Okay so this part might upset a few people, so you have been warned! :)
Amelia’s POV:
‘’Luke, you really didn’t have to help. I’m used to doing this by myself’’ I half smiled at him, dropping pillows onto the front room floor. Everyone else had gone back to their own homes, but Luke said he wanted to come over and help me set up. I was hoping to be alone for the afternoon. You know, get my head in the right place to talk to Ashton later.
‘’I know but I wanted to help’’ Luke smiles up at me as he picks up a couple of the pillows I just dropped.
‘’Well thanks’’ I turn around and walk back out of the room and into the kitchen. Everyone was coming over in about half an hour. I don’t know why they didn’t just come over right away, but apparently they needed 3 hours away from each other. Strange humans, always been the same.
‘’How’s the food coming along?’’ Luke asks, sticking his head around the door. I was cooking party type food as it’s the easiest thing to have out for everyone. No way was I going to cook a set meal. They can shove off if they think I’m doing that.
‘’The mini pizza’s are nearly done and then that’s everything’’ I mumble, looking in the oven.
‘’Great! Umm Amelia?’’ Luke asks, looking into the backroom.
‘’Yeah?’’ I ask, walking over towards him to try to get him to look at me.
‘’What happened between you and Ash last night?’’ Luke asks, still not looking at me.
‘’Is that why you wanted to help me?’’ I sigh. He could have just asked, I would have said.
‘’Yeah, sorry’’ he mumbles, finally looking at me.
‘’You know Lauren and Nathans talk before the party started?’’
‘’Yeah?’’
‘’Well he was asking questions about that. Questions that I didn’t want to answer. Well I don’t feel ready to answer. I got a bit upset, shouted at him and walked off. I guess I over the top and made him felt bad about asking. We’ve sorted it now though’’ I sigh, thinking about the consequences of my actions.
‘’Is that why Nathan took him off for a chat?’’
‘’Guessing you don’t remember much of last night?’’ I laugh at him. I’m pretty sure I had a small chat with them all about this in the kitchen…
‘’It’s a bit foggy in places’’ he laughs back.
‘’Nathan thought something was going on between me and Ash and Ash ended up telling Nathan why we had a fight’’
‘’Ohhhh, so it wasn’t about the fight in the first place?’’
‘’I hadn’t told anyone, until I told you guys in the kitchen’’
‘’Oh I remember! You were talking way to fast!’’
‘’Yeah! Well when I went up stairs to find them, Nathan wasn’t there and that’s when me and Ashton made up’’
‘’Oh right, well that’s good. So…ummm…did you tell him what Lauren and Nathan were going on about?’’ Luke mumbles, breaking eye contact again.
‘’Nope. It’s complicated, okay? I’m going to find it the hardest to tell you guys’’
‘’Why?’’ he asks, looking back at me confused.
‘’I may be treating you like you aren’t in a famous band, but you are. You guys mean more to me than you think, for reasons I find had telling anyone…let alone you four’’ now it was my turn to break eye contact.
‘’When you’re ready?’’ Luke asks, being giving me a hug.
‘’When I’m ready’’ I smile, hugging him back.
Ashton’s POV:
‘’Right well I’m on the sofa!’’ I shout, jumping onto the middle seat. To my right was Amelia and to my left was Luke. He had come home about 10 minutes before we had to be here so he could get changed. We are all wearing comfy clothes/pjs. Luke told me and his and Amelia’s chat. He told me she seemed really down and not quite into the conversation. Like she had practiced the answers and her mind was somewhere else. I didn’t say she was planning on telling me everything tonight, but I thought maybe that’s why she was quite there. Probably thinking about how to tell me.
‘’Do you two want some blanket?’’ Amelia asks me and Luke, holding some blanket in her hand.
‘’Please’’ Luke smiles over to her.
‘’Looks like I’m having some as well then’’ I laugh, pulling the blanket over me and handing it to Luke.
‘’Could move?’’ Luke suggests.
‘’Comfy’’ is all I mutter back to him.
Lauren, Kieron, Cal and Mike are sat on beanbags on the floor, while Nathan is in the chair. I was shocked when he sat there after answering the door to us. I thought he would sit next to Mil…
‘’As we watch more films and it gets later I will end up moving a lot and you will probably have my legs draped over you. Well that’s if you’re still sitting there and you don’t mind. It’s just an ask/warning’’ Mil mumbles really fast.
‘’Haha, that’s fine’’ I smile down on her. She’s already tucked into the corner of the sofa. She looks so tired, bless her. Turns out she has work tomorrow as well. Guess she will be the first one asleep.
‘’Why do you think I’m sat over here?’’ Nathan laughs. ‘’I’ve had my fair share of her putting her smelly feet over me!’’
‘’Oi, asshole! Shut up please’’ Mil smiles over to him.
‘’You’ve been warned’’ Nathan laughs at me.
‘’Ah thanks mate’’
The first film we watch is Angus, thongs and perfect snogging. I’ve never seen it, but its Amelia and Laurens favourite film so it always gets watched first. Throughout the film Amelia mouths long to the words and the songs, and both her and Lauren squeal when a part they like is coming up. Well that’s when she’s not eating.
‘’Oh’’ she pouts when it’s over. ‘’Pleasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssseeee?’’ she cries, looking at Nathan when he stands up.
‘’No!’’ he tells her sternly. ‘’We are not watching it again, end of’’
‘’Uhh night then’’ she laughs, moving a bit and closing her eyes.
‘’Are you really going to sleep?’’ I ask, looking at the clock on the wall. I know she’s tired but it’s only half 8.
‘’She’s trying to get her own way. Well it won’t work!’’ Nathan shouts.
‘’Balls’’ she whispers, just loud enough for me to her before opening her eyes again.
‘’Nice try’’ I laugh at her.
‘’She said balls, didn’t she?’’ Nathan asks, turning back to face us.
‘’I wouldn’t do that!’’ Amelia tries to smile sweetly, but fails as her laughs take over.
‘’You forget how well I know you. You always say that when I know you are trying to get your own way’’
‘’I need a new word…well I’ll be back in a second’’
‘’Where are you going?’’
‘’Toilet, if that’s okay Nathan?’’
‘’You’re home’’ he shrugs.
‘’Don’t ask where I’m going then’’ she laughs before walking at the room. I feel like I should follow her…
‘’Hey wait up’’ I call, walking into the hall way. ‘’I need to go but I don’t know where it is’’
‘’Oh follow me then’’ she smiles from half way up the stairs.
After I’ve been to the toilet I walk out into the hall way to hear Mil shouting to me from her bedroom.
‘’Yeah I ask?’’ walking into her room. It really is amazing. No wonder she’s always in here, I would be to.
‘’We need to talk, so sit’’ she says, pointing next to her on her bed.
‘’You don’t have to do this’’ I tell her, sitting next to her.
‘’I do because the problem is back’’ she sighs, laying down.
‘’What do you mean?’’
‘’The person that caused part of the problem is back. He knows about you’’
‘’Okay now I think you should tell me…’’
‘’He thinks I have a new boyfriend’’ she sighs, sitting back up and looking me in the eyes.
‘’So I take it, this has something to do with an ex?’’
Instead of answering, she just nods her head.
‘’Mil? I’m gonna need more, sorry…’’
‘’I know, I know’’ she mumbles, dropping her head. ‘’Just listen to everything before you make your mind up about what you are going to do next’’
‘’I keep my promises’’
She looks up at me, giving me a full smile. She gets up and walks over to her wardrobe, opens it and pulls out a box. She sits back down on the bed and takes a photo out from the box.
‘’That’s my granddad’’ she smiles. ‘’That’s where the story starts. Right so…’’ she takes a deep breath and moves back a bit.
‘’Four years ago my granddad got ill. Really ill. But he refused to go to the doctors because he didn’t want to make a fuss, that’s what kind of person he was. When we finally got him to go, they told him…they told him he had cancer’’ she mumbles. I can see the tears in her eyes. Why is she doing this?
‘’Come here’’ I say trying to pull her in for a hug.
‘’No, no please don’t. I need to be strong and do this’’ she says, sitting up and blinking a few times.
‘’Because he had left it so long, there was a high chance the treatment wouldn’t work. So he decided he didn’t want any treatment. Thought the treatment would be a waste of time. Everyone was heartbroken. Me and Noah was so close to him. We used to go over his and my Nan’s every day for tea as our parents would be working. I didn’t want to believe he was ill and acted like I was okay and nothing was happening, but inside I wasn’t okay. It was happening and no matter what I did, it was there. It was all I ever thought about. I could see the pain he was in. The way he hated himself for making everyone worry. I started cutting people off, spending all my spare time with him. I used to pretend I was ill so I could stay off school and sit with him and my Nan. I also…well I also stopped looking after myself. I would skip meals and hide food so people thought I was eating. I guess that was my way of coping. Over the last Christmas he was here, he got really bad and was taken into hospital. I spent all of Christmas day sat with him just like I had done every day since he had been in there. A few days later and he was allowed out. That night dad sat me and Noah down to tell us he had only three weeks left to live. I basically moved into my Nan’s then. Helping as much as I could. Of course my parents tried to stop me, but they knew they would never win. With Nan being busy it made it easier for me not to eat. When my clothes started getting really big, my mum just put it down to my Nan doing something to them in the wash. Two weeks later on a day I actually went to school, I got a text to come home instead of going to my Nan’s. Mum sat me and Noah down and told us he had died. That he actually wasn’t going to be sat in the front room making us laugh when I went down Nan’s later. That he wouldn’t be around ever again…’’
This time she let me pull her in for a cuddle, which results in her breaking down. I know she has more to say, but I feel like this is enough. She’s so upset, and I feel like it’s my fault. If I just hadn’t asked those questions last night…
‘’Sorry, sorry’’ she mumbles, pulling back and wiping her eyes. ‘’I need to say this. Right, okay… So because I hadn’t been at home much, I hadn’t noticed how my dad was coping. I saw him whenever he was down Nan’s but it was never for very long. Turns out him and mum had been fighting a lot. He didn’t want to believe his dad was dying and was spending more and more time out of the house. He would never say to mum where he was going or when he would be back. It would drive her mad. It got worse after granddad died. He would go out in the morning and not come back until the morning after. To this day we don’t know where he would go. A week after granddads funeral mum took me and Noah out for the day. Told me it was to get us away from the fighting, which was constantly whenever he was in the house. When we got back that night he was nowhere to be found. Mum told us he had moved out. He needed time to be on his own. He now lives in France. We’ve seen him twice since he’s been there and spoken a few times, but he’s not the dad I knew and loved. His dad dying has really messed him up and he won’t get help. There’s nothing we can do. About two months after granddad died I went to a youth club with Nathan and Lauren. I was still ill, hardly eating, but I was getting away with it. I hadn’t lost anymore weight so no one asked any questions. At the youth club everyone else was eating sweets and talking, while I was sat there, reading a magazine they had put out on the table. A guy came over and started talking to Nathan. It was the first time I had been to youth club since I found out about granddad. Turns out this guy had made friends with Nathan. He came over and sat next to me. He tried to talk to me but I wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying. I would give him simple yes or no answers. That night Lauren stayed round mine, just like she used to after youth club and we had a girly chat. I was trying to get back to normal, trying to make sure no one found out. Lauren told me all about this guy, who turned out to be called Nick. I ended up feeling really bad about not talking to him when he was trying so hard, so I got his number from Lauren and text him. We ended up talking all the time and as the weeks went on we became really close. I started to get better. I started to eat more. I told myself no one would want to be with a sick person. They wouldn’t want to be dealing with what’s going on in my head, so I made myself get better. One Saturday afternoon we had gone a walk, just us two. That’s when he asked me out. Everything was perfect. Nothing changed between us, apart from we held hand and kissed. After a few more months I was basically the old Amelia. I was nearly back to my old weight. When it was coming up to the year anniversary I told Nick all about my granddad and on the day he stayed with me doing whatever I wanted to do. I thought he was perfect. On the day of our year anniversary he cooked me a meal at his and brought me a necklace. It was stupidly cute. It wasn’t until a few months later that things changed. He went on holiday and came back acting odd. He wouldn’t want to spend as much time with me and would take ages to answer his phone. About a month later he sat me down and told me he cheated on me. He told me he never meant for it to happen and he was so sorry. Told me it would never happen again and I believed him. I just wanted the old him back. The next night I was over his trying to find a film for us to watch. When I said I didn’t I want to watch the same one he did, he grabbed my wrist a little too hard and shouted. Something he had never done before. Again he said he was sorry. But things like that started to happen more and more, each time it would get slightly worse. It would happen over silly things or just when he was in a bad mood. He started leaving marks in places he knew would be easy to cover. Every so often he would break down and tell me he had cheated on me again and that’s why he was doing what he was doing. It was easy for him to, seems as I didn’t go to the same school as him. He hadn’t told people about me. I never met any of his friends from school. It turned out he didn’t tell me the full truth about the holiday and he was annoyed with himself the next night. I started to not eat again. I started to hate myself. I felt like I had deserved everything that had happened to me. That it was all my fault, so I punished myself. The weight soon fell off and people started asking questions. I would always be able to doge them and reassure people. We had almost been together two years, when we were at a party. We were actually at Lauren’s. By then Nathan had moved away, so it was just me and Lauren. She wanted me to dance to our song so had come looking for me. Me and Nick were having a fight in her bedroom when she found us. He had me pinned against the wall, shouting because I didn’t want to have a drink. Lauren screamed so loud that Kieron, who had been in the kitchen, came running upstairs and just caught Nick’s hands moving away from me. Kieron dragged him out the house, while Lauren made me tell her everything. I didn’t see him after that. Two months later I got a text saying he was moving. I started to get better, but I couldn’t go back to normal. I had cut all my friends off again apart from Lauren. They didn’t understand as I couldn’t explain my granddad or Nick. I spent so much time on my own in my room listening to music and putting pictures up. That’s why me walls are like they are and where you come in. I found Luke’s covers on youtube and watched you form into a band. Your videos kept me going. Made me smile. When you would tweet cute things, I would print them out and look at them every day. I told myself I had to get better so I could meet you guys. So that’s what I did. I sorted myself out. Made up with everyone and started being me again. On Sunday night he text me to say he was back. That’s why I didn’t answer you. I had turned off my phone to pretend it didn’t happen. I got more texts last night saying he knows I have a new boyfriend, so clearly people at the party told him. I still struggle with eating. It’s how I cope and if I hadn’t of had to take tablets this morning I wouldn’t of had anything and if it wasn’t for the fact I know Lauren and Nathan would force food into me tonight, I wouldn’t of had anything. I’m sorry I’ve been crying this whole time and I’ve told you all of this. I understand if you want to walk away and forget I’m here. Act like you never lived next to me. But promise me one thing, tell the guys why when you no longer live here’’
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So what will Ash say back? Well you will just have to wait :) I need to sleep and I thought it was a good place to end :) xxx