Connor watched Jacob leave for school next morning and laid his head back as he thought about the conversation that had happened with his Dad last night. He had imagined the conversation so many times. He had thought it would bring him some sort of closure. A feeling of finality? That he would suddenly know what to do next? He had thought about it for so long that it felt more like a dream than the fact that his Dad had actually apologized, promising to try to be better.
His Dad quitting alcohol was a win, exactly what he had wished since he could remember...his Dad telling him he was sorry, exactly what he had dreamt winning would feel like. Then why didn't it feel like he had won?
He felt empty. So empty, it hurt. He looked around the empty house and wondered how his friend could bear it. Closing his eyes, caramel eyes flashed through his mind. Lately, all he could think about was her.
True, Megan Jackson had been his undoing since the moment he had seen her. He had known it even then...that this girl who walked with her head held high laughing with her friends was going to be a defining part of his life. Megan who filled the emptiness with her glowing life. Megan who made him smile by smiling herself. Megan who was the beacon of everything warm and beautiful.
Megan, whom he still hadn't told that he loved her.
With a jerk, he was awake from whatever half-stupor his life had fallen into. He missed her. It was true, she hated him now more than ever but--he rushed upstairs feverishly looking for some clean clothes--before they cemented their non-friendship, he had one last thing to say to her.
One last thing.
No notes, no hiding.
Just him and Megan.
It was about time.
***
The truth about going back to school after a break, especially a self-commissioned one, is that it's freaking scary. Hiding away in Jacob's house was the most rebellious thing Connor had ever done. How would he react to whispers? How would he answer to questions?
"What are you doing here, asswipe?"
Of course, Connor groaned, of all the people he could have met, he had to meet his #1 tormentor in the whole of his educational experience.
Deep breaths, deep breaths, he told himself.
"I go to school here, Harley," Connor replied.
Harley rolled his eyes, "Man, you grew some spine. You're no fun anymore."
"Yeah, well," Connor fidgeted, "see you later."
"Wait, idiot, I'm still talking," Harley grabbed hold of Connor's t-shirt and pulled him back. "Why are you outside the gate and peeping around like a pervert?"
"I wasn't! I was just--"
"Tell you what, let's have a little chat, c'mon."
And that was how Connor ended up in the Smoker's Corner of the school.
"Its really bad for your health," he couldn't help saying as Harley lit a cig.
"So is everything in this world. Grow up, Trent," came the reply. "Besides, what do you care? I'm the guy who's bullied you over years."
"C-can I go now? I really need to do something."
Harley glared at him but dropped his cigarette, crushing it under his boot, "I am bored. Entertain me."
"What!?"
"Ugh, tell me what you're up to. I am...how do goody-goody people say it? Ah yes, I am worried about you. I am your friend. You can talk to me about anything."
Connor stared at him, "Are you high?"
"No, just...contemplating a life-making or life-breaking decision."
"About what?"
Harley gave him a sour look before talking out another cigarette, "College." He turned away, "I want to get into a college."
"So do I," Connor said.
"Its easy for you but not for me."
"Are you freaking kidding me?" Connor shouted. "Easy for me? What has ever been easy for me? You have everything handed to you without even raising a finger. Sure, you're worried about college but you'll get into Oxford if you wanted. I have to apply for scholarships, work my ass off and pray and hope for the best while you get to go wherever you want because your Dad's a-"
"A dick," Harley shouted back. "He's a dick, okay? I don't really know what you guys think about me but is it so hard to imagine that things might not be going easy for me? I don't want to go to a business school and yes, you're right my Dad can arrange to get me into one as easily as you can say peanuts but I don't want that. Tell me how its worse for you."
"My Dad's an alcoholic."
Harley stopped pacing but didn't turn around. The acrid smell of smoke and misery enveloped them for a long time before either spoke.
"My Mum's mostly not all there. I have a little sister whom I wanted to protect from all that I had lived under but I don't think I succeeded in that. I stopped coming to school because I couldn't take it anymore. Most of my life is a horrible mess and I was willing to let it all go."
"I didn't know about your father," Harley finally breathed out.
"And you're sorry?" Connor asked. "I don't need you to be. I don't need you to be anything. In fact, I am leaving right now while you do whatever it is you do here."
"I tried to love her, you know?"
Connor frowned, "What?"
"Megan," Harley replied. "When you started sending her those notes and she thought it was me? I really tried but every time I tried to make it work, it would worsen. It never felt right, you know? But it was just so damn good knowing that someone was crazy enough to want to go out with me for real. Someone who might like me for real. Of course, she didn't really like me. She only felt she liked me because she thought I liked her enough to send her those notes."
Connor wanted to scream for him to stop. They weren't friends. Why were they even talking? He didn't want to relive one the biggest fails in his life. Was Harley gloating? Because he could punch the guy right now for spoiling yet another of his moments.
"I realized before her that we couldn't work because she wanted someone who loved her and try as I might, I cannot love anyone. I suppose, there's something terribly wrong with me. Could be genetic," he laughed coldly. "That's what you have going easy for you. You can love people. I can't. No matter how much I try."
"I came to tell her I love her," Connor said, awkwardly, "and one day, I'm sure you'll be able to say it to someone too for real."
"Yeah, whatever," Harley ran a hand over his face, realizing just how much he had said, "this is too chick-flick for my taste. I've wasted enough time communicating with a peasant. Ciao."
"No, I mean it. You're a jerk and I hate you for what you've done to me but that doesn't mean you can't change. I'm a firm believer in second chances."
"Yeah, I hate you too, man."
Connor sighed and walked out of the Smoker's Corner, taking in a deep breath of cleaner air. His head was aching and his throat felt like paper and he didn't know whether this was because of Harley smoking in his face or because Megan Jackson was walking right towards him with a determined, nearly dangerous, look on her face.
"Connor Trent, don't you dare try to run away from me or I swear, I will break your nose!"
***
dedicated to carryonmywaywardmoon for being the absolute definition of perfection :')
***
Hey, guys. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I thought we should have one proper Connor-Harley conversation before C&C gets over and et voila!
Also, I know I came back from hiatus but idk, I feel like you guys aren't enjoying this or something? Just please don't leave, stay till the ending because I love you all and you deserve to see #CONGAN sail.
So, if you're here till the end, let me know.
Please, I'd like to know.
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