Today was the day of Matt's funeral. I found out Matt had left enough money in an account to pay for his funeral, so I wouldn't have to find a way to pay for it myself. I, and Flufster, had been staying with the Jackson's for the past few nights, since they didn't want me to go back to an empty house. I hadn't seen Mom since the night Matt died, but I figured she was back to her old ways, clubbing and getting drunk all the time. I hadn't gone to school either since that night.
Mrs. Jackson helped me get ready for the funeral today. I wore a simple black dress and no makeup, just in case I started to cry. Mrs. Jackson helped me comb through my ratted-up hair while we talked.
"Are you going to go back home soon?" Mrs. Jackson asked, which shocked me. I wasn't expecting that question. Of course I've thought about it, it's not like I could stay with the Jackson's forever. Plus I didn't know what my mom would do without me.
"I was thinking after the will is read, I'll go back home." The reading of the will was only three days from then, I'm still shocked to this day about what it said.
"You're always welcome to stay longer if you want to." She sounded like she wanted me to stay, then again it was only her and her husband living here. Their kids had all grown up, married, and moved away. I think they like having someone around that needs their help again.
"Thanks Mrs. Jackson."
"You're always so formal. Didn't I tell you to just call me Grandma Barb?" She said with a playful smirk on her face.
"Thanks Grandma Barb, but I think I better go home soon. My mom needs someone to take care of her, and since Matt's not here to do it-"
"You think it's your responsibility." She said, cutting me off.
"She can't take care of herself, so someone has to do it."
"She's a grown woman, she should be able to take care of herself. You're only 16, she should be taking care of you and not the other way around."
"You're right, but I don't think she'll ever be able to take care of herself. She did before Dad left, but after that, she depended on others to take care of her."
"She just needs to live with the fact that she's a grown woman and can't depend on others to do everything for her."
About the same time Grandma Barb finished with my hair, Grandpa Steve (Mr. Jackson) came to see if we were ready yet. "Ready to go?" He asked.
"Let me grab my jacket, then we can leave." Grandma Barb said.
**********************************************
We were on our way to the church for Matt's funeral, when we drove past my house. I saw mom was home, and I couldn't get rid of the feeling that I should ask her to come with us. "Grandpa Steve, do you think we could go back to my house for a minute. I need to grab something."
"Of course, Amelia." He said then turned the car around. We pulled into my driveway and I ran inside my, vacant looking, house.
"Mom!" I yelled repeatedly through the house. I watched my mom walk slowly down the stairs. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, as if she'd been crying.
"Amelia, where have you been? I've been worried sick about you." She actually sounded sincere, totally unexpected.
"I was staying with the Jackson's. They let me stay with them after Matt died."
"You should have called me."
"Sorry Mom. Look, the Jackson's and I are going to Matt's funeral and I was wondering if you'd like to come with us."
"To see them talk about how amazing my late husband was, then watch them burry him in the ground, I don't think so."
"At least I offered." I thought to myself. "If you need me, you know where to find me." I said as I stormed out the door. I walked back the Jackson's car and told them I got what I wanted to get. I know it was a lie, but how could I tell them about my conversation with my mom, it was a disaster.
**********************************************
We were the first to arrive for the funeral, other than my pastor of course, which meant that we got to greet people as they came in. Everyone from the church showed up, plus a few of Matt's co-workers. We had someone tape the whole funeral, so I could send a copy to Andy and Kelly, since neither of them could make it. Just before the funeral was about to start, the Jackson's and I took our seats in the front row. Many people took turns talking about their experiences with Matt, then it was my turn. I was the last to go, after the Jackson's, who stayed on the stage with me for my comfort.
I pulled out the speech I wrote for this and placed it on the podium to read. "Matt, or should I say Dad." I paused and took a deep, calming breath. "When my mom first told me she was officially going to divorce my dad to marry Matt, I was so upset. I mean, she didn't even ask me or my brother, Andy, what we thought. I used to think Matt was ruining my life, little did I know at that time that that was the complete opposite. Matt changed my life, for the better. Matt would purposely go out of his way to do anything for me. If Kelly and me wanted to go shopping together, Matt would take us. If I needed someone to talk to, Matt was there. If I needed a shoulder to cry on, Matt was there. When Andy would shove me away, Matt would draw me closer. Even when I needed boy advice, Matt would talk to me about it. Those were always the most awkward conversations. It was only a few days ago that I started to call Matt Dad, but it feels like he's always been Dad to me, even when I didn't want to admit it. I'm going to miss seeing my dad's face everyday, but I know he's in a better place now. He died happy, knowing that he was on his way to Heaven, so we should all be happy that he's rejoicing with the angels in Heaven right now. I guess that's all I have to say, except that I'm glad God brought Matt into my life." I stepped back from the podium and walked over to the microphone set up for the singers to use. I picked it up out of its stand and held it in my hands. "Now I'd like to sing a song for you. It's called "Save A Place For Me" and it's by Matthew West."
"Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know I bet it feels good
To have the weight of this world
Off Your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day
When I'm finally there with You
Save a place for me, save a place for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
Save a place for me, save some grace for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
I have asked the questions why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had You here
So You just save a place for me, save a place for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
Save a place for me, save some grace for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there
I wanna live my life just like You did
And make the most of my time just like You did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like You did, oh, but until I get there
Until I get there
Just save a place for me, save a place for me
'Cause I will be there soon
Save a place for me, save a place for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad "
"Thank you, Amelia." My pastor said after I finished and walked off the stage. I was surprised that I didn't cry the whole funeral, I must have cried myself dry of tears over the past few days. The funeral continued with a slideshow of pictures to the song "Big House" by Audio Adrenaline, Matt's favorite song. Then came the burial, which was sad to watch, but I still didn't cry. There was a small reception after the burial and then people started to help with cleanup, which didn't take too long because of the number of people that helped. After everything was done, the Jackson's and I went back to their house. Flufster was anxious to see us walking in the door. He bounded into me, knocking me to the ground and liking my face. I couldn't help, but smile and give Flufster a good head scratching. I spent the rest of the night watching Disney movies on the Jackson's couch, with Flufster lying on the ground below me. I called Kelly and Andy to let them know how the funeral went then headed for bed.
**********************************************
The next two days were a blur. I really didn't do much, but talk with Grandma Barb and Grandpa Steve about anything and everything I wanted to. Grandpa Steve excused me from school during that time too, since he knew it would be hard to go back after such a painful experience. When the day came around to read Matt's will, I couldn't wait. I thought he would give almost everything to my mom, but that's not what happened.