I woke up again when I heard the front door close loudly downstairs. I groggily opened my eyes and glanced at my alarm clock. It was only 11 o'clock? I groaned and buried my head in my pillow and tried to fall back asleep. My eyes snapped back open when I heard high-heels take a couple of steps and then stop. Then my dad's heavy steps. Stop. Indistinct voices drifted through my closed bedroom door. I lifted my head. Who in their right mind would come to pay a visit at 11? Were my parents expecting someone? I lifted my head and sat up. When I heard my mom laugh merrily and another woman's indistinct voice, I became curious. Pushing aside my warm covers, I stood up and walked towards my door and leaned my ear against it. I frowned. The woman's voice sounded familiar. I felt like I have heard it before, but I couldn't remember to whom that voice belonged to.
Quietly turning my door knob, I eased it open and creeped down the stairs, pausing every couple of seconds to make sure the wooden floorboards wouldn't creak and give me away. Thankfully, none of them had a grudge against me. When I arrived at the bottom of the stairs, I pressed myself against the wall and sucked in a huge breath and held it, as if my parents and the mystery person could hear my light breathing. I have clearly been watching too many spy movies.
I peeked around the corner. My mom was sitting on the couch with her back turned to me. Next to her was a slightly shorter blond woman with long, absolutely straight hair. She was currently talking to my dad, who was sitting on the worn armchair. It was his favourite place to sit. After the woman said something he nodded and sipped from his can of beer.
I pulled my head back and furrowed my eyebrows. Where had I seen that strange woman before? When I saw her, I felt like I should know her. It almost felt like I was connected to her in some mysterious way.
Closing my eyes, I tried to concentrate on what the three of them were talking about. It was bound to be something vaguely interesting in the least, if this woman had to come and visit my parents in the middle of the night. No wonder I never heard my parents go to bed before, if they were expecting someone to drop by.
My mom was laughing. "It's great to see you again after all this time, Kani."
Kani? I was tempted to bang my head against the wall, but I restrained myself because otherwise my position would be given away. I just wanted to knock some sense into my head. Maybe some forgotten memories as well for good measure. Damn my sleepy brain.
"Yes, it has been a while. I am happy that I met you at the supermarket today. There was a lot I wanted to talk to you about." I couldn't see the woman's reaction, but I could hear the smile in her voice. It sounded melodious, it had a different tone than Mom's voice. It didn't sound like anyone I have ever heard. Even the way she spoke was slightly different. There was a slight lilt in her voice. A different pronunciation of the words. Not unpleasant, but not usual either. "Have you told the children about the plan for the holidays yet?"
My ears perked up. How did this woman, Kani, know about my family's holiday plans? This was getting frustrating.
"Yes, we have." Mom sighed dramatically. "I'm hoping that Ruby and Dylan will have calmed down by tomorrow. They weren't all that...how should I put this...They had some objections to this sudden change in plan." Another sigh. "Especially my daughter. Such a shame, really. Even though they used to be very good friends. I think Dylan has come to his senses though."
I snorted in irritation. Talking about me like that, how unfair! I had a very valid reason to act like that. After all, Melanie would be coming with us. Feeling indignant, I turned my head again to take another peak at the scene in the living room. Kani had her head angled so that she could face my mom. This gave me a clear and unobstructed view of her face. The shade of brown her irises had reminded me of someone. All in all, Kani seemed to have a rather delicate build. Her face was narrow and her chin and jaw line vaguely resembled the shape of a spade due to the pointy chin. The gentle smile from before still graced her lips in an elegant fashion. She currently had a hand resting supportively on my mom's arm. "I understand what you mean. I didn't really expect your children to warm up to the idea just yet. But it really is about time that Ruby and my daughter start spending more time together." She sighed and dropped her hand.
I had to stifle a gasp and pulled my head back in. Was this who I thought it was? I had a sneaking suspicion when and from where I had heard the name Kani before, now that my brain has finally decided to wake up. Kani has a daughter with whom she wanted me to spend more time with during the holidays. She also knew about our plans to go to the Alps for Christmas. Why would my parents keep a secret meeting with this person if this was truly who I thought it was? With a grim expression on my face, I held onto the corner of the wall and gazed at what was happening.
"I really hope that Melanie and Ruby can patch things up again." My dad took another sip from his beer. I knew it! During dinner, Mom mentioned the name Kani, Melanie's mother! No wonder she seemed familiar. I haven't seen her in such a long time, the last time was before Melanie started ignoring me. I had one clear memory of her offering Lena and me homemade chocolate chip cookies with a gentle smile and sparkling brown eyes. There was no denying the similarity between Melanie and Kani; all the way from the wavy blond hair, the brown eyes and the pointy chin.
Kani's voice snapped me out of thoughts, when I suddenly noticed that her voice had become slightly lower and increased in intensity. I tried to concentrate on listening. A tone of voice like that is basically screaming 'secret' from the rooftops. "Honestly, Miranda," she addressed my mom seriously, "I also had another reason for wanting Melanie to join your family and you know it." She sighed softly and shook her head so that her hair swayed back and forth. "It has started up again. I didn't want my child to have anything to do with it, but I realized soon enough that it makes no sense. Both of them need to talk about it soon." She hesitated. "Have you told Ruby yet? About her heritage?"
I felt, rather than saw Mom and Dad tense up. My heritage? What were they talking about? Yes, I have burned my arch nemesis today with my bare hands, incinerated my math test and had recurring bad dreams, but if that was all part of some sort of heritage, then I didn't want it. My parents were normal and sane after all, why couldn't I be like them?
"Oh, Kani." Mom buried her head in her hands. Kani patted her shoulder comfortingly. "I just don't know what to do! She is so dear to me. My husband and I love her so very much. Her brother adores her and she does everything to make him happy. I don't want that to change, you know? Oh, my little girl!" My heart hurt when I saw Mom like this. Her voice was choked and it became quieter and quieter, as if she couldn't bear to say the words. My heartbeat quickened. I wasn't sure what to think. Was I supposed to be angry, upset, that Mom kept something from me that Kani knew for some reason? Or was I supposed to feel lucky that she loved me so much? But the way she phrased it...Something felt odd about this entire conversation. My grip on the corner of the wall tightened in anticipation and a strange, creeping sense of...dread.
Kani halted the flow of words coming out of Mom's mouth and gently looked at her. "Not your little girl," she softly said. My breath hitched. What right did this woman have, to say something like this to my family?
"I know that she is all grown up already and that she isn't my little girl anymore. In fact, she is a big girl now, a grown woman, I'm very proud of her..." Mom's rambling trailed off and her shoulders slumped down. I heard sniffling from the couch. I wished I could have seen Mom's face. Instead, I stood in the shadow cast by the tall standing lamp in the corner next to the wall, trying to comprehend the situation at hand. Mom, I thought, are you hiding something from me? I thought that you could tell me anything, like I tell you anything. I cringed at that thought as soon as it passed my mind. What a hypocrite! I scolded myself. I didn't even dare to tell my parents about what really happened today.
But still, it hurt that she didn't trust me enough to tell me this special something. I almost decided to take a step out of the shadows when Kani spoke up again. "You know this can't go on forever. You might love her as much as your own child, but soon she will find out. And she won't be happy that you kept this from her."
Everything seemed to be vibrating, up and down, up and down. Until I looked down at my fingers and realized that I was trembling. The feeling of dread had crept up from my stomach and was threatening to choke my throat. I tried to calm my breathing and that suffocating feeling seemed to lessen. I was about to release a sigh of relief, when my hands started tingling again, as if the dread had moved on to my fingers.
Kani continued speaking. "But as some point you will have to draw the line. You know that she differs from your real child."
Dad put his beer on the table with a loud clunk and moved to the couch to gently embrace my mom, who was shaking and quietly sniffing.
"There is no need to differentiate between the two," he rumbled. "It also changes nothing about the fact that we love her as much as we love our real son."
Kani gently sighed and bowed her head in understanding and something that looked like resignation. "Someday, you will find yourself agreeing with me, when everything changes. For the better or for the worse. It's hard to tell at this point of time." The woman leaned back in the couch and seemed to be thinking about something, letting her words sink in.
I wanted to scream, kick the wall, pull out my hair and threaten that woman to continue speaking and to tell me what the hell this was all about. I wanted to BURN something. I clenched my shaking hands and crossed my arms tightly. I didn't even consciously think about it. It was as if it was instinct, as if my body knew that if I touched anything, then it would be nothing but ashes.
My dad was silent for a couple of seconds and then he slowly stood up. He was towering over the woman, but Kani wasn't even fazed. Dad was too nice to hurt anyone. He had a determined glint in his eyes.
"Even when she changes, it won't mean anything. Even when she is different. Even when everything goes to hell." His voice broke at that point and he had to clear his throat several times until he continued speaking. "Because we love her and we really hope that she loves us back. But I know your right." He lowered his eyes. "We have to tell her soon. It will be alright though. Because I know that love is going to be what will keep this family together."
"Yes, yes of course." Kani nodded her head and stood up as well. She only came up to Dad's shoulders. While she swept past him, she lowered her voice sadly and murmured "But often, love is the thing that rips the family apart instead."
She glided past me and I immediately recoiled backwards in an attempt to stay hidden, pressing myself back against the wall and holding my breath. It seemed like it worked, as if I have become one with the wall. All the while I made sure to keep my clenched fists away from anything, out of fear from something to happen that I can't explain. I dared to peek at Kani again. I blinked. She wasn't there anymore. Or... wait. There she was. I heard her soft steps coming from the direction of the front door. Turning my head slightly I could see her opening the front door. Melanie's mother glanced over her shoulder one last time.
Her eyes found mine and she inclined her head slightly, smiling mysteriously. Then she was gone.
My parents were still standing in the living room looking at each other. My father then took Mom by the arm and led her to the porch, where I assumed they were going to sit on the comfortable rattan chairs and either sit in thoughtful silence or talk their problems over, each of them swishing a glass of red wine in their hands. Both of their faces were furrowed with wrinkles I didn't know they had. They almost looked like they had aged twenty years during their discussion with Kani. Dad's mouth was set in a deep frown, which probably won't disappear for a long time. His eyes seemed to have darkened with worry. My mom didn't look any better: her hair looked as confused as her thoughts sounded throughout the entire discussion. She looked tired and her eyes were still slightly red and puffy from crying. I wrapped my hands in the hem of my shirt to quench that irritating feeling in them, but also to distract myself. From what you might wonder? That's an excellent question. From my own thoughts. My parents looked so miserable and sad; I was tempted to give up my spying and run up to them to comfort them. But I couldn't bring myself to do that, not after what I just found out. I have learned that the hard way. Being left alone with one's thoughts is enough to plant doubts, to destroy plans and to lead people astray. But sometimes thoughts can lead to great ideas as I've learned from the countless history lessons that I was forced to endure in school. My thoughts weren't that spectacular though. It was mostly a confusing place filled with thoughts about fandoms I love like Percy Jackson and Hetalia. And if I did decide to think something through, it tended to go horribly wrong in some way because of some stupid mistake. Right then, my brain felt like it was stuffed with cotton. I didn't trust myself to think straight.
The words Kani and my parents had said were still swirling through my head, echoing, repeating, becoming louder and louder until they were impossible to ignore. Not your little girl. Have you told Ruby yet? About her heritage? You might love her as much as your own child. You know that she differs from your real child. And then what my dad said: We love her as much as we love our real son. I knew that I had to step forward, to let my parents know that I knew, that I knew what they have kept from me. But for some reason, everything in me was frozen, like my whole body had been shocked and locked in position.
I drew back, feeling nothing but numbness spreading throughout my entire body. I felt betrayed. I stumbled back up the stairs. I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't want to see my parents. Entering my room, I closed my door gently and leaned against it, letting out a sigh. I blinked, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Then I walked towards the vague shape that I knew was my bed. I passed by my desk where I was attempting to sketch a book character earlier today. It turned out horribly.
My eyes filled with tears, making my vision blur and everything even harder to see. I grabbed my sketch and watched as the paper started curling in on itself, scorch marks spreading from my hands where holding on to the paper. Then it burst into flame. It was as if a dam had broken. Tears were streaming down my cheeks like a river and I was sobbing uncontrollably. I furiously wiped away my tears with one hand and crushed the paper into a ball, flames lapping out of my closed fist. Taking a shuddering breath in an attempt to control myself, I passively watched as the orange and red light illuminated my room dully without burning my hand in the slightest. When the fire finally extinguished, I opened my palm and let the ashes fall to the floor, not caring that I would have to pick it up the next day.
I crawled into my bed and buried my head into my pillow and just laid still, silent and thinking. I turned over and stared at the ceiling above me. Something pricked my eyes again and I quickly squeezed my eyes shut, but not before I felt something roll down my cheek. I let the tear fall. Holding up my hand to my face, I let my thoughts wonder. Opening my eyes, I could just barely see the dark streaks of leftover ash spread across my hand, but no burn marks, nothing to show that I am different.
My hand dropped down onto my covers. I closed my eyes again. I was different after all. Why didn't my parents tell me, even though they knew about something? Oh, wait, the twisted part of my mind whispered, they aren't your parents. Are they?