I had no clue what in the world was wrong with me but I knew that I was not enjoying it at all.
Stomach virus maybe, flu, food poisoning. Dinner had tasted a bit bit weird the night before last but I'd never had food poisoning before, I couldn't tell.
But right now my stomach was killing me. It was cramping up so painfully every few seconds, as if my insides were being strangled by a thick whip or something and my breath would catch every time as I struggled to keep a straight face.
I'd tried taking a couple of painkillers a couple of hours beforehand, before we'd left for this damn interview, but even though I'd grabbed the strongest I could find, it still hadn't any difference.
And I couldn't just tell the boys. Sure it hurt, but I didn't see the need in worrying them all. I knew they would worry, they always did. And they were all in such good moods at the moment, the recent concerts had been some of the best we've played in a long time and for once we'd been getting enough sleep and actually eating routinely, which was a big accomplishment while touring.
I didn't want to be the buzzkill that brought everyone down over a stomachache.
I took a slight sip out of my water bottle in between cramps and after placing the bottle back down by my feet the interviewer turned to me, smiling brightly. "So Harry, how are you feeling about the tour this time round?" He asked perkily, crossing his feet over each other.
"It's been so good so far, we've finally performed in some of the places we've been meaning to for so- uh-"
I paused as my stomach muscles clenched painfully, forcing my mouth shut. I wasn't feeling nauseous or anything, thank the gods above that at least one thing was in my favor here, but the sudden onset of pain was so overwhelming that I just couldn't speak for a second.
I took a deep breath and shook my head, "sorry, I don't know what happened there."
Everybody laughed and Niall knocked my shoulder, chuckling. "I meant to say that, it's been amazing to do shows in places we haven't before," I finished, fixing my jacket and running a hand as casually as I could over my stomach. It felt a little bloated underneath my shirt and as I pulled my hand away it twinged yet again. I bit my lip and shifted a bit on the soft navy couch.
Thankfully it wasn't an overly long interview and we managed to get away before seven o' clock.
I tried to be a part of the usual conversation and banter as we drove back to the hotel, knowing that if I didn't act like my usual self suspicions would easily start to raise. It wasn't as if I was properly trying to hide it, I was just choosing not to say anything.
I wandered along a few steps behind the rest of the band as we made our way to the elevator at the hotel and Liam dropped back beside me after a minute or so.
"You're a bit quiet today Hazza, is everything okay with you?" He asked casually. My stomach cramped. Was I really that translucent? I thought that I'd been doing pretty well at keeping up with everyone but apparently they had noticed anyway.
Liam still didn't know exactly though, I could still make this work.
I shrugged as easily as I could, shooting him a smile that I hoped was reassuring, "Yeah, everything's going great. I guess I'm just a bit tired or something today."
"Did you not sleep well last night?"
We drew to a stop outside the elevator while we waited for it to come down to the base floor.
The answer to his question was not overly. The pain in my gut had begun barely two hours after I fell asleep and it shook me awake pretty quickly. After that I couldn't go back to sleep for more than a few minutes because my stomach kept waking me up.
"No, I slept fine."
So maybe that one was a lie. And straight to his face too. It made guilt soar through me, almost as strong as the cramping.
Liam smiled as the doors slid open and I followed him into the elevator, "well, hopefully you'll be better off tomorrow then."
Louis clicked the button before Niall could get to it and the door shut before the elevator started moving up towards the eleventh floor where we were staying.
I coughed to hide the slight doubling over that occurred sometime on the way up.
I knew that it had to let up soon. Pain never lasted forever and if I could just tough it out for now then everything would be back to how it was in no time and I could just forget this ever happened.
Once back in the room we all started on dinner. Seeing as we actually had time at the moment, everyone was pretty excited about being able to actually spend time in the kitchen and cook a meal.
I really just wanted to go to mine and Louis' room and just curl up under my duvet. I was tired and sore and just really wanted to sleep it all away but I couldn't go anywhere unfortunately. Not without any questions.
So I dealt with it.
I peeled all the vegetables and cooked them all with some help from Niall. He didn't notice the grimaces and quiet whimpers every now and then, the music blasting from Liam's phone blocking out pretty much all sound in the room. The fire alarm could go off and we probably wouldn't even hear it.
I mouthed along to the lyrics while everyone else belted them out, laughing and joking around. I would've enjoyed myself more if my stomach wasn't hurting so badly.
Soon it was all done and we all sat down in front of the TV to eat.
I wasn't even slightly hungry. I still wasn't feeling like I was going to physically be sick but I wasn't sure if adding more weight was the brightest idea so I picked pathetically at my dinner, making sure to laugh and engage in the conversation when I noticed anybody looking at me.
The rich food didn't do me any favors unfortunately.
After loading up the dishwasher and cleaning up the mess in the kitchen I stepped into the bathroom for a break away from the rest of the boys. Immediately I let the facade fall seeing as I was on my own and moaned quietly to myself as my stomach clenched and grumbled underneath my hands. It had ballooned even more now and somehow it was beginning to hurt even more. It wasn't just the cramps but a constant ache that just lingered all the time.
I swallowed back a glass of water and leaned over the sink wearily, raking my fingers through my hair. I was beginning to get frustrated now. I'd thought that it would have relieved at least a little bit by now but instead it had only gotten worse. I just wanted it to stop.
I pulled myself back together and left the bathroom, making sure to walk straight and keep my eyes wide open so that I at least looked perky and awake.
I joined the others back in front of the TV and curled up on the sofa beside Niall, laying on my side with my knees tucked into my chest tightly. The position helped a little bit and within ten minutes I noticed my eyes starting to droop and try to close. I knew that it was barely nine o' clock. I couldn't let myself go to sleep just yet.
Apparently I didn't really have to even try to stay awake, my stomach was doing a fine job all on it's own. I'd come to realise that even if I wanted to, I wasn't going to be able to drift off.
It was hurting so much, and the dinner I'd eaten was starting to feel heavy and awkward inside me.
"Do you want a blanket or something, H?"
I forced my eyes open. Niall was there peering over at me.
"You're shivering," he explained after watching my blank face for an awkward couple of seconds.
I hadn't even realised to be honest. I'd been far too preoccupied by keeping my groans of pain to myself and not crying out. But now that he'd said it, I could feel my whole body buzzing about, trembling.
"Are you okay, mate?" Liam asked from his seat on the floor. He was perched on top of a cushion, leaning back against the couch I was on but on Niall's side.
I nodded, " just cold I guess."
My stomach rumbled loudly and I rolled over so that I could shut my eyes and breathe through the set of cramps without anyone seeing how much pain I was in.
A blanket was tossed over me and Niall huffed a quick 'there ya go mate' as it settled down on top of me. It helped a bit with the shivering but for some reason it was still there a bit. Unfortunately a blanket did nothing to help a stomachache from hell.
"Harry, is something wrong?" Louis asked very carefully, turning the volume on the TV down.
I stiffened. "No."
"Are you sure? You're being kind of weird."
"You can tell us," Liam added.
"Stop asking. I'm fine," I retorted, rubbing at my stomach. The blanket hid my arms so that nobody could see what I was doing.
Louis held is hands up in surrender, "okay, okay. sorry."
I realised I had snapped and again felt really bad. I didn't mean to.
"It's almost nine thirty lads, how about we grab en early one? I've been waiting for my bed since lunch," Niall suggested with a laugh, trying to break the silence that had fallen between us.
"Hm, so have I. Why is it that sleeping in just makes you more tired?"
"Okay, let's pack it in."
Liam switched off the TV and everything went quiet. Another loud rumble from my stomach as I sat up and struggled to hide the look that crossed over my face as I resisted curling over my knees in pain. Dinner was starting to toss about uncomfortably, just to make things even worse.
Liam shot me a look, as did Niall and Louis I'm sure, but nobody said anything.
In Louis' and I's bedroom I stripped my pants off and simply got into bed, not bothering with anything else. Having a mattress beneath me was such a relief and I hugged a pillow tight to my chest as my stomach rolled and clenched painfully.
Louis switched off the en suite light after he was done in there and then after getting into his pajamas and getting his bed ready he turned off the main light too. The curtains were already closed, so when the lights were all off the room was pitch black.
There was a brief scuffle as Louis hopped into bed and then it was quiet.
I didn't know how many hours had passed when I finally had to rush into the bathroom. I woke up from a restless sleep and realised how nauseated and sick I felt, sweating and sticky and with my stomach turning relentlessly and agonizingly. I didn't want to move, but feeling that thick feeling in my throat was enough to shove me out of bed and stumbling into the en suite, remembering to flick on the light as I passed through the door.
I sat in front of the loo breathing heavily for all of about thirty seconds before my stomach finally decided that it had had enough and violently forced the contents of my stomach back up my throat and into the toilet.
I threw up a lot, and although it lessened some of the pressure in my gut, it hurt almost as much as it had earlier and seeing as I was already making a racket and Louis was bound to wake up any second if he wasn't already, I let the groans and cries out, a few tears leaking from my eyes as I heaved up everything I had.
Louis ran into the bathroom, cursing and dashing around like a headless chicken. He was quick to rub my back and get a cool towel on the back of my neck, murmuring something about a fever.
I squirmed around on the tiles, wondering why hell it hadn't stopped hurting yet. I threw up, usually that helps at least a little.
"What's going on in- oh god."
Liam paused as he walked into the room, followed closely by a very sleepy Niall yawning into his sleeve.
Something twitched inside me and I threw up again, barely making it back over the toilet this time.
"Found him in here like this about five minutes ago," Louis explained as he rubbed my back and squeezed the towel, making water droplets run down my back. It felt so good.
"Haz, you should've said you didn't feel well. We gave you plenty of opportunities," Liam scolded, but not too harshly, as he begun to dig through the medicines and pills in the cupboard.
"Didn't w-want to w-worry you," I gasped out tearfully, sagging away from the toilet.
"Well, you're worrying us right now anyway. And we're all still alive and well. You however, not so much. Next time Hazza, please just say something." Louis reached forward and touched my forehead, "you've probably had this fever brewing inside you since you were shivering on the couch."
I apologised, still coughing over the toilet. My throat was burning from all the acid I'd expelled and the taste in my mouth was absolutely revolting.
"S'okay. Don't stress about it now. Now, you're gonna have to tell me what's going on so we can drug you up right," Liam said.
Niall sat down beside me and passed me my toothbrush with a squirt of toothpaste on it along with a cup to spit in to. I thanked him raspily. My back arched and I grunted as the same pain from earlier ricocheted through me.
Niall yawned, "you good?"
I moaned as the last of it drifted away, leaving me with a sore ache and a dull nauseous feeling.
"My stomach's b-been killing me all d-day," I admitted, realising that there wasn't any point in keeping any of it a secret any more.
Thankfully nobody brought up the fact that I should've said something earlier again, I was feeling awful enough about it already.
"Swallow down some of this then, and then a couple of muscle relaxers. Anti nausea?"
I gulped and nodded nervously. Again my stomach revved up and a high pitched whine came from me before I could try stopping it, "ugh, what's wrong w-with m-me?"
"If the pain is that bad, it's probably food poisoning of some type. Remember eating anything dodgy recently?" Louis asked.
Of course I did.
I nodded lethargically and laid my head on Niall's shoulder. Food poisoning wasn't contagious, it wasn't as if I could possibly pass anything on to him.
Liam passed me another glass and the few types of medicine he'd found, "here you go, try drinking a fair bit if you can."
I swallowed two pills at once with a single sip of water and automatically decided that that was enough. Instantly the nausea sky rocketed back up and I literally felt the colour drain from my face.
I managed to keep them down while I forced back the teaspoon of liquid medicine but barely three minutes later it got too much and Louis had to pat my back again while I coughed up the tiny amount of fluid I'd consumed.
"This is really bad, H. . ." Liam trailed off, sounding a bit anxious.
He didn't need to tell me.
I knew that I should've been able to hold down a single mouthful of water. It had hardly lasted five minutes in my system before shooting back out. I was going to get dehydrated and even sicker than I already was if I couldn't manage to hold water.
"Can I j-just go to bed for now? P-please?" I whined. I figured that I was surely tired enough now, even my aching stomach couldn't stop me at this point.
"You're definitely done with the toilet, Harry?" Niall questioned softly.
I nodded, "for now."
"Okay, I guess we'll have to see how you are in the morning."
I wrapped my arms around my stomach and slowly got up, not liking the feeling at all. It was horrible, I felt so weak and shaky.
"Come on then, let's go nice and slow."
Louis lead me out of the bathroom and over to my bed. I could barely lift my feet I was so tired but knowing that my bed was the end result helped me conjure up the strength I needed to get where I wanted to be.
I snuggled under the covers for the second time that night and closed my eyes.
"I've put the bin right below you okay? And if you're feeling bad again you just have to wake me," Louis whispered as he shut of the bathroom light. Liam and Niall filed out, shutting the door behind them.
"Thanks," I muttered.
"Of course," Louis replied and just like that it went dead silent again.
***
"L-Louis!"
Coughing.
I rolled over, trying to force my eyes open. Someone was definitely calling out for me but that wasn't making waking up any easier.
Finally I managed to clear my head from the sleepy fuzziness and the picture of Harry gasping over the side of his bed above the bin registered in my mind. I leaped out of bed, ignoring the head rush that sent everything black for a few seconds. By the time I got to Harry it had cleared up.
"Get it all up mate, you'll feel better," I encouraged as best as I could, picking up the bin and helping him sit up against the wall rather than hanging over the mattress.
'My s-stomach Lou, it hurts!" He cried out, retching hard.
I shook my head, feeling completely and utterly useless, "I know, I know. . .it's going to be feeling better soon I promise."
Nothing I could say could make it any better for him, and even though I knew that really the only thing I could do was make him comfortable while the sickness passed I still felt guilty about not being able to help more.
He vomited finally, clawing at the bin and panting in panic. I figured he must've woke up and just immediately ended up gagging because usually he wouldn't be scaring himself so much. The shock and fright of it all had shook him up a bit.
"Can I take this away now?" I asked, gesturing to the bin.
He shook his head with a guttural whine, "no, don't."
"You look dreadful. . ." I trailed off, realising that I had said it out loud when I hadn't really meant to. It was the truth though. He looked so unlike himself, so sick, that I could barely recognise him. It was scary.
He swallowed, pulling the bin closer.
"'M sorry. . ."
I frowned, "what for?"
"You're worrying a-about me."
"It doesn't matter, Haz. You're worrying about me worrying about you when you should be worrying about yourself," I blurted, confusing even myself.
Harry's sorrowful expression didn't change until his stomach made a painful sound and his face twisted.
"I don't think you're going to be sick any more right now Harry, I can clean the bin out for you if you'd like?"
"I really feel like I'm gonna spew again. . . " He rubbed his stomach and leaned his head back with a sigh, "I don't like this at all, Lou."
I nodded in agreement, "I bet you don't. I don't like it either."
I pressed the home button on his phone and the screen lit up, showing the time. It was almost eight o' clock. I doubted Liam would be up just yet, but Niall was most likely rearing to go already. He was just energetic all the time, mornings were not any different.
I checked Harry's temperature which was most definitely hotter than it should be, the thermometer reading a number of 102.6 in blaring numbers. I felt so sorry for him, knowing that the fever would just be making him feel ten times worse.
And we had a show tonight. I had no idea how he was going to survive up on stage under all those lights, his fever would just sky rocket and judging by the way he was clinging to the bin right now I doubted he would last very long without throwing up in front of the audience.
It wasn't looking good.
"Do you want to go out and have some breakfast? Or just try another drink of water? You must be thirsty by now," I said, glancing over at him while I got changed. He was so ghostly pale and back to shaking again like he had been earlier last night.
I was expecting him to refuse, or at least put up a bit of a fight but instead he just nodded, starting to move about and get up. He placed the bin on the bedside table and stood up, holding his stomach. I watched as he took a long breath and stood up straight, letting his arms drop back down by his side.
"You really don't need to bother trying to appear okay Harry, none of us mind," I assured him. He was being strange now.
"No, I'm feeling a bit b-better," he replied, not daring to shake his head. He looked awfully unsteady on his feet and I knew that he was lying straight through his teeth. I just wished he wasn't so concerned about us worrying. It wouldn't kill us, and it wasn't as if he could help getting sick like this.
"Let's head out to the kitchen then, speak up if it's too much."
I gently ushered him in the direction of the door, not feeling at all okay with him trying to walk about as if nothing was wrong. The bin he had been so reluctant to let go of had been completely disregarded.
"Good morning, lads! Aw Hazza. . ." Niall greeted, frowning sympathetically as he took in Harry's sickly appearance. I had been wrong, Liam was up, and for once he actually looked awake. He was dressed and everything.
Harry instantly sat down as soon as he could, sinking into the stool with a quiet whimper that I don't think I was supposed to hear.
"How are you feeling this morning?" Liam asked, placing a careful hand on his shoulder blade, "you're shaking again."
"I'm okay Li," Harry promised quietly, looking up at everyone with feverish glassy eyes.
"You know that I'm going to worry anyway right? You look terrible, you're shaking and I can feel the fever radiating from you. Have you gotten sick again at all?" Liam asked.
I poured a glass of water for everyone and went to grab the pills from the bathroom, figuring it was worth another shot. It hadn't worked so well last night but it was going to take him a long time to get over this if we didn't keep trying.
"He threw up this morning, temperature's over 102 and a half," I relayed when I got back, knowing that Harry had probably clamped up and not revealed anything.
"Is your stomach still hurting so much?" Niall asked gently, placing a hand over Harry's middle section and rubbing ever so slightly with his finger tips. It was a strange thing to watch but a Harry seemed to be getting a small relief from the movement so I wasn't going to say anything.
He actually let out a sigh of relief before remembering the question and muttering a soft 'no.'
"I can feel it convulsing, doesn't that hurt?" Niall questioned, looking at Harry with concerned eyes.
Harry was quick to move away, almost toppling right off his seat, "I'm fine, r-really."
I shared a quick glance with Liam knowing that our thoughts were alike, he was most definitely not fine. Stubborn? Hella, but not fine.
I slid over the glass of water and the pills, taking a sip out of my own glass, "well, here you go then."
I wasn't usually hungry this early in the morning, a glass of water would get me through until we snacked at around half past ten.
Harry murmured a quiet thanks and all eyes were on him as he gulped down the couple of pills along with a few mouthfuls of water. He looked uncomfortable right away.
There were two ways this could go, and both of them weren't good. Either he kept the water down, or he threw it up and finally proved the rest of us right. The second option wouldn't be overly pleasant for him but still.
Awkward conversation that Harry was barely a part of followed for the next ten minutes. I just needed him to give it up. He had paled considerably even in the past five minutes and he knew how obviously unwell he was, I couldn't understand why he was being so stubborn about it all, and over us getting worried! It was infuriating.
I was quick to hold him up when he finally staggered off his seat and puked a strangely large amount, considering what he'd already vomited up. It hit the tiles and splattered everywhere and if I hadn't been so focused on helping Harry I probably would've been more disgusted. Niall held up his other side and Liam ran for a bowl or something in case there was more to come.
Harry gasped out a string of miserable and frantic apologies as he stumbled away from the mess he'd made, coughing and crying and just making himself feel even worse. I knew that he was going to end up getting sick again, the way he was panicking, and I tried to keep him on the tiles rather than the carpet. It wasn't hard, he was too weak to put up any real effort.
Liam held the large bowl he'd found underneath Harry who was beginning to retch again, "don't apologise, we're not mad Haz, shhhh. . ."
"Don't cry, it's making your stomach more upset mate," I tried as he puked another time. Liam cringed as he caught it in the bowl and I looked away for a split second.
"S-sit," Harry hiccuped.
"Against the bench Ni," I directed, and ever so carefully we lowered the sick lad down onto his bottom. For him to ask to sit, he must've been getting dizzy. We needed to calm him down before he made himself faint. Oh god, that would just be the damn cherry on top. I wasn't sure what we'd even do if he passed out. Liam would probably call an ambulance, Niall would be crying. We didn't need it.
"Do that weird thing with your fingers Ni," I suggested, remembering the look on Harry's face last time. Niall nodded and complied, but although the dry heaving began to slow, the poor guy couldn't seem to be able to stop crying.
It did fade off though as the minutes passed and we all sat around on the kitchen floor in a weird little circle until it was reduced to sniffling with the odd hiccup. Liam got up and began cleaning up the mess when it started to look like Harry was okay.
"I didn't m-mean to," Harry mumbled miserably with a short shake of his head.
Niall pulled him over slightly and put his body at the right angle so that his head could rest on his shoulder, "we know, Hazza."
Harry wrapped his arms around himself and whimper a little, " I feel s-so s-sick."
I stood up to rinse out the bowl. I tried not to look as it washed away down the plug hole, "we know that too."
"I j-just didn't want to worry you all, and now I'm b-being difficult a-and making it a-all so m-much hard-harder."
He choked up towards the end and stumbled over his words before Niall stopped him, realising too that if we let him keep going he was just going to work himself all the way back up.
"You're not being difficult Haz, it's alright. Stop thinking about us, please. Our focus right now is you, and your focus should be on you too."
Liam leaned the mop against the wall, "He's right H"
Harry just apologised yet again.
"Stop that," I ordered softly. "I think you're ready for some more sleep, you'll let us help you back into bed?"
"I'm d-dizzy Lou, don't w-wanna fall," he replied unsurely.
"We won't let you Harry, you can close your eyes," Niall promised.
Harry hummed and bit his lip, "okay, just slow. . ."
He grunted and his eyes were squeezed tightly shut as we lifted him up onto his feet.
"Do you want to stop, mate?" Liam asked. I knew he was struggling, his weight felt heavy as if he was barely holding any of his own.
"No."
"Let's go then."
Soon he was in bed, and he hadn't fainted on the way thankfully.
We left Harry at the hotel on his own when we finally had to leave for the concert. He told us that he would be alright, and although it wasn't one of the best feelings, leaving him alone like he was, there wasn't anything else we could do.
It was kind of strange performing without him there, but we tried our best and the show still went okay, considering.
We got back to the hotel as quickly as we could and somehow managed to walk in just as he grabbed the bin again.
Good timing, right?
The food poisoning lasted another two days after that sadly, and it was horrible for everyone. He was eating and drinking a little by the second day, so that he wasn't just dry heaving and hurting himself, so that day was pretty messy, but day three was pretty much just recuperation day. He threw up twice before ten o' clock that morning and then didn't throw up again. However he did sleep literally 17 hours straight, only waking up to take more medicine.
I was just so glad when it was over, and so was Harry.