I wrung my hands together, squeezed them and felt the sweat seeping out of my palms. To be honest, having this reaction when you're waiting for your boyfriend-who-you-want- to-break-up-with was pathetic and ridiculous. I was waiting in the small, quaint café downtown, waiting for the said boyfriend to show his face when he should've been here thirty freakin' minutes ago!
Why couldn't Jake just waltz right through the door right now so we could get this over with? The longer I wait, the more I think, the more I reconsider, the more I get anxious!
The waiter came with my ordered drink, strawberry kiwi smoothie. The cool sweetness and freshness ran down my throat and I let out a contented sigh after the first sip. It calmed me down a bit, just for a minute.
Then my phone buzzed in my pocket. I silently prayed that it was a text from Jake saying that either he's here or will be here soon.
It's from Jake, alright, but not what I was hoping for. As I read it, I felt different emotions swirl in me. It said: "I am extremely sorry about this but an emergency just came up and I can't make it. But I have to tell you this anyway because I know what you want to talk about. You're right, there hasn't been anything between us lately and I don't feel it anymore. You're not the right girl after all. It's best if we break up. I had great times with you but now it's over. Bye, Avery."
I dropped my jaw, rereading again and again this short paragraph in front on me. I gripped the fancy glass cup so hard it might break under my hand. I couldn't believe it, did Jake seriously just break up with me over text? Granted, it was a lot longer than your typical break up text. But still...it's a break up text...I just got dumped over text!
More furious than sad over this, I slapped a five dollar bill down and stalked right out of the café, ignoring the weird glances people were giving me. I blindly made my way through downtown to get back to my apartment, a good mile route that I've memorized a long time ago.
I stuffed my phone deep in my coat pocket, clenching my fists. If my phone wasn't so dear to me, I would've thrown it against a brick building then stomped all over it until it was nothing more than a bundle of metal and wire, all because it contained that very text message.
I inhaled a huge breath of fresh air and it smelled like there would rain soon. Sure enough, the once sunny afternoon was beginning to darken with rainclouds very quickly. I'd have to speed walk home, hopefully using that much energy would calm my nerves. I did not want to be caught out in the middle of a cold late March rain.
I know I shouldn't be too upset over this since I wanted to break up with him anyway. But of course breaking up over text was going to make any nice person outraged, and this wasn't even the main reason I wanted to pound him in the face! I found his action extremely cowardly, something that I never thought he would do.
When I first met Jake in the beginning of this junior year of college, it wasn't just his golden blonde hair and sparkling ocean eyes that captivated me. We started talking and I took an instant liking to his sweet, funny personality. He was a complete gentlemen, something you don't find often nowadays. After we started dating, I truly thought that I had found my prince charming.
But let me tell all you kids something: when people say "you're too young to love", they really mean, you're too young to love. Apparently at the age of twenty, I was still very naive and fell head over heels too easily for what appeared to be prince charming. You may like someone and be in a relationship with them, but it's not until you're deep into the relationship when your significant other shows their true colors. That is when you decide whether you're in love or not.
Underneath his shining knight armor, Jake was really an inconsiderate asshole. Now, Jake wasn't abusive or anything if that's what you were thinking. But it's like what he said in the text, he didn't feel it anymore and neither did I. Six months into the relationship, I started noticing how he didn't want to hang out much and sometimes our conversations were a little strained.
He started going out to parties which I didn't want to attend because I know how college parties get, so no thank you. Jake always liked going to those kinds of places with lots of people and thrill, because that gives him chances to show off. I began to see him as an opportunistic person for the spotlight. I was always proud of him and backed him up, but then he started pushing me into going to those parties with him. I kept declining until one day I was so sick of his pestering I went just so he could shut his mouth.
That was the biggest mistake of my life. We both got drunk, which was inevitable, and I found out then that I was a lightweight. I knew when to stop but Jake told me to just let go and have some fun. To say that I did not appreciate my own boyfriend peer pressuring me was an understatement. The alcohol hadn't helped with my anger anyway. I lost my temper then and slapped him across the face.
The memory of that night just one week ago was still fresh in my mind. I wasn't so drunk that I would forget the details of that night, although I kind of wished I was. Jake obviously didn't respond well to me hitting him. I had embarrassed him in front of his friends. He pulled me into an empty room and started yelling at me. I cried more that night than any other time in my life. I had kept apologizing over and over to get him to stop. I had tried blocking his hurtful words out. "Ungrateful bitch", "spoiled hoe", "trashy slut" to name a few. Oh and here's another one: "Nobody will ever love you besides me so don't fuck it up for yourself!" That was it, that was the deciding factor.
When Jake had finally stopped, I sprinted out of that crazy house all the way back to my apartment and cried myself dry to sleep that night. He apologized the following day and spent the rest of the day just cuddling me. If I was that weak I would've forgiven him. Luckily I'm not. Things settled down until I made the decision to meet up and end things. Today didn't go exactly as planned though.
Just recalling that memory brings disgraceful tears to my eyes. I shouldn't be crying over it anymore since it's all over. But it hurts too much to ignore, and that's why I let my tears trail down my face making it really wet.
...Like really wet.
I wiped my face only to have the wetness to quickly return. It's at this time that I realized that it was raining now. So I picked up my pace a little into a light jog. I tried to only concentrate on picking up my feet faster but my stupid brain decided to wander back to contemplating on my practically failed love life.
What's even more stupid is that I'm a psychology major, specializing in body language and personality expressions. I'm supposed to be good at reading people! So my brain did do something right in noticing those bad signs, but it also told me to wait it out. Yes, I've made a huge mistake. I should've done something as soon as I saw the red flags. I should've talked that out with Jake, let him know that I didn't appreciate it. Maybe it was because he was my first boyfriend (sad, I know but high school boys are nasty) and I wanted him around longer.
And this here, folks, is why people say "you're too young to love". Take this from a twenty year-old who's practically an adult. Some young people are too blinded by the fact that they want a boyfriend or girlfriend that they overlook the bad side of their partner, which has very bad results.
I applaud you very rare exceptions out there who have managed to find true love at a young age...I envy you.
And I'm still raging over the fact that Jake broke up with me through text! After all we've been through and all the times he hurt me, you would think there was still some decency in him to say it in my face like a man that he only thinks he is. Instead, he's a fuckin' coward!
"AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!" I released all the anger and frustration with everything in that one vicious stream of breath, glad that the now pouring, heavy rain masked the sound.
After I let all my pent up feelings out, my knees started to feel weak, not being able to support my shaking body. I sniffed, only to pathetically choke on the rain splashing into my nose. I forced my right foot to take a step, followed by my left and repeat. I'm not going to look like a broken damsel in distress out here where people can see me. I tugged my soaking jacket on tighter, hugging myself to prevent shivers.
Suddenly a lonely feeling settled down on my shoulders, and it's not just because I'm single again. It dawned on me that besides the pitter pattering of the rain hitting the ground, everything else was silent. There were no cars on the road. I'm the only idiot still out here in a rainstorm. Chills ran down my spine and it's not just because I'm now soaked to the bone. This sensation forced my tired aching body to move forward. I squinted against the rain, the visibility now only as far as five feet in front of me.
Something hummed from behind me and I glanced back to see the headlights of a car heading towards me. As it heads towards me, I walked closer to the small trees along the sidewalk. The car came into my peripheral view and I expected it to keep going. To my surprise, it slowed down to keep pace with me.
I should've kept facing forward but curiosity took over and I looked to my left to see a young man my age with a concerned expression on his face.
"No one should be out here right now," the brunette stated the obvious. "I can give you a ride if you want."
*****
Edit 2/16/18 from idea to short story with 3 parts that turned to 5 parts but now I'm splitting it up because it's long enough to be a novel :D
It was originally supposed to be just 3 parts...but I got carried away and the story went to 5 parts but each chapter was waaay too long so now I'm in the process of splitting the chapters up.
Happy reading!!