Sulli's
Sunday.
I released a loud sigh and didn't bother to open my eyes. I feel tired. I feel... I don't know.
Fuck.
How many hours of sleep did I get? Two? Three? Mabuti na lang Linggo ngayon because honestly, I'm too lazy to even move a finger. Just what the fuck's happening to me. Well...
Yeah, Captain Obvious. That's because of September fucking Imperial.
Heck. I know I did the right thing but why am I regretting it? It hurts so much. But I don't wanna risk everything with her.
I just...it's hard to decide. It's...it's...fucking overwhelming that I've been cussing consecutively.
How many days had passed anyways? Ah, yeah. A week. A week of not seeing her or hearing her voice. A week of no September annoying me, seducing me, or ruining my fucking day with just her appearance. No September making me happy and feel loved.
Just because of a fucking decision. I need to leave her. I have to. For her sake. For our sake, most especially.
Gonna give credit with her choice of career. Very well. I'm in love with a killer and I still accepted her. Corny it may sound but I love her, that's why.
Love's about accepting a person even at his or her worst, isn't it?
I touched my lips and again, sighed soundly. Our last kiss...it hurts so much. It hurts that it's getting harder to breathe.
Kung kailan tanggap ko na ang nararamdaman ko, saka naman humantong sa ganito.
Nasaan na yung sinasabi ko that I'll fight for her? Wala, naduwag. Not that I want to be a coward but because I need to stop considering my feelings in order to make things right. At least.
I wiped my tears. I'm crying again. This is not so me. Since when did I cry? When Jay died? When I realized I'm all alone and I have to be independent?
Natigil ako sa pag-iisip nang makarinig nang mahihinang katok. I sniffed and took a deep breath. Relax, Sulli...
"Momma?"
I stood up even though I don't want to. I don't want to disappoint her. Ayos nang ako ang masaktan, huwag lang yung bata. She's just a kid. And I need to act like an adult for her. Because I'm her mother, too.
I, again, heard consecutive knocks on my door so I moved faster. Nang matapos mag-ayos ay binuksan ko na ang pinto. I smiled when I saw Sydney with her morning look, all cute and adorable. Guess, there's still reason to be happy.
Siya lang ang meron ako na nagpapaalala sa akin kay September.
"Morning, Syd." I greeted. I kneeled down and kissed her cheek before holding her hand.
"Morning, Momma..." She said and yawned. "Hungry..."
"I'll cook, no worries." Nang makarating kami sa kusina ay kusa na siyang naupo habang nakasunod ang mata sa akin. I looked at the fridge to see what's available. "What do you want, little one?"
"Hmm...pancakes!"
I chucled. "Pancakes, it is."
--
"Momma?"
"Yeah?"
We are currently watching Adventure Time. This is her suggestion after we took our breakfast since it's still early, and most of all, it's Sunday. I asked her if she wants to go some places but Syd declined. So, here we are.
This makes me remember her.
"Where's Mom?" I immediately stared at her and noticed that sad eyes looking back at me. "I missed her..."
"She's..." I'm trying to come up with reasonable answer but I just can't because she asked too sudden. Given the fact that this is just the third time she asked since the day I took her. "Somewhere. On a business."
"When will she come back?" And another question came. Seriously, what will I answer?
I don't know, too. I'm afraid that... "Let's just finish what we're watching then we'll talk about it later. Deal?"
"Hmm...okay," She pouted, it's obvious that she didn't like the idea. "Deal."
I just smile and gave her a kiss on forehead.
I'm starting to get engrossed with the cartoon when I received a message. It's from my mother.
Your Dad had a heart attack.
--
September's
"You know, drinking is bad for health."
I looked at the woman beside me. She raised a brow and smiled—but not the flirty one. Good. Because I don't even know if I'm in the mood to even flirt back.
Besides...na kay Sulli na ang buong atensyon ko.
"I'm in a bar so there's nothing to worry about health."
She chuckled. "Yeah?"
Hindi na ako nagsalita at nagpatuloy lang sa pag-inom. I really wanna get drunk but Avarice forbid me so. It's fine with me dahil maisip ko pa lang na malalasing ako, si Sulli ang naalala ko.
The day when I first met her. The first time I tasted her sweet lips.
I smiled just by the thought of that certain woman. She's the person who changed me, hindi ko lang alam kung aware ba siya. I fell in love with her fast and I didn't notice it because I thought I was just attracted to her. Then... I started to like her—more than anyone.
"Remembering someone?"
Muli ay napatingin ako sa katabing babae. Kung titingnan ay napaka-disente—let's just say na, napaka-casual ng kanyang ayos. Parang maglalakad lang sa kung saan. She doesn't look like someone who wants to get laid or something.
She tapped her finger. "Come on, this is a bar, you can talk to me then pretend you don't know I exist tomorrow." She chuckled. "I just want to listen and talk."
"Your name first." I said firmly.
"Eliah." She answered. "Nice meeting you, stranger."
"Sep."
"Yeah, Sep." She shrugged. "So, what's your story?"
"I love someone but we can't be together." I started. "You know, I'm glad to know that she loves me, too, but the moment we knew that feelings is also the moment we knew that we can't continue that feelings together."
"Two against the world."
That short sentence made me smile. She nailed it. This Eliah girl looked smart. "Yeah."
"Wala na bang ibang way?" She asked as she took a sip of her liquor.
"Too risky, Eliah." I replied. Um-order pa ako ng isang inumin dahil ubos na ang akin. "We have the choice but it's like we're playing chess."
"One wrong move and you're dead."
Dead.
"Exactly." I gazed at her and noticed her looking at me. "You're nice."
"I know, always get that." Medyo mahanging sagot niya na ikinatawa ko. She just wriggled her eyebrows.
"I'll pretend I didn't hear anything." I joked and I earned a smack on my arm. "Hey, that hurts."
"Asa." She laughed. "Nakakadugo ka kausapin. Mag-Tagalog ka."
"You started it." I defensed. "Mukha ka kayang foreigner, plus the accent."
"Edi, sorry." She rolled her eyes na ikinatawa ko. "You know, sa tuwing nakikipag-usap ako sa mga taong nakakasalamuha ko sa kahit anong bar, hindi talaga nawawala ang usapang pag-ibig." Kwento niya. "Yung iba, they come here to enjoy, yung iba naman ay para makalimot, others just wanna get laid, different reasons. But that's normal. It makes me happy though, I get to observe everyone."
"So you're like, an observer?" I asked, "Hobby?"
"Sort of," She nodded. "Isa pa, I'm hoping to find my future someone by meeting new people."
"Oh, love." I teased.
"Ha! Get that!" She laughed. "And that person's name should be September."
Bigla akong nabulunan na ikinataka niya. Umiling ako. "Sorry." I laughed, "My name's September, too, but I don't think I'm the one for you."
"Too bad."
We just laughed it off. This woman knows for sure how to use her humor.
In the middle of our conversation, I fished my phone from my pocket to see if there's a text. And, yeah. There is. From Avarice. At hindi ko nagustuhan ang nabasa ko.
Hide, Imperial. They're going to kill you.
_____