A/N
Trigger Warning;
One small part might trigger rape victims. It's unlikely but I just want to make sure.
_____________________________
Steve pov.
*vibrate..vibrate..*
My eyes shoot open. I grab my phone seconds before it stops the call.
-Unknown Number-
"Hello, this is Steve." I whisper.
There's a little bit of drool on Bucky's face, I wipe it off with my finger.
He sniffs and snuggles into the couch.
Cutie.
I slide out from under Bucky's arm and Jamie's legs and walk into my room.
They're asleep, even though Jamie should be at work.
"Steve? Wow. I finally found your number."
My heart stops, the phone is shaking in my hand,instantly tears flood my eyes.
It's him.
Ivan.
It takes everything in me to regain my normal breathing pattern.
"Uhm.. Hello?" He says, his voice still had the same grating effect.
It used to drive me well.. nuts. (a/n he means sexually btw)
But now, it only scares me.
I choke back a sob .
"W-why did you call me?"
Ivan laughs.
The sound isn't happy.
It's cruel and uninviting.
"What, I'm not allowed to catch up with my old boyfriend? That's a little selfish, don't you think?"
At the term 'old boyfriend' I'm sucked back into the vortex of my first memory of us.
I was 16 in my sophmore year.
My first boyfriend and I had just broken up. It was after school in the courtyard, I didn't worry about anyone seeing us because I was already 'out'.
My reasoning was he never kissed me or was affectionate at all, turns out he was straight.
We still speak occasionally.
Ivan,a senior at the time, was on his way home from practice and had seen the entire thing.
He was in earshot, so he heard my reasons and decided to use them to his advantage.
He had said to me as he pushed me against a wall, "I'll fuck you, unlike your old boyfriend. I'll make you feel so good you'll never want to be apart from me." Ivan then forced my mouth apart with his tongue and stuck his hand down my pants right then and there.
I was powerless against him. Me, a small sophmore who never really did much exercise, against an athlete that was in 3 different sports.
There wasn't even a struggle.
I came in my pants after a minute.
That encounter should've been my first warning sign.
But, I was young and dumb.
The cliche love story continued to unfold.
No matter how many times Ivan yelled at me or forced himself on me, I stayed with him.
Admittedly, he could be quite sweet. Not all of it was forced.
We did make love sometimes.
He was my first love, sex partner, and real boyfriend.
Ivan and I were together up until the day of my twentieth birthday. I came home to our shared apartment a few hours early and I was going to surprise him.
I had been gifted lingerie from Jamie and I was wearing it under my clothes.
Well, him in bed with his co-worker who was "just a friend and nothing I should worry about" gave me the best present I could ever have.
Chronic depression.
My body involuntarily jumps and I'm tossed back into reality when he speaks again.
"Hey Steven how about we meet up for drinks? I need to talk to you."
"I- uhm.."
My breath catches in my throat, I swallow the lump and try to continue.
I can't believe how hard it is for me to speak.
"I dont think that's a good idea.. I've moved on Ivan.."
"What? Do you think I'm trying to get with you or something? Hah. No. I just simply want to talk."
He laughs again.
I can't tell what's so funny.
"I don't want to. I'm sorry."
My voice raised an octave. It made me sound weak and pleading.
Even though I am weak and pleading with him, I don't want him to know.
"Steven.. come on. For old times sake."
"Old times? OLD TIMES?!" I started yelling through my tears.
"OH YEAH LET'S DO THIS FOR OLD TIMES! LIKE FOR INSTANCE WHEN YOU CHEATED ON ME? THOSE WERE GREAT ... just great .." All my anger melted and I shrunk into myself, no longer able to support my body.
Silence.
"Steve I.. I never got to tell you how sorry I was. All I want to do is tell you how sorry I am. You were the best thing for me and I ruined it. Please.. please ma-.. meet up with me. " Ivan breathes heavily into the phone.
It's almost as if he crying.
I had never seen him cry in the four years we were together.
My door creaked open.
Bucky stood in the doorway, he was disheveled with sleep in his eyes and a worried expression.
"Why are you yelling? Is everything okay? "
My red and teary eyes meet his blue ones. They are dim with sleep but instantly change when he focuses on my face.
Bucky quickly walks over and squats in front of me.
"What's wrong Steve? Did something happen with your family?" He places his hand on my face and with his thumb wipes the tears that race down to my neck.
I shake my head no.
"Who's that? Is that who you've moved on with?" Ivan asks.
Throughout this entire phone call, it's like he's been mocking me.
"Steve why are you being like this? I just want to talk."
"I don't think it's a good idea Ivan. I'm really sorry."
"Please.."
Why won't he just leave me the fuck alone? Bucky's eyes looked so troubled. I couldnt stand it.
"Just leave me alone Ivan.. We aren't together anymore. I'd never get back together with you because you're a cheating piece of shit."
Bucky looks startled. He sits back on his butt in front of me and holds my free hand.
Even though he doesnt know who I'm talking to, he understands my anger.
"Well fuck you too Steven. All I wanted was to fuck and your pussy ass is crying about it."
"I'm crying because you made me feel worthless for so long. An I am done letting you control me and hold me back." It was as if all my pent up anger came out at once. "I've found someone that I can tell is drastically better than you. And hell, I've only known him for a few days. Go fuck yourself Ivan."
I hung up and threw the phone.
Bucky encased me in his arms and pulled me off the bed into his lap. I cried into his shoulder.
"Do you really think that highly of me?" He asks after I've calmed down some.
I wipe my nose with a tissue. Luckily, during my major crying session, I had managed not to completely disgust Bucky by getting snot on his shirt.
Though something tells me he wouldn't care.
"Of course I do. Do you want to know about Ivan?"
He sighs, a soft sound which is both calming and sweet.
"The problems of your past are your business. The problems of your future are my privilege."
Bucky kisses my forehead, I sit up and hold his face with both hands.
"Did you just quote Sherlock?"
He blushes.
"You caught me."
We share a small laugh.
Bucky's hair is disheveled and I can easily tell which side he slept on , his eyes have slight bags underneath, and his lips are chapped.
But, he still remains the most beautiful man I have ever laid my eyes on.
I kiss him once, twice, three times.
In the midst of me getting lost in him, he picks me up and lays me on the bed.
He's hovered over me and our lips are locked in a lazy embrace.
There's heat between us, but it isn't sexual.
It's something I haven't felt in a long time.
"Bucky?"
"Shh.. kiss now, question later."
I kiss him back before breaking away again.
"It's important."
"If you're going to ask why I don't go by James, you're going to think the reason is stupid."
Well, my point clearly flew right over his head. But.. I am curious.
"Just tell me. I won't laugh."
Bucky sighs. He flops next to me and puts the pillow over his face.
"Eyeeighttehnamehanes"
"What the fuck. Were those even words?" A smile dances on my lips and I lightly pull on his hair, "Bucky just tell me, in English. Please.." I sit up on one arm and with the other I trace circles on his chest with my fingers.
He hits me with the pillow.
"Okay okay. Well.. I hate the name James. Because of my namesake, people always thought I was gay and made fun of me. I mean I am gay, of course," He pauses to kiss me,"but it continued into high school where rumours started and I got bullied pretty severely. I know it's something I should be over.. but I'm not..."
(a/n there's a president with his namesake irl that was rumoured to be gay)
His face forms into a frown.
"I'm very sorry that happened to you. Just know that I would've beat them all up. And for the record, I love your name and you shouldn't be ashamed of it anymore."
My lips greet his again, I just cannot seem to stop kissing him.
"Thanks Steve. You know..I'm still tired. Let's just sleep today alright?"
"All day?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"Sure, let's do it."
We snuggled under the covers facing each other. It was only 8 am but neither of us cared.
"Hey Buck?"
"Hmm..?"
"Do you want to be my boyfriend?"
Bucky smiled and opened his eyes.
His dark pupils contrasting against his blue eyes as they dilated was stunningly beautiful.
I had fallen completely for this man.
"Of course I will Steve. Now shh.."
Bucky kissed my forehead and I snuggled against him.
His scent was warm and enticing and I quickly drifted back to sleep.
The only time we were awoken, was when Jamie crawled into bed with the two of us.
Bucky and I adjusted to where I was laying on my back and he was curled and around me, and Jamie laid her head on my chest.
That's where we remained until 12 pm.
Warm and content.
_______________
A/N
*inhale*
I'M SORRY I'M A LIAR IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE ;_;
BUT I PROMISE I'LL IMMEDIATELY START ON THE NEXT CHAPTER. IT'S JUST SCHOOL IS GETTING HELLA HECTIC RIGHT NOW AND I'M NOT DEALING WITH THINGS PROPERLY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR OVER 1.5K READS IT MEANS SO MUCH
THANK YOU FOR CONTINUING TO READ THIS EVEN THOUGH MY UPDATE ARE INFREQUENT AND INCONSISTENT
I LOVE YOU GUYS !
(again sorry)
- Kat ;^;