"Every parting gives a foretaste of death, every reunion a hint of the resurrection."
— Arthur Schopenhauer
↣ ↢
Kathryn
THE SOUND OF gunshots had me flying down the pavement. As my eyes scanned the treeline, I almost stopped dead in my tracks as I saw the governor standing at the edge of the forest. Something else was far more important, though. Rick was quickly becoming surrounded, and I'd be damned if I let him become walker chow.
Gunshots erupted at my feet. I removed the gun I had grabbed on my way and twisted over my shoulder. I squeezed the trigger, causing the man in the watchtower to go down. Ripping the gate open, I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, evading walkers as I went.
I caught Michonne's eye. "Cover me!" I yelled. She quickly jumped into action and turned into my shadow, easily taking out anything that got too close. I made sure to remember she had my back if I needed her.
Once I was through the broken gates, I removed my bow from my back. Taking out a bolt, I quickly stabbed a nearby walker with its tip before loading it. I took a breath before firing. The walker on Rick's left went down, but the second walker had as well. Last time I remember, I was good...not that good.
I glanced to the treeline once more, and this time, I did stop in my tracks. There he was. Alive and well, fighting alongside his brother. My body snapped back into action as the warmth of anger flooded my veins. Rushing to Rick's side, I grabbed his hand and lifted him to his feet. He kept his hand clasped within my own.
"You good?" he asked, and I knew he was talking about more than fighting my way out here.
"We need to move." As if on cue, I heard the growl of walker behind me. My knife was in my hand in a second, and I spun on my heel, stabbing the blade into the underside of its chin. In that same moment, a bolt appeared in its skull as well. How fucking sweet.
Considering our combined skill level, the rest of the walkers in the nearby area were taken care of efficiently. I kept my eyes trained on the ground when we were done. I wouldn't give him any recognition, despite the fact I could feel his gaze burning into the side of my head.
"You're looking good, Blondie. Healed up nice, I see." I let my gaze flit up to Merle.
"Wish I could say the same to you. Did I break it?" I asked, refferring to his nose. The steadiness of my voice surprised even me. He chuckled. I couldn't stand there any longer, so I quickly began to make my way back to the courtyard. I vaguely registered the footsteps behind me, but I was too focused on not looking back.
Michonne was suddenly by my side. I told her, "Thanks for having my back. I'll make sure to return the favor." Our conversation was interrupted as two walkers turned to face us. We went back to back and each took out one.
She almost smirked. "I have no doubt."
↣ ↢
Everyone was well except for Axle whom we had unfortunately lost. As I descended the stairs to the common area, I noticed my side gave me more grief than usual. Glancing down, I saw a faint red spot seeping through my shirt. Well isn't it my lucky day.
Just as the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, I ducked further into the cell block. Hershel was easy enough to find. "Hey..." I said as I approached him. Wringing my hands, I asked, "Would you...fix a stitch?"
"Kathryn," Hershel said disapprovingly.
I hung my head ever so slightly. "C'mon did you really think I'd make it without breaking at least one."
To my surprise, he chuckled. "No, dear, but an old man can dream."
I unbuttoned my shirt once we were inside his cell. The black fabric pooled on the ground as I dropped it.
"Did I ever tell you about my first wife?" Hershel asked as he got out his needle and thread.
"I heard bits and pieces..."
"Well my Josephine was...utter perfection. I, on the other hand, was a complete, well...jackass. The bottle had gotten me, just as it had gotten my father. When Maggie was born, I gave it up and she gave me a second chance." He laughed. "It was more than second, but we'll just stick with that." I narrowed my eyes at him, seeing where he was headed. He gave me a little smile as he saw he'd been caught. "I am forever grateful that she gave me that second chance."
"Not everyone deserves a second chance," I replied.
Hershel nodded. "That is true, but think long and hard before you shut that door completely."
Daryl
She looked different. She walked different. All the differences were piling up in my head, making it spin.
Once Merle was squared away, locked up where he couldn't start a fight on the very first night. I cautiously began my search. By the way the group members avoided eye contact, and a rather intense glare from Carl, I could tell they all knew something I didn't. I had feeling I wasn't going to like it either.
I nearly ran into Hershel as he stepped out of his cell. He spoke in a low voice. "We are all happy you're back, son." He placed a hand on my shoulder. "Some of us are just a little more reluctant to show it." Gesturing over his shoulder into his cell, a sense of dread started to sink in.
I mustered up whatever courage I had left, and pushed passed him to face her. I stood quietly in the doorframe, with my head bowed. Peering up at her, I saw her torso was covered in bandages. Only a few parts of her skin could be seen, and they weren't her normal pale complexion but the purple and green of healing bruises.
She avoided all eye contact as she grabbed her shirt and started to shrug it over her shoulders. Her stony expression flickered as her injuries were no doubt bothering her. Instinctively, I took a step inside the cell to help her but stopped myself there. She finished fastening the buttons of her black shirt. I shifted as my nerves were going to strangle me.
"You can save your words," she said in a dead voice. "There of no use to me."
Chills ran up my spine. "Kath—"
"Don't call me that."
It was a punch to the gut. Where did I even begin? All I wanted was to hold her, but I didn't feel like losing a tooth or being choked out. I opted for one step closer and corrected myself, "Kathryn, Rick told ya what went down, right?" She rose to her feet and kept her eyes straight ahead as she approached the door. I saw she was going to leave without one word, I quickly grabbed onto her wrist. She froze, and we remained like that, her not even looking at me. "Don't walk away," I pleaded.
"What? Like you did?" she growled.
All the air left my lungs. She was right. "Sixty seconds," I pleaded, standing my ground despite the fact my legs felt like Jell-O.
For the first time in such a long time, her green eyes met my gaze. I flinched away as the anger behind them was unparalleled to anything I'd ever seen. "So you get to walk away whenever you goddamn please, but I'm supposed to stay put and wait for your sorry ass?"
And just like that, I could feel the remains of whatever was left in me break into tiny pieces. She ripped her arm from my now loosened grip. She raised an eyebrow, expecting an answer. She gave an awful laugh that made my insides knot themselves and sneered at my silence. "What? Kat got your tongue? Here's the answer." She took a step forward; I could feel the heat radiating off of her. Her voice was venom as she said in a low voice, "There is no more time to waste on you. This...this is your last second." She waited a beat before pushing past me.
I watched her leave, and as she disappeared out of sight, I whacked the side of the cell with the palm of my hand. It was good to know that I was still fantastic at fucking things up. A+ work. One of my best really. I squeezed my eyes shut and rested my head atop my hand which still lay on the wall. The dread that had filled me was gone...everything was gone. Emptiness took its place.
The group was steadily making their way to bed. Everyone was keeping their heads down, pretending not to notice anything that was going on. It was torture walking back to the cell I knew. I stood outside it for the longest time. She wouldn't be there. She should be there, but I was an asshole who fucked everything up.
With whatever was left of me, I made my way inside. I didn't get very far though before I nearly face planted. Regaining my balance, I picked up what I had tripped on. It was a book. Flipping it over, I saw in gold letters A Midsummer Night's Dream.
I huffed in frustration and gently placed the book on the shelf beside the cot. The exhaustion was now deeper than bones. I felt as if I'd never get rid of it. Kicking off my boots, I sat at the edge of the cot. My heart jumped into my throat as I saw what was beside me. Both my vest and that damn blue blanket lay sprawled on the bed. I folded my vest and threw it beside my boots. I brought my legs up on to the cot and quickly wrapped myself in the blanket. It vaguely smelled like her if I concentrated hard. I felt my eyes start to sting.
"Fuck."
Kathryn
As the smell of the garage enveloped me, I finally let myself break. My whole body was shaking as tucked myself away in the farthest corner. One sob escaped me. How could he just show up and think everything was fine? It was not fine. Nothing was fine anymore.
I thought you had a grip on this, Kat.
Oh shut your fucking face before I shut it for you.
You can't punch your way out of your own mind.
I wrapped my arms tighter around my legs, tucking myself up in a perfect ball.
↣ ↢
Leaning against the far wall, I was listening to what the group's next plan of attack would be. Rick had snapped back into his role as leader as if a day hadn't gone by.
"We're not leaving," Rick said firmly.
"We can't stay here," Hershel countered.
"What if there's another sniper?" Maggie asked. "A wood pallet won't stop one of those rounds."
"We can't even go outside," Beth said.
"Not in the daylight," Carol corrected.
Glenn spoke out. "If Rick says we're not running, we're not running." I narrowed my gaze at Glenn. Look who was back on the Rick bandwagon. Ye of little faith.
"Nah," Merle said from my left. He was currently locked up in the common area. He leaned against the bars. "Better to live like rats."
"You gotta better idea?" Rick asked him. To my surprise, Rick was holding back some of his sarcasm.
Merle looked at Rick like he was stupid. "Yeah, we should've slid out of here last night and lived to fight another day. But we lost that window, didn't we? I'm sure he's got scouts on every road out of this place by now."
"We ain't scared of that prick," Daryl said from the catwalk. He was directly across from me, just a level higher. I wasn't playing any of his games, and made sure I looked everywhere but there. It was surprising his eyes didn't burn a hole in my forehead.
"Y'all should be," Merle said. "That truck through the fence thing, that's just him ringing the doorbell. We might have some thick walls to hide behind, but he's got the guns and the numbers. And if he takes the high ground around this place...shoot, he could just starve us out if he wanted to."
"Let's put him in the other cell block," Maggie growled.
"Maggie," I said, speaking for the first time, "he's not spouting bullshit."
"How do you know?" she asked.
I looked over at Merle. "Are you spouting bullshit?"
He grinned. "Nah, Blondie."
"And you're gonna take his word?" Glenn asked.
"He has no reason to lie to us, and from my experience with the Governor, all those things seem pretty damn plausible."
Maggie faced Merle. "This is all you. You started this!"
"What difference does it make whose fault it is?" Beth interjected. "What do we do?"
"I said we should leave," Hershel insisted once more. "Now Axel's dead. We can't just sit here."
Rick took a quick glance around the room. He then started heading out. As he passed me, I looked up and met his gaze.
"Get back here!" Hershel yelled. Rick stopped right in front of me. He continued to hold my gaze as Hershel continued. "You're slipping, Rick. We've all seen it. We understand why, but now is not the time. You once said this isn't a democracy." Rick broke away and looked back at Hershel. "Now you have to own up to that. I put my family's life in your hands. So get your head clear and do something."
My skin prickled at the confrontation. I wasn't sure if I had ever heard Hershel yell or be that harsh. It needed to be said though. Rick nodded. "I know. I'm working out a plan." He glanced back at me. "I promise."
Daryl
I cautiously made my way down the stairs. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Kathryn was sitting next to Michonne who was cleaning her katana. Kathryn was sharpening her knife. I would've made my next attempt...if she wasn't currently holding a knife.
I walked up to where Merle was still standing by the gate. Before I could say anything, he asked, "Do, uh, Blondie and Sheriff Rick have a thing going on?"
I nearly threw up right there and then. "What?" was the only word I could manage.
"Y'know, getting it on behind closed doors?"
Shaking my head, I said, "No...no they're not...why would you think that?"
Merle scoffed. "Ya didn't see it from your perch, but, uh, officer was making some kind of goo goo eyes at her. Lucky bastard if they are. I mean, look at her." I didn't turn around. Merle rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you haven't thought about hitting that ass." He snorted. "You still a pansy when it comes to that shit? Grow a pair and use 'em man."
My hand closed into a fist at my side as I felt the overwhelming urge to reach through these bars and strangle him. "She ain't going for no one," I snarled.
Merle narrowed his eyes at me. "What crawled up your ass and died?"
Rick suddenly walked into the cell. "Field's filled with walkers. Didn't see any snipers out there, but we'll keep Maggie on watch."
I left Merle and walked next to Rick. "I'll get up in the guard tower," I suggested, "take out half 'em walkers, give these guys a chance to fix the fence."
"Or use some of the cars to put the bus back in place," Michonne suggested from behind me. I glanced over at her and couldn't help looking over at Kathryn as well. She was looking rather bored, twirling her knife between her fingers. The only adjective that came to mind when I looked at her was deadly.
"We can't access the field without burning through our bullets," Hershel pointed out.
"So we're trapped in here," Glenn concluded. "There's barely any food or ammo."
"Been here before," I said. "We'll be all right."
"That's when it was just us," Glenn said. "Before there was a snake in the nest."
Anger flared inside me as I turned to face him. "Man, we gonna go through this again?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. "Look, Merle's staying here. He's with us now. Get used to it."
"Hey," Rick said from my side.
I couldn't even look at him. "All y'all," I finished with. Taking the steps two at a time, I soon found myself back in the cell. Their conversation still carried inside, though.
Glenn was yapping about Merle when suddenly her voice broke through. "Try and put your anger aside for one minute and think about this. We need the muscle, and we need insight to how the governor works so we can stay ahead."
"Why are you so keen about defending him, huh? Just because he's Daryl's brother doesn't mean—"
It got deathly quiet. "What the fuck did you just say?" There was no reply to her question. "This has jack shit to do with him. We were talking about Merle. Why don't you get your head out of your ass for two seconds, stop wallowing in your own hatred, and use that brain of yours!"
Despite myself, I couldn't help but snicker. Serves him right. I plopped down on the cot, and started racking my brain as to how I would get her to talk to me. As I came up with zero brilliant plans, things started to seem helpless. I hurt her. I was the scum of the Earth. Looking around the cell, all I saw was her. Everywhere.
I absentmindedly played with one of my bolts until Carol walked in. She leaned against the opposite wall and gave me a long look. She smiled. "Haven't had a chance to say I'm glad you came back."
"To what?" I asked. I gestured around the empty cell. It was missing another heartbeat. "All this?"
"This is our home," Carol said, sitting in a chair across from me.
Home wasn't a thing that existed to me. "This is a tomb," I said. My voice came out quieter than I had intended.
"That's what T-Dog called it. Thought he was right till you found me."
I smirked slightly. Maybe it was possible for something to change from a tomb into something more pleasant.
"He's your brother," she began, "but he's not good for you. Don't let him bring you down. After all, look how far you've come."
There was a moment of silence before we both chuckled. I froze as I heard footsteps. Carol gave me a weird look and turned to face the cell doorway just in time to see Kathryn walk by and disappear with a flash of blonde hair. She hadn't even slowed. I stared at the doorway, urging her to come back.
"I'm worried about her," Carol muttered.
"Why?" I asked, a little too fast. I was dying to know how she was.
Carol looked up at me. "She's gone back to the old Kathryn. The one we knew in Atlanta...maybe worse. She won't eat, sleep, or talk to anyone unless it's important. Sometimes not even then. As far as I know, her physical wounds are healing nice, but other than that..."
I swallowed hard. It was my fault. All of it.
"She took your leaving the hardest, even if she won't admit it. Don't believe her tough act. Go, talk to her."
"She don't want nothing to do with me."
"Daryl Dixon. Go and talk to her," Carol urged. "I can't stand you moping about."
"I don't mope," I snarled. Carol raised an eyebrow, and I folded. "What am I supposed to say?" I asked. "Huh? Don't act like you didn't see what happened last night."
"Yes, I saw what happened, but today's a new day." She stood up and gave my shoulder a squeeze. "You know her best. You'll know what to say. Just...tell her what's on your mind. She camps out in the garage most nights, but you didn't hear that from me."
Kathryn
As I walked into the common room, I saw Michonne was doing push ups on the cement. I walked over to her and dropped to a crouch. Michonne froze in the up position. "Y'know...if you keep your elbows in close to your body when you do those it's not as hard on your joints." She gaze me a wary look. With some resistance from my healing body, I shuffled into position. "It's called stacking. You keep your wrists under your elbows, elbows under shoulders." Michonne aligned her body to mirror mine. She then looked over at me in question. "Yeah, that's better. Just..." I tapped her elbow, causing her to tuck it closer to her body.
She tried a few push ups out before smirking over at me.
Footsteps had me glancing over. Merle walked up and sat atop one of the tables. "Where you learn that? 'Bout the...stacking. You a trainer before this?"
I shook my head. "I have a bad shoulder that I wasn't going to let slow me down."
"I get the feeling you don't let nothing slow you down."
"You'd be right."
Maggie suddenly ran into the prison. "Y'all, we might have a problem."
↣ ↢
Merle, Daryl, Rick and myself filed out to the courtyard while the other members of the group took up various defensive positions around the prison. Rick glanced at me. "Go."
With the scope of a rifle up to my eye, I swiftly made my way to a car across the pavement. My finger hovered over the trigger, ready to take out anyone camping in the guard towers. There were no signs of life. "Clear," I called back. The members darted to the gate. I fell into line as Merle passed me. We made a triangle of sorts, watching every corner of the woods.
"Are you alone?" Rick demanded.
"Open the gate," Andrea replied.
I narrowed my eyes at her. Rick had said she was alive, but it didn't tamper the surprise that filled me when Maggie had said she was here. Especially considering the fact she was apparently close with the Governor.
"Are you alone?" Rick asked again.
She was close to the gate now. "Rick!"
Rick folded, tossing the keys to Daryl who opened the gate. The second she was inside, though, Rick pushed her up against the fence. He searched her bag before pulling her to her knees. As time passed, it became obvious there was no immediate danger.
"Welcome back," Rick snarled. He then gestured to the prison, causing everyone to fall back.
I was the last one in, still a little slower than normal. My eyes flickered over, and they caught a flash of blue. Locking my jaw, I moved to the opposite side of the room and sat on the table across from him.
"I can't believe this." Andrea looked around at everyone. "Where's Shane?" Rick shook his head as she looked to him. "And Lori?"
"She had a girl," Hershel answered. "Lori didn't survive. Neither did T-Dog."
My eyes dropped to the floor as emotions tried to resurface.
"I'm so sorry," she said quietly. "Carl..." her voice was genuine, but Carl wasn't having any of her sympathy. He fixed her with a steely look. She turned to face me. "Oh, Kathryn."
I tensed as her arms were suddenly around me. My skin pricked worse than usual at the touch. What was this?
She held me at arm's length. "I never saw you after you shot that walker. Kathryn...I owe you my life."
"Step out of my bubble, promise to never do that again, and we'll call it even."
"I missed your sarcasm," she said almost nostalgically.
Rolling my eyes, I said, "Yeah, I'm real endearing. Miss Congeniality." Andrea went back to talking with the group. I rubbed my arm, trying to get my nerve endings to stop freaking the fuck out. It was mostly in my head, I knew that, but I wasn't the best at facing the things that resided in my head.
"I don't get it," Andrea said, looking at all of us. "I left Atlanta with you people, and now I'm the odd man out?"
"He almost killed Michonne," Glenn replied. "Left Kathryn to bleed out on a cement floor, and he was working on killing Maggie and I."
"With his finger on the trigger!" Andrea yelled, pointing at Merle. "Isn't he the one who kidnapped you? Who beat you?" As we didn't give Andrea the expression she wanted, she pinched the bridge of her nose and took a breath. "Look, I cannot excuse or explain what Philip has done. But I am here trying to bring us together. We have to work this out."
Philip? No wonder he went by the Governor. Philip was such a frightening name.
I bristled as Daryl's voice filled the common room. "I'll tell you what. Next time you see Philip tell him I'm gonna take his other eye."
"Get in line, Dixon." It took a second for my brain to catch up with my mouth. When it did, I looked up at him. He was staring back at me in shock. I would assume it wasn't my threat, but the fact I actually talked to him that was so surprising. "Watch out, your face might freeze that way." It was then Daryl rolled his eyes slightly.
As the conversation moved on, I then noticed that my heart was beating rather loudly in my chest. Maybe I was having a heart attack. I briefly shifted my left arm. No pain. Dammit.
↣ ↢
Andrea and Carol's voices filled the cell block. I could hear them clearly from inside my cell. "Rick's become cold," Andrea said. "Unstable."
"He has his reasons," Carol replied.
"Did something happen between Kathryn and Daryl?"
"What do you mean?" Carol was trying to be nonchalant. How nice of her.
"I mean back at the farm, you'd never have one without the other. They were always together. Y'know, watching everything unfold from the far wall with the same unreadable expression. Now they're sitting on opposite sides of the room?"
"If you can believe it, they had gotten even closer. Daryl made a bad choice recently, and Kathryn got caught hardest in the crossfire."
"Are they gonna be okay?"
"They both have their...codes—things they feel like they have to live by. Old habits die hard y'know, but...I don't think those two can stay a part. Eventually something will push them back together."
I snorted. That was really funny Carol, but I don't make the same mistake twice.
↣ ↢
I drove one of the police cars through the courtyard. I had recently gotten her up and running, and if I was being honest, I was slightly bitter we were giving her away. Andrea looked at me as I opened the door.
"Fair warning, she has an attitude problem," I began. "See these wires here? Don't touch them when you're driving. To get her going all you gotta do is..." I touched the wires together and pumped the gas for a split second. She roared to life. To make sure she wouldn't stall, I revved the engine once or twice. She stayed purring.
Getting up out of the car, I heard, "Hey, Blondie, anything else you wanna share with the class?"
"Oh, yeah," I replied. "Thanks for reminding me." I reached into my pocket, and as I brought my hand back out, I flipped Merle off.
Daryl
Beth's soft voice filled the prison. She got to the lyric, "with charcoal eyes and Monroe hips, she went a took the California trip. Well, the moon was gold and her hair like wind" when I glanced up at the top of the stairs. Kathryn stood there. Come on this shit didn't happen in real life, yet there she was, outlined in moonlight. My stomach dropped as Rick stood beside her with Asskicker in his arms. They descended the stairs together which did nothing to ease the pain. Rick took a few steps towards Hershel and I, and Kathryn didn't follow. Rick stopped and pulled at her arm.
They had always been close. Nothing had changed that. I was just seeing it in a new light now, one where I no longer stood by her side as well. Of course it seemed different to me now. I was being stupid as per usual.
"Some reunion, huh?" I asked Rick, trying to get over myself as they joined us.
"She's in a jam," he replied.
"We all are," Hershel added. "Andrea's persuasive."
My gaze flickered to Kathryn. It was obvious she had no interest in this conversation. She was spacing out, a faraway look to her. She was always far away now, wasn't she? She had talked, though. Sure she had been a sarcastic shit, but it was a start. That's how it had started before; it made sense it would start the same way now. It hit me then. I had been trying to work from where we left off. I needed to go back to square one because that's where she had gone.
"So what do ya wanna do?" I asked, starting the conversation back up. That was a new one for me.
"We match it," Rick replied. "I'm going on a run."
"I'll head out tomorrow," I said.
Rick hesitated. He glanced at Kathryn who still wasn't paying attention. "No... I'm glad you're back, and you're tied for first choice when going out on a run. Trust me. I need your hunting skills elsewhere, though."
"Where?"
"If Merle's right, and there are people blocking off the roads, there's a good chance those are some of his better people. I need you to scope them out. Hell, take out a few if you get the opportunity. The more information we have on this guy, the better. You won't go alone of course..."
"Listen," I started, "Merle ain't so great at the quiet shit."
Rick suddenly looked nervous. "You're not bringing Merle. You're bringing Kathryn."