Chapter Nineteen - What I deserve
Jax's POV:
My body had long become numb thanks to a quick overdose of painkillers before Timothy decided to tie me to the bed and have his way with me again. Or maybe it wasn't the painkillers because I overdosed to the point of a possible suicide yet, here I am. Maybe I couldn't feel him pounding in and out of my black and blue body because...I could no longer feel.
Maybe I'm just completely numb.
I had begun to take comfort in the ceiling every time he decided to come in here and take me against my will. I don't bother protesting because I know it only turns him on to see me beg. I don't speak, I don't answer back, I don't do anything.
He's broken me and he knows it.
For three days straight he's used my body for whatever he felt was right at the time whether it be for sex, to beat me, bruise me or cut me. I've run dry of tears, there were so many times I wanted to break down but I physically couldn't, I was too drained of emotion.
I thanked God when I heard him grunt into my neck meaning that he was peaking and soon my body will be given a break. Seconds later I feel myself being filled with his disgusting seed as he lathers my body with sickening kisses, my eyes never leaving the ceiling.
"Tomorrow you will go back to work, I'll know if you try run away or if you peep a word so I suggest you be smart and go and come straight back without raising any suspicion or things will get a lot worse than they already are. You wouldn't want me to kill Valentino earlier than I plan would you?" even after what Valentino said to it didn't change the confusing feelings I had for him.
The thought of Valentino dying made my numb body feel things for the first time in ages, I shook my head quickly at the idea. My obedience made Timothy smile. "Good boy and you will also call Jess tomorrow, I don't want her coming her checking on you to see if you're okay or I'll kill her too so make sure you're convincing. I would hate to take your sister from you baby but if I need to for us to be together, I will do it. I will do anything, I'm sure you know that by now," again I nodded knowing the weight his words carried.
"Go get cleaned up and get ready for bed, you'll need your energy for when I take you again tomorrow and work of course," without a word I get up and shuffled to the bathroom the chains on my ankles slowing me down, ignoring the burning sensation trailing up and down my backside. At least I wasn't bleeding this time.
The hot water was a blessing on my body. It felt so good that I would have cried if I had any tears left to shed. I was quick with the shower even though it was the best moment of my day because I knew that if I took too long Timothy would punish me.
Slipping out the shower I moisturise after towelling off and then I quickly slip on one of his tops knowing how much he loved it. Walking back into the bedroom I see him patting the space beside him, he was waiting for me. I watched as his eyes lit up at the sight of me in his clothes.
Pulling the covers back I slip in next to him and I face the wall closing my eyes as I feel him pull my body flush against his. It didn't feel right, it didn't feel anything like when Valentino held me that night or the morning after.
"You're so good to me baby, goodnight I love you," he whispered in my ear as he kissed the back of my head.
"I love you too," I lied.
I could do this, if I complied then he didn't hurt me, he was actually rather okay. I just had to be good for him that's all.
-
Morning came quickly and Timothy removed the chains for ankle before letting me go to work. He made me wear them in the house with him because he was worried that I would try escape and leave him, which I didn't blame him for believing.
Schmidt knew something was wrong after not hearing from me for three days but I eventually was able to back off after making up a lie about being seriously ill and not wanting him to know because I knew he would be straight over to help and I didn't want him to catch what I had.
"You look absolutely drained, whatever you caught must have been serious Jax. Please don't work too hard today okay? Let me know if you need anything, even the smallest thing." I gave him a tight hug, lingering longer than usual because it felt good to feel the touch of somebody I love for a change.
"Jax I can feel your ribs, this is why you should have called me! Did you even eat at all when you were sick?!" barely, Timothy said I needed to lose weight said that I was getting fat, which I actually agreed with. The pouch of fat which I could grab with my thumb and index was now gone. Which made me wonder how Valentino could have possibly been attracted to me?
Valentino looked like the type that fucked five stars out of five only and I was barely a two out of five.
Probably pity.
Or maybe because I was so easy.
"Come sit, you must everything on this plate before moving a muscle do you understand?" I opened my mouth to argue but knew there would be no point because Schmidt was the stubbornness person I know.
One third of the way through the mac n cheese and I can feel my stomach start to churn. Slapping a hand over my mouth, I make a quick dash for the staff bathroom and just in time I drop to my knees kneeling over the toilet, letting all the contents of my stomach come spewing out.
"Oh Jax, I'm so sorry I shouldn't have given you something so heavy to eat. Do you need to do more or shall I help you to the sink so I can help you freshen up?" I waved him off hoping he would get the message and leave me alone.
"Okay, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me. I'm sorry Jax," I don't know why he's apologising h was only trying to look after me which is more than what many had done for me the past few days. After a few minutes, when I felt like I had gained back the little bit of strength I had, I flushed the toilet and brushed my teeth with the spare toothbrush and toothpaste I always kept lying around her for the many late nights I spent working prepping for the next day.
After washing my hands and splashing my face I join Schmidt back in the kitchen. I could see the worry in his eyes but I gave him a gentle smile whilst picking up an apple and taking a bite. I watched as his body visibly relaxed.
I wish I could stay at work with Schmidt and not go home, I felt like my life was somewhat normal when I was at work with him. I wanted to break down to him and tell him everything but every time my mouth opened, Timothy's warning lingered in the back of my head.
It was funny because I could see the concern in some of my regular customers eyes as I greeted and made conversation with them, they looked at me as if I would keel over any minute or the slightest touch would break me.
I hated it, I hate him for doing this to me, again.
So many times I had contemplated jumping off a bridge on the way home but I knew that Timothy would go after everyone I loved if I did to get back at me for taking the easy way out of escaping him.
Part of me feels like I'm getting what I deserve but did anyone deserve to live this kind of life? Years of therapy were beginning to slide down the drain but I was handling this better than the first time. How long would I have to live like this? Forever? Years? Months? It's only been a few days and my body doesn't feel like it can last much longer.
I pray that my body gets use to it soon.
Time had flown by and it was almost time to close. I was wiping down tables when I heard the door chime. Looking up to see who would come in so late my heart lurched into my chest. What were they doing here?
"I-..What can I do f-for you?" Alejandro's eyes still held warmth to me, he looked my body over and I could see the concern in his eyes.
"Jax, I had to come see you, to talk. Valentino here doesn't trust me or you enough to let me go by myself, I'm sure you understand why," he said hinting at the phone call with Timothy. "I d-don't have anything to say to you," I stuttered out quickly. Thoughts of Timothy killing Alejandro rushed into my head and I couldn't bring myself to let it happen.
"You mean to tell me you knew who were the whole time, you were with Mendola the whole time, yo-you love him and you're with that monster?" I nodded not letting my eyes meet his.
Valentino hadn't said a word this whole time, his eyes were roaming up and down my body as my hand itched to cover the bruise that was slipping out from under my sleeve.
"Why do you look so weak then?".
"I've been very ill the last few days, look is this what you came here to talk about because if so I'm not interested I've got other things to do, like get home to Mendola," that's when Alejandro snapped and threw one of the glasses smashing it off the wall making me jump with fear.
The smash caused Schmidt to run out of the kitchen his faced etched in worry.
"What in the world is going on?" he demanded.
"I DON'T KNOW WHY DON'T YOU ASK JAX. Go on Jax, tell him everything. Tell him about everything, how you lied to us, how you played Valentino," I felt sobs begin to form in my throat at the murderous glint that now glistened in Alejandro's eyes.
"Jax what is he talking about you nev-".
"I'm back with Timothy," I whispered not looking at Schmidt knowing he would judge me like they did, hate me like they did. There was silence before I heard ask me to do something that had me shaking my head as tears blurred my vision.
"TAKE YOUR TOP OFF RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP," Schmidt screamed tears rolling down his eyes as his eyes stay trained on my wrist.
"I-anything but that please," I choked on my tears. I watched as Valentino started to charge towards me, with every step he took towards me I took one back shaking my head as the sobs began to wrack my body.
"No, Valentino please don't, leav-leave me alone!" before I knew he had me backed up against a wall. Without his eyes moving from my pleading ones he brings a knife out quickly slicing down my shirt and pulling it off my body.
When his eyes meet my body he staggers back almost as if he's been shot, his eyes move from mine to my body in disbelief. I hear Schmidt and Alejandro's intakes of breath and the tears begin to fall harder.
"I'm sorry, I'm so s-so sorry but I have to go," feeling faint, I push pass them quickly running out the door and home before Timothy could do anything to anyone I loved.
This was all my fault.
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hey guys (merry late Christmas since it's now the 26th in the UK) hope you all had a good Christmas? sorry for the lack of the updates but uni has been crazy if you've seen my snaps you would know! also I didn't know for a long time if I wanted to continue with this story but I know where I want it to go kind of...anyway love you guys!