*Bella*
Friday
7:49 PM
I got the job at Forever 21. I started Monday, and they'd rotate me out with everyone else. I asked for off on Fridays and Saturdays...because I wanted that time with Justin.
I also had a gig right towards Christmas, my last week before I went home I think.
It was a pretty big place to get a gig. I had dropped off recordings from the last year with the manager, and they called me today too.
Now I just finished off a bowl of Ramen, I had a book and a cup of tea off to the side while I was curled in a blanket.
Justin told me him and Jaxon were going out tonight...I don't know what for because he wouldn't tell me, and I didn't really push it.
I'd wait for him to call me, if he did. I wanted to talk to him, but I understood.
Our conversations had been oddly short this week...and I don't know if that was just me, or if maybe he was busy, if he was tired, I don't know.
I hadn't said anything because I knew what he would say.
"Yeah, everything's fine."
Which was the answer for a lot of things these days...and I knew if I kept asking he'd get mad, and I didn't want that.
It's been since Hunter left- since his mom got sick- that he's been like that.
Hunter left about two weeks ago now. When he had left, that's the last I had heard about him from Justin. He wasn't talking about it, which wasn't going to help...and I knew he missed him...and he was scared...
I curled myself farther into the couch, engrossing myself back in the book.
Augustus and Hazel were so cute, I adored their relationship. It seemed like they had fallen in love so fast - it was almost unrealistic, but the more I thought about it, I fell in love with Justin pretty quickly, and in ways I envied Hazel, I mean sure she wasn't normal, but was I really? I had spent weeks this summer in fear of my life, I spent weeks restless and unable to sleep unless Justin was at my side.
Maybe Hazel and I really were alike in ways.
I couldn't put the book down. It was so good. John Green did things to your heart. Terrible things.
And a few pages later I was balling, and doing everything to keep from throwing the book across the room.
Thank god Justin wasn't here. He'd look at me like I was a maniac or something.
I couldn't imagine losing Justin.
And honestly, I felt like I was.
As I was halfway through a page, my phone buzzed on the table, and I saw a picture of Justin and I light up my screen.
I quickly wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, marking the page and reached for my phone, sliding it open to answer.
"Hey." I said, looking at the collection of pictures on the wall.
"Hi, guess what?"
"What?" I asked back, curling back up in my covers.
"Jaxon and I got new tattoos."
"Oh? What of?" But my voice cracked - maybe he wouldn't notice.
"Bella? What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I was just reading a book. What did you get tattoos of?"
"I got two actually, one of a rose...and then my mom's birthday...Jaxon got the seagull...are you sure you're ok?"
"Yeah, everything's fine." I used his line, because one; nothing was wrong, and two; I didn't want to talk to him about anything wrong anyway. Not when he wasn't telling me things.
"Alright...I'll send you a picture of it later. How was your day?"
"It was ok." I shrugged, playing with my nails.
I was kind of mad at him for the short conversations...no matter how hard I tried. Especially on Monday...Monday our conversation was two minutes and forty eight seconds.
So yeah; I was still mad.
"Why just ok?"
"I don't know, it just was. School."
"What book are you reading?"
"The Fault In Our Stars by John Green."
"What's it about?"
"Hazel and Augustus...well Hazel has cancer...and Augustus had cancer...and they fall in love - I don't want to ruin it."
"Now I understand why you're crying."
"Yeah."
"Why are you reading a book like that if it makes you sad?"
"Because it's great."
"If you say so."
"What are you going to do this weekend?"
"I'm not sure exactly yet. Dad might help me work in my bike tomorrow, I started it, but with school I've been busy."
"Yeah, I know you've been."
"When it's done, I can ride it up there, and I can take you for a ride if you want."
"Sure, that's sounds good."
"Are you sure you're ok?"
"Yes Justin, everything's fine."
There it is again. That infamous line.
"Is it because I didn't come up this weekend?"
"No, it's because every conversation I've tried to have with you has barely lasted five minutes."s
"I've just been really busy this week."
"Yeah, I'm sure you have."
"Bella I have been! You know I have been! With school and my mom and everything else in between."
"Oh I bet. Really busy. So busy two minutes and forty right seconds is all you have for your girlfriend."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"That was how long our conversation lasted on Monday night."
"Bella! I did my homework!"
"For a real long time I bet."
"You know what, I really don't want to deal with this shit, so bye."
And he hung up.
_____________
*Justin*
"Do you have any?"
I stood at the front door of Angela's house, looking at her as she stood through the lighted hallway.
"Any of what?"
"The acid? Do you have any of it now?"
"Pffft, of course I do. Come inside."
I stepped in, running a hand trough my hair and took a deep breath.
I was pissed. So pissed.
"How much?"
"It's your first time. You don't have to give me anything. Just follow me. It's in my room."
"Ok...no dad?"
"Nope. It's a rare occasion."
She went up the stairs, and I kept my eyes up, looking around for a minute.
The light to her room was already on, and when I walked inside it I was surprised it wasn't a pink...but it wasn't too bad.
"Here." She opened up a drawer, picking up the little tab and started to hand me it, but then pulled back. "One condition."
"What?"
"You have to stay until the trip is over. I'm not letting you out of here or anywhere near the stairs for your first time."
"Ok." I nodded, and she handed it to me. I stared curiously, holding it right in front of my face. "Are you going to do it too?"
"No. I should probably keep an eye on you. You just peel of that tab and let the paper dissolve in your mouth."
"Ok." And I peeled it away, staring at it for a minute before I slipped in on my tongue, looking at Angela in front of me.
"It'll take about ten minutes or so. It depends. Do you want anything?"
"No, I'm ok." I sat down on her bed, looking around her room again. "Where's your dad?"
"Working."
"What...happened to your mom?"
"I'm not sure. She left when I was really little. My dad doesn't talk about it."
"I'm sorry."
"It's ok. I'm fine."
We stayed quiet, and then things started to shift, her room suddenly seemed huge, and as I looked up at the ceiling, it changed to look like snow.
"Whoa, that's so cool," I whispered, standing up and tried to reach up for it, but I couldn't.
"That was kind of fast."
"It's really bright in here." I looked down at my hand, and it didn't even look like my hand, it looked like two, and my fingers were curled oddly. "What the hell?!"
"What?" Angela asked, and I took off my jacket, staring back at my hands.
"Look at my hands!"
"They look fine to me."
"Of course they do you're not high right now."
I sat back down on the bed, and I felt something in my chest, like there was a big ball of energy forming, and that excited me.
I was loving every minute of this.
Angela turned the lights off, and I tried to find her through darkness, sharply turning my head.
"Angela?! Angela where did you go?!"
"I'm here, calm down. You said it was too bright. Your pupils were getting huge." She was right beside me, so close I thought I felt her breath on my neck, but maybe I didn't. "You know...I've heard that sex is the best on this stuff."
"Hmm, really? Bella wouldn't be down for that." I sighed, my eyes darting around the room again. "It's like it's smokey in here."
"Yeah, it is..."
I felt something odd tapping along my back, but it felt nice...even better as it moved up towards my shoulders and neck.
"Do your muscles do weird things on this stuff too?" I asked, and it seemed to come out more of moan from how good it felt.
"Yeah, sometimes." She said, the feeling moving down my arms, then up at my chest at to my torso.
"Where are you?"
"Right here." And I felt a tug on my ear, making my jump a little.
"God, I thought you were farther away."
"Nope, I'm right here...Justin...why did you come tonight?"
"Because I'm pissed at my girlfriend and I really wanted to try the stuff."
"What did she do?"
"She's mad at me because we haven't talked much this week because I've been busy, but I couldn't tell her I was with you on Monday."
"And you can't tell her you're with me now."
"No...I can't..." I let my head fall back a little, a small smirk curling along my lips. "Holy shit this is awesome."
"It is, isn't it?"
"Yeah..." I nodded slowly, closing my eyes.
I don't know why I didn't try this sooner. It was so much better than weed, I could see so many things differently, and whatever this stuff was doing was incredible.
It was like little stars were dancing in my head, and they were all kinds of different colors.
When I opened my eyes, I looked down at my chest, and I screamed, horrified.
"Where the hell did this fucking bug come from?!" I smacked whatever it was away, and heard Angela giggling a little off to the side. "That's not funny!"
"Yeah it is...hey, your phone is lighting up."
"That's not my phone. It's definitely a ball of light." I told her, pulling it out from my pocket and held it in my palm.
"That's her, huh?"
"Yes, my ball of light."
"No, your girlfriend is calling you. That's her picture- with you."
"What?! No!" I tossed my phone away, covering my ears and watched as the ball of light landed on the other side of the room. "Do you think I hurt her?"
"Bella or the ball of light?"
"No, not Bella. The ball of light."
"I'm sure your ball of light is fine...and Bella will be fine too."
"Yeah, I guess. The light went away."
"I'm sure it'll be back, and if not, we don't really need the light anyways."
___________
*Bella*
8:44 AM
I leaned over the counter, scooping up a spoonful of Captain Crunch, already dressed for the day.
It was getting colder, so I wore skinny jeans and vans, with a tank underneath Justin's sweatshirt.
I had called him back last night, because I felt bad, but he didn't answer.
So I was going to hang out with Trent today, and Jessica was coming, and so was Aaron and Rachel.
I needed to get out. I didn't want to be alone in my apartment all day.
I finished up my bowl of cereal, checking my phone again, but I didn't have any missed calls or texts, so I slipped it in my bag and slung that over my shoulder.
The buzz came through in my room, and I walked over to my door, pressing the button to talk to Trent down below.
"I'm coming." I smiled, locking my door behind me and went to the elevator, shifting from side to side while I waited for it to open and practically ran to the doors that led to outside. "Hi."
"Hey." Trent chuckled, nodding his head up the street. "Come on."
"How are you?"
"Good, you?"
"Surprisingly good." I shrugged, staring down at my Vans.
"Surprisingly? Why surprisingly?"
"Eh, Justin and I fought last night, and I called him back...but he didn't answer...and as of this morning I'm not that worried about it."
"Well that's good...not to be worried about it I mean."
"Yeah, I guess so."
"So, what do you want to do after breakfast? Anything?"
"I was going to go to Barnes and Noble...you can come with me if you want."
"I didn't know you read."
"I used to more than I do, I've just had some time this weekend, you know."
"Yeah, I get you there. Why were you guys fighting?"
"I barely talked to him all week, he always had to go about five minutes into the conversation. It's frustrating. It's my favorite part of the day. It doesn't seem that important to him. He said he's been busy."
"Maybe he has been...maybe he hasn't..."
"I don't even know anymore."
"It'll all work out, I'm sure."
"Yeah..." I whispered, and we were at the restaurant where we were eating breakfast, and he got the door, letting me in first.
_______________
11:48 AM
"And you read this stuff?" Trent asked, holding up one of the books I had been looking at.
"Yes, I'm reading that one right now. It's been really good."
"He di-"
"Shhhh! No! You ruined it!"
"I didn't even finish."
"You didn't have to finish it." I whined, hugging Looking For Alaska to my chest. "But I knew anyway."
"Tragic...I don't get how people write about that."
"It's real life...and people are reading, so obviously whatever he was trying to do worked."
"I guess that's true...I like more of the action stuff."
"Of course you do, that doesn't surprise me."
"I used to read all the time too. Like the Alex Rider series."
"Never read that. Did it have the guns and stuff?"
"Yup. All of it. It was awesome."
"I like the girly stuff."
"I can see that." He chuckled, and I rolled my eyes, turning back to the shelf. "Why do you like them so much?"
"Huh?"
"The books like that. Why do you like them?"
"Oh...I don't know...Maybe it's because usually things happen in them that I wish could happen to me...I'm not really sure."
"Like what?"
"Like...the boy under your window throwing pebbles at your door...not having to worry if you're being followed or afraid of anything...knowing you're happy ending...you know."
"What's the most romantic thing Justin has done for you?"
"Um..." I trailed off, looking down at the book I had. "It was a little before I left for New York...his mom was really sick, so we couldn't go out the original night we had planned, but I walked into my room a few days later with a box on my bed and flowers, and there was a new dress in there. He picked me up and drove me out to the harbor, and we ate and then got ice cream, sitting right by the water...I loved that..." I looked away from him, biting hard on my lip to keep from crying.
"Isabelle..."
"Did I do something? Was it because I left like I thought? Do you think he's still mad that I went out for coffee with you and you kissed me? I apologized...I try everyday with him... I knew when I left this would happen and he told me it wouldn't. He promised." I plopped myself on the floor, feeling the book fall in my lap and rested my forehead in my palms.
"Isabelle...I'm sure as just as hard for him as it is for you...I'm sure you did nothing." He sat down beside me - I felt it, but I couldn't look up.
"But it doesn't feel that way. It feels like it's so easy for him. He probably doesn't even want to talk to me. He calls because he feels like he's obligated to...because we've been through so much...it's because I left..."
"Hey, I'm sure that's not what it is. Do you think he would have hit me back if he didn't love you?"
"No." I laughed a little, wiping my eyes quickly.
"Why don't you just talk to him? Once you guys both cool off from last night, just talk to him. I'm sure he's thinking the same things you are, and if he's not, he's a douche bag that doesn't deserve you."
"He's not-"
"I didn't say he was, I said if."
"I'm afraid to talk to him."
"You shouldn't be. You did it before about me. He'll get it, and maybe he has a few things he wants to say too."
"Yeah, maybe."
"Come on, let's get your books am go do something else."
"Like what?"
"I have an idea."
______________
*Justin*
1:27 PM
"Come on..." I mumbled, waiting for Bella to pick up the phone.
It was the second time I called her...and she wasn't picking up.
I guess I deserved that.
I paced through my apartment, setting my phone on the counter and went over to the drawer, pulling out a fresh pack of cigarettes and undid the wrapper, tossing it in the trashcan and pulled out one.
Lighter...I need my lighter...
It was in the same drawer, and I opened up the window, quickly lighting the cigarette between my lips and inhaled.
It sure did bring back memories.
And it gave me yet another thing for Bella to be mad at later.
I was already getting the worst at this point anyway.
Halfway through the cigarette, my phone started buzzing on the counter, and I put it out, quickly answering my phone.
It was Bella.
"Sorry, I was busy."
"Bella, I-"
"You what? You're sorry? What did I do?"
"Bella, what are you talking about?" I felt my eyebrows come together, my feet quickly taking me over to the couch.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. What is it? Last weekend was the best I've felt about us in forever. Before then you were shutting me out, then that happens, and now you're barely talking to me again, so what did I do?"
"You didn't-"
"Is it because I left? Is it because I'm here and we can't spend time like we used to anymore? Is it because he kissed me? I'm sorry. I love you, it-it didn't mean anything to me. What do you want me to do?" She was crying...I heard it...I felt it...that pull in your chest that you know something's wrong, that it's your fault...that I'm hurting her and letting her slip away by doing the things I am...making her think that it was her fault... "I told you this was going to happen and you promised me it wouldn't. You don't have to come if you don't want to. You don't have to call if you don't want to. It'd be better than hearing from you for five minutes and talking about absolutely nothing."
"No Bella," I shook my head, leaning forward and rested my forehead in my palm. "You haven't done anything. I love you too. I know that it wasn't your fault with him. I want you to be there... I just..."
"No, what? What is it? It's not fair for you not to tell me! What do you want me to do? Why won't you talk to me? I'm tired of looking like the pathetic girlfriend that cries all the time for stupid reasons and looks naive. So you just what? Is there someone else? Is there another girl?"
"No Bella, there's no other girl. I told you, I love you. You."
"Do you? Do you love me Justin?"
"Yes," I nodded my head, closing my eyes at the sound of her sobs. "I love you so much. I'm sorry I got mad at you. I know I didn't talk to you much this week, I know it just sounds like excuses and you probably think I'm lying, but I did spend a lot of time doing homework. I did spend time with my family. I hung out with Mike once. You just caught me at a bad time...there's no other girl...you haven't done anything wrong...and you're not pathetic, or stupid, or naive. I hurt your feelings, and I'm sorry. I was...grumpy yesterday...you were mad at me the one time I really had time to talk to you, I knew that. It's...complicated Bella."
"Then uncomplicate it for me! Homework Justin? Even I have that every night. I take more classes then you, and five minutes is it? It's not even just that, it's everything. Before Trent kissed me - before I came here. What is going on that you're not telling me?! Last week I thought things were getting better. You're mom went into remission...you have school...I have school...but my favorite part of the day is talking to you, just hearing your voice...don't you remember that in the beginning? Don't you remember sneaking into my house late at night so you could see me? Do you remember when I told you I loved you? Do you remember when you wanted to take a break to protect me? To keep Manny away from us? When we almost died together? Running away with me? Don't you remember?"
"Of course I remember," I closed my eyes tighter, all of those memories flashing through my head. "Things just got tough for me...and-"
"You don't think they're tough for me too? I left home - I left you - I left everything that I knew to go after something I've wanted all of my life. I left with those scars. I left afraid that something would happen to my family. I left scared that your mom would die and I wouldn't be there for you. I have the nightmares. You promised me Justin. I remember how terrified I was that Manny was going to kill you. That it was my fault. I remember how you screamed in that room...Is it because we're not running from anything anymore? Because you're free?"
"No. No, it's not that...Bella...please...It's not your fault. You haven't done anything...it's not you...Bella..."
"Well when you figure it out, let me know."
And the line went dead.
___________________________
COMMENT COMMENT COMMMENT PLEASE :)))
*I'd just like to clarify that I'm not promoting anything and as you can see Justin isn't interested in Angela. I don't want you guys to get any wrong ideas about that light. lol*
COMMENT AND VOTE.