"Your Dad is either Scrooge or The Grinch. I just can't decide which one."
"Neither."
"I assure you, he is one of them."
"I assure you that he is neither."
"He is-"
"Not. Scrooge and The Grinch came to love Christmas. My father will always hate it. Ergo, he is neither."
"Whatever, he sucked out the Christmas spirit."
"He tends to do that."
"But why?!"
"Haha, because he thinks Christmas is for kids."
"You're his kid. Ergo, it's Christmas."
"Let me rephrase- he thinks Christmas is for humans aged between two and six."
"That's a very specific age range."
"Under two years old and you won't remember it. Over six years old and you should know better than to believe in Santa."
"Jimmy Delaney just went down in my estimations majorly."
"He tends to do that. Camille on the other hand, she loves Christmas."
"I know. It's the reason she's being very domineering. Soph, she's made Christmas tree napkins!"
"Technically, she didn't make them."
"Did you make them?"
"Charlotte. With a lot of help from Fletch. I think she blackmailed him to help."
"Trust me, there wasn't a lot of blackmailing going on there."
"True. Hey, who is Alice?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Fletch keeps walking away when he's talking on the phone and then he keeps whispering while he's on the phone but then as soon as he figures out I'm eavesdropping, he quickly ends the call, gives me a really pissed off looking glare and then barges past me."
"You shouldn't eavesdrop, Soph."
"Who is Alice, Daniel?"
"Not sure."
"You know, you're just not telling me."
"Alice could be a mother, a brother, a sister, a daughter, a niece, a one night stand, a boss...Fletch has been sprouting so many names over the years, it's impossible to narrow it down by just one name."
"Think, Daniel."
"Ok... uh, he has a sister named Alice, a work colleague named Alice, he once dated an Alice-"
"Dated?"
"Slept with. Whatever your definition is. I'm pretty sure there were two Alice's that he dated."
"So, which one was he on the phone to?"
"How would I know."
"Guess."
"If he's walking away to talk to them, it's probably his work colleague Alice. He's really secretive when it comes to work."
"Yeah, about that- what does he do?"
"What part of 'he's really secretive when it comes to work' did you not get?"
"All of it."
"If you're that interested in knowing, why don't you ask Fletch himself?"
"Ew. Converse with Fletch? I'd rather scoop my eyes out."
"You do that. Just don't use the posh silverware that Connie's just had Baxterley pull out. She'll freak if she knew her Christmas cutlery was being used for eye removal purposes."
"..."
"Haha. You're angry."
"..."
"Ah, blissful silence."
"Go to hell, Daniel."
"I would, but I'm banned. I staged a revolution the last time I went there and ever since, Satan has had me on Pandemonium's Ten Most Wanted List."
"Sarcasm is unbecoming, Daniel."
"It's the company I keep nowadays. Terrible influence!"
"..."
"Shall I hang up before you do?"
"That's an excellent idea."
"Ok. Do you want anything from the village?"
"Like?"
"Wine?"
"I'm on a booze ban until the wedding."
"Haha!"
"..."
"Seriously?"
"I've come to love my liver dearly, so yes, seriously."
"I'll bring chocolates, then."
"I'm also on a chocolate ban."
"Some tangerines, then."
"Fine, tangerines."
"Excellent. See you in ten minutes, babe."
"Ok. I love you."
"I love you, too."