Author's note: Second entry for Romance smack down
Lenght: 3536 words
Challenge - first person narrative, tell a praanormal romance in which two dead musicians fall in love with you. Of the musicians given I chose Kurt Cobain and Stefanie Sargent..
We were also given a song to incorporate - Demon Speeding by Rob Zombie. This inpspired the time frame I used as the video we were given had tons of images hat felt very 90's to me adn I used some of the lyrics.
I did use Simon and Garfunkle's "Sound of silence" as well as this song was s tuck in my head the entire time we had to write."
Seattle 1995
Ever since that night I have been aware of them. I knew they were not angels – yet they were not human either. I guess calling them ghosts was as close as I could come to describing them.
Whenever I left home or the band practice, I was infinitely aware. I knew they were looking out for me but I did not think they would be very effective in protecting me. After all, it wasn't the rest of the world out to get me any more: I had only myself to fear.
Hello Darkness my old friend
I've come to talk to you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
I sang softly, appreciating the hall's acoustics one last time. I wonder how it would resonate with the thunder of the revolver's report. I sigh, close my eyes as I murmur my good bye to life and then press the cold maw of the barrel into my mouth: the kiss of death tastes like machine oil and metal.
Then something happens. I can feel it...my skin crawls as a frisson of cold shivers through me and then the gun is being forced from my fingers. I open my eyes (I hadn't even realised I'd had them closed) and as sure as day I could see him!
He stood right before my eyes: a little hazy, smudgy around the edges, but real enough and solid enough to try and wrest the revolver from my grip. His blue eyes are full of shared pain and understanding and his hair shines ever so slightly with some ethereal light. I gasp as the triggers clicks, depressed in our struggle and the gun barks impatiently.
The death knell echoes and fades into the sound of silence.
I descend into darkness.
My heart still beats and I focus on the bass line.
Ever the musician I feel my fingers starting to pluck at the guitar – my Gibson. I suddenly hear the audience applaud and hear Kurt talking to them, joking about asking David Geffen to buy him the Lead Belly's guitar. “My girl, my girl don't lie to me....”
My eyes flutter open and I wonder why I am seeing Kurt Cobain. I see him looming right over me, He is not alone. I cannot see his companion as clearly though. My eyes close again. My head is killing me.
Kurt Cobain saved my life. “Hypocrite” I try to mutter but decide its safer to lie in the darkness still.
“She seems to be OK. Think she bumped her head though.”
“We should get her home. This place ain't the safest, even with a gun.” the voice was female, familiar somehow and full of awe. "How did you do that Kurt? How did you grab the gun?"
That bring me back. I gasp in a lungful of air and open my eyes again. They are still there, like they have been for the last six months. But now I can see them, and of all the questions rushing like bullet trains through my head I decide on this:
"Why the hell did you stop me?"
The emotion of what had transpired mere minutes before roll over me in an overwhelming wave. And I feel sick. I had been so close to freedom! so close to escaping the nightmare that is my life...to escaping the pain.
“Trust me, killing yourself isn't the answer. I speak from experience.”
“Well fuck you. I'm not you.” I get up, determined to get the gun and finish what I started but Kurt is suddenly right in front of me, barring my passage.
"I can't let you do that Melanie. You need to live."
“And who made you God?" I ask, anger consuming my earlier desolation.
"Melanie, don't be stupid, Please just give us a chance to help you.” the girl said. I still couldn’t see her clearly.
I sigh. I’ve never been one to let my anger cloud my judgement. I decide to give them a chance to try and convince me that I'm not better off dead. If nothing else, I would at least die knowing why I was seeing dead people.
"Fine, you have until tomorrow night to try convince me. Let's go before the cleaning crew pitches up or something." I collect the gun, useless anyway since it had contained only a single bullet, and head out the back door of the Off ramp.
The drive home is short, quiet, except for Pearl jam thrumming over the radio. I park and feel them following me into the house. My roomie is plastered over the couch watching cartoons. - I recognise the nasal voice of the skinny white mouse and smile as she acknowledges my presence by raising her hand in a wave over the back of the couch.
Once in my room I sit on my bed and stare at the two ghosts that seem to sit on the bed too. "Why can I see you now? I’ve been aware of a...presence the last month - ever since...ever since that night." flashes of that night pop into my head unbidden. His breath, warm and sour in my face as he orders me to lie still - as if the knife at my throat wasn't motivation enough. The brutality of his actions thereafter have always been a blur, but nothing could blot out the pain, the hurt, the tear in my soul from being accosted in such a way.
a Whisper of memory catches my attention. Why hadn't he killed me? The police had said afterwards that the rapist's MO was to brutalise and then maim and kill his victims, yet I was still alive. and suddenly I remember how he had let me go, swearing as he got off me, almost like he was being pulled off. That was when I’d first seen the girl I think. It must have been her ghost trying to protect me that night. I wonder what would have happened had she arrived earlier.
"You were there." I state quietly.
"Yes," Kurt confirms, his blond head bobbing. I wonder if his eyes look blue from my memory or whether he was starting to get more solid, gain a little colour.
"We promised Mia we would see you through to the end. She pulled him off. I think she felt fulfilled after that and went into the light.” I suddenly remember how Mia Zapata had died two years before – she'd been raped and strangled too. The police had become more helpful on rape cases after that, after the action her friends took thereafter.
"The end?" I ask, not sure what the end could be.
The girl speaks again – and she becomes clearer now. I recognise her as Stefanie Sargent. I'd never been much of a fan of 7 Year Bitch but I know Lana, my room mate, loves them.
"Mia said we mustn't let you let him get away. And If you killed yourself tonight that pig would be cut loose. You are the only witness, the only survivor.
"Melanie, he's killed and raped eight other women that they know of- if for no other reason, you must live so you can save others. "
The court case.
It looms over my head, having to face that monster again, in the harsh light of a court room. I could hardly stand seeing him in the line up without reliving every single painful horrid moment. I sob and pull my knees to my chest.
"I can't..."
For the last six month I had enough trouble keeping the nightmares at bay. Not just of the rape itself but finding out I was pregnant... and electing to have an abortion. I still couldn't get over it. While everyone knew about the rape – nobody knew about the termination. I couldn't face the monster that had done that to me – and made me betray everything I stood for. I couldn't live with myself or the memories any more.
Stefanie seemed to sense my approaching panic and moved closer. She gave Kurt a look and I saw him nod and then fade away.
“We're alone now.” she came to sit next to me and rested her hand on my leg. I looked down at the scuffed toe of my Doc Martins and tried to concentrate on the frayed rips in my jeans. I could feel her hand on my leg, feel her squeezing there reassuringly.
“Look, Melanie – I know you live in your own personal hell. I should have revealed myself sooner, but Kurt felt it best if we just hung around in the background. I should tell you how I admire you. I turned to heroine when my shit got too complicated and, well, here I am now, dead and...In love with a girl who will probably never feel anything for me. Hell, I have watched you transcend all the shit life has hurled at you over the last few months and I have such admiration for you, for how well you handled everything,” she stopped to see how I was taking what she was saying. “BUT for you to take control again, you need to get through this one last ordeal and then you can start fresh. Perhaps even leave Seattle. I...I just want to see you happy.”
Slowly her words registered. In love. I look up and see the pained expression in her eyes. I wondered how she could love me? She was a ghost. I was messed up, untouchable in the darkness that engulfed me.
A knock sounded on my door and Stefanie disappeared, as if she was scared that who-ever was there would also be able to see her.
I open the door and give a wan smile at Lana, leaning against the door jamb,
“Heard you talking to someone – you okay?” she looks a little worried, as if she thinks I'm close to losing the plot completely. I wonder too – I have been conversing with two deceased musicians for the last hour, not to mention the attempted suicide of earlier.
“Yes, yes I'm fine – just going over the stuff for the court case.” I mutter, hoping that she wouldn’t pick up on my lie.
Instead her face puckers in concern, “Oh sweetie, how could I forget? When do they start?” she asks, stepping into my room.
“Friday.” I wish she would leave so Stefanie could come back and I can say what was on my mind about her admission of love.
“I will go with you. I know you must feel terrified, but this is all for a good cause – that bastard deserves to rot.”
Much later I lie in bed. Stefanie still had not returned and I feel anxiety well up inside me. The day had been rough and I was still struggling with the idea of facing the rapist. I refuse to say his name, for then he would be human and he was a monster. I fall asleep and dream....
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'Neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.
My dreams are a jumble of the bits and bobs floating in my head – images of the night I was raped, me walking alone down the dark and quiet street...Footsteps behind me, hurried yet determined. I turn, passing under the bright neon glow of a street light, and pull my coat tight around me as I too start hurrying, but no rapists appears. Instead Stefanie Sargent stand before me, crying because she loves me and that is all it could ever be. Unrequited love – yet it is more than she ever had in her life. I cry as she leaves, heading towards a bright Flash of white, that rips the dark asunder and then...I wake up drenched in sweat and tears. I felt like I was in the mouth of madness, down in the darkness, Like there was no tomorrow down in this hollow that was y life. I suddenly knew that I wouldn't see Stefanie again – What I'd seen was her moving on.
I felt fresh tears soaking past my lashes and treading deep, ever lasting tracks down my cheeks.
“And in the naked light I saw,
ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking,
people hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared,
and no one dared
To stir the sound of silence”
I was singing again, softy under my breath as the morning of the court case arrived. Kurt had come back the day before, looking a little dazed by the fact that he was now the only ghost left with me. We both cried fro Stefanie. She had apparently told Kurt about her love for me and then she'd said that she felt happy, and fulfilled. I felt honoured by her love and had to admit the fraction of self worth that knowing she loved me gave back to me. I wanted to say so much to her, even though I could not say I loved her in return.
The state prosecutor arranged for me to be collected and on arriving at the court I felt my heart sink into my shoes. It seemed like thousands of people were gathered in front of the court case. I swallowed hard at the lump in my throat and felt Kurt's touch on my shoulder. I grabbed a little courage as I saw the posters and banners the strangely silent crowd held up “Break the Silence” one read, “Justice will be served” stated another. These people would support me. It was as if they knew my story without me having told them. They did not even have to listen to hear what I would tell them about this monster on trial today. Their silence was respect.
“Don't stress” Kurt whispered in my ear. I remember how he pulled the gun from my mouth a mere couple of days ago. Did he really just do it so I could fulfil this moment? I shudder and hope suddenly that he too had another motivation, like Stefanie had.
The trial starts and each side present their case. I am too scared to look at the accused, the man that had taken my life and my morals from me. I stare at Kurt instead. I focus on my memories of him singing Heart shaped box, Lithium, Lake of fire...I think of anything except facing the monster looming just ahead f me.
“It's time. They’re calling you.” Kurt murmurs and I glance up. I can see them waiting for me. I get up and walk the distance, like a lamb to the slaughter.
“Fool, said I, you do not know,
silence, like a cancer, grows
Hear my words and I might teach you,
take my arms then I might reach you
But my words, like silent raindrops fell,
and echoed in the wells of silence”
I sing softly under my breath, my heart racing, Kurt by my side. I take my oath and then start answering the questions.
Yes the man who raped me is the accused.
I was waling home alone after a gig at the Off ramp. I heard footsteps behind me and saw a man running towards me. He looked like he was scared so I stopped, offered assistance and then....
I can feel their sympathy as I explain what happened. I feel lighter knowing that they did not blame me, I feel that the cancer of depression that has been eating me alive for the last six months, even more so the last four, was finally being removed. My soul was bleeding. And Kurt was by my side.
And then it is over. They let me go, and I decide not to listen to the medical opinions and so forth, I need to get away. Far, far away. As I walk through the silent passages of the court building I reach out my arm and feel Kurt take my hand. It is over.
The emptiness is indescribable. At home I fall apart and sit sobbing for a long time.
“I can't do this Kurt. I've said my piece and that creep is hopefully going away for a very long time., but it doesn't really make me feel nay better.”
Kurt turns to me and sighs. “And I can't watch you kill yourself. Melanie, I have been looking out for you ever since that night... I was in the abortion clinic with you, felt your pain, the betrayal you felt. I have witnessed almost every moment of your life and I cannot tell you how I admire you for being so strong and for making it to here. I know one feels desperate and alone and that nobody understands, I get it, because I was there too. I used to think If you die you're completely happy and your soul somewhere lives on. I'm wasn't afraid of dying. Total peace after death, becoming someone else is the best hope I had but instead I was forced to watch my wife and daughter grieve for me, I had to see them move forward and I was such a screwed up ghost that I couldn’t even figure out how to try and make contact. Then I found Mia and Stefanie the night you got raped and I learnt so much from them, but even more from you and I think I love you. I know that this is it. I know you don't feel the same, and that there isn’t a chance that I could convince you of how real this is, but I love you and I think in all fairness you should know that.
“If you could inspire such feeling s in a dead man, just imagine how you could inspire a living, breathing one.”
“Kurt I....” I began but he silenced me and suddenly it seemed like he was flesh and blood, standing before me. He bent down and kissed me, tenderly, and I was surprised because I expected warmth, but his lips were cold> As he raised his head, he took me in his arms in a hug and then kissed me again, and I did not hesitate to respond as best I could.”
After a few moments he drew away completely and smiled crookedly at me. “That's it for me. I have done what needed doing and I don't want to hang around here any more. I hope I managed to save you... or will my word echo in this sound of silence?”
I started to shake my head.. how could he decide to move on now, after confessing he loved me? I couldn't let him go!
“No, do not go Kurt! Perhaps If I had more time I could also...” but I knew that nothing I could say would change his mind. I did not know how it felt being and not being, and I understood that he wanted to go while he felt happy for once.
So instead I pulled him to me and whispered good bye as I gave him a kiss. Already he was less here and then suddenly, the bright flash of white appeared again and I felt him drawn to it. I saw him going, fading into it and I felt myself falling down. My head banged against the floor and once again sunk into the darkness, my whispered farewell echoing into the sound of silence.
And the people bowed and prayed
to the neon god they'd made
And the sign flashed its warning
in the words that it was forming
And the sign said the words of the prophets
are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls,
and whispered in the sounds of silence
I watch the little white mice on the telly, trying to take over the world. I feel at peace. After six months in a hospital after Lana found me passed out on the ground with a gun just a few feet away, I felt hopeful for the first time in a year. AS the show ends I switch to MTV, just in time to hear Kurt joking about the lead bellies' guitar and him asking David Geffen to buy it for him. I see him again saying he loves me and I smile.
I switch the neon god off and head for my room, where everything is ready for me.
I sing softly as I close the door behind me and silently turn the lock. I take my gun and load the single bullet into the revolver's chamber. I was determined.
I taste the kiss of death – machine oil and grey cold metal and I smile. This time there would be no ghostly hands to pull it away. The shot echoes, and I fall, and the inevitable end of me whispers finally in the sound of silence.