get married in the next week."
The room went silent and had I still been human, I knew my heart would have beat erratically at the statement. I looked at the floor and was thankful that I couldn't cry because it would have given my true emotions away.
He had to get married? In a week?
"No!" Rosie yelled annoyed. "They cannot force him," she argued.
He turned to her with a gentle smile. "A king can only rule without a queen for a decade," he said calmly to her.
"But you are only ruling for about five years!" she protested.
He nodded at her. "I know, but they said that ..." he broke off.
"Go on," Vasya prompted.
He shook his head stubbornly.
"She deserves to know," Vasya said and casted a quick glance in my direction.
"No! She does not have to be forced into this!" Alex said stubbornly.
"Xander, tell her," Alyona pushed as well.
I was beginning to get worried. Were they talking about me? But what was it truly about? I looked between Alex and Alyona trying to figure out what she was to him, but all I could see was the way she held onto Antoine lovingly, and the way he held his hand over hers protectively.
Was she telling me the truth? If so, then why did she hang on Alex the first time I saw her?
"Alyona! Stop it! I will get someone else to do it!" he told her in a deadly calm voice.
"Alex, who must you tell what?" Sebastian asked. I was grateful that I was not the only confused one in the room.
Alex scratched his head nervously. He casted a nervous glance my way and I avoided it by turning my head the opposite way. "The council wants me to marry Olivia."