07:14.
a searing headache met baekhyun in the morning. not like it hadn't before.
the sun blared; unbearable, spilling through the tattered, venetian blinds.
he groaned; rolled over to one side, the sheets twisting alongside him, wrapped and tangled between his feverish limbs. clutched his forehead with his sweating palm. groaned, again.
once his eyes grew accustomed to the seeping in of the early morning sunrise, he sat up. at least, he tried to. his head made the room spin even more, distorting his vision.
baekhyun's mind flooded back to reality, and he remembered that he was in their house. in monaco.
and, god, did he not want to be here.
from upstairs, he could hear someone moving things in the kitchen, making a mess of the dirty dishes, probably. a loud cough issued from the hallway. he sat up properly.
the room was unfurnished and somewhat dirty; he guessed that the darkness of last night had obscured that aspect of the home to him, as well as his drunken state of mind. he hadn't been here in a long time. baekhyun knew that none of them had been here recently. the bed he had slept on was half-made with a thin sheet, and the attic room had a slight musty smell to it.
he missed having someone to wake up to.
roma.
baekhyun sighed. his heart hurt more than his head, but he pushed himself up and staggered down the creaking stairs.
in the morning light, the house looked very odd and mis-matched. kind of dodgy, if baekhyun thought about it. downstairs, there were only two rooms: a tiny kitchen and a messy, dilapidated living room, which consisted of two sofas squashed together, a few posters hanging, tattered, off the walls, a disgusting, old rug shoved in the middle of the room and a small, practically broken tv.
and a lamp.
upstairs was a similar sight. there was only one other bedroom along with the one he was currently in, which held a similar worn-out feel. it was slightly bigger, though, with a double-bed and a wardrobe. the double-bed having been a request from kai. the bathroom, in between the two rooms, was minimal; just a shower with cracked tiles and a toilet that made a loud noise when you flushed it.
the thin, paper-like walls surrounded him, as he landed with a drowsy thud off the bottom step of the stairs and into the hallway. the old chandelier hang limply in the dawned light. outside, he could hear the dulled sound of cars droning and birds singing. he brought his hand up to shield his eyes, as the sun filtered in, bright and yellow.
baekhyun heard the sound of the kettle boiling, and feet shuffling in a haphazard manner.
he walked into the kitchen, bare feet and bare upper-half, his hair tousled and his eyes sunken.
"kai?" baekhyun asked, his voice deep and groggy with heavy sleep.
kai turned around slowly, his bare chest covered with an unbuttoned pale-blue shirt. he wore his glasses on the end of his nose, as he stared awkwardly at baekhyun, not shocked or suspicious. just not bothered.
"what are you doing up so early?" baekhyun observed casually, questioning. he stepped in one inch further onto the tiles. he yawned widely.
"i could ask you the same thing," kai replied nonchalantly, calmly, continuing to make his coffee. he poured the milk into his mug, observing the way it filtered into the dark brown.
baekhyun could feel that kai was still pissed off with him. or, maybe, he didn't quite know how to react to everything that had happened. everything that baekhyun had confessed.
in truth, baekhyun was tense by the whole thing himself. he didn't know what he'd done; what it meant now. for him and the others.
and, fuck, he missed her so much. her warm skin and her sparkling, inquisitive eyes. his heart hurt. baekhyun wondered what she was doing right now. he'd tried to phone her but she'd ignored him. ended the call. and he didn't blame her, after what he'd done to her.
left her; no questions answered. nothing. no explanations.
it had been almost a week now.
if only he wasn't so conflicted. if only he knew what to do in his situation. no-one could help him.
"i couldn't sleep," kai interjected his thoughts, carrying on from their conversation. he chucked the spoon into the sink with a metallic thud, and proceeded to lean against the counter, facing baekhyun.
"yeah. me neither," baekhyun admitted. whispered. "did jongdae come back after he went out last night?"
stupid question, really.
"no," kai replied. he took a long and somewhat desperate gulp of his drink. "he texted and said he'd maybe be back later today. guess he had to go and think about...everything."
that didn't sound very promising to baekhyun, but he took kai's blunt and unanimated response with a small nod, sheepishly shoving his hands into his pockets. shrugged his shoulders. baekhyun decided, again, that he'd really fucked up this time.
the tangible tension between the two boys was only magnified by the echoing silence of their dialogue; the kitchen was small and empty, and jongdae was gone, taking any reason that was left.
"sehun still hasn't replied," kai continued. he looked glum; upset, almost. "must have phoned him about seven or eight times."
"i'm sure he's fine," baekhyun assured. he knew he couldn't promise that.
baekhyun felt sick. he needed to get out of here.
"i think i might go out for a bit," baekhyun uttered. "you'll be alright by yourself?"
kai locked gaze with him.
"yeah, yeah, whatever."
baekhyun nodded. went back upstairs, shoved on the first articles of clothing he could find, grabbed his phone and his wallet, and left the house with a despair that weighed down upon his shoulders.
//
09:51.
he phoned sehun for the eleventh time in an hour: no answer.
where the fuck could he have gone?
baekhyun had been sat in the same position since the breakfast shift, the small café acting as a shield from the outside world and his responsibilities and problems. he was already on his fourth coffee, the strong, bitter taste burning down his throat. comforting him.
picked his phone up again and called jongdae: no answer.
baekhyun threw his phone down onto the table.
ran his hand through his messy hair.
baekhyun picked up his lighter and lit a cigarette, balancing it between his chapped lips. the orange butt-end glowed as he smoked it desperately. tired eyes peeled open, watching his surroundings intently.
someone, something, tell me what to do.
he'd only called roma once. wasn't about to do it again.
baekhyun banged his clenched fist onto the table, startling a few other people. the barman eyed him weirdly, but brushed his behaviour off as drunk and hungover.
"i'm so fucked," baekhyun muttered, voice quiet, under his breath, his knuckles resting heavily against his forehead.
he thought about her sparkling, colourful eyes.
she was so beautiful.
he needed her.
//
12:11.
he'd found the old park they used to walk in, when all of them were much younger. the trees and benches looked much the same; he hadn't been here in ages. the only difference was it was much busier than he'd imagined, filled with families and tourists and couples. and, of course, that none of the others were here.
baekhyun sat himself down. he put his phone next to him on the bench. in case someone rang, or something.
the sun was brighter than ever: teasing him. baekhyun squinted and stared up at the aqua-blue sky, its expanse fully clouded, the rays of the foreign sunshine stinging his vision.
skin burning.
he sighed heavily. he needed answers.
baekhyun reminisced. shut his eyes tightly.
he thought about when it had all started. all of them together, because that was when it had all worked out. each had their own strength and power; were aware of their limitations and also their capabilities. a gift, they were told.
as baekhyun leant back in his relaxed position, he mulled it all over. forces of nature. when it rained, they would know. when the heat scorched their skin, they would know. it became commonplace, and they played around with it, treating it as an arrogance that each of them individually held. power over normality.
they used to joke around with it. baekhyun even smirked slightly at the dim and distant memory, a grin playing on his lips, as he glanced down at his open palms. the indigo veins ran sharply, throbbing with vitality. the blood surged within; that all-too-familiar electricity, contrasting the paler, more transparent hue of his bronzed skin.
baekhyun recalled what jongdae had said. his explanations had been thorough but anxious, as if he was delving into the unknown. he'd talked about the emotional connection; deeper than the physical attraction that baekhyun had grown accustomed to. no attachments, as kai had put himself.
it was their way of distracting themselves, exploiting for physical and sensual desire. it had worked.
baekhyun's heart pounded.
he felt more. baekhyun knew he'd always craved more than just that. roma was beautiful, inside and out, and she cared for him, and she showed him sides to his life that he hadn't realised were possible. the simplicity of pure happiness. mind at ease.
this aching, gaping hole in his chest surely meant more than just sexual impulse. baekhyun loved her.
a sweat broke out across his forehead. too much.
he got up, and strode away from the twisted memories.
//
22:34.
walking all day had put a strain on his feet as well as his mind, his thoughts tired and unravelled.
the thriving centre of the city of monaco was blaring with dazzling lights, clamouring for his undivided attention, making it a struggle for him to manoeuvre in a straight line without bumping into other people. big, black dots fringed the edges of his dazzled vision, and the numerous alcoholic drinks he'd consumed burned down his throat.
roma, roma, roma.
this scene, he somehow remembered, had played out before. him wandering around, hopeless and helpless, drunk off his face, and having only the image of roma in his mind.
"fuck, fuck, fuck," he mumbled repeatedly, his body slamming against the wall, the heated concrete uncomfortable and in the way.
all of a sudden, a searing, radiant pain hit baekhyun, almost knocking him over, onto the floor. it burned; unbearable, the electricity surging throughout every fibre and every muscle.
"roma."
lights surrounded him and encompassed his frame into a mindless frenzy. he saw all the colours; reds, blues, oranges, yellows--merging into one hue of distortion.
baekhyun fell limply to the ground.
eyelids shut, slowly.
slowly.
not again.
//
00:53.
baekhyun's phone rang in his pocket, startling him conscious.
limbs were heavy and weak, unable to move, and he felt the darkness continue to surround the perimeter of his vision. blurred.
scarlet fire in his eyes.
he fumbled blindly for his phone in his pocket, quickly sitting himself up. the hurried action dizzied his entirety.
it rang and rang, the sound seeming to augment in volume.
"h-hello, wha--"
"baekhyun?"
it was jongdae.
"hmm," he responded; was all he could manage, as another wave of nausea hit him, knocking his frame backwards.
baekhyun brought his hand up to rest flatly against his forehead.
"where are you? kai says you've been gone all day."
to baekhyun, jongdae sounded worried. anxiety laced his staccato tone, the sharpness of his voice evident even through the crackling receiver.
"i'm...just, i'm--"
"you need to get back here right now. okay, do you understand?"
the line went dead. their conversation appeared surreal and dream-like to baekhyun, as the phone slipped from in between his fingers.
a flick of the switch;
the entire surrounding area was shrouded in a complete and utter darkness.
roma.
//