It was lunch time and I walked with Amber, Andrew and Josh, a guy who didn't even introduce himself to me. Erasmus joined us too.
My initial idea was to bring some food from home, since I never liked anything in cafeterias. Or restaurants. Or anywhere.
But I decided to go with the flow, I didn't want to look more anti-social than I already was.
I ended up only taking bread, a little piece of meat, and some definitely unhealthy snacks from the vending machine, since I didn't like fruit and vegetables and fish and anything.
"Is that all you're taking?" Amber asked.
"Yep," I said, probably sounding daunted, and I actually was every time someone would say something about me not eating, "Don't even ask," then I put on a smile, or at least I tried to, not to look like a complete jerk.
Josh looked at me with his jet black eyes from top to bottom, with a judgmental face that looked like it was saying Why are you here? Why do you even exist? Why are you wasting space?
I wasn't new to that kind of thing. Basically nine out of ten people would hate me on their first encounter with me.
Though, I must say, the way he looked at me could be a guess of mine, given the fact that I had put my glasses back in my pocket, so I couldn't really see that well.
We sat at a random table, Amber sat between me and Andrew. On my right was Erasmus and next to him, closing the circle, was Josh, and they all started eating. I took my time.
Josh and Amber then started talking about how much of a bitch Mrs. Misura seemed to be, but they were cut off by Andrew.
"C'mon guys," he said, "We've got, like, thirty minutes of freedom. You really want to talk about school?"
I did see where he was coming from, but I was kind of enjoying that conversation, for it made me realize that I wasn't the only one who couldn't stand ass teachers.
And, even more so, from the moment he said that, they stopped talking about school and tried to explore other areas, but this new conversation was filled with awkward silences and embarrassing moments. Even for those who didn't have social anxiety like me.
"I bought a Les Paul yesterday," Andrew said at one point, trying to save the conversation, "I want to learn how to play guitar!"
"That's great!" said Josh. His voice was really deep and masculine, "Who are you planning to learn it from?"
"I'm going to do it on my own," Andrew looked down at his plate, "With YouTube videos and everything, you know."
"Did your parents give you money?" I asked him, trying hard to be a part of this, even though I didn't really know how expensive a Les Paul was.
All I knew was that Andrew's parents were really strict on the money he had, that's why I asked.
Andrew looked at me like I was a stranger he didn't particularly like. The last time I'd seen that look on him was when I was five. We had just met.
"They did," he said coldly, "They have plenty of money for themselves, why shouldn't they give me some of that?"
And it was true. Andrew's parents were both doctors. And, unlike their son apparently, they liked me a lot.
Although, in that moment, my question to Andrew wanted to be Why in the blue hell did you buy an expensive guitar if you haven't even started learning how to play it yet, and you don't even know if you'll like it and/or be good at it? Are you a complete buffoon or do you just want to get noticed by the cool guys?
"So, Peter," Amber said to me, putting her hand on my wrist. I shivered and wondered why her hands were always that cold, "Where do you live?"
"Oh, he lives in the same street as mine..." Andrew said, leaving me with my mouth opened, as he pulled his chair and plate a little closer to Amber's.
He didn't want me there. It was so clear now. But I didn't understand why. He was the one who pushed the most to have me there with him. Why was he acting like that now?
"That's right..." I said with a low voice, "Clyde Street..."
When lunch time was over, we walked together to our next class. Andrew was talking to Josh, and they were ahead.
Amber was next to me, and we had some more small talk, "Do you know anyone here?" I asked her.
"No," she answered, "They're all new to me."
"Same..." I said.
"Well, you know Andrew."
"At this point, I don't know if that's a good thing..."
She saw me walking and talking all wooden, so she put her cold hand on my cheek and caressed it, saying, "You're cute," with the smile of someone who has just seen a basket of kitties on her face.
I felt both goosebumps and embarrassment. I might have blushed, but I didn't notice. I wanted to stop walking, but I already knew I would have been the only one stopping, so I didn't.
After that, she caught up with Andrew and Josh.
Erasmus, who was walking behind us and had seen the whole scene, raised his eyebrows at me and I bit my lip.
What was that? I asked myself, That was weird.
And yes, it was weird. And it felt weird. But it was also the first time a girl intentionally touched me.
• — • — • — • — • — • — • — •
"Weird," I said to my mother, "The first day of school was weird. And I still don't know anybody. I only got to know, like, two guys."
"Well, it's only the first day," she cut the conversation short and locked herself in the bathroom.
She always did that. Whenever we were finally having a conversation, she would end it before it even started.
It's not like I didn't want to talk to her. Actually, talking to her could have helped me grow up. But I felt like we never did.
And, besides, I didn't even have friends, so it wouldn't have been so bad to have someone to talk to.
Thankfully, though, in that moment, I had a few people I could talk to.
One was Belle, who I had seen recently and didn't want to bother, the other was 404 miles away.
As soon as I opened Facebook, I got scared seeing more than ten friend requests. I feared someone hacked my account and put some boobs as my profile picture.
But then I realized that the senders were the guys I met at school.
The first request was from Erasmus Andrews, immediately followed by Amber Kafka.
I was both weirded out and kind of flattered when I saw the friend request from Josh Starkey, the guy I thought hated me.
After accepting his request, I went through every picture of his, ending up in 2008, where he had really bad photos of him wearing yobster sunglasses with a shiny faux hawk.
I wondered how come puberty hit him so hard, but didn't even touch me.
The other seven or eight guys that sent me a request all had a profile picture that included Josh, so I guess they were his crew.
After accepting all of them, I went through the chat box to find Evelyn. She was online.
– Hey you.
I typed and, after a few minutes, I got:
– long time no see.
That message, as insignificant as it was, made me feel warmer somehow.
– How was your first day of school?
I didn't really want to know how her day was, I just wanted to talk about mine, but I asked anyway.
– nothing special. what about you.
Question mark, maybe?
– Well, it was weird. I didn't really get to meet a lot of guys, but there's this girl, and my friend Andrew is trying to hit on her, but I think she might be into me...
– woah and what makes you think so?
– Well, she said I was cute.
– lol
– What?
– she's so not into you.
I felt ashamed.
– And why so?
– when we say you're cute, it means we want u as friend. sry
– Hey, c'mon, don't be a bitch. It's not like there's a rule.
– hey watch your mouth
– Haven't spoken a word.
– well... watch your keyboard.
– Sorry. Didn't mean to call you a B.
– i like your voice btw
Whaaat.
– How come?
– it's deep but young. i don't know. it's a particular voice and i like it.
– Well... Thanks, I guess...
It's not like I could say the same. I found her voice weird.
– you should come on skype more often. i prefer verbal communication.
I don't.
– I'll try. But my parents are always eavesdropping.
– it's not like we'll talk about porn.
– Yeah, I know. But I'd like to have some privacy anyway.
– i understand.
I stood with my hands on the keyboard as I didn't know what to say.
– So what did you think of the last episode of Monday Night Raw?
Wrestling talk, of course.
– um... nothing special.
– I know right? Only interesting part was that CM Punk segment, the rest of the show I preferred reading a comic book.
– uh i never read a comic book in my life.
– I'm not shocked. Have you ever even tried to?
– yeah but there's no comic book store around.
– Okay. You wanna watch Spider-Man today?
– i gotta go out today. but i promise we'll watch it tomorrow ok?
– No problemo.
– see ya.
And she immediately went offline.
I left Facebook open while writing the text for Ms. Wyatt about my summer holidays.
I wrote about how I spent them with my good friend Andrew around Queens, didn't go anywhere in particular and so on, when I got a message on Facebook.
– Hey Pete :D
It was Amber.
– Oh hey!
– What's up? :D
– Nothing much. Doing homework. What about you?
– I'm about to go out :D See you tomorrow?
– Of course!
And she went offline. Well, that was brief.
But I felt good. She'd seen me online and she wrote to me. I liked that.
Was she into me? Did she just want to be my friend? I didn't know, but I was just about to find out.
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