**So what's changed?
**James is dead. First of all, someone had to die in order for Harry to keep his protection of love and be safe from the touch of Voldemort. In the last chapter, Albus mentions that he had spoken to James. THIS IS WHAT ALBUS DISCUSSES WITH JAMES. Albus tells James that someone must protect Harry at all costs in order for Harry to be safe. This is not explained to James but that is why he quickly agrees for Lily to stop Voldemort and for himself to take Harry to safety instead of the other way round.
**Let me explain this. James would have protected Lily and Harry anyway because he loved them. However Albus wanted James to protect them no matter what the sacrifice. James didn't have to die, this was a choice he made, just like Lily did in the books/movies. However, he also stayed true to Albus' words by keeping Harry safe AT ALL COSTS. The cost was his own life.**
I seemed to come back to consciousness mind first before other senses. It therefore took me a minute to remember and wish I was back in the dark.
"...Sorry... Never meant to hurt you... Never... I always cared for you, you know that..." I heard Severus' voice first as clear as day which meant that I was coming round slowly. The next sense was touch because I felt crisp bedsheets beneath my right arm. My right hand was in the smooth, cold grasp of someone holding my hand in both of theirs. My left arm and hand was resting on a fluffy pillow and so was my head. I was relatively comfy for a hospital bed.
Severus continued to apologise over and over again. It wasn't until I felt something wet on my right arm that other senses started to come back. First of all, I realised that I wasn't in any pain now. The pain of everything was completely erased. Everything... But this ache and this rock that was weighing my heart down. I wanted James... So badly... And Harry...
I opened my eyes slowly. The room was dim, the only source of light coming from a lantern next to my bed. Around my bed was a green curtain, keeping myself away from the eyes of students and teachers. On my right side was Severus. He held my hand in both of his and his head was leaning over our hands. He was muttering apologies still but in a voice that sounded sleepy now. On a closer look, I could see tears leaking out of his eyes.
"Severus..." I mumbled. He looked up and moved my hand to his left so he could rub his eyes with his right.
"Mm?"
"Severus... Kill me... Please... I just want it to be over..." Severus looked at me with a pained expression.
"Never."
"Why? What's the point? What's the point of living?"
"Lily... Please... Don't say this..."
"James... James is dead..."
"But... Think about Harry. He needs you and he's not the only one." I frowned slightly looking at Severus. He looked choked up. He was trying to hide his disgust.
"What do you mean?" I kept hold of his hand when he tried to pull away. He looked at me but his face never lost that disgusted look. This expression was one which warmed my broken heart a little bit because although it was a disgusted look, it was one I knew well. One he had once used to describe James Potter, one to describe Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.
"You're pregnant. Why didn't you say something?" His voice was harsh.
"I... I... I didn't... I couldn't... I forgot..."
"You forgot? You forgot that you had a child growing inside of you?"
"I'm sorry, Severus..." I didn't understand why he was so offended that I had forgot about my other baby. My little unknown.
"Guess it doesn't matter now does it?" He tore his hand away from mine and I felt slightly empty without it.
"Doesn't it?" I whispered.
"No."
"Severus... I'm sorry..."
"Are you?"
"Yes..."
"Right." He snorted. We didn't speak for a few minutes. I tried to sit up but Severus pushed me down, with more force than he needed.
"Sev... Listen to me," I attempted to grab his hand but he pulled away. "No, listen!"
"Shush!" He hissed. He took out his wand and waved it quickly. "Muffliato." He put his wand away and then continued to ignore me, folding his arms across his chest.
"Severus Snape, you will listen to me."
"What do you want, Lily?" I tried to ignore his harsh tone but it still hurt. I tried not to let it show though.
"I... I talked to James... A week ago. I told him that I was pregnant. He was delighted... But I said I wanted to choose the godparents this time as he chose Harry's godfather. I wanted YOU to be my child's godfather. I wanted James to come and talk to you, to put everything behind us. He agreed but... We never got the chance..." Tears filled my eyes as I spoke. Severus hesitated. He glanced at me and then didn't look away. He hesitated again then took my hand in both of his again.
"I don't know if I believe that."
"Believe it. We wanted you to be involved in my life, in my baby's life. Will you? Will you be my baby's godfather?" Severus hesitated. He had done a lot of that recently.
"I... I don't know... I need some time to think about that... Can I think about it?" I nodded.
"Yes."
Severus took a second and then smiled slightly. The smile did not reach his eyes and was weary. I wasn't finished though.
"Where's Albus?" I asked. I tried to sit up again, moving my left hand to my small bump under my shirt. This time, Severus helped me to sit up, plumping my pillow so I could relax against them.
"He... He got a letter. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to tell you."
"Just tell me, Sev." Severus frowned in thought.
"He got a patronus first. Mad-Eye Moody... You remember him?" I nodded. Alastor Mad-Eye Moody was an amazing auror or Dark Wizard catcher who had put plenty of Death Eaters behind the bars of the wizard prison, Azkaban. He had Ministry of Magic authorisation to attend any scenes of Dark Magic so it was no surprise that he had sent word to Albus, especially as they were all a part of the Order of the Phoenix. Severus continued and I tried to tune back in.
"Well, he informed Albus that Black has been involved in a tragedy with muggles and a wizard. According to eye witnesses, Black had cast a spell to destroy half the street with many muggles and apparently... he's killed Peter Pettigrew."
"Peter? He's killed Peter?" I couldn't handle this. I felt light-headed again.
"Yes. A letter was delivered just an hour afterward. The Ministry want him to testify against Black because he was your Secret Keeper. Black is being charged with the murders of thirteen muggles, one wizard and then being charged with aiding the manslaughter of James Potter as well as the attempted murder of yourself and your son Harry."
"So... Black is guilty...? Peter's dead?"
"Yes... I'm so sorry, Lily..." I couldn't handle it. I passed out again before Severus could say another word.
************
It seemed only a minute later that I woke up straight away this time. However, the light had changed from a dim lamp into early morning. I looked to my right to see Severus still holding my hand. His head was resting on the bedsheets beside my hand, his face turned towards me so I could see he was sleeping.
I looked to my left and saw Albus Dumbledore sitting in a comfy chair, his fingertips pressed together. He looked thoughtful but his face was very pale and he looked tired too. He looked at me and smiled.
"Morning."
"What time is it?" I croaked. My throat was thick with sleep.
"Just gone past eleven. You've slept for a while. I thought you and Severus needed the peace so I've put a holiday for our students."
"Where have you been?"
"Sirius Black had a morning trial. This was considered top priority due to the severity of it all. I testified that he had been your Secret Keeper and also to announce the living of yourself. However, no one knows where you or Harry are which is why you have been concealed here. That is... No one knows but the Order of the Phoenix. We had a hurried meeting earlier. I must say that your friend Remus Lupin was most concerned about you. And may I be the first to offer my congratulations on your second child." He smiled kindly, peering over at me over the top of his spectacles.
"Thank you." I said flatly. Albus' smile turned into a look of sympathy.
"You'll be okay, Lily. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but your friends and family are willing to protect you and help you in any way that they can." I nodded but sighed.
"I don't know if I can do this, Albus. Not without James... I need James..." Albus took my left hand. My right hand was still claimed by Severus. Albus squeezed it lightly.
"You'll manage, Lily. You always have somehow and I have always been impressed by your courage and bravery. A true Gryffindor, through and through." I smiled slightly.
"Thank you, Albus." Albus squeezed my hand once more then let go. His face became business-like.
"Sirius Black has received a life sentence in Azkaban. Peter Pettigrew has received the Order of Merlin, First Class as well."
"Will there be a funeral?" I asked. If there was, I had to attend even if it was under the Invisibility Cloak. It was vital because he was my best friend... A friend that could never be replaced. Albus oddly looked really sheepish.
"No actually. His mother had a private service to remember his memory with a few close others and that was about.." At this point, Albus checked his watch. "About an hour ago now."
"No proper funeral?" Albus looked even more sheepish.
"No... In actual fact... And please don't faint on me... But there wasn't a body to bury. The biggest part that the Ministry could find was a finger." I almost retched there and then.
"A... A finger...?" Albus looked alarmed at my expression.
"Yes but it's fine. It's all sorted and everything is okay." I looked down at the sleeping Severus.
"It's not okay. It'll never be okay."
"You will be alright, Lily. Even if it doesn't feel that way right now."I ignored that comment and made one of my own.
"I made Severus godfather." Albus smiled.
"And did he accept?"
"No... Not really. Said he needed time to think." Before Albus could respond, there came a muffled voice from Severus' sleeping head.
"I will."
"You will?" I felt a rush of pure delight and happiness as Severus raised his head, a sleepy expression still all over his face. His lips twitched at the corners.
"Yes, I will. Anything for you, Lily." He laid his head back down on our hands and went back to sleep.