"Ashton knock it off, that tickles!" I laughed, the feeling of Ashton's fingers trailing along my skin giving me goosebumps.
Ashton laughed quietly as well, continuing to touch me. "You like it."
"Keep telling yourself that." I whispered. I looked up at Ashton and smiled.
We had been curled up in my bed like this for hours, I didn't even know what time I was anymore. Ashton had finally cleared out a weekend to hang out with me, and after watching as many movies as possible in my bed on his laptop, we decided that he may as well spend the night over here.
It was nice, spending time with Ashton like this. Things didn't seem as awkward between us anymore, and I was happy that I had been able to spend a whole day with him and just talk, nothing else.
"Are we ever going to go to sleep?" Ashton asked, his arm tightening around me.
"Why? Are you tired?" I said, pretending to pout.
"No, but I bet you are." Ashton smirked. He shook his head quickly, causing his long hair to fall slightly in front of his eyes.
"I'm never tired." I said as I bit back a smile.
"Sure you are. You fall asleep while we're on the phone all the time." Ashton teased.
"Because you bore me." I said, teasing right back.
"Oh, do I?" Ashton raised an eyebrow. He laughed slightly, then shifted his weight so we were both in a more comfortable position. I ended up with my head resting on the inside of one if Ashton's arms, the other slung lazily across me.
"You talk about video games a lot. You might as well call Michael." I joked. Michael and Ashton had a bad habit of talking to me about things that they would probably much rather talk about with each other.
"Michael's not my girlfriend." Ashton laughed, as he leaned down and kissed the top of my forehead.
"Oh, shut up." I rolled my eyes, playfully slapping Ashton on the arm.
"Wait, did you hear that?" Ashton asked. He sat up and looked around the room.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, sitting up as well.
"It sounded like there was someone at the door." Ashton said.
"I don't-" Ashton put a finger to my lips, stopping me from saying any more.
"Someone's knocking." He whispered, and sure enough I was able to hear a quiet knocking at the front door.
"I bet you're just trying to scare me." I sighed, clearly not amused. It was too late for Ashton to be doing this.
"I'm not! I heard something!" Ashton argued. "Go answer the door!"
"No, I'm not answering the door. It's like 2 in the morning." I shook my head.
"Stella, go get the door. It's probably Michael. I bet he could hear us talking about him all the way downstairs." Ashton laughed, untangling his arms from me so I could get up.
I gave Ashton a big sigh and climbed off my bed, annoyed with him for making me get up. I knew he wouldn't leave me alone, though, and the knocking hadn't seemed to stop at all in the short time that it took Ashton and I to argue about that.
I made my way to the front door, part of me nervous about what could be on the other side and part of me extremely annoyed with it. I opened the door only to reveal Luke, the one person that I should have expected to come over at the hour.
Luke stood leaned up against the doorway, a huge grin spreading across his face at the sight of me. Seconds later, his face dropped, like he had remembered what'd brought him here in the first place. He didn't carry anything with him, only the jacket that he always wore with his usual hoodie and a pair of sweatpants underneath. His hair was matted down against his head, making it obvious that he had been sleeping before he came over. His normally blue eyes were red and puffy, with the clear remains of tears staining his cheeks. Whatever brought him here, it wasn't good.
"What are you doing?" I asked, my voice hushed.
"I didn't know where else to go." Luke whispered. He wiped under his eyes one more time before letting himself inside.
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" I stammered out, more than a million questions racing through my mind at a time.
"No." Luke shook his head. He ran his hands through his hair, only making it look worse.
"Are you hurt?" I asked. Him being hurt was my main concern, after I found out that his mom sometimes hits him when their fights get a little too out of hand. I immediately thoughts that things had gone too far this time.
"No." Luke said, again shaking his head.
I brought my hands up to Luke's face, letting my thumbs gently rub over the dried tears on his cheeks. Something had made him upset enough to break down. "Are you crying?"
"Not anymore." Luke shrugged.
"What's wrong?" I whispered, suddenly remembering that Ashton was still in my room.
"Me, I'm what's wrong." Luke said, grabbing on to my hands and keeping them pressed up to his face.
"Luke, stop it, there's nothing wrong with you." I sighed. I hated the way Luke was always putting himself down like this, he didn't deserve it at all.
"I just - I just felt so empty, you know? Like there's no point." Luke whispered.
Luke was hurting inside, and it was hurting me as well. My heart physically ached for this boy, this boy that wasn't even supposed to be anything more than a friend to me. I couldn't stand seeing him upset, even though he was trying his very best not to show it right now.
"I came here because you were the only person I could think of, the only person I wanted to be with." Luke licked his lips.
"Luke," I whispered, "those pills you're supposed to take, you're taking then, right? For me? You said you would."
I knew that Luke didn't like the idea of taking those pills to help him out, but I also knew that he needed to, I needed him too. The last thing we needed was for him to get in a mood like this and do something he couldn't take back.
"I'm trying, Stel. I'm trying." Luke's voice broke, and I was scared that he was going to cry again but he took a deep breath, and held it all down.
I felt as though I had figured Luke out. He hated looking weak. He hated crying in front of people, that's why he waited until he was done before coming over. He always needed to be seen as the one who didn't care about anything, the one that could put up with anything. But in reality Luke was the same as everyone else, he had his insecurities and flaws just like the rest of us.
"Do you want to stay here tonight?" I asked, but Luke only nodded and let me lead him over to the couch. He sat down, still not saying anything to me.
I sat down next to Luke for a minute and rested my head on his shoulder, letting him wrap and arm around me and hold me close to him. It seemed so peaceful, despite the fact that Luke was so upset right now. I could sit in a comfortable silence with him for hours and never bother to suggest we do anything else.
"I'll be back in a little bit. I promise." I said, standing up again. I figured that Ashton would probably be wondering if I had been abducted by now.
"Ashton's here, isn't he?" Luke said, his voice cracking once again. I nodded. "I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault." I shook my head, resting my hands on Luke's shoulders so he couldn't try to get up and leave. When I was sure he wasn't going to, I released him.
"I'm sorry." Luke whispered. He brought his legs up on the couch and hugging them to his chest.
"I'll be back." I repeated, before leaving Luke and entering my room again.
Ashton was laying sleepily on my bed, his arms and legs all spread out over it. I shut the door behind me, and the sound of it closing made Ashton open his eyes. When he saw me he sat straight up, clearly interested in what happened out there.
"It was Luke. I told him he could sleep on the couch." I sighed, not finding it necessary to make up a lie since Ashton would definitely find Luke on the couch on the morning.
"Are you serious?" Ashton groaned. "How often does he come sleep here?"
"Ashton, calm down. He's having kind of a rough time right now, I'm just helping him out." I explained. I didn't want to go into too much detail about it, because frankly Ashton didn't need to know. Luke obviously trusted me enough to confide in me about these things, I didn't need to go blabbing about it to my boyfriend.
"I'm starting to think there's something between you two." Ashton huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Ash, there's nothing! He's just my friend!" I protested. It was funny to think that just days ago I had thought that it was great that Ashton didn't mind that I had such a close relationship with Luke, now suddenly he was on my case about it.
"Fine, whatever." Ashton grumbled, falling back on the bed. "I'm going to sleep."
"Fine." I scoffed, crawling into bed next to Ashton. I wasn't surprised that he didn't wrap an arm around my waist and pull me close to him. Luke always did that, even after we had an argument.
I waited for a long time before I decided to get up and go check on Luke. I didn't want to risk Ashton getting upset over me going back out there. I just needed to make sure that Luke was okay, he needed me more than Ashton did right now. Ashton didn't understand.
I entered the living room, finding Luke still on the couch in the same position I had left him. I sat down beside him, still not speaking. I felt that I didn't need to speak at a time like this. Sometimes silence was better.
"I can't even remember the last time I cried, and tonight I just lost it." Luke finally said, his voice raspy and scratchy. It sounded like he hadn't used it in a long time, even though I had just heard him talk a little while ago.
"It's okay to do that sometimes. Everybody has bad days." I assured him.
"It happens too often." Luke remarked.
"But that's okay too." I said, putting a hand on Luke's knee.
"I don't like feeling this way, Stel." Luke said softly. He rubbed over his face with his hands.
"I don't like when you feel like this either. I hate it." I admitted. I took both of Luke's hands in mine and held them, admiring the small smile that flashed over Luke's lips for brief second when I touched him.
"I don't deserve to be friends with you." Luke shook his head. "You're too nice to me."
"You deserve it, Luke." I said, smiling at him. Luke was probably the most amazing guy I had ever met, and to have him feel that he didn't deserve to know me felt so strange, because he honestly deserved the best.
"I don't even know what I would do without you." He let out a shaky breath.
"I feel the same way." I responded truthfully.
"I'm so sorry that I always drag all my problems to you, Stel. I really am. I just don't know where else to go. I can't trust anyone else." Luke spoke quickly, but quietly. Almost like he was afraid of someone overhearing him.
"I couldn't be happier that you feel that way." I said, another truthful answer.
"I'm just so scared." Luke whispered.
"Of what?" I asked, I never expected him to feel this way. He never portrayed this scared little boy that he was acting like now on the outside.
"Everything." He said.
That was the last time we spoke that night. The rest of the time we sat in complete silence again, but of course I didn't mind. The last thing I remember was me letting my tired self fall into Luke's lap, where he played with strands of my hair between his fingers as I slowly drifted off to sleep.
-
I woke up the next morning to the sound of my brother and Ashton discussing how I ended up on the couch last night. They were speaking loudly, despite the fact that Luke and I were asleep. It's like they wanted us to hear them.
"They were there when I woke up. I didn't even know Luke was here last night." Eric said, and I could envision him scratching the back of his head like he always did in situations like this.
"Luke came over late last night, I guess. There's something up with him and Stella insisted on helping him out." Ashton groaned.
I slowly opened my eyes, becoming more aware of my surroundings again. I was still on Luke's lap, with his arm laying over me like my own little blanket. Luke's head was tilted down, somehow he had been able to fall asleep while sitting up.
"I'm sure they're just friends." Eric said to Ashton, "There's nothing going on with them.
"They better be." Ashton coughed. "I've always had a bad feeling about Luke."
"They're fine, he's a really great kid. He's too smart to try anything on Stella while you're with her anyway." Eric laughed.
I slowly crawled off of Luke, finally letting his body slump over and spread out across the couch. I stood up and walked into the kitchen, bracing myself for how upset Ashton would be with me.
"Hey, look who's awake." Eric chuckled as I walked into the kitchen, trying to smooth out my bed head.
"Did you sleep well?" Ashton asked, bitterness obvious in his voice.
"I slept fine." I glared at Ashton. Eric thankfully took that as a hint to get as far away from us as possible, and excused himself.
"You slept on Luke." Ashton crossed his arms, his jaw clenched.
"We were talking and I must have fallen asleep. Sorry." I shrugged. I wasn't usually a morning person, so I was normally cranky without having my annoying brother and boyfriend wake me up by talking too loud.
"You told me you were just going to let him sleep on the couch, you didn't mention that you were going to be up all night talking to him." Ashton snapped. Clearly he wasn't a morning person either.
"He needed me, I told you." I stomped my foot on the ground, getting more and more frustrated.
"Yeah, he needs you as a fuck buddy. That's all he really wants you for." Ashton chuckled. Like he thought that it was funny.
"Is that what you think we did last night?" I asked, appalled.
"I never said that." Ashton smirked.
"You were implying that." I folded my arms over my chest.
"I know Luke, he'll try anything to get inside of you." Ashton snickered.
"No, you don't know him." I shook my head. "You don't know half the things he's been through."
"I don't need to know anything about his past to believe what I do." He shrugged. It took everything inside I me not to kick Ashton out right there.
"Stop being such an ass about this! We fell asleep on the same couch, so what?" I yelled.
"I can't believe you, you're seriously defending him?" Ashton scoffed, his lips forming into a small smile.
"I can't believe you! You're getting so worked up over nothing!" I said, trying to keep my voice down because I knew Luke was probably still sleeping.
"Well, I'm so sorry that I don't like my girlfriend sleeping with other guys!" Ashton threw his hands in the air.
"Nothing happened!" I shouted. I leaned my back against the counted, defeated by this pointless argument we were having.
"You know what, Stella, I think I'm just gonna go home. We both need to cool down a little. I'll call you later." Ashton sighed, before exiting the kitchen and going back into my room to collect his things. I didn't bother following him.
A while later, after Ashton was long gone, Luke entered the kitchen. He looked just as awful as yesterday, his eyes still red from tiredness and his hair still standing in all different directions. I hoped he was feeling better, though. Sometimes sleeping was all it really took.
"Hi." Luke said quietly, standing beside me.
"Hi." I sighed.
"Ashton's gone?" Luke questioned, raising an eyebrow at me.
"We got in a fight and he left." I said, pushing myself away from the counter - where I had been standing for who knows how long - and going to the fridge to grab some juice.
"Sorry." Luke said sheepishly, already knowing that it had been about him.
"It's fine. We aren't going to break up over it or anything." I sighed. I poured myself a glass of orange juice and offered Luke some, but he refused.
"Great." Luke rolled his eyes.
"Did you sleep okay? I mean, does your neck hurt?" I asked.
"Everything hurts. It always does." Luke said blankly.
"Cut it out Luke, I thought I told you to stop talking like that." I snapped, a mixture of all the things gone wrong today had built up inside me and forced my words to come out harsher than I had planned.
"Jesus, Stel. You're in a bad mood." Luke held up his hands in defense.
"That's not my fault." I scowled at Luke, as if I was blaming him.
"I'm sorry I can't please you all the time." Luke sighed. He rubbed his eyes once again, only making them more red.
"Like you said, I'm not in a very good mood." I tried to smile, but I couldn't bring myself too.
"I can tell!" Luke said, taking a few steps back from me. I hated that I was acting like this. I knew that Luke hadn't done anything wrong and I was taking all my anger from this morning out on him.
"I'm sorry." I put my head in my hands, ashamed of the way I was acting.
"Maybe I should just go." Luke said. He looked down at the floor.
"I didn't mean to get mad." I said quickly, not wanting Luke to leave just yet.
"It's okay, I understand, really. You're upset about your fight with Ashton and I'm just making it worse. I think I will go, though. I don't really feel like getting yelled at anymore." Luke turned around and left the kitchen, with me following closely behind.
"Luke, you don't-" But he was already out the door. There was no use trying to get him to come back now. I had let my stupid mouth get in the way and now he was gone, and so was Ashton.
But the funny thing was, I felt more upset about Luke leaving that I did about my boyfriend.
IM LIKE HALF ASLEEP SO IF THIS SUCKS IM SORRY IDK ITS GONNA GET GOOD I PROMISE :)