Beep...
Beep...
Beep...
My head is throbbing.
It won't stop.
Please make my head stop throbbing.
Stop throbbing! Stop throbbing!
Beep...
Beep...
Beep...
I just need to open my eyes.
It shouldn't be that hard to open my eyes.
"Can ... hear me?"
Of course I can hear you.
"Can ... hear me? If ... hear me, move ... fingers." The voice is soft, but muffled, and so far away.
I can hear you! Hello?! Can't you hear me?! I'm calling back to you! Can't you hear me?!
I am moving my fingers. Can't you see or hear?
"I think ... I think ... just moved."
I can hear footsteps on a tiled floor. They are coming closer.
Hello! I am moving! I'm waving my whole hand! Can't you see?!
Something brushes my skin. I can feel it. It's ... warm ... soft...
Oh, wait. There is something crisp and cool, but it's very tiny.
Wait a minute.
I can feel something touching me.
"She will come out of it. I'm not giving up."
That voice. It's a woman's. A woman's voice, and I ... I know her voice.
My throat is dry. So dry. I try to swallow, but something isn't right.
Something's not right! I can't swallow! Please help me! Please!
"I think she is moving." Her voice is caring, soothing, and I know it! I know it from somewhere!
I can't swallow. It's all black. It's pitch black. I need to open my eyes. Why can't I open my eyes?
"She is moving. I can feel her trying to move." The voice is closer to my face. I can feel her warm hand on mine. The cold ... her ring. That large diamond wedding set she received just a couple nights ago. It's my mom!
Mom! Mom! What's going on? Please, answer me!
"Brain ... Activity ... Slight movement ... It could be nothing."
His voice is farther away. Deep and farther away. Who is he? Why does he keep fading?
The beeping is faint, but it's coming back stronger. So is my mom's voice. She's coming in more clear and my heart is beginning to beat even harder.
Mom? Talk to me. Who is this guy here? Do I know him?
"Come on. Please move your hand. I'm begging you. Please ... Hannah. Please, let me know you're still in there." Her voice is weak. My mom is not weak. If anything, she is the strongest woman I have ever known. And it's too bad I'm not like her. I am a nothing compared to her. But, she's never shown weakness around me. Never. Why now?
I am right here. Hello! Mom! I'm right here!! It's me; Hannah!
"Please, Hannah. Please come back to me."
There it is. She's touching me. That is her ring. I can feel the diamonds pressing into my fingers. Her ring probably slipped around to the side again, like it usually does.
But, I didn't go anywhere. I am right here.
"It's time. No more. She doesn't want this." It is that guy again.
Who doesn't want this? Time for what?
The hand is holding onto mine, only this time, she's holding on tighter, and her diamonds are digging into my flesh. Then, she lets go, and I can't catch her to keep ahold of her.
Click... ZZZAAAPPPPP...
An electrical shock shoots through me—from my chest, to my toes, and back up. My body lurches forward, and then back on the bed. Another one slams through, burning every single nerve ending I ever had. What in the hell is going on?!
Tick... Tock...
Tick... Tock...
Tick... Tock...
My chest is crushing in. I can't breathe! I ... can't ... breathe... Help!
The air is gone. There is no air! I need some air! Please!! Why are you doing this to me?! I can't breathe! Please, stop! You're killing me!
"Wait!" a voice calls out. A deep voice. I don't know this one, but two fingers are pressing in on my neck. And hard.
Hello?! It hurts! I have a main artery there, and you are stopping my blood flow.
"I think I'm getting something." The fingers still.
Of course you are getting something. I'm right here, you moron. Can't you hear me?
It is faint, but that beeping returns.
"Hannah. Please, baby. Open your eyes. Move your fingers. Please, baby. I know you are in there." Her voice is stronger. Not like the last time she talked to me. This is the woman who raised me.
And now, the beeps are steady and strong.
Mom! Please, talk to me! Mom!
"Hannah! Oh my God, Hannah!" Her hands squeeze mine. I can feel it. And the pressure is more than what I felt before. "Come on, baby. Open those eyes. Please. Look at me."
"I will tell you that if she doesn't have brain damage, it would be a miracle."
The guy is crazy. A miracle? He is a quack.
"She's strong, doctor. She's very strong. She will show you."
That is the unbreakable cookie I know. She never did take anything laying down. She is a rock. She is a rock who has a daughter who is a nothing.
And what is she talking about? Me being strong? I'm not. I let every single person who has ever come into my life walk all over me, use me, and chuck me aside as if I don't matter.
And I don't matter. That's why I keep to myself. Alone. Alone, and that is how I won't screw anything up ever again.