It's been six months since I killed her. Since I killed the girl that I loved so much. Makise Kurusu, her hair a radiant red, her eyes a brilliant blue. Her blood... The most dangerous red I knew. It was my fault that such a young girl died.
I walked out of the time machine, I only had this one chance left and I blew it. I then fell to the floor on my hands and knees. My shirt covered in blood, Kurisu's blood. Mayuri was of course concerned. I could feel the warmth of her hand on my back. No matter what she always cared for others more than herself, she wanted to please everyone she could, because that pleased her more than anything else in the world. Suzuha, who I had mostly blocked out was saying that...
Enough juice for one more chance to save her.
It hurt. My stomach lurched and my fists balled up. Mayuri felt my body tense up. I knew what I had to do. I had to get up, get back in the machine, and save her but... I couldn't move, my body resisted what it knew was right. My eyes had seen enough death. Mayuri. Mayuri again. A dozen times Mayuri. One hundred times... Mayuri, each seemingly more brutal than the last, shot to the head, riddled with bullet holes, splattered by a train... I couldn't take the death anymore. No more death. I felt hot tears drizzle down my face. Mayuri's hand didn't leave my back, it pushed down slightly harder as she whispered. "Go to sleep Okarin... You've done enough."
I found myself following her words and my eyes shut, I lay on the cool concrete and fall asleep as Suzuha tries to wake me up. Mayuri wouldn't let her. My beautiful hostage let me sleep.
That was six months ago. What used to be myself taking care of Mayuri has switched. Mayuri takes care of me. I went to a therapist. PTSD, that's what they said. I kinda figured... I sat there as he blabbed on about the psychology of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and couldn't help myself hearing her voice once more. Of course my mind had added some snarky comments between the explanation, whenever we spoke, we got into heated arguments. That's probably a reason I loved her, always ready to fight for what she believed in. I was prescribed some tablets to calm my mind, and they worked. I had to get to the university soon, I was planning to see a lecture based on a new technology being worked on at the University that Kurisu worked at. It was called Amadeus. I was never fully sure what it was, and I never understood what she was talking about fully, but I had been working hard in my new field of work, neuroscience and I was surprised at how interesting it was. As I walked I got a call from Rukako.
"Rukako, everything okay? You only call me when there's an emergency." I said as I bumped into someone, looked like a small child who had literally rolled out of bed and appeared here. Though walking in the same direction she was a slower walker than I am. I gave a soft apology which she gave a shy smile to and I turned to continue walking.
"Is this... Hououin Kyuoma...?" He asked softly. I stumbled a little. I hadn't heard that name in a very long time. I give a quiet chuckle but shake me head.
I quietly open the door for myself but see that the young child had kept up with me so I let her in first. She gave another small smile and gave thanks. I nodded and walked in behind her and sat on a couch in the waiting room. "Sorry to disappoint you but it's Okabe Rintarou. Kyouma's gone."
I heard a slight sigh of relief from the boy on the other end of the line. "Thank goodness... Because what I want to tell you is very serious and I think that Kyouma would laugh at me... Can I trust you Okabe?" He asked. This worried me greatly, though I'm now a lot more serious now than I used to be, I don't handle serious moments well.
'Of course you can trust me, Rukako. I'm one of your closest friends, you can tell me anything." I say in the kindest voice I could. There was some mumblings and some nervous giggles.
"Well... What if I told you... I was a transgender?" He asked quietly. Was he in public? I barely heard him.
I gave a small smile to the girl with messy black hair and then chuckled. "Rukako I've known for sometime... There's always been evidence." I say calmly. I heard a small gasp and a whimper.
"You hate me now... Don't you Okabe..." He said at barely a whisper.
My eyes widened, he thought I hated him. "Rukako... I support your wishes, I encourage you to work for your gender identity. I'll do whatever I can to help you." I say smiling, genuinely. I knew he was shy, about a lot of things. It took a lot of courage to tell me that.
Rukako was crying now, but even I could hear the smile on her lips. Yes... Her lips. "I have to go now, Okabe... Thank you so much for accepting me for who I am." She whispered and there was a click, followed by a dial tone. I pocketed my phone and the small girl was stood in front of me patiently waiting. Now I could get a good look at her. Green eyes, very green, and midnight black hair, almost like reality didn't exist around her, just a void. Her hair was messy. Knotted and sticking out from all angles. Her body was tiny, looking like she would be maybe thirteen or fourteen years old. If Daru was here he'd be cheering about 'teenage Loli FTW!' and I'm so sad that I understand what that means. What was stranger is that she was wearing odd shoes, one looked like a school shoe, the other a croc? This little one was strange.
"Aren't you-" I was cut off by her stern voice almost as soon as I began talking.
"Ooh little girl aren't you a little young to be hear? The elementary school is on the other side of the street! Want me to help you cross the road? Enough I've already heard that from three people. I don't need to hear a fourth." She said bitterly. Her mouth opened wide with a yawn and she sighed. "I'm sorry I didn't get very much sleep last night... I've been very tired the last few days practicing my translating for the Professor today. I don't know if I'll get through it all without a few slip ups... Maho Hiyajo. That's my name if you're wondering. I'm twenty years old before you ask." She said showing her visitor pass. She was older than me? Now I can hear Daru nose bleeding over a "LEGAL LOLI FTW!" And once again I'm disgusted that I know what that means. I nod keeping quiet. "I'm just looking for the staff room, the Professor should already be there. Will you be going to the presentation?" She asked.
I give a large smile and nod as I lead her to the staff room. "Yes, I am. I'm a big fan of Makise Kurisu's work. It was such... A tragedy that she... She..." I couldn't stop the tears that fell once again. Never over Kurisu. Never. The small woman trembled as well and she hugged me tight. It was warm and inviting, I returned the hug and felt her chest heaving. She was crying too... I stroked her hair and cried with her. We cried with each other.
"The after party... After our seminar... Obviously. I would be glad if you were to come along. The professor I'm sure he would too. Please try to come along." She said and squeezed me gently then disappeared into the staff room, probably to make herself more presentable.
As the professor talked about his thesis and work, along with Kurisu and Maho, while Maho translated. "Imagine being able digitalise your loved ones, so even if they passed on, you would be able to see them, speak to them, as if they had never been gone." Maho translated. This immediately caused an uproar from the for the time being quiet crowd.
"That is sick!"
"Absolutely disgusting!"
"Only a pervert would do such a thing!"
I couldn't take that. That last comment. I knew Kurisu, this was her life's work, the time machine only being a hobby... They were slandering her work. I stood up, a stern look on my face. "YOU ARE ALL WRONG! This technology is beautiful! If your wife or husband or child died, you would do anything to get them back! ANYTHING! This is your wife, your husband, your child. This... Isn't perverted. The works of the Professor, miss Hiyajo and the late Makise Kurisu is not perverted!" I spoke loud and clearly. I could see from where I sat, Maho was smiling and tearing up, the crowd fell silent and stared at me, that courage left like I left Kyouma. I felt sweat bead down my brow and the eyes of the crowd bored holes into my very existence. That feeling soon left me as the professor applauded me. Don't applaud me...
"Wonderful! Absolutely Wonderful!" The professor said in English. I couldn't understand it all but I think Maho noticed this. She translated.
Her voice cracked but she quickly composed herself. "He's saying that it is people like you that made the Amadeus program happen... Thank you..." She said, I think she added the thanks herself.
I smiled nervously and sat down. The seminar then continued without a hitch, well Maho made a few mistakes but I heard even the most professional of translators could just barely last about 20 minutes. She was doing very well for herself. She continually glanced up in my direction so I gave a small smile and she looked away. Was she using me for support?
The after party was not something I was looking forward to. Being my introverted self this was quite big for me. I noticed Maho by the corner with a small food plate and nibbling away looking around nervously. She hadn't even changed clothes. I walked over. "Hey Maho, well done translating at the seminar."
Her cheeks turned pink, contrasting against her pale skin "Eh? O-oh um no problem... Thank you. When the crowd freaked out I was so scared, I was so glad that you helped us, the professor... Me... Even Kurisu. If she were here right now she would be saying-"
"I don't need any help I have this all under control. I can handle hecklers." I say, remembering her stubborn personality, refusing for help no matter how much she needed it. Maho's eyes widened and nodded.
I felt her small hand hold my sleeve like a child hold's their parent. "Yeah... Just like that... I'm glad that she had friends here before she passed on. That was my fear, my best friend being here all alone with no one to talk to."
I chuckled. "That's not true. She may not have had anyone physically but she was a large @channeler so I don't think that she would have been truly alone."
Maho couldn't help but giggle. "I always called her 'Makise Kurisu: Secret Otaku' when we were alone at the lab working on the Amadeus Project. The actual workings of Amadeus however are very secret, we don't let just anyone talk to Amadeus Maho or... Amadeus Kur..." She paused. "You know what name I'm going to say... You have to promise not to tell anyone about Amadeus K." She hissed, still holding my sleeve tight. I patted her head and nodded.
My voice was low and quiet. "I won't tell anyone about her." Just then two big arms wrapped around my waist, a hug from behind? But from who? I turn my head just enough to see bleached blonde hair and knew who it was. "Ah... H-Hello Professor." I spoke quietly.
"You seem very passionate about our work... What is your name?" He asked. I just realised that neither knew my name. Maho looked more curious than the professor, probably due to the fact that I defended her friend's work.
"O-Okabe Rinatrou..."
The professor grinned. "Well Okabe Linthalo!" He mispronounced my name but I was too frazzled to correct him. "I think you're just who we're looking for to test Amadeus.
Maho's eyes widened turning to the professor. "Professor... You cannot be serious! I mean sure he's passionate about the work, and he defended us, but are you sure you want him to be the outsider?"
The professor didn't think before nodding. "Definitely, one hundred percent he HAS to be the outsider for our tests."
Of course I just stood quietly while the two bickered about who knows what.
Maho then gripped my sleeve again then pulled me away, I was somewhat thankful to be out of the centre of the room. "He wants you to be our... Beta tester for the Amadeus system. As you can see, for the leader of this product... He's just the face. If two women scientists, as in Kurisu and myself, were to publish this everyone would work twice as hard as to disprove us. Sad but true... You do seem like the best choice for the testing subject but to be honest I'm not sure if I'm ready for our program to be given to the public." She said in a quiet tone. I sat down on a chair and she sat beside me looking nervous. "I don't have a choice in what happens now, but please do me a favour... Promise me... You won't hurt Amadeus Kurisu." She said as she gripped me in a hug as she began to cry again.
I held her close, and I pulled her closer. I sat with her practically on my lap as she cried onto my chest and I stroked her hair. She didn't calm down and I looked at the Professor asking if I could take her outside. He nodded and I carried the small crying frame out into the wintery night. It was dark so I took her to a street light and stood her there. She was finally able to calm down. "I know..." Was all I said.
She looked up at me and wiped her tears. Maho really did look like such a small and innocent child for a twenty year old. I crouched down, her big emerald green eyes never leaving mine. She then gave a small smile. "Y...Yeah. You're the one for testing Amadeus. Give it some thought and text me when yo-"
"I'll do it, no questions asked, no conditions, no pay, nothing." I say smiling back and with that she hugged me once more.
The professor walked over in time to hear me. "Fantastic! Meet us outside here first thing tomorrow morning!" He said in his big booming voice.