o n e
375 days before wedding
The roads and sidewalks had finally begun to crowd as we approached the college campus I would be spending my upcoming months. My nerves had already begun to eat their way through the façade I'd swallowed before we left home and the aftermath had quickly started crawling up my throat.
Students had been carrying overly stuffed totes in their arms probably filled with as much from home as they could fit. Making their way through the multitude of people trying to do the same thing at the same time. From the car window, it looked like a hundred ants swarming around. A little part of me envied those people.
Most of them adored the way they were in the past—the way they still are I suppose—but not me. I'd be lucky if I never saw my old self again. Starting here was the start at reinventing myself into something no one would see through. For a moment, I actually wanted to kick myself at how cliché I sounded. Half of these people probably came here with the same exact mindset. Ready to start over and finally experience things like a proper adult.
In Dreycott, there weren't a lot of people which only made the pressure to be perfect more important. Everyone knew everything about everyone and people weren't afraid to gossip about you. A girl from my junior year got knocked up and people treated her like a screw up until she graduated with all honors and got into Harvard University. No one ever talked bad about her again.
My focus shifted over to my brother who had been sitting in the front seat thinking about God knows what. This was his second year so I presumed the non existent nerves he had were at bay. I always wondered how he managed to stay so nonchalant. Christian promised me last year that when it was my turn to come to college, he would help me settle into my dorm and I was gracious he kept his promise. Truth is, I missed him. He's my best friend. Probably the best person I have ever known.
"Hey ugly, dad said what's your residence hall?" Chris said, turning around from the passenger seat to look at me.
"Oh, um, it's..." I dragged on, pulling out the paper to double check even though I had studied this sheet over one hundred times last night. "Cambridge Hall."
Dad kept quiet, but nodded his head and searched around for any signs pointing to where we needed to be. There were so many people in one place at one time, I could feel claustrophobia sneaking up on me. My high school graduation was four hundred people tops, but this was way more. People were unloading cars like a can of packed sardines.
My family and I come from an extremely small town where there aren't nearly as many people outside at once. Dreycott, Minnesota. An extremely small, nearly nonexistent town that basically no one had ever heard of when I brought it up in conversations. We'd only known the living of a small town so this many people was new to us.
When Dad had successfully maneuvered around the college campus and found my residence hall, dad turned to look at me with a smile on his face.
"You excited? You look nervous."
I shoed him away. Nervous was the last thing I wanted someone to see when they looked at me.
"No. Just taking in the change of scenery is all. I have a lot of getting to know this place ahead of me. There's no time to be shy."
The boxes beside me reminded me that this was the beginning of something new. Something I had been looking forward to for ages. There wasn't any room to mess this up or to taint my chance at being who I've always known myself to be inside. It was my turn to live.
"I'm glad to hear that Alex," Dad pauses. "Here's the deal, you take one of your boxes with you for right now while Christian and I go search for his dorm and then we'll meet you back here to tote the rest of your things to your room? Sound good?" I grabbed ahold of the box next to me and got out of the car, nodding to dad. "We'll meet you back here in twenty minutes tops."
I waved at him and stood there until the car had finally driven out of sight.
My palms had already begun sweating as I shifted on my feet, looking around at where I was supposed to go next. There had been a girl with a clipboard in her hands standing next to a giant box of small cans. She'd been smiling big and discussing something with another girl who had almost been completely swallowed up by tons of boxes loaded on to a trolley. I stood behind her to wait for whatever it was she had been speaking about.
I needed to shift the box in my hand a little bit to get a proper grasp of it. It hadn't been heavy, but the box itself was pretty large.
"Name?"
I looked up and smiled at her.
"Sorry" I laughed. As you can see, I lack the proper amount of body strength it requires to hold a box that's not even heavy."
The girl laughed and I mentally patted myself on the back.
"But uh it's Alexandrea."
"Um? Sounded like you had to think about it?" She laughs.
I didn't know what else to say to her but laugh. I was happy she had been able to pick up on my sarcasm.
"I'm just giving you a hard time. What's your last name?"
"Castillo."
"Here you are. You're in Cambridge. That's on the North side. You're close to just about everything except the dining hall," she pauses. "Some people get Cambridge and Camberight confused so I'm mentioning that for future reference. Cambridge is the Co-Ed dormitory whereas Camberight is strictly female students. You are aware that this is Co-Ed, right?"
I nodded. I do now.
She reached into her box and pulled out one of the small cans and grabbed a silver key dangling from a key hook filled with tons of other keys.
"That's your travel size bottle of mace, and your key with your dorm number on it. You are only allowed one key and sadly if it's misplaced, you have to pay to get a new one. If in the event you do need to a replacement key, you have to come to me. I'm Presley, Cambridge's dorm advisor. Here's your booklet on what's allowed and not allowed in the dorms and/or on campus. Any fragments or failure to abide by campus rules could lead to expulsion. Blah blah blah," she laughs. "I hope to see you around campus and I hope you have an amazing experience at Winchester University."
"Thank you! Lots of information to retain."
"You got it!"
I gave her a smile before shuffling the box in my hand and headed towards the hall.
Dad must've gotten the two halls confused too because I had fully intended on being in an all girl hall.
There had been people everywhere. Everyone seemed to know each other or at least it looked like it. I figured majority of them had been greeting their dorm mate. I on the other hand decided not to for the sake of my Dad coming back.
When I had finally managed to spot the elevator, I jogged over to it before the doors had a chance to shut. A girl standing inside stuck her foot out in order to keep them opened while I walked the remaining distance between.
"Thank you!" I shuffled. "I would've been so screwed if I had to wait. I have to pee."
"It's no problem. Us girls have to look out for each other," she said. "Which floor?"
The bottom to the third floor had already been pressed.
"Looks like we're going to the same floor."
I turned to look over at her and she had a smile on her face. I'd never know people to be so enthused about being near someone they had just met but she made it feel good.
"What's your name?" I smiled.
"I'm Lynn—Shaylynn—but call me Lynn."
The both of us weren't in any position to shake hands, not that people did that much anymore, right? But smiling was the best way to hold the conversation as the both of us held onto our belongings.
"Alex."
"What's your dorm number? We could maybe hang out sometime?" she shrugged.
"I'm in room #339, what about you?"
"#342," She said. The elevator had finally come to a stop on the third floor and the both of us stepped out.
We unintentionally walked together down the hall looking for our dorm room.
"There's yours," she says, pointing with her head to the door etched with 339. "Mine must be around the corner," she says and we walked to the last dorm in this hallway.
"Maybe we can chill or get a coffee sometime soon? Sound good?" I say, hoping I had somehow managed to not screw anything up.
"Totes."
•
My dorm had almost been completely empty. Two beds on either side of the room, two desks, two mini dressers, a window, a sink, and one large closet for the both of us to share.
The lack of stuff meant that my dorm mate still hadn't made it in yet, so I was able to get dibs on whatever side I wanted and I had time to set up everything without any interruptions.
Not too long past after setting everything that was in the box up, I headed back downstairs to wait for dad and Christian. We all loaded the rest of my things up to my dorm before leaving out. Dad had planned an early lunch for the three of us. He talked about how proud he was of the both of us and how much he believed in us.
"I just want the two of you to make mom proud. I know she would have loved to wish you off on your first year of college, Alex. Just know she is here, she'll always be here as long as you allow her to be," Dad smiles. The emotional pull falling from his words made my eyes swell.
Mom had been gone for six months; cancer. It was hard on all of us, but it's what gave me the strength to turn my life around so I could be something great for her. I had to be. The bond the both of had will never be able to be replaced and I didn't intend on trying to find someone to fill the spot she had left vacant either, but I needed something to get my mind off the hurt that was starting to conjure itself back up again.
It was going to be a hard thing to do and even though I was ready to start this new chapter in my life, I still hadn't managed to get through the last one. Bits of me were all over the place—figuratively—but leaving was the only way I could think to mend them back together. It was my last shot and it wasn't in my intentions to ruin it.
After we had all finished indulging in our last "family lunch" for a while, Dad stood to his feet and invited both of us in for a hug. He'd given Christian and I this big speawl on how ready he was for us to go out there and live on our own and even though I didn't doubt his excitement, he had managed to be an even bigger emotional wreck then either of us thought. Christian and I hugged him goodbye before he got strapped into the car.
"We love you, dad. Drive safely."
Dad nodded and started up the car before he reached into his glove compartment and pulled out some cash. He gave the both of us three hundred dollars. He said it was just something to get us started on because things get tough real quick. We both thanked him and he was on his way. Christian and I tried convincing him to move here with us, maybe get a new house in the area. He needed to get out of Dreycott just as much as the both of us did, but he said there was no way he could leave now. Especially since mom was gone. The both of us respected his wishes and didn't push him anymore about the subject.
The blazing sun burned my shoulders as Christian and I strolled the campus to get a good feel of the distance between ours dorms were. The walk was was long and dreadful. Especially on a day like this, walking this distance was out of the question. I had t expected it to be so hot and I didn't know how I would adapt to it either.
When we had finished roaming the campus, we went our separate ways. His dorm was on the complete opposite end from mine, but our courses met in the middle. I hadn't gotten the chance to meet my dorm mate since I left before she arrived. In all honesty, I had been expecting to walk in the room to a person setting up their side of the room with lousy boy band posters and stuffed animal collectibles from their childhood.
The room had still been completely empty when I had made it back despite my things and what was provided. I caught myself sighing in disappointment. If everyone here was as welcoming as Lynn was, I was excited to meet my room mate. I waited for a bit longer to see if she'd come. I even almost completely finished setting up my side of the dorm, but after a while, I decided I should take a shower and remove this day of stress from my body.
To my dismay, the bathrooms were as you'd expect them to be—Co-Ed. The thought of being so exposed in a huge bathroom with other females frightened me at first, but to know that I'd be sharing a bathroom with not only females, but makes as well took the cake.
Shower heads we sprawled all over the bathroom walls with only a small wall barriers to block your body from anyone else's view. The only thing I could think about was not saving up an extra three grand to get a dorm with its own personal shower.
There wasn't much I could do about it for the time being. Maybe I'd request my own dorm with its own shower when I made time to save enough money.
After my shower, I tried my hardest to scurry back to my dorm before anyone had a chance to see me in my robe. It was a clean break and I had successfully made it back without any run-ins.
"Who new I'd run into my room mate ass naked?" I heard from behind me.
"What the hell! You scared me," I gasped, holding my heart inside my chest. "No hello or warning?"
It wasn't hard to tell she had been trying to hide her laughter behind the half smile that had been on her face. She stood up from her bed and walked over to me, tapping my exposed shoulder three times.
"This couldn't be more classic," she finally laughed.
"Tell me about it. Believe it or not, I waited to get in the shower in case you had gotten here earlier but you hadn't. I was waiting. In the end, I still ended up meeting you looking like a wet dog. You don't mind if I change in here right? I Don't want to make you any more uncomfortable than I have already."
She laughed and shoed my question off with her hand. "We'll be seeing a lot of each other. I might as well get used to it now," she said, shrugging her shoulders.
I tired to minimize the awkwardness by making small talk and I hated small talk.
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