WARNING! NONE OF THIS SHIT SHOULD BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY! OKAY READ ON!
I walked down the street and smiled.
Wow I love how normal and perfect my life is!
Humming I walked into a coffee shop and stood in line, tapping my hand against my side as I waited. I glanced behind me to see a tall man with chestnut hair and a dark undertone.
He looks friendly, especially those dark circles under his eyes. Inviting!
Smiling I waved gingerly before walking up to the register to order. As I stepped aside to wait for my drink to be made i noticed that the man had ordered the same thing as me. Once my order was called I reached for my drink but the man grabbed it as well.
"Um, yeah, sorry but this is my!" I said rudely as I pulled the drink away from him. Smiling in fake innocence I waved before walking out. I saw the man look at me in disbeleif as I strode out of the shop.
As I walked down the street, sipping my beverage, I heard the patter of feet near me.
Not this guy again...
"I'd like to apologize for what I did back there." I heard him say. Still sipping my drink I nodded.
"Well you were clearly in the wrong my good sir, I ordered first there for I get my drink first. It's not rocket science man, it's just common fucking sense!" I said sarcastically. I could see him getting irritated. "Also it says my name right here." I pointed to the label on my drink. "Granted it is spelled horribly wrong, but it's no where near what yours says, Mr..." I squinted to look down at his drink. "Mr. Songwooed." I read, going back to sipping my drink.
"It's Sangwoo, but hey, why don't I make up for it!" He smiled at me and I rolled my eyes.
"Mhm, ok then. I'll take five bucks or, ya know, you could just leave me alone! I mean hey, the choice is yours!" I smiled cheekily.
"Dinner, I'll take you to dinner, how does that sound?" He suggested. I bobbed my head from side to side, as if bouncing my thoughts around.
"Yeah, sure, can't really urn down free food." I said.
"Fantastic! I'm a great chef!" He announced and I sighed.
Of course!
"Alright then, let's go!" He grabbed my hand and began to drag me down the street.
Oh wow, he's really desperate... Mmm also dinner in the middle of the day, sounds legit.
Once we arrived in his house I realized what a shitty neighborhood he lived in.
Wow how cool! He lives in that neighborhood where all those crimes happened! It's just like in CSI! I thought sarcastically as he led me inside. Taking in my surroundings I removed my shoes.
"Wow your house gives off such a creepy vibe! The barren walls, lack of color or decoration, all the signs of a psychopath!" I smiled at him. Out of no where he brought a bat down on my head.
Knew it.
When I finally woke up I wiggled my hands.
Wow I'm chained up. Woo hoo!
Looking around I noticed I was in a basement with creepy ass tools and shit. Just then Sangwoo walked downstairs with an evil grin on his face.
"No shit I never would've guessed! The creepy dude's a psychopath! NO SHIIIIIIIT!" I roared in sarcasm.
I could tell he was slightly taken aback but he didn't show it very much. I looked up at him with a 'you like Krabby Patties don't you squidward' kinda grin.
"I'm totally fucked aren't I?" I asked, he simply nodded his head before grabbing a sledgehammer and slapping it into his hand like a baseball bat.
"And now I'm going to break your ankles" He said wickedly.
"Oh, by all means, please. Help yourself!" I said, readjusting myself so my legs were in front of me. He looked down at me quizzically.
"you're not going to stop me?" He questioned with a smirk as h walked closer, dragging the hammer behind him. I shook my head.
"Nope." I popped the 'p'. "I mean I really can't stop you, so by all means, knock yourself out!" I smiled. He raised the hammer and brought it down on my ankle I wheezed in pain as the bone cracked. "Oh, fuck tits...." I breathed. "I-I will admit that hurt more than I had anticipated. But hey, one down one to-" He slammed the hammer down onto the other ankle and I coughed in pain. "Oh, jesus dude! No countdown? Nothing? Well I'd like to say 'hey it's okay, nothings broken.' but in this case I would be wrong." I cringed. Sangwoo raised an eyebrow.
"You really aren't going to do anything?" He asked. I threw my hands into the air.
This guy, ammiright?!
"Well I mean I fucking can't now! My ankles are fucked! And, well, oh yeah! Your a shit tone larger than me. I'd rather not mess with that." I motioned to all of him, trying to ignore my throbbing ankles. I made a clicking noise with my tongue as I patted my lap, looking around. "Soooooo, you gonna doing anything else? Are we done here?" I asked, kinda bored.
"Yeah I think so, I have work now." He said, throwing the hammer across the room before walking upstairs. I heard him click the lock shut once he was outside. Once the front door shut I looked around.
So I know I'm fucked, but what can I do to pass the time....
I looked around the moist basement and drummed my fingers on my lap. I started making some weird ass noises until I made one that sounded fucked up.
Whoa there, calm yo-self!
I kept trying to make that noise again but I failed.
Damn...
Once I got bored of that I looked around the basement again.
I could always just go insane.
I spotted the hammer he'd used to break my ankles.
Sledgehammer. Wall. Sledgehammer. Wall. Sledgehammer! Wall! SLEDGEHAMMER!! WALL! SLEDGEHAMMER TOSS!
I shimmied my way across the floor and reached the hammer. Balancing it on my shoulder and holding it with my cheek I held it in place while I pulled my wrists apart so the chain was taught. Letting gravity do it's thing I prepared myself to lose a finger. By sheer luck my chains were snapped in half without the loss of an appendage.
Fuck yea! I didn't have any faith that would work! Man I'm so glad Sangwoo didn't hair me to anything. Pssh... what a novice....
I originally was going to have a mini game of sledgehammer toss but another idea popped into my head. Grabbing the sledgehammer I dragged it behind me as I somehow made my way up the stairs. It had been a solid twenty minutes since Sangwoo left so I should be in the clear. Heaving the hammer up with all my might I dented the wood. I swung again and broke the trap door.
AW HELL YEAH!
Crawling out I pulled up the sledgehammer behind me. Shimmying over to the front door I opened the little hexagon peep hole and looked outside I saw Sangwoo hadn't eft.
Freeloader.
Turning around I headed for the back door. Swinging with all my might I cracked a giant hole in the door and crawled quickly outside and into the bushes, knowing for a fact Sangwoo heard me. Hearing the front door slam shut I clenched the sledgehammer tightly, holding my breath. Sangwoo stormed outside in a mad rage, Cursing my name under his breath he ran back iside. Taking this window of time I crawled like a fucking animal out to the main road. Ignoring my skinned knees I made it finally to the police station and reported Sangwoo.
~One Day Later~
Today I'm visiting Sangwoo in prison. Seems like only yesterday he got arrested. Oh, wait...
I rolled in on my wheel chair and waited on the other side of the glass panel and waited for Sangwoo to be brought in. I saw him walk in, shaking he guards off him as he walked.
Angsty child...
Picking up the phone I tapped the glass and caught Sangwoo's attention. When he realized that it was me he jumped out of his chair and was about to punch the glass when the guards restrained him. I smiled at him. Mocking him. Furiously he grabbed the phone.
"YOU BITCH HOW COULD YOU ESCAPE NO OONE'S EVER ESCAPED ME BEFORE! YOU WHORE!" Sangwoo yelled at me, but I just held the phone away from my ear. Once his little tantrum was over I placed the phone next to my ear.
"You know, Sangwoo, I think prison suits you. That orange perfectly matches how gross and stupid you are. Kisses!" With that I smirked and hung up, turning on my wheelchair and rolling away, leaving a screaming Sangwoo behind me.
What a pussy.
WELL HELLO THERE FRIENDS! I HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY MIND JUNK. I KNOW IT WAS SHIT, BUT HEY, THAT'S GOING TO BE THIS ENTIRE BOOK. LATER GATORS!