XLIII.
"I lied to you back in Miami that night. You took my virginity."
There was an expected moment of slack in the wind, and I used it to bring the knife in my left hand up, and plunge it deep into the right side of Lauren's chest. The blade was covered in blinding white electricity, the last tangible evidence that I had of my mutation. Lauren coughed, reeling backwards and pushing the blade both out of her torso and out of my hand. Clutching her chest, she stumbled backwards and let the field around us dissipate. Small white sparks started to sparkle across her body, and I knew right away that the current within her was being rejected.
"That's enough." Normani appeared in the middle of the room, holding her hand out to me. "Good work Camila."
"Thanks." I took the offering, struggling to my feet and looking down to where Lauren was breathing hard. The wound on her chest was already starting to improve, as her body worked to heal the damage like it as nothing but a small scrape.
Before I could turn around, I was bombarded by people, most of them recognizable members of my team. They began congratulating me, crowding around and asking me one question after another. I did my best to answer, while watching out of the corner of my eye, Normani give me one last smile before herding Shawn and Dinah back out into the halls.
As those around me began to disperse, still chattering away, I jumped a little when a set of arms wrapped around my waist. Lauren's front was pressed firm to my back, her lips finding the curve of my neck like an X on a treasure map. Suddenly, we were the only two people left in the room.
"I'm sorry about that." I mumbled, shifting around in her arms. My shoulders lifted when I saw her. The girl's outfit had taken a greater beating than my own, her shirt ripped in a large shoulder to waist pattern and nearly falling off. The wound on her chest was nearly sealed up, the only evidence from the avulsion was the blood that stained her sun-kissed ivory skin. "Are you okay?"
"Were you serious?" Lauren pressed her hips against me. "About what you said back there?"
"Yeah." I shrugged. "I hope you're okay with that."
"So back when I asked you, you just said yes because..."
"Well if I said no, what would you have done?" I snaked my arms around her neck. "And be honest."
"I probably would have stopped." Lauren ran her hands up my sides. "That night... I remember feeling amazing that night, and for all the wrong reasons. Like I was doing something terrible to you."
"What? Why?"
Green eyes dropped to the floor. "I don't know Camz. You seemed like you were so pristine and untouched, and I was sorta... ruining you. I just wanted some kind of affirmation that it was all justified." Her voice trailed off. "When you said no, I told myself that I should have been pressing you further on it, but I didn't want to."
I laughed. "Why not?"
"You know why not." Lauren tucked me closer, her hands starting to press even tighter against my sides before trailing down to my waist. "I didn't want to because I wanted to sleep with you so badly. I thought you said you've had serious relationships before?"
"Relationship." I corrected, bringing my left arm up to tilt her chin and meet her eyes. "And it wasn't serious enough to the point where we slept together. He was a jackass who decided to bang a bottle blonde cheerleader... stuff like that."
"How charming." Lauren wrapped her arms around to my back. "To be honest, it kind of makes me happy to know about it now."
"What, the cheating loser, or the fact that the first time I had sex was with you?"
"The latter." Lauren broke into a soft smile. "And maybe the former a little bit."
I could tell that there was something foreign in her eyes. It might have been fatigue from our little parry, perhaps fatigue in general I didn't know.
"Are you okay?" I asked, brows knitting together in a small frown. While doing so, I lifted my left hand and ran it along the smooth skin that was now coated the wound I had made.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Lauren rolled her shoulders, back, stepping away from me and tugging at her shirt. "These clothes have seen better days though, I should go change and wash up. Congrats Camz, you finally beat me."
"You know why I beat you." I picked up our weapons and followed her down the hall, weaving through the corridors until we found our way back to the bedroom. "I beat you because I've got mad cheating skills."
"Cheating skills are still skills." Lauren held the door open for me as we entered, and while she tore off her beaten clothing, I seated myself up on the bed. Watching her closely, I knew very well that there was something off. The way in which Lauren carried herself had become second nature to me not long after I had met her, and I could tell that the current "carrying" was lopsided.
Folding my hands in my lap, my gaze followed her as she exchanged her top for a new one that looked identical. She then disappeared into the bathroom, ran the water in the sink for a few seconds then re-emerged.
"Lauren, what's wrong?" I asked, twisting my body around to face her and kicking off my boots.
"What do you mean? I'm fine."
"No, you're not." I pressed, reaching up and pulling my hair out of my eyes. "I know you, and I know when you're not okay. What's going on Lauren?"
"Camila, it's okay." She shook her head, granting me a small albeit forced smile. "I promise."
I sighed, shuffling my legs out from beneath me and sliding off the bed. It was time to take measures into my own hands, Cabello style. Coming up from behind, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pressed close, snuggling against the back of her neck. "Lauren, you and I both know I'm not going to let up."
Sighing herself, the girl turned around, green eyes clouded. "I... I've just been thinking. About stuff."
"What kind of stuff?"
"Next steps." She continued, eyes low. "For all of us."
"Please tell me your next steps don't include sending Shawn and Dinah out into the forest to fight." I asked her in a pleading tone. "Because even though Normani has been working them to the bone, I don't want them going anywhere near those things that look like they belong walking on their hands down a staircase. Much less meeting Lucy."
Lauren wrapped her arm around my bandaged bicep and held it tight. "Camila, what you and I went through back there was barely scratching the surface of what we might end up seeing further into the forest." She began, her voice filling with a fear tainted urgency. "We weren't even on the borders, we barely approached the actual town."
"Borders?" I tilted my head to the side. "But it was Lucy who held us back, if she hadn't been there we could have totally gotten in and-"
"It may have seemed that way, but it's not true." Pulling me to the bed, Lauren sat herself down first, then set me down next to her. "You don't need to worry about whether Normani sends Dinah and Shawn out to the field. She's not going to."
"How do you know?"
"I told her not to." Lauren leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. "And now I'm telling you. Camila... I can't do this."
"Do what?" I frowned, placing my hand on her knee lightly.
"I can't let them go out there again, I can't let anyone go out there again." Lauren looked up at me, her eyes beginning to cloud over. "This is the end Camila. From now on, I go through with this on my own."
I frowned, moving my hand away and getting to my feet. "Hold on, are you serious?"
"In every way." Lauren sat back, placing her hands together. "Camz, from here on out, I don't want you, or anyone else worrying about what happens with Silent Hill. Lucy is mine; my problem to handle, not yours. Work yourself to the bone, train, get stronger, you're welcome to do whatever you want... but you aren't going to be worrying about leaving this place unless it's to go back to Miami."
I blinked a few times, letting her little proposition sink in. I could almost see the little rubber ducks begin to circle the top of her head like a child's cartoon.
"I know this is sudden." Lauren stood up, straightening her spine. "And I know that you're probably not going to want to go along with it, but you have to realize that I can't... I can't put you, or anyone else in the position I did before."
Standing up, Lauren advanced towards me, and I kept my body limp to let her curl her arms around my waist.
"Say something Camila."
I brought in a single deep breath, my eyes locking on the opposite wall and refusing to blink.
"Camz?"
"Okay, I mean this with all the love in the world... but are you fucking stupid?"
Lauren nodded slowly, taking a small step back. "I might be." She shrugged. "But that doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore. Whatever happens, it happens with me, and just me. I'm the only reason why this entire mess began, I need to be the only one who's there to see it finish."
I felt my chest start to hurt. "Lauren, you're standing here trying to tell me that everything you brought me here to do... everything I've accomplished and all the crap I've been through is for nothing?" My bows began to knit together in a frown. "Are you serious?"
"I'm sorry." Lauren flexed her fingers, pulling nervously on the hem of her shirt. "I'm really sorry, and I promise that the last thing I want you to feel is that you've done all this for nothing because you haven't. You've learnt things about yourself you didn't know before, you're different, so much stronger... you just have to realize that I can't go through that again. I can't do any of it again."
"Any of what?" I reached out and took her hands. "I'm so confused."
Rather than replying, Lauren's hands swiftly flipped my own so my palms faced up. She then used both her thumbs to press against the triangle markings on my skin, a slow burn beginning to feed from her fingers into mine. It then streamed up my left arm, dancing against my scars before manifesting into a delicate web of electricity. I looked from the light up to Lauren, who's eyes were glittering straight at me.
Then everything went dark.
Again.
The last time it had happened was in a small secluded patch of trees when Lauren had run off with a hole in her side, and a massive explanation to lend not only myself, but my friends. I was surrounded in an enchanting darkness unable to see anything around or beneath my body but darkness itself. Her voice was in my head; this was her mirage.
I'm sorry for doing this Camila, but I think there's something you need to see. You were out for a long time, and a lot happened.
"Why do you have to do it like this?" I asked, looking around to seek out some kind of picture. "You know you can just talk to me."
I am talking to you. Despite the shadowy demeanour of the conversation, Lauren's voice held just a hint of amusement. There's something important I need to show you.
I turned, finding myself deep within Lauren's subconscious. It was the outside of our bedroom; the orange lightning and oddly patterned walls looking even more drab from an angled view. People began to dart up and down each hallway, carrying large boxes in their arms and murmuring to each other in a panicked frenzy.
"Lauren, what's going on?"
Just watch.
***
"Lauren you need to just stop this and go in there. You need to be with her!" It was Normani, every muscle in her arm tensed, and the wound burrowed into her torso now dried and caked in blood.
"This is all my fault." Lauren's voice some feet away. "Everything that happened out there was my fault. I could have prevented all of this, and instead I just stood there like a complete idiot!"
"Lauren!" Normani had pinned Lauren against the wall, both hands firmly planted on the girl's shoulders. "Get ahold of yourself!"
"You- " Lauren had tipped her head back against the wall. "You don't understand."
"What don't I understand?!"
"I can't lose her Normani... I can't." The girl slid down to the floor, her legs curling up to her chest and arms wrapping around her knees. "I love her so much, I can't lose her."
"You won't, as long as you go in there and be with her!" Normani crouched down, wincing and wrapping her arm around her middle. "Come on Lauren, get up and help Ally. If not Ally, then go in there to help Camila. She needs you."
"Lauren." Ally had appeared in the doorway, a grim look on her face. The severity of her tone made me shiver, despite only being a ghost that watched the scene unfold from another reality. "Normani's right, you need to be in here with her."
"I can't." I watched as Lauren pushed Normani away and rose up to her feet in a small burst of air. Shouldering past her friends, she raced down the hall, leaving every voice behind. I didn't have to strain anything for my surroundings to follow.
With a heavy heart, I had to stand and watch as Lauren brushed past every pair of eyes on her, weaving through the hallways until she reached the exit. Knowing very well there was no way to change the past, I cringed as she crawled up the hatch and out into the rain, disappearing through the forest.
"Where are you going?" I asked out loud, turning around and assuming Lauren would be directly behind me with answer. I released a sigh upon realizing I was alone.
You'll see.
Racing across the forest floor, Lauren flashed through the trees until arriving at a scene that depicted the residual damage from our failed attack. Like the corners of a square, four terrifying attackers emerged from the trees and rushed at her, each wielding an assault rifle. They took aim and fired, multiple shots hitting both sides of her body as if she was a glorified shooting range. I released a soft gasp as Lauren lowered her head, feet shoulder width apart as she plunged one of her rods straight down into the frozen ground. With the intrusion came a violent field of energy, clouded with debris and rainwater, and moving outwards. The force alone crippled all four strangers, sending them flying away and each hitting a single wide-trunked tree.
As they slid to the ground, Lauren bolted forward at an unnatural speed and savagely finished off all four assailants in the most gruesome manner possible. Bodies bisected, blood and other innards began to flow across the forest floor. They were human. I had to turn away, not wanting to see the ultimate result of her anger.
"Lauren." Normani's figure returned, her voice soft and soothing through the pouring rain. She wrapped her hand around Lauren's arm, tugging gently as she spoke. "That's enough. It's time to go home."
"I don't want to." Lauren wrenched her arm away, starting back off into the forest. She was cut off with a wall of clear ice.
"Lauren, Camila gave everything she had for you!" Normani exclaimed, literally taking the words right from the tip of my tongue. "No matter what happens she deserves to have you there with her right now!"
"I can't!" Lauren busted through the wall and sped up, only to have Normani do the exact same. "Just leave me alone!"
"Do you think that if Camila really is to die tonight, you would be able to live the rest of your life knowing that you weren't there when she did?!" Normani snagged the back of Lauren's black tank top, pulling it hard and causing the girl to come to an abrupt stop and crumble to the ground. "I thought you loved her! Isn't that what you told me?"
"Normani..." Lauren was gripping at the ground, struggling to her knees. "Mani... look around you. Look at everything that's happened!"
Normani simply grabbed Lauren and pulling her to her feet. "I don't need to look around, I was there!" She shouted angrily before placing both hands on her friend's shoulders. "You have to get ahold of yourself! Push all the guilt down for now, and just be with Camila! She's the only thing that matters to every single fledgling in that base right now! Myself included!"
"I screwed up." Lauren collapsed against her friend, and I felt my heart fall again. "I screwed everything up, and everyone but me is paying the price."
"Are you kidding me?" Normani gripped her shoulders harder, voice lowering. "Lauren, you're the one suffering more than any of us. Just please try to calm down."
"Why?!" Lauren grabbed her arms, pushing them away. "You were the reason why she did what she did, why the hell would you let her? I know you didn't like Camila, that doesn't mean you need to go and give her the stepping stones to death!"
"I did what she asked me to do." Normani's voice grew even more calm. "And you know very well that I like Camila just fine. She's got far more ambition than I ever will... I respect that."
"Then why did you help her do what she did?!" I bit my lip as stray tears began to slide down the girl's cheeks. "I don't understand-"
"Lauren, enough." I breathed a sigh of relief as Normani took her hand and began to pull her back in the direction of the base, cutting her words off. "I wasn't going to deny Camila the chance to get what she wanted. She already thought I was a heartless bitch who doesn't care about others, I wasn't going to make it worse."
"She didn't think that." Lauren murmured, catching her breath and wiping at her eyes with her free hand. "She doesn't think that of anyone..."
"Really?"
"Really." Lauren had her eyes down. "Camila... she's special. For any normal person, it's easy for your head and your heart to disagree, and shut people out when they don't see eye to eye with the things you believe. She doesn't shut anyone out. She doesn't turn people away... she understands."
Tears began to fill my own eyes.
"To understand is to be free."
"That would make a really pretty tattoo." Normani commented as they walked. "You've put them on Camila, you should think about putting them on yourself as well."
I began to furiously wipe my eyes, stepping back and squeezing them shut. It had technically only been twice now, but every piece of the past Lauren ended up sharing with me activated the part of my brain that would forever be traumatized. I turned around, hoping to see the waking world Lauren standing not far away with her arms open, but I was alone.
Lauren and Normani returned, and surely made their way through the halls to return to the drab bedroom. I shivered, preparing myself to see myself.
"I've done everything I can." Ally stood in the doorway. "She's breathing, but every pressure point in her body is riddled with damage. If she recovers, it's going to take time. For now, all we can do is wait."
"Normani... I don't think I can..."
"You can." Normani took the girl's shoulders once more and turned her towards the doorway. "I know you love this girl. You love her more than anything in the world, and it's because you love her that you're going to go in there, and you're going to pray that she recovers."
With a nudge, the green eyed girl made her way into the room and traversed slowly to the king sized bed. My breath locked up in my throat when I saw my body. My clothing had been more or less demolished; what was left consisted of a pair of torn leggings, and a white, bandage like material binding my chest.
The fractal scars that I thought only lived on my left bicep had spread across my body, webbing up my neck, across my face before stopping about three quarters of the way. My body had been burnt, bright red laceration like slashes ran over whatever unmarked skin wasn't left covered in the vein-like patterning. Not nearly close enough to catch the rise and fall of my chest, any other situation would have convinced me that I was as good as dead.
I found myself standing in the room, coated in a soft light as every physical object successfully passed through my body. I gave my present day Lauren a silent yet sarcastic thanks before focusing my attention back on the past.
"Camz..." She approached the bed like a scared puppy. "Camila, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for dragging you into this hell, I'm sorry for forcing a mutation on you, and I'm sorry for changing everything. I'm sorry for taking you away from your friends, and your home... and... just everything."
A few seconds later, she had crawled up onto the bed and was playing with the fingers on my right hand. A soft trickle of contact brushed my actual hand, and I lifted it to see that the marking upon my wrist was aglow. The contact grew, as Lauren began to brush her fingers over the patterning on my bicep,
"I need you to wake up Camila..." She murmured, pressing close to my limp body. "If there's any chance you'll forgive me... any chance that you'll open your eyes again then I promise I'll make this right."
"You don't have to." My stomach lurched into my throat as I tried to step forward only to have the image get further away. "Lauren, I'm okay! You don't have to!"
I knew she couldn't hear me, but it helped my subconscious to at the very least, try and pretend that she could.
"I can't lose you." Lauren snuggled close, and I felt her lips ghost gently to my neck. "Give me one more chance, and I swear I won't ever let this happen again. Never Camila. Just one more chance."
And with that, the vision faded away leaving me in the darkness once again. I was alone, the only thing touching my ears was the sound of a hollow wind in the distance. It made sense. The only person that Lauren held anger for was herself, and because of that she had been planning for weeks now to "make things right."
I wasn't thrilled.
Sighing, I stood in the darkness waiting for the girl to reappear and bring me back to the room. But rather than doing so, she appeared a few feet away, her eyes clouded and cheeks stained with moisture.
"I should be the one apologizing to you." I said softly, relieved to hear my voice loud and clear. "I'm sorry you had to go through all of that... I didn't mean for any of it to happen."
"This is my world." Lauren took a few steps forward, holding both arms out and palms up as if ignoring my apology. "This is the place my head makes up for my eyes when I lose control."
"You can make up worlds in your head?" I walked towards her as well, my feet leading my brain.
"You remember what Lucy told us. The mirage is a sign of the vile blood." Lauren stopped when we stood a few comfortable inches from each other. "But look around Camz... there's nothing. This is what's in my mind. This is my safe haven... nothing but darkness."
She was right. It was like a self-induced limbo with nothing but shadow. There were shapes, a blackened ground beneath us and a lake of the exact same jet hue some ways away. The water was like oil, lapping against the black shore and flanked by a series of shadowed trees. It was bone-chilling to see a world made of nothing.
"This is what the waking world always looked like to me." Lauren continued. "Right from the moment my memories began, right up to the time when I left Silent Hill and found myself in the middle of some Pennsylvania metropolis. Just darkness. Back then, people started to show me kindness, and the world started to look brighter. I could see little things, like animals running through the city, and insects landing on flowers. Things that fledglings are trained to never see. We were trained to learn about the outside world, but never to see it."
"And when you started to see brighter things in the waking world, the one in your mind darkened." I nodded, doing a slow three sixty to my clouded, mist-ridden surroundings. "Like light and dark... like the sun and the moon. One can't live without the other.... Could that be the reason why they mean so much to you? Maybe why you've been drawing them ever since you were little, and why there are two paintings sitting in my living room back home?"
Lauren just shrugged. "I don't know Camila. I was told all the answers were in my head, but when I dove in to see if I could dig through and find them, this was all I could see." She extended her arms again. "This is it... just miles and miles of darkness that I can manipulate and show others. This is all I've got."
"I don't believe that." I shook my head. "This can't be it."
"Do you see anything else?"
"No... but just because you can't see something doesn't mean it doesn't exist." I reached out and placed my hands on her arms, startled to find that I passed right through her as if she didn't exist. The moment she picked up on my shock, the girl brought us back so I was once more standing in my bedroom. "Lauren, what does this have to do with you wanting to be on your own in all of this?"
"I can't go through that again." Lauren completely breezed over my question. "I'm sorry Camz, but I just can't go through any of that a second time. I can't watch you sacrifice yourself again. I can't watch you get hurt."
I would have replied if my brain could kick into gear and give to me the correct words. "I don't know..." Lauren continued, looking at me with a set of sad green eyes. "What the root of my power is. I don't know why I fight, or why anything in my life has happened the way it has. Maybe once the world around me turns just as black as it used to be, all of the darkness in my head will go away, and I'll be able to see the answers I need."
"You'll get destroyed out there." I countered. "Is finding these answers really worth you getting killed?"
"It's whats at the end of the road that matters." Lauren shrugged, looking down. "There was never meant to be a link between these two worlds. Someone like me isn't supposed to exist, and neither are mutants that can bend and twist the elements of the world to their whim. The journey doesn't matter Camila, it's the growth that we accomplish at the end that holds the most relevance."
A switch shifted within me, and without even thinking about it I brought my right hand up and let loose a stinging slap against the green eyed girl's cheek. Recoiling back in shock, Lauren hit the back wall, her fingers brushing over the mark on her face that was now turning a bright red.
"What the..."
"How fucking dare you." I growled, backing up and taking on a battle ready stance.
"Camila, what the hell?"
"How dare you tell me the journey doesn't matter." I flexed the fingers of my right hand, ready to hit her again if need be. "Is that really what you believe? That everything between birth and death is nothing? That your life is just as empty and hollow as all those people who fought for you!?"
"After we're born... we die." Lauren recited the haunting mantra. For a brief moment a horrifying sense of dread and despair passed through me, and I could have sworn I was standing alone with Lucy rather than Lauren. As if all this time it was the bronze-skinned, cold-eyed brunette that had been drawing me into her world. As if I had fallen in love with a different girl.
"If you don't shut up, I will electrocute the green out of your eyes." I clenched my fists, letting a slow stream of electricity flutter from my bicep down to my wrist. "Maybe that's the way they do things where you come from, but in my world, the journey is everything. And you know what? Your journey just so happens to include me!"
Without exchanging another glance at her, I stormed past and yanked the door open again.
"Where are you going?" Lauren asked weakly, still balanced against the wall and holding her hand to her cheek. "Camila, please don't leave."
"There's something I need to do." I muttered, grabbing an oversized black hoodie from the hook on the door and stepped outside. "I'll be back in a while."
Slamming the door to cut off whatever else she had to say, I ensured my blade was tucked against my waist before heading down the hall towards the end. The very last door was familiar, seeing as the adjacent wall had a hole in it just about the size of an angled knife.
Something new however, was the presence of a small marking etched into the wood just around eye-level. It was a simple series of triangles, five alternating a right side up, upside down pattern and three more protruding from the bottom to form a standard diamond shape.
Not bothering to dwell on Normani's new decor, I rapped hard on the door until it swung open.
"Where's Normani? I need to talk to her." I asked breathlessly, staring right at Dinah, who looked like she had just come out of the shower. I could tell that the girl saw in me a need to run away. She was more than familiar with my idiosyncrasies, this being one of the most common.
"I'm here." Normani was draped over the bed, a paperback book in her hands and a simple black outfit on her body. "What's up?"
"I need to talk to you." I went up on my toes to look over Dinah's shoulder at her. "Can we go somewhere?"
"Sure." Normani jumped up and grabbed the small blade that she carried over her shoulder and tucked it into the waistband of her sweatpants. With a swift brush to Dinah's arm, the girl then retrieved a gas mask and a black leather jacket. "Where were you thinking?"
"Somewhere far." I pulled on the hoodie and tugged the sleeves over my hands. "I have some steam that needs to be blown off."
***
A/N: This is hastily edited and probably full of mistakes, but I felt like we needed a little something today. Chins up and try to be positive, memories don't just go away. 😊