CHAPTER 2: CRUSHING
I couldn't help it. Ethan Ripley is gorgeous, with a capital G. I mean, he definitely beats out handsome! Is there a better word than gorgeous? Hot as hell, maybe? Because hot as hell is definitely the phrase that describes Ethan Ripley.
Ethan is popular, by far. He plays sports – basketball in the late fall and I know he played baseball last spring, but he's not a jock guy. He's smart. Like, really smart and competing for valedictorian.
I don't know how he finds the time, really – for sports and school and being popular. I mean, I have a part time job at the Palos Video Store and my funeral crashing and I'm doing okay – A's and B's are good, right? Still, some days, it's like that homework just piles up on you.
Back to the hotness of Ethan – so, he's smart, he plays sports, and he's nice. Yes, nice. I mean, he volunteers weekends at the hospital or at least he used to freshman year. I'm not stalking him, I swear. I only know this because when my mom was sick, I saw him there one of the times we went to the emergency room. Ethan even made my mom laugh when we were there. She was really sick and we were waiting for the doctor to come back in from talking with my dad and he made her laugh. It was really nice of him because we were all really stressed.
"It's not sparkling water," Ethan Ripley said in a faux haughty maitre d' tone, handing my mom the glass of water she had asked for from the nurse, "but here's the water you asked for."
My mom had a high fever and we were hoping the hospital would help get it down, so you know my mom felt crappy and not like laughing at all, but Ethan Ripley gave her a reason to. It took her a second and it was a stupid cheesy joke, but she laughed. She hadn't even smiled at that point in weeks and here she was laughing at Ethan Ripley's stupid comment. It was really nice to hear her laugh. It may have been the last time I heard her laugh, actually, and it was all because of Ethan. I'll admit, I had already thought he was cute at that point from seeing him at school, but at that moment cute turned into a full on crush. Believe me, I knew nothing would ever come of it, that's why it's called a crush. They're totally one sided and they just crush your heart into oblivion.
To make the story even better, Ethan had brought me a glass of water, even though I hadn't asked the nurse for one. It's like he knew I was thirsty too. He handed it to me and I couldn't think of anything to say. He didn't say anything either, but just smiled. For a moment we just stood there looking at each other. I just stared – I mean he's Ethan Ripley, but he smiled. Ethan has a great smile. I don't think he had to get braces, like I had at the time. At least those are off now. So, I stared at his smile and he smiled at me and then he was gone. I know he was just being nice and that it wasn't like he recognized me from school or anything. Still, it was really nice of him to bring me water too...and make my mom laugh.
And, did I mention he's gorgeous with a capital G? It's the last thing I'm talking about because he really is the real deal wrapped up in a super hot package. I just wanted to make that clear. He's got wavy dark hair. It's the kind you want to run your hands through because you know it has got to be super silky. Not that I've ever felt his hair. Like I said, I don't think he knows I exist. I have a sneaking suspicion Ariel Walker has felt his hair, though, and she totally didn't deserve it.
And, Ethan's got bright blue eyes, which are staring at me curiously right now. Sigh, a guy with bright blue eyes equals major hottie in my book. I mean, they say the eyes are the windows to the soul and all and what amazing windows these are.
"How do you know Liz?" Ethan asked again.
I had lost myself in his eyes. What was my answer? I know I had one, "I, uh, I went to school with her."
As soon as I said it, I knew I was in trouble. What was wrong with me? He could recognize me after all...from high school! And, Ethan did look at me strangely for a second. Then he frowned and sat down next to me. That was a surprise.
He was dressed in funeral garb – a black suit and tie, but his dress shirt was the same bright blue as his eyes. I couldn't stop staring at him. Why did he have to be so cute? My brain was getting all weird on me because of it. I couldn't think straight.
Did I look okay? I found myself thinking. I had on a flowing black skirt and a black lacy tank top covered by a long sweater. It was funeralesque, but I think I looked alright and I had made a point to put on make-up before I left and brush my hair. Thank God.
"But you go to school with me," Ethan pointed out, as he turned toward me in his chair. His right arm brushed mine and caused chills to go up my spine. I hoped he couldn't see me blushing. I have fair skin and anything can cause it to turn red. It's a curse.
I had to think fast here, Ethan knew we went to school together. Wait a minute. Does that mean Ethan Ripley knows who I am? Woo-hoo! Why did I suddenly feel like doing a victory dance in the middle of the funeral? Ethan knows who I am! Ethan knows who I am! Except in this case, it was a bad thing. I was totally caught in a lie. I couldn't possibly go to high school and college. I wasn't that smart. So, I did the only thing one can do when caught in a lie - turn it around on the other person, "How do you know Liz?"
"She was my sister," Ethan said solemnly, his voice cracking slightly on the word sister as he tried to control his emotions.
What?!?! That was my first thought, but I knew it was true because I could hear the grief in his voice. I suddenly noticed it in his eyes too. My heart went out to him. I just wanted to hug him and say, I've been there. I know how you feel. Instead, I said, "Your sister? But you don't have the same last name."
I felt stupid the second after I said it too. What can I say? My brain was busy short-circuiting.
"She was my half sister. My mother was married to someone else before she met my dad. They had Liz and then they got divorced. My mother remarried and had me," Ethan was still peering at me curiously. I was more focused on how close his arm still was to mine.
"That's really sad," I said and I meant it. "I am so sorry."
Ethan nodded back and then looked directly into my eyes. I looked back at him and tried to keep breathing normally.
"So, how do you know Liz, really?" Ethan asked again.
I tried to change the subject again as I felt my heart start to beat harder against my chest in panic, "Why isn't there anybody from school here? I mean, I would think everyone would be here to support you."
As I said this, I looked around the funeral parlor. There was nobody from our high school here. Not even Ariel, who I know would have been glad to comfort Ethan in his time of loss and not just because she was caring like that. She was an opportunist and this would definitely have been a great opportunity for her to sink her claws into Ethan.
Truthfully, it would have been a major get out sign if people from my high school had all been there. I mean, I didn't go to funerals to hang out with people from my high school. I didn't even hang out with them in high school.
Ethan seemed surprised by my question. "I didn't tell anyone."
Now I was confused. I mean, how could his friends, and I know he had like a billion of them, being the most popular guy in school, not know his sister had died and that her wake was tonight. "Why not?"
As I asked the question, I remembered my mom's funeral. The only person that knew she had died from school was Ariel and despite being my ex-best friend, she had shown up. I had freaked out the night before and called Ariel in tears, sobbing. I had needed her and she had actually been there for me. It was mortifying for me to think of it now even though she's never been so evil as to turn that moment against me. And, Ariel did show up at the wake the next day, but it turned out be really awkward to see each other in person. Over the phone, I had been able to pour my heart out to my old friend. In person, the awkwardness and weirdness that had destroyed our friendship, was visibly apparent. We said hi to each other and that was it. I mean, what more was there to say? My mom was dead. Ariel's life was getting more awesome by the moment and we weren't friends anymore. The end.
"Well," Ethan frowned, "My friends Dave and Mike are coming later, but I didn't want everyone at school to know. I mean, they didn't know Liz. Dave and Mike did."
I nodded. He was talking about Dave Rickerson and Mike Finnigan. I didn't know them personally, but I knew they were friends of his. They were always at lunch together and I knew they all played sports. So, yeah, I knew who they were. I mean, nobody from that crowd ever looked at or spoke to me. They wouldn't even ask me for a pencil if they needed one for their math test, I was so low on the totem pole. Although, the way they were supporting Ethan was nice. They sounded like real friends.
Ethan prodded again, "So, now don't change the subject. I really want to know. How do you know Liz?"
My mind was blank. I didn't know how to get out of this. I mean, I couldn't exactly tell him the truth. I didn't want Ethan Ripley to think I was a total freak. Ariel Walker, I could handle, but Ethan Ripley thinking that would be totally devastating. So, I did the only thing I could think of to do. I got up and fled the funeral as fast as my legs would carry me. And, I mean, fast. Hey, it worked the last time.