Four years have passed and still I have to ask myself, why, what if, and if only.
Why did you choose that day to die?
What if I had been there for you?
And if only I had gotten there sooner.
I know how much you hurt inside,
How scared and lonely you must have felt,
But why that day, why not wait things might have changed, things might have gotten better,
What if I had said something different to you, done something different, been someone different,
If only I had been a better daughter, cared for you more, done more.
Was it my fault that you made that choice, that you chose to leave that you left no note,
Did you know what you were doing, did you know that you were leaving me that morning when I kissed you good-bye before work,
I want to know that you don't hurt any more, that you're happy and that your pain has gone away,
I want to know that you don't regret it, that it was the right thing, the right day, the right way,
I want to know that you love me Mum, the way that I love you.
I miss you Mum, today and every day.
We all do.