3 Months Later
Justin and I haven't spoken much since that day. We still lived together and slept in the same room and bed together when he was home, but we didn't speak. He knew what he did was wrong, but that was the end of our relationship. He had performed at the Grammy's and the BRIT Awards and I stayed home for both. Even though he wanted people to think that we were still together by keeping up our appearances we really weren't together and I wasn't going to lead people on. I had just walked into the kitchen to get some water and Justin was there with his manager and some friends.
"Hey Rachel." I nodded my head at them and continued to pour water into my cup. Justin had turned around and looked at me, but then turned away. I caught a glimpse of his eyes and they were sad. I was sad too, but my heart was broken. I went upstairs and got Jeremy out of his crib. Elizabeth and the twins were in preschool for the whole day, so I had my little one-year-old with me. Jeremey was awake when I got to his room and he was walking. I picked him up and took him downstairs where I put him down and let him walk around.
"Oh look who's awake." Justin was so proud of his little son. I watched Justin watch Jeremy walk towards him where Justin picked him up. He was proud of his kids and I loved him for that.
One Month Later
Justin started tour today in Seattle. I kissed his cheek and wished him luck before he left. That was the last I spoke to him in the last month. He had opened up in Seattle and then went up to Vancouver, down to Portland, then Sacramento, San Jose, Oakland, and finally LA for two shows. For his LA shows he came home after each show and slept on his side of the bed. I missed his comfort in this huge bed. Now I didn't want to give him the wrong impression, but I just needed someone to comfort and hold me while I slept. I did a dumb thing and lifted Justin's arm while he slept and put my head on his chest over his heart and one arm was at my side while my other lay across his chest. He must have felt me slide in since I felt him move not used to me holding him while he slept. His one arm wrapped around my shoulders while his other was at his side. I just fell back asleep snuggling into him. Now this felt right. By morning though, he was gone. He was off to other cities and I was home with the kids. Elizabeth and the twins were in preschool and Jeremey was still too little, so he stayed home with me. Justin came home once and it was to perform at the IHeart Radio Awards where he sang love yourself and company. He then won an award with Diplo and Skrillex. He was wearing his NY Rangers jersey. I hated that jersey. I was from New Jersey and I wasn't a fan of the Rangers. Justin liked them and I allowed him to like them as long as I could like my team. Not even ten minutes later he won best male artist. Not knowing what to say he stumbled a bit, but finally got his words down. Did I miss him maybe I'm not sure.
That night again I snuggled under his arm while he slept. I wrapped my arms around his stomach with my head on his chest. I entangled my legs with his and heard him sigh in his sleep as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders.
"We can't keep doing this." I just evened my breathing and pretended to sleep.
"I know you're not sleeping." I snuggled into him. I just wanted some comfort is that really a bad thing? He groaned not even a minute later.
"Stop moving." I kept moving and he kept groaning.
"Keep it up and we'll have more problems than snuggling." I kept it up.
"Alright now you are going to get it." He flipped us so that I was on my back and he was hovering over me.
"Does this mean that you forgive me?"
"I'm not sure. I just miss this." He kissed me passionately and I will admit this I did miss him and our life together. That night summed up all of our feelings and all of that missed time. In the morning he was gone and I was left alone again. I decided to take action. This wasn't right. I was his wife not some girl he picked up on the side of the road and has a one night stand with. I picked my phone up from my side table and called Scooter.
"Hello."
"Hi Scooter. Its Rachel how are you?"
"I'm good you?"
"I'm alright. Listen where is Justin now?"
"Currently in his bus why?"
"I meant what city?"
"Oh Denver."
"Okay I'm going to come. I need to speak face to face with my husband."
"Is that a good idea?"
"Yes. I'll be there soon." I hung up and went to get my bag from the closet and started packing clothes into it. I decided that seeing Justin while I was naked wasn't a good thing, so I threw some clothes on and headed out. I told my nanny that I was going away for a couple of days and to watch the kids. I gave her their schedule and gave her some gas money for when she takes Elizabeth and the twins to preschool. I then headed out the door and drove to a private air strip where we housed our private jet. I had called ahead to the pilot and he had her all ready. I climbed aboard and got comfy.
"Mrs. Bieber the flight will take an hour and half." I nodded my head and the pilot was off. Denver here I come.
Denver was a nice city and the arena was big. I got out of the car and walked towards the buses. E The security guard though was being an asshole. I kept telling him I was Justin's wife and he would comment back saying you and a million other girls. That made me mad. I told him to go and get Scooter and he would prove it. Not even two minutes later Scooter came back and told him that I was allowed in. I humphed and walked in.
"Now Rachel Justin is sleeping. Please don't fight."
"Of course he is." I walked into his bus and saw him indeed sleeping. I took my shoes off and climbed into bed with him. I picked up his arm and put my head under it so that my head was on his chest. He moved in his sleep and pulled me in. I think when he realized that someone was there and not a pillow he opened his eyes.
"Rachel what are you doing here?"
"Came to see the man who left me in his bed this morning."
"Look I had to be up early and thought you would want sleep."
"You could've left a note. I'm not some girl you found on the side of the street."
"I know exactly who you are Mrs. Bieber." I smiled at that. I picked my head up and kissed him. This was the man I loved and I would keep loving him. Tour kept going on and Justin was loving it. I joined him when he went to Madison Square Garden and I brought the kids so that they could see their grandparents and I could see my friends even though at this point I didn't know if I had any friends anymore. I had abandoned them for Justin and his family and friends. I had dropped off the kids at my parents and now I was on the way to MSG to see my husband play. Before that though I met up with some friends and we had coffee and talked about the past. Surprisingly they were still my friends and cared about me. It was a tearful reunion.
Now MSG let me tell you about this place. It's huge and Justin loves selling this place out. He was here for two nights and the first night was already getting full. I was backstage with Justin and watching him get ready made me appreciate him more. I loved how he was doing what he loved and that was singing. He wasn't letting me or the kids get in the way. I was sitting on the couch in his room talking with some people on his team waiting to go outside and do our chant. I didn't realize Justin came up to me until I saw his arms on either side of my head and he was leaning in to kiss me. I kissed him back and then got up to follow him. We formed a circle and put all our hands in and then started chanting. Once we were done Justin went and got ready to go out and perform and I went and walked around. I ended up side stage watching him do what he loves. Halfway through he called me out and I didn't know why. He had scraped one less lonely girl from the set list and he had told me that he wasn't going to bring anybody on stage. I went out there and looked at him.
"Everybody this is my wife Rachel. Today is her birthday! Can everybody say happy birthday to her!?" I had forgotten it was my birthday today. They all yelled happy birthday at me and then Justin started to sing happy birthday to me. I smiled at him and let him sing to me. The crowd erupted into cheers and yells when he finished. I held his face and kissed him and then ran off stage. How could I forget about my own birthday? Ugh I have been so busy with my life that the dates have just gone past me. Backstage everyone hugged and congratulated me while watching Justin sing his heart out to NY my home state.
He had finally finished and had decided to take me to dinner. The first thing I made him do was shower though. God he stunk. While he was in the shower I looked through some magazines and saw something very interesting. Justin was out with some other girls. They weren't me or the kids. I decided that when I went back to California I would do something. For right now I was going to enjoy my night.
After Justin was done in New York he went back to California with me. He spent a lot of time with me and the kids, but after a couple of days he started to not come home. I thought maybe he was in the studio or he was busy getting his European tour set list done. Turns out he was hanging out with another girl. Kissing her and hugging her. I changed the locks and the gate security code. When the kids started to wonder where daddy was I told them he was busy doing what he loved. They didn't understand at that young age that he was really out cheating on mommy. When he decided to come home and realized that he couldn't get in he called me.
"Hello."
"Babe why can't I get in?"
"I changed the code."
"Why?"
"Why don't you go back and stay with Sofia? I bet she would love your company."
"Don't be that way."
"ME? I'm not the one out there cheating on their spouse."
"You know I love you."
"Justin I'm done." I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.
"Please I'll change."
"You have said that before. I believed you then. Now I don't." I heard him sigh and then he said "Let me get my stuff tomorrow and say goodbye to the kids. You can have the house." I wiped my tears and let out a breath.
"Okay." I whispered. I then told him the codes and told him I would let him in the house tomorrow.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome." I whispered and then hung up. I slid down the wall of my bedroom and cried. I just let it all out. When Justin's mom came into the room wondering what the loud wailing was she saw me on the floor.
"What's wrong?"
"He cheated on me! Again!" I couldn't stop the sob that came out. She looked devastated.
"He would never do that. He loves you."
"Enough to cheat on me multiple times. I had his kids! I married him. I just don't know what to do." I wiped my tears away and got up. I headed to the bathroom with his mom behind me.
"I'll talk to him."
"It's already done. I had papers drawn up in case he cheated again."
"You're divorcing him?"
"Yeah I am. I can't do this anymore. What am I doing wrong?"
"You have to understand that he tours around and you aren't there with him for the whole tour."
"I have four kids."
"You have a nanny."
"I don't want to be that kind of mother. I want to raise my kids. Not have a nanny do it."
"Look I'll talk to him." I nodded my head and went back outside.
"I'm going to go to bed. Justin's coming over tomorrow to get his stuff and say goodbye to the kids."
"They will be so sad."
"When they grow up they'll understand what I went through and my decision to leave him." I climbed into bed and pulled the covers up. Damn it this bed smells like Justin.
"I hope so." I waved her off and she left me in peace. Tomorrow was going to be a long and hard day.
I woke up in the morning, made coffee, made breakfast for everybody, made sure the kids were cleaned and dressed, then waited for Justin. Just as I put the tv on for Elizabeth and the twins the doorbell went off. I sighed and while holding Jeremy I went and opened the door. Justin was standing there and I moved aside so he could come in.
"Hi."
"Hi." Well this is awkward.
"I'm just going to get my stuff." I nodded my head and went into the kitchen. I put Jeremy down in his high chair and I grabbed my coffee cup. I then went and started to feed him. Justin came back ten minutes later. He put his stuff down and then came into the kitchen.
"I'm just going to say goodbye to the kids and then I'm gone." I nodded my head and then yelled "Kids! Come say goodbye to your father!" Nothing. I then sighed and went and turned the tv off.
"Hey!" My little three-year-old said.
"Go say goodbye to your father." I pointed outside and they pouted, but went and ran to daddy. I walked in after them to see him hugging each of them and telling Elizabeth to watch over everyone. Once he was done the nanny came and took each of them upstairs. I think Elizabeth knew what was happening, but she didn't say anything. Now it was just Justin and I.
"Before you leave I have some papers to give you." I handed him the manila folder with the divorce papers in them.
"What are these?"
"Just read them and sign them." I think he realized what they were after I said that.
"Are you sure this is what you want to do?"
"No I don't want to divorce you. I love you, but I can't do this anymore."
"I promise I won't cheat again. I'll go to therapy if it makes you happy." Tears are starting to come out. Justin wrapped his arms around my waist and as much struggling as I did he wouldn't let go.
"I love you so much Rachel. I promise I'll be a better man for you and the kids." I shook my head and said "No. Please don't make this harder than it has to be."
"One kiss. Please. A goodbye kiss." I shook my head. I couldn't kiss him. I loved the man still. I pushed him away and then watched as he walked away. Hurt in his eyes and tears rolling out of mine. The man that I will always love just walked out of my life forever. With that I slid down the wall again for the second time in two days and I cried. My heart felt like it was broken in two. I would never recover from this and I would never trust a guy again.
Four years later
Justin and I did end up divorcing. I just couldn't trust him anymore, but that doesn't mean that I didn't love him. I still loved him. Even four years later I still loved him. Elizabeth is now seven, the twins are six, and Jeremy is five. Justin still comes over to see them when he's not on tour. It's awkward between us now, but I think that we are better as friends even though we both still love each other. Justin has moved on though and is now dating another girl. How long she will last I'm not sure. I live in the same house that Justin left me and I am now working with Alli on modeling. I love it and I'm able to support the kids now. Justin pays me every month, but I hate taking his money. He worked hard to earn it, but he feels like since it's his kids he should pay. I just let it go into a bank account for the kids and when they are old enough they can take it out. Justin and I are in good places right now and yes my heart will always want him, but I have to remind myself that he hurt me and that we are better as friends right now. All in all, both of us are in good places and nothing can change that. Maybe in the future we may get back together, but for right now we are good. We will have to wait and see where life takes us.
The End.