Chapter 40
Ethan’s POV
I woke up with a headache. Not a bad one as I suspected but it was enough for me to know that I drank a lot last night.
I was well aware of everything that happened yesterday. I have no idea why Blake thought I was drunk when I said what I said to her but I wasn’t. I was more than sober. It wasn’t until after I realized that I really lost her that I went to the nearest bar and drank endlessly.
I turned over to my side and noticed that Victoria wasn’t in bed.
Thank god.
She was the last person I wanted to see right now.
It wasn’t until I heard some shuffling of some sort outside my room that made me second-guess my wishes.
“Ethan Bradley, get your stupid ass out here, right now!” I heard a voice scream that was not Victoria’s.
I went over to my dresser and took two Advil’s and put on a t-shirt and shorts before I made my way out into my living room.
I walked and saw a very pissed of Charlie standing in the middle of the my room looking like she wanted to beat the shit out of something.
“Let me guess. You’re here so you can yell at me at how this is all my fault.” I said walking to refrigerator to get some water.
“Shut the hell up Ethan. This very well is your fault!” She shouted as she slammed the refrigerator door.
“Did she tell you anything?” I asked surprised. Blake was never one to say anything. She was the most secretive person I knew but if Charlie did know, then that would mean that it isn’t a big deal to her. Blake only kept things to herself if they were really bad.
“No she didn’t tell me squat but when I hear my best friend crying all night long and it isn’t because of her grandmother, there’s only one other thing that would be the reason.” She said with wide eyes.
She’d been crying all night? My chest tightened thinking about it. God I’d do anything to not see or hear about her crying.
I thought that by saying I love you to her would make her open up to me but she didn’t. She was stone cold.
If anything I found out from yesterday, it was that she thought that I was happy with Victoria.
She didn’t even know the real reason why I was with her, no one did.
I knew it was wrong what I was doing but I couldn’t break it off with Victoria. After hearing her talk about losing her family in a fire a few years ago, I felt nothing but pity for her. I couldn’t tell her that I didn’t want to be with her, I felt bad for the girl.
“Is she okay?” I managed to say to Charlie as I sat down on the stool.
“No Ethan! She’s far from it! I don’t understand why you have to hurt her. She’s trying to be happy for you and let you go but all you do is lead her on. You’re being selfish!” She shouted at me.
“You think that she’s the only one hurting right now?” I replied pissed off.
“How the hell are you hurting Ethan? You’re engaged to someone else. Someone OTHER than Blake! Everyone and their damn mothers know that you two are still in love with each other, why are you denying it? I see the look in your eyes when you’re with bitchtoria and it doesn’t even compare to how you look at Blake. There isn’t an ounce of love you have for her and you know it.” She said angrily.
“She deserves better than me Charlie. I’m a f*** up and I screwed everything between us. I can’t just end things with Victoria. It’s much harder than it seems. But I’m not denying I love her. I do love her but I can’t be with her or I’ll break Victoria.” I replied running my fingers in my hair.
“You’re breaking Blake, Ethan! Victoria isn’t the girl for you and for whatever reason you have on not breaking things off with her, you need to realize this. You’ve known Blake for more than ten years. You’ve only really known Victoria for nine months. Breaking things off with Victoria will only lead her to mope after you for a little while because you two really aren’t in love. But not being with Blake will not only lead to you suffering, but it’s broken Blake. She’ll never be the same Ethan. You guys are meant for each other and only each other. Stop fighting the inevitable.” She said softly this time really looking at me.
I took in everything she just said. Charlie had a valid point. But how would I break it to Victoria? Yeah I’ve changed but that’s only because I was miserable with this woman. I didn’t change to the point where I’m heartless though.
“If you really do love Blake, you wouldn’t let her hurt like this anymore. She’s gone through a lot of shit too, you know.” Charlie said.
Just then, the door flung open and Victoria waltzed in without a care in the world. That was until her eyes landed on Charlie.
“What are you doing here?” She asked confused at Charlie.
“Trying to knock some sense into his head.” She said before walking out of the kitchen.
“Listen Charlie, I don’t want to be rude or anything but I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t come alone. We’re getting married and you’re close to Blake and I don’t feel comfortable…”
“You’re not about to shun me from seeing my best friend, Bitchtoria. I don’t know what he sees in you, but you don’t fool me. And if I want to see Ethan, my best friend since I was practically born, you’ll have to fight me to stop me.” She said walking up to her.
“I don’t want to have to do this but if you keep this up, you wont be welcomed at our wedding Charlie.” Victoria said pissed off.
“No one wants to see your train wreck of a marriage anyways bitch! Shit! You’d be doing me a favor by disinviting me!” Charlie shouted.
“Get out of our home.” Victoria demanded.
“Gladly.” She said but not before she went up to Victoria’s face so that she looked like she had one last thing to say.
“You may have this flashy ring on your finger, but we all know that it doesn’t belong there.” Charlie said looking down at Victoria’s ring.
Oh god no. I knew what was about to happen. But before I could do anything, Charlie gasped as she looked at the ring. Her eyes widened and her head turned to face me.
“Ethan…” She said in shock.
“You didn’t.” She added.
I brought my head down so that I was facing the floor. She’d figured it out.
“What is it?” Victoria asked confused.
A small silence fell over us and Charlie was eyeing the ring with wide eyes before fixating her gaze to me.
“You do what you think is right Ethan, and if everything I told you doesn’t make sense in that head of yours, then we’ve lost you for good.” She said before dropping Victoria’s hand and leaving.
“Ethan, what was she talking about?” Victoria asked me as she lifted her hand up to her chest.
I took a deep breath and gathered my thoughts.
I could do this.
I wanted to do this.
I needed to do it.
Charlie’s words had cut skin deep and she was completely right.
I looked at Victoria and noticed that she had on an anxious expression as if what I was about to say would clarify everything.
Maybe it would.
No, it definitely would.
But it would tear her apart.
“I’m sorry Victoria, but I can’t marry you.” I said before I could think twice about it.
I didn’t feel any regret wash over me, in fact, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders as I said it.
Her eyes widened and she looked mortified, “What do you mean you can’t marry me?!” She asked angrily.
“I don’t love you Victoria, don’t you know that? I’ve never once told you I did and when I proposed… well damn. You should have known that I wasn’t going to propose to you. I was only looking at the ring. I never once was planning on asking you to marry me. I’m sorry but you deserve to be happy after everything you’ve been through. But so should I.” I responded.
Tears were falling down her face and as much as I felt bad for the girl, I knew I didn’t love her. Shit, dating her might have even made me disliked the girl. But I didn’t hate her.
“It’s because of her isn’t it? Blake?!” She shouted at me.
“I love her. It always has been Blake and it always will be her.” I said strongly, not regretting a single word I said.
She let out a sob before wiping a tear away from her face angrily.
“You’re making the biggest mistake of your life Ethan.” She said pulling the ring off her finger, “I gave you everything! She’ll never compare to me!” She said screaming at me as she slammed the ring down on the countertop.
No she will never compare to your crazy ass because Blake was by far the most perfect woman in the world. Instead of saying that though, I stayed silent and watched as she went in my room and threw in her clothes in a bag.
“Screw all of you. I don’t need anyone!” She said with a duffle bag tossed over her shoulder. She stormed out of my house and I couldn’t have felt more relieved.
I didn’t want to see her upset and this was what I had been avoiding but I couldn’t deal with Blake hurting anymore. She meant the world to me and I’d do anything for that girl.
I looked down at my wrist and looked at my matching bracelet I had with Blake. I hadn’t taken it off since the day we got it. I ran to my room and put on some jeans and a long sleeve shirt and made my way out the house. I ran over to Blake’s house and didn’t bother knocking. I went in and ran straight up to her loft.
“Blake?” I shouted looking for her. I scanned her room and saw it empty.
I looked everywhere but there was no one. I went back downstairs and heard someone in the kitchen.
“Rachel, have you seen Blake?” I asked impatiently.
She looked at me and studied me for a second, “You just missed her. Her, Charlie, and Drew just left to go back to school. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” She asked curiously.
I felt my jaw tighten. They went back already?
“Sweetheart, if this has anything to do with Victoria, please don’t talk to Blake about it. She’s already broken and I know it’s because of your engagement. I’m happy for you but I want my daughter to also be happy and she hasn’t been that for a while now.” She said looking at me sternly.
“There’s just something I needed to do. I should have done it a while ago really but I’m here now and she isn’t….” I said looking around the kitchen in case Blake would magically show up.
“Ethan, I need to ask one thing from you. Can you do it for me?” She asked setting her cup of coffee on the table.
“Sure.” I responded curiously as to just what she wanted to ask me.
She waited before she started to talk again, “Don’t break my little girl’s heart anymore than it’s already broken. She fragile right now and you need to give her some space.”
“I never intended on hurting her and I don’t intend to. I actually came over here to tell her that I wanted to be with her and only her.” I replied.
“And what about that Bitchtoria?” She asked raising an eyebrow.
I held in a chuckle, even Rachel caught onto Victoria’s nickname
“I ended things with her this morning. I can’t marry her when I’m in love with Blake and always will be.” I said.
“So you broke up with Bitchtoria this morning and now you’re here, hoping that Blake would just run in your arms and live happily ever after? Have you realized everything that you put her through Ethan? I love you like a son and that’s why I’m telling you this.” She said before taking a sip of her coffee.
“You need some time to think to yourself. You can’t keep hopping between girls. You need to not only give yourself a break, but you need to let Blake breathe a little. She’d been suffocated by your drama that it’s affected her badly.” She added.
“So what are you saying? That I shouldn’t tell Blake I want to be with her?” I asked as if she were rejecting my wishes. Rachel was always for Blake and I being together, what was different now?
“Of course you should tell her how you feel Ethan. I couldn’t be happier that your head is finally functioning again and you realized this, but you need to give Blake a little space. How would it look like if you broke up with your fiancé and got together with Blake the same day? It isn’t fair to Blake, you’d made her feel like a second choice and we all know that she sure as hell isn’t anyone’s second choice.” She said sticking her cup in the sink.
“I’ve already waited long enough Rachel, I’m not sure I can wait any longer and I don’t want to.” I said honestly. I didn’t want to waste any time.
“You do what you want to do Ethan. I don’t want anything more than you and my daughter getting back together but she’s not in a good state of mind now. Think about everything I just told you and if you think I’m wrong, then go for it.” She said before pulling something out from the refrigerator.
I took in everything we just talked about.
Blake was never my second choice, she’d always been my number one and I’d make sure that she knew. I wouldn’t give up on her, not now, not ever.
“Thanks Rachel.” I said before walking out the kitchen.
I left her house and went straight to the guesthouse where I packed all of my clothes. I said goodbye to my parents and went straight to my car where I started to drive back down to UVA.
There were no excuses now separating us. I’d give her time to think but I wouldn’t let her go. She needed to breathe and I’d give her just that.
There was really only one main thing that stuck out from our conversation just now. If I were to do anything it was to not give up on Blake. I would fight for her, for us, no matter how long it takes. And if being silent for just a little while was what Blake needed, than I’d do just that.
I just prayed that she didn’t need long.
I loved her so much that this will be the hardest thing I’d have to do. Waiting for her would be hard but losing her would be even harder.